Monday, December 31, 2018

How did I do on my New Year's Resolutions?

On January 1st I posted my New Year's Resolutions.  Let's see how well I did.

Throw out my Miramax DVD's.

They're gone. Sorry Harvey.

Finally watch THIS IS US.

Next year for sure.

Get ALMOST PERFECT on Netflix or Hulu.

It's on Netflix in Europe I'm told. So that's something.

Go to the gym at least twice a week. (My gym is usually packed in January and by March it’s me and two other guys.)

I meant to say "twice a month." And then yes, I crushed this one.

Stay off the 405 freeway when it’s crowded (so only take it between 2-4 AM).

That's an impossible resolution.

Get more productions of my plays.

I had a very successful year. 37 productions and 10 readings. And some exciting things on tap already for the new year.

Meet Claire Danes. (I resolve this every year)

One of these years for sure.

Learn to do an accent in my improv class.

Does "Valley Girl" count?

See a Broadway show I wish I had written.


Go somewhere in the world I've never been.

Rome. And Valley Vista. Check.

Recover from the jet lag.


Impeach the president.

No, but we're sure getting closer.

Finish writing my new play (almost done with the second draft).

Done and the first reading is in two weeks.

Learn what half the features on my car are.

I figured out the seat warmer so I got the important one.

Finish watching THE DEUCE. It's been on DVR for months.

I did. And even watched the first episode and a half of season two.

Champion strict gun control.


Get a humor piece in the NEW YORKER.

No, unless I can get you to believe I used the pseudonym "Paul Rudnick."

Get a cartoon in the NEW YORKER.

I suppose I'd have to enter one to make that happen.

Avoid the incredibly tasty fried chicken wings at the Hamburger Hamlet.

Proudly, yes, I succeeded!  But only because the Hamlet closed.

Keep Tetris playing down to three hours a day.

I failed miserably.

Answer more Friday Questions (which I'll be able to do if I keep the previous resolution).

I did add a few bonus question days so I'm going to say check.

Clean my desk (a perennial resolution but this year for sure!)

Or next year for absolute certain.

And finally, solve the Natalie Wood case.

No, but will watch the new HBO special. 



Gary said...

Meet Claire Danes!!!???

Every time she tilts her head she reminds me of Velociraptors turning their heads.

The same sort of skull and bulging eyes.

David said...

Just checked - no Almost Perfect on French Netflix. So they actually meant "somewhere in Europe", which is a much smaller and vaguer target...

Jen from Jersey said...

Mine is to finally go to Israel. My husband and sons are encouraging me to go on a free women’s trip. I’m afraid to do things without my family so this will be a big leap to overcome my anxiety.

Jim said...

Throw out my Miramax DVD's.
They're gone. Sorry Harvey.

I am confused,

Why throw out something that you bought with your own hard earned money?

Why the "Sorry Harvey"? You are throwing them out because of him, so why be sorry to that creep?

Stephen Marks said...

"twice a month" lol. What is there to solve in the Wood case? Boozed up R.J., Natalie, Walken and the Skipper too begin a night of hostilities with each doing a Christopher Walken impression, like every other hack on the planet. After Chris comes in third place the Skipper retires to his quarters and pretends to sleep through a murder.

Then R.J., Natalie and Walken begin fighting in the galley over Natalie's infatuation with Chris's "New York theater" acting skills. "The theater, the theater." R.J., feeling slighted because his acting skills only require a tuxedo, a champagne glass and great hair, begins a slow burn. After more booze flows and R.J. catches Natalie admiring Walken's portfolio, he picks up one of the Chateau Brehon bottles and smashes it over the kitchen table. He begins a booze filled rant of hatred towards both Walken and Natalie that was so vile that Sly Stallone used it for inspiration in final scene of "Stop Or My Mama Will Shoot", according to Wikipedia.

Walken then retires to his quarters and pretends to sleep through a murder. Natalie and R.J. carry their argument outside to the bow of The Love Boat where R.J., after hearing Natalie say "you're a man, act like it!" replies "Without my tuxedo?" and gives his wife a push into the chilly, for November, Pacific Ocean. He then unties the rubber dingy, gives it a kick with his bruno magli shoe and then retires to his quarters and sleeps soundly after a murder. The rest is his story.

