Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Random rants, observations, questions, and nonsense

Here’s another edition of Short Attention Span Blogging.

The one thing I took from seeing MILLION DOLLAR ARM is that Jon Hamm needs Matthew Weiner’s words. Don Draper’s really a boring guy without great writing.

I wish every episode of MAD MEN was a season ender. This last one was spectacular. To the moon! And Bobby Morse can still warble.

Huffington Post Headline from earlier this week: Study Shows What Happens To Gay Dads’ Brains When They Raise A Child.

I joked about this yesterday, but seriously, how does Adam Sandler still get to star in movies? How many atrocious comedy/boxoffice flops does he have to turn in before Hollywood finally says “Enough!” BLENDED, his latest, was a bomb and savaged by critics. I think the last Adam Sandler movie I liked was THE WEDDING SINGER, and that was what, ten years ago?  Twenty?   Please let BLENDED be his LOVE GURU.

President Obama was in Afghanistan earlier this week, screwing up their afternoon traffic.

HuffPost Headline: WATCH: Sad Goat’s Heart-Lifting Reunion With Donkey Bestie.

So on 24, the evil bitch terrorist has her daughter’s finger cut off, then tries to make nice by saying, “Don’t blame yourself, dear.” What the fuck?! I don’t understand how Peyton Manning is a National Treasure and Jack Bauer is an enemy of the state.

I’m very much looking forward to the CNN documentary series, THE SIXTIES, beginning May 29th. Finally! An excuse to hawk my book about growing up in the ‘60s. You’ll read about what that era was really like, get some laughs, and it won’t be interrupted by a bulletin stating they still haven’t found the Malaysian airliner.

Are Kanye and Kim still married? I had three days in the pool.

HuffPost Headline: 15 Songs To Listen To While Having Sex On The Beach.   (I'll leave the funny caption to you.)

Every week we read about another movie breaking boxoffice records. X-MEN: DAYS OF FUTURE PAST is on track to be the biggest seller of all-time or some such balloon juice. If tickets for GONE WITH THE WIND were $15 not seventy-five cents it might still rank higher than a comic book sequel.

A Dodger pitcher threw a no-hitter, and the next night another Dodger pitcher almost pitched a perfect game. And 70% of Dodger fans couldn’t see them because they’re not on Time Warner Cable. I’m one of the “lucky” ones that has Time Warner Cable. But I couldn’t see the no-hitter because the cable went out.

Is AMERICAN IDOL still on?

For some reason this year I’m seeing more Hollywood tour buses driving around my neighborhood. Not sure what there is to see. “This is where Maya Rudolph once had a sleep over in the seventh grade.” “This is the school where Judy Landers kids once went.” “This is where Lloyd Bridges lived.” The last movie filmed in this area was SUSAN SLEPT HERE starring Dick Powell and Debby Reynolds in 1954. How much are these vacationers paying for this tour?

The Tony Awards are assembling a star-studded line-up of celebs like Clint Eastwood (there to plug his upcoming movie JERSEY BOYS), Bradley Cooper, Carole King, Kevin Bacon, Will Ferrell, and more so you'll still watch even though you've never heard of any of the nominees.  

HuffPost Headline: Everything You Need To Know About Going To The Bathroom At The Office.

Proving that if there was an Armageddon it would have happened already – KEEPIING UP WITH THE KARDASHIANS begins its ninth season next month.

The new season of ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK begins June 6th on NETFLIX. I’m sure I will finish all 13 episodes by June 7th.

My everlasting thanks to Dan O’Shannon for uncovering my long lost credit. So what if I was only 11 when I wrote for this show?


Scooter Schechtman said...

Mr Levine's suits by Botany 500.

Dan in WNY said...


Maybe you (or your appointed representative) need to shell out the big bucks for the bus tour to see what the attraction in your neighborhood is.

Stoney said...

Sounds like the Huffington Post is starting to out-onion The Onion! Regarding that "15 Songs", is it the actual act or the mixed drink they're talking about. And for those posting funny captions; could we please leave Casey Kasem out of it? He's been through enough lately!

I hope I'm wrong about this but the only prospect I see for jumpstarting Adam Sandler's film career is a "final battle" with Bob Barker.

Friday Question: What would be your picks for best and worst childrens' entertainment of all time?

Clavinator said...

I hope the CNN series offers something more than all the archive stuff we've seen many time before:

Walter Cronkite "The flash, apparently official..."
Ed Sullivan "Ladies and gentlemen, The Beatles."
Neil Armstrong "That's one small step..."
MLK "I have a dream."
LBJ I shall not seek..."
Protesters "Stop the war"
and all the references in Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start The Fire" or that movie Tom Hanks starred in.

Anyway, it should be better than that similarly-named NBC miniseries from a few years back!

John Leader Alfenito said...

Maya Angelou passed away today.
Her heart actually stopped beating yesterday, but her "last words" took over eight hours to complete.

Hamid said...

Ken, I'd love to know your opinion on the truly moronic comments by critic Ann Hornaday who's linked Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow movies to the horrific murders committed by that psychopath in Santa Barbara. She wrote: "How many students watch outsized frat-boy fantasies like Neighbors and feel, as Rodger did, unjustly shut out of college life that should be full of 'sex and fun and pleasure'?"

Rogen's responded on Twitter: "I find your article horribly insulting and misinformed" and Apatow said she was using "tragedy to promote herself with idiotic thoughts."

