Monday, February 08, 2016

The Super Bowl and Super Bowl commercials

Super Bowl 50 is history. During the game I decided to live tweet. This is the kind of crap I write on Twitter. You’re welcome to follow me. Here are my most liked and re-tweeted tweets. Most are about the commercials because, well… the game pretty much sucked (unless you were a Broncos fan, and even then). Some of these will make no sense if you weren’t watching the game. In those cases please just assume they were amusing.

Trending: I hate Joe Buck -- even though he's not doing the game and the game hasn't even started.

If the Super Bowl were on Fox, Seth MacFarlane would be singing America the Beautiful.

Nantz: Temperature 76 BUT there are breezes. I hate Joe Buck.

A white guy singing the Jefferson's Theme? I'm boycotting the Oscars.

New drinking game: commercials with bears.

Must there be an animal in every commercial?

No commercial for CONCUSSION so far.

Finally! A talking razor!

Mortgage by phone -- see THE BIG SHORT at a theater near you.

Amy Schumer stole her material from Spuds McKenzie.

Best part of the super bowl -- pitchers and catchers report in about a week.

This is where you ask "what would Pete Carroll do?"

Is there ever NECESSARY roughness?

That's a hospital with all beautiful people. CODE BLACK. For when the Kardashians need an ER.

During half-time, which was billed as celebrating the old, now, and future.

Since the game is on CBS I'm surprised Julie Chen isn't part of the halftime panel.

It's not the Orange Bowl halftime show but it's getting there. They just need floats.

Love Bruno Mars. He can do anything. Sing in a gold suit. Sing in a black suit.

I'd let Bruno receive kickoffs. He can bust some moves.

There's the old. Music acts for the CBS audience.

They should re-show the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction.

Alec Baldwin is the next William Shatner.

LOVED the halftime show. I feel guilty I'm drinking a Coke.

More pie charts!

When Graham Gano missed a key field goal:

Hook 'em Gano.

So I'm eating Doritos, watching the commercial and thinking, "Am I eating dog food?"

Death Wish coffee and diarrhea medicine within two commercial breaks. Bring back the Bud Bowl.

El Nino just caused another turnover.

Two more commercials with cute animals. I hate Joe Buck.

Highlight of the third quarter: singing sheep.

The sheep sang better than the super bowl babies.

I'm more upset that this is the last year for THE GOOD WIFE than Peyton Manning.

My vote for MVP: that spastic colon character in the diarrhea commercial.

A thrilling finish could lift this super bowl all the way up to mediocre.

Hey, Carolina. According to Donald Trump, finishing second is as good as winning. So congratulations.

Maybe Jim Nantz's newborn son Jamison will become a sportscaster so people can tweet "I hate Jamison Nantz."

On to baseball! This was more fun than live tweeting DOWNTON ABBEY. Thanks for following!


Charles H. Bryan said...

Ken, thanks for live tweeting SB50 -- it made that crappy broadcast much more enjoyable. A writer at Slate who recently watched all previous SBs has rated this one the 11th worst game in SB history.

After the game, I came to the conclusion that we get the commercials we deserve. For a few years, there was usually at least one commercial that offended and outraged people, so I think they're going for very non-offensive - if occasionally creepy - ads, which means we get tons of mostly cute animals and we get Scott Baio held in alien captivity and we get the NFL claiming to be a fertility treatment.

All that being said, while I'll never quite recover from puppymonkeybaby, I'd rather have it be in the broadcast booth than Phil Simms.

Joe Buck said...

Oh Yeah?

blinky said...

I don't hate Joe Buck. I hate the idea of Joe Buck.

Jason said...

I didn't watch it, but now I feel like I got the whole experience.

Alan Iverson said...

Since you mention DOWNTON ABBEY, I will say that the penultimate episode of the final season is one of the absolute best and the finale was a beauty in its own right.

Robert Brauer said...

Looking at Annabel Bowen on the podium after the game, I couldn't help but think of your comment following the Golden Globes about Sylvester Stallone looking like a real-life Clutch Cargo.

Mike Doran said...


The Gut Guy is a registered trademark of the pharma company.
No kidding.
Next time you see the ad, get up close to the screen and read the micro type at the bottom of the screen, alongside the list of side effects.
This spot has been running on regular TV for about a year now.
... Well, maybe they did a new one just for the Stupor Bowl, but The Gut Guy(TM) has been on for about a year.
Just so you know ...

Stephen Marks said...

Wonderful Ken!

Jim Nantz said:

Hello friend, Jim Nantz here. As you know 2 years ago against the backdrop of the sacred and hallowed ground that is Augusta National came a tradition unlike any other, the coupling of myself and my new bride. You know Ken it has been said that life doesn't begin until the back nine on Sunday, how true that is as my "back nine" began with my marriage and now with the birth of my son, Rae's Creek, not Jamasin as you referenced. This April I will walk Magnolia's Lane to Butler Cabin with Rae in my arms and, as I hear the echos of Master's past, Gene Sarazen's double eagle at 16, Nick Faldo's late charge in '94 to overtake a stunned Benard Langer, I'll do it with remorse. You see Ken, your remarks disappointed me and will ruin a memory for myself and Rae of the beauty that is Augusta. The dogwoods and azaleas surrounding Ahem Corner, Hogan's Bridge, Arnie's first Green Jacket and Jack's last, the Crow's Nest, all storied traditions that came down through the ages to create the Augusta Lore. You have destroyed all of it, good-bye friend.

Amy Schumer tweeted:

Watching the game with my man. When I saw that kicker miss wide right I wanted Magnum P.I. to come on the TV and say "Hook'em Gano"

Norm said...

