Thursday, April 30, 2015

Girls, don't let this happen to YOU!

Oh, the humanity!  The heartbreak!  Imagine if she had slept with a roadie.  Or worse -- a writer

Let this be a cautionary tale.  Never sleep with a celebrity until you've determined he's important enough.   Now this poor girl has to go through life with the shame of knowing she only slept with a bass player.    Let the years of therapy begin. 

My favorite related concerns a certain character from the '60s and '70s.  He was in a series of commercials for a gasoline company.   At the same time he was acting in dinner theater.  One night he goes to bed with one of the ushers.  They're in the throes of passion and she yells out, "I'm fucking Mr. Dirt!" 

You gotta love show business! 


MikeK.Pa. said...

Two thoughts came to my mind when I read this post.

If the bass player is Paul McCartney or Roger Waters (1970s, not today), I don't think she's kicking herself.

immediately thought of the Steve Martin movie BOWFINGER, where the aspiring actress (played by Heather Graham) sleeps her way up the production chain, starting at the bottom - the screenwriter, natch.

Brian Phillips said...

"I'm DIRT haha, I'm DIRT haha, I'm DIRT!!"

I remember those commercials. He was in a summer replacement show as well. Before the commercial, he was with a small group of men and they sang a round (ala Row, Row, Row Your Boat):

"We'll be right back (we'll be right back),
After we (after we) go,
To the bathroom..."

Dan Ball said...

Oh, god, why did this have to be in LOUISVILLE?!

Let's not forget there are smart people from Louisville as well. Like me and I'm smart because I read this blog.

Matt said...

Is this from The Onion?

Wendy M. Grossman said...

Matt: My thought, too. I'm pretty sure it's satire, wherever it's from.


Oat Willie said...

Who do I have to screw to get off this picture?"
Og, 3000 BC

Anonymous said...

This is a cool and funny thing. Ha Ha, love it. Slept with Tuba player. Ha, Ha, love it. Cute and funny.

And it's Thursday, so busy got 12 scripts to read before midnite for the big boss. Wish me luck. Reading is one hell of a job. Readers work hard.

Keep re-writing
and jump for the stars
and write an amazing one

The Bumble Bee Pendant said...

not sure why the groupie is complaining. According to Megan Trainor, "It's all about the bass".

Markus said...

"What do you call those people who always hang out with musicians?"



Joseph Scarbrough said...

This happens to her all the time?

Anonymous said...

Mr. Dirt...Ronny Graham. The funniest guy, who flew a bit below the radar. I could just imagine him telling that story to Johnny Carson during a commercial break, and Carson hitting the floor!

Brian Phillips said...

Jay Thurber Show said...

I heard an interview recently with John Cleese in which he mentioned being on the dating scene, I guess somewhere between wife no. 2 and wife no. 3.

He likewise was in bed with a young lady, "in the throes of passion," when she began to giggle.

He said, "Basil Fawlty, right?"

She said, "Right!"

sumerlad said...

Apparently, it happens a lot. The NY Times had an obituary today of the founder of Weight Watchers which included "She was married again, for a few months, to a bass player she met on a cruise in 1975."

LouOCNY said...

Funny...Bill Wyman did pretty well also.

DBenson said...

Smells like something from The Onion, where getting oral sex was reported as the high point of a garage band musician's soon-to-end career.

Phil In Phoenix said...

I know how she feels.

I once slept with a Best Supporting Actress Oscar nominee.

Best SUPPORTING Actress.

And she didn't even win.

Yeah, I know.

And I haven't read any scripts today.

Ray said...

I remember Ronny Graham well from those commercials, as well as from regular MASH credits. I didn't remember, until googling it just now, that he got writing credit for Spaceballs.

Spaceballs- the writing credit!

Loosehead. said...

Oat Willie, meet Benny Hill.
Actress, flouncing off the set: "Who do I have to screw to get off this picture?"
Benny Hill: "Well if you come back here I'll tell you."

DBenson said...

From "Copacabana", I think:

GROUCHO: I can get you into the movies.
CYNICAL GIRL: You got a pass?
GROUCHO: No, but I can make one.

GROUCHO: I can put your name up in lights.
ANOTHER CYNICAL GIRL: Are you an electrician?
GROUCHO: No, but I got connections.

From a TV version of "Of Thee I Sing":
BEAUTY CONTEST JUDGE: I'm selecting Miss Congeniality.
CONTESTANT: Ha! I've heard that line before!

Cartoon caption:
"He promised me a small part. And guess what?"

Albert Giesbrecht said...

Roadie is a step or two above the bass player.

Scott Cason said...

If the girl is that stupid, she MUST be from Fairdale.

Paul Duca said...

Was that Ronny Graham from the Mobil ads?