She's talking as though such movies have only come into existence. She might as well retrospectively blame Animal House and Revenge of the Nerds. I am so sick of movies being blamed every time there's a tragedy. Anyone who watched even 30 seconds of that video will see the guy had narcissistic personality disorder. It was nothing to with R rated comedies.

Ben Scripps said...

"Gone With the Wind" is still the highest grosser when everything's adjusted for inflation. See here:

Even "Avatar" didn't crack the top ten.

Michael said...

CNN actually did a good job on the Cold War documentary series, but that was a generation ago.

Anent the Tonys: isn't Neil Patrick Harris enough reason to watch?

And years ago, I would have gone anywhere Judy Landers had been.

blinky said...

What episode of The Dick Van Dyke show did you write?????? Best comedy show of all time by a factor of 10! Yeah I like it and so does my wife.
Sports Car runs out of gas, Lake Sissimanunu, Cabbage head hair restorer, That's the biggest diamond I've ever seen, Where? Next to the doorknob? Oh! Rob!

Brian O. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Frank said...

Adam Sandler must be a comic genius for getting so many terribly unfunny movies produced.

tb said...

Too bad the no-hitter was on the road. No Vin Scully soundtrack

Kathleen said...

Here is a link (Paris Review) to an riveting interview with Matthew Weiner. I think Ken would appreciate Weiner's appreciation of 70's comedies (he calls MASH, Mary Tyler Moore and Bob Newhart's show as a "golden age of comedies". Lengthy but well worth reading:

David from Boston said...

I have a question, Ken. I know that SAG has some sort of rule for actors with the same name as an existing member. Seeing that Ken Levine writing credit made me wonder if there is a similar rule for the WGA. (I assume the original Ken Levine is not a member anymore...)

By Ken Levine said...

Or... the credit is a fake. :)

RG said...

From Rounders: "Listen, here's the thing. If you can't spot the sucker in the first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker."

Maybe Mr. Levine is THE celebrity attraction on the bus tour. I can see it now, he pays the $50 to get on the bus, only to realize that the tour's big attraction is his own home. You think they would let you off at your house or would you need to pay extra?

Brian said...

I went to Google the 15 songs, but the #2 hit was just back to here. Some people are in for a surprise.

Why do shows always make the government officials look like idiots (don't answer that). Jack should run for president. His campaign slogan: "I told you so - again. What's wrong with you people?"

Cap'n Bob said...

Sex on the beach song: Sandy.

Albert Giesbrecht said...

Has anybody been on the TMZ tour? Ken could be the celebrity that they promise on every ride.

James said...

"Don Draper’s really a boring guy without great writing." Unfortunately, that's the impression I got listening to his DVD commentaries on Mad Men discs. Seriously, if you're a performer, can't you act like someone interesting during an interview or commentary?

I think George Segal said this about being on The Tonight Show: I'm an actor; I acted like someone having a good time.

Lorimartian said...

So true about the Mad Men finale and Robert Morse. Terrific!

Anonymous said...

Re: Gone With The Wind, I don't really see the point of adjusting for inflation. You factor in today's prices but it makes no account for the fact that movies ran for a lot longer and there were a lot less choices back then.

If Avengers 2 showed for 6 months and was one of only 2 movies that was showing I'm sure it would do incredible numbers.

Just as I'm sure that If Blended showed for 6 years and was one of only 2 movies that was showing it might make half of Gone With The Wind's original gross... Well, pretty sure at least. I mean, maybe?

Roger said...

Anonymous: You obviously know nothing about the film industry in 1939. There were far more movies released back then than today. Each of the studios had them coming out almost weekly. And while some movies did play extended runs, the average picture played for a few days to a week. That's how heavy the turnover was.

Johnny Walker said...

That credit is real. As are these:

MikeN said...

Critics attack Adam Sandler because he is not accepting of the left wing constraints on comedy.

The idea that he is making flops is silly. 160,160,40,125, 18,24,130,120, 40,160,130,20,
120,100,110,50, 160,100,70,40, 150,130 are his grosses in millions for movies after The Wedding Singer.
Lately, his characters are also far more realistic than what we see in other Hollywood comedies.

Jim said...

Critics attack Adam Sandler because he is not accepting of the left wing constraints on comedy.

Critics are not accepting of his comedy because it's often low-brow and unsubtle. Not that I'm criticizing. I was watching the Three Stooges last night. The kind of thing Sandler does just isn't the kind of thing that's going to endear him to critics, though.

I agree that the idea that he's starring in a string of flops is just silly. The grosses just don't bear that out.

Johnny Walker said...

"Lately, his characters are also far more realistic than what we see in other Hollywood comedies."

"Jack and Jill" was so realistic that everyone forgot to laugh.

Mike Schryver said...

"Critics attack Adam Sandler because he is not accepting of the left wing constraints on comedy."

That statement is funnier than anything Sandler has ever done.

Bernie H. said...

The good news is, your house is indeed on the bus tour. The bad news is, it's a tour of the homes of famous video game writers.

VP81955 said...

Adam Sandler won't be blamed. Drew Barrymore will.

RCP said...

MikeN said...

"Critics attack Adam Sandler because he is not accepting of the left wing constraints on comedy."

Fascinating theory. Meanwhile, 'The Exorcist' was funnier than 'Jack and Jill'