At 3:58PM (PST) CBS ran a promo telling us it is ALMOST time for the PEPSI Superbowl half-time show! ALMOST! The halftime show started NINETY MINUTES LATER! It's almost time!

Anonymous said...

Ken, you do know Amy Schumer has admitted that she stole over $100K from mostly NYC department stores, at one point she got caught, and apparently her congressman uncle kept her from doing jail time, right?

Right now Winona Ryder must be saying, "this woman stole enough to open a discount warehouse in Brooklyn, gets off the hook thanks to her rich politician uncle, then stole material to use on her show, and my career is ruined for raiding the makeup counter at Macy's?!"

Anonymous said...

Ken, you do know Amy Schumer has admitted that she stole over $100K from mostly NYC department stores, at one point she got caught, and apparently her congressman uncle kept her from doing jail time, right?

Right now Winona Ryder must be saying, "this woman stole enough to open a discount warehouse in Brooklyn, gets off the hook thanks to her rich politician uncle, then stole material to use on her show, and my career is ruined for raiding the makeup counter at Macy's?!"

By Ken Levine said...

I don't think it was $100K, more like one thousand. But the details are hazy.

Mike said...

No mention of Beyonce's 50th anniversary celebration of the Black Panthers. Must have fallen asleep during ColdPlay.

Donald Trump & running mate Charlie Sheen: winning!

DwWashburn said...

The commercials were horrible! You know you're in trouble when the commercial that gets the most buzz at your party is for Scientology.

And Schumer doesn't have to worry about anyone charging her with stealing jokes in that casket called a commercial. Watching it was the longest hour of my life. Budweiser must have money to burn.

Mike said...

In the UK, Channel 4 has found a way of culling the numbers of C-list celebrities with a ski-jump reality contest. Three episodes in, seven out of twelve celebrities have been injured or forced to pull out.

Anonymous said...

Ken, where did you get the $1000 number, and how is it hazy, when she explicitly and implicitly acknowledged in GQ that she had previously stated she probably stole hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of merchandise, and she explicitly stated it was far more than $1000?

Imagine being Amy's accountant!!

"Okay, we have... acquired... a warehouse full of department store merchandise... this year. I guess we don't have to declare this in the "gross" column, since this is all "net." So this would be declared... charitable... donations, by... Macy's?"

Hopefully, these links with dehaze you:

Brian said...

Enjoyed the live tweating. Let's do it again. I'll bring weenies.

Anonymous said...

Ken, what do you think of Louis CK's new series "Horace and Pete," aka, "Cheers Meets Death of a Salesman"?

John Hammes said...

Some decades ago, Paul Harvey gave a speech for the Future Farmers Of America convention. The speech was recorded on reel-to-reel tape, resulting in the fair if flat audio quality of the time.

Decades later, a truck company produced a (relatively) low-maintenance commercial, laying the audio of Harvey's speech over a succession of still photographs, with company's logo at the end. Nothing more.

This commercial was introduced during the fourth quarter (!) of Super Bowl XLVII, 2013. Seriously. The. Fourth. Quarter. Low quality audio, deceased announcer, still photographs, the fourth quarter. Flashier, glitzier, "more alive" -er people and commercials had been presented for hours. This quiet fourth quarter Super Bowl commercial, featuring a late radio announcer, more than held it's own and met with large online audience and critical reaction - online/media "buzz", if you will.

There may be a lesson there somewhere. Somebody, please somebody heed that lesson, so we ALL may be spared future puppetmonkeyperson or whatever the blue blazes that nightmare was.

Allan V said...

For the record, exactly how many prescription drug advertisements were aired during the game? I stopped paying attention after the third one ...

sumerlad said...

I got confused about Turkish Airlines. Is it more real than Metropolis or Gotham City?

Walt Patterson said...

'Best part of the super bowl -- pitchers and catchers report in about a week.' YAY! - Walt Patterson (UK)

MikeK.Pa. said...

One of the few Super Bowls I actually watched from kickoff to final whistle (OK, I shut it off after the Broncos went up by 2 TDs). Whole night was a waste. Game was bad, unless you like turnovers. Halftime show not much better. Commercials for the most part were lame. Pitchers and catchers in two weeks! Just have to shovel snow for another month.

H Johnson said...

Nice snark.

I actually enjoyed the game. It was something watching that defense decimate the league's number one offense. A real display of speed and power that I don't think many of us have seen before.

@ Mike said... I caught that blatant tribute to the Black Panthers too. I guess Beyonce needed to draw attention away from the fact that she has gotten so... thick.

I agree with everyone that the commercials were lame. Except for that Doritos ad where the father is teasing the sonogram. That was epic. Didn't make me want to eat Doritos, or anything really, but it was hi-larry-us.

Waitin' for baseball...


Dodgerdawg said...

@ John Hammes,

"So God made a farmer" ad still brings tears to my (very urban) eyes. Paul Harvey was not my teacup, but for sure, this little bit grabs the heartstrings and gives them a good yank. The photos are genius.

See here;

I don't know how good the trucks are, but farmers apparently are awesome.

Why doesn't that "Just For Farmers" dating site use this stuff?!

Anonymous said...

Anytime anyone insults Joe Buck, I feel like the world got a bit smarter....Thank you....thank you.....thank you...

Anonymous said...

If you are a football fan, you appreciate that you only see a defense like Denver's about every 10 years.
And you see a player like Von Miller about every 20 years.

Anonymous said...

Ken is not a 'feminist', so his commentary is decidedly different.

NARAL hated the Doritos ad for humanizing fetuses, and hated the Super Bowl babies ad, saying they should use birth control.