35 years later the Skipper comes out with a "tell all" book like he's Agatha Christie, trying to profit from a tragedy like most slime balls. Christoper Walken settled into a mediocre film career that came with a price. Everywhere he goes, laundry matt, Staples, Wendy's, No Fills, "the theater", Blockbuster, France, he will inevitably encounter some jackass who wants to "do him" for him. No way to live. R.J.'s career surprisingly survived this hit as he managed to parlay his good looks, tuxedo and champagne persona and shit eating grin into a couple of successful TV shows. Way to go Hollywood.

Natalie? Well the world is less beautiful without her, but she'll be remembered. And if we forget all we have to do is come here whenever Ken posts a blog about a subject he can't find a stock photo for and there she'll be, the miracle on 34th and Levine.
Case closed.

Peter said...

I checked back to see what I said at the start of the year when you listed your resolution about Miramax DVDs.

"If I may make a suggestion. I don't think you need to dispose of your Miramax DVDs. Whilst we can all agree Weinstein is a scumbag, the films he produced were collaborative efforts by talented people, many of whom won't have been aware of what he was doing. I own DVDs of films he produced but I won't deprive myself of enjoying those films because of him. I also own the Naked Gun trilogy and I still enjoy watching them despite the fact OJ Simpson is in them."

I still stand by that. I've already paid for the DVDs. Disposing of them isn't going to affect Harvey Weinstein. Choosing not to buy any further Miramax movies is another matter and that I haven't done unless it's second hand on ebay etc.

I watched Home Alone 2 during Christmas on TV. It's a wonderful film now spoiled by a 5 second cameo by Donald Trump. It didn't mean anything back in 1992 but it's now toxic, but that doesn't stop me otherwise enjoying the film. Unfortunately, if you google Home Alone 2, most of the results are about Trump because that's what people keep talking about.

I suppose the director Chris Columbus could always issue a new cut that removes those 5 seconds...

Brian said...

@ Stephen Marks,

I lost it at "who wants to "do him" for him" 😂😂😂

On a serious note,

I believe that I do the best CW impression 😐

Ted said...

Everyone has ganged up against Harvey to sue him.
This year is not ending well for him.

Everyone from George "Smug Faced" Clooney, Meryl "You are God Harvey" Streep, Jennifer "I did not sleep with Harvey" Lawrence to even Eminem is suing him.

Meanwhile, Kevin Spacey who is due to be arraigned next week, is trying some weird tactics that no one can comprehend. First came the bizzare video last week. Now he is out giving pizza to the paparazzi.

Janet said...

I know impeachment sounds awfully nice. But the reality right now is this, yes, Democrats in the House can tee up impeachment any time now. However, that is entirely ineffective because you need 67 votes in the Senate to convict and remove. That means peeling off 19 or so Republicans if you held all Democrats to convict.

Right now that's just not going to happen. So right now all an impeachment in the House would do is stir up a needless hornet's nest in the country that would put all those Dems who won swing districts in needless peril.

Nancy Pelosi understands this, which is why she would for now steer clear of the "I" word and instead use subpoena power of investigate Dump and his cronies six ways to Sunday.

Not only do you achieve legitimate oversight, but you can bog down key administration players to such a degree working with attorneys to comply with all the investigations that you actually get them to be too busy to do all the stuff they had been doing to screw over the country.

Of course the big question is: What does Bob Mueller finally report? If he comes back with something so tangible and incriminating that could change the politics of impeachment overnight.

Anne in Rockwall, TX said...

Umpteen years ago, I happened to be at my folks for New Years. The guys were asleep on couches and Mom and I were sitting drinking and talking and talking and talking. Those of you that knew Mary will remember late evenings like that.

The subject of resolutions came up and somehow we decided we were going to do a good deed at least once every day for a year.

It seemed so much better than depriving ourselves of something, or quitting something, or losing weight or whatever. While there are days we could do a really good deed, it could also be as simple as letting someone ahead of us in traffic, helping a person find the right aisle in the grocery, being nice to a telemarketer, or even a simple smile when someone needed it.

Mom passed away later that year.

I have done a good deed every day since, for the all these years. Every single day I could.

And every time I do, I think of her.

Thanks Mom.

Lisa said...

Did you hear the new Louis C K jokes?
Here it is

He is being trolled over it.

But he is not bothered because he has said that his life is already over.

I guess this is the new normal for these people. Their career is over, so they don't really care anymore what anyone says. Just earn as much as you can.


Peter said...

Apparently Louis CK has been making fun of Parkland shooting survivors in his latest stand-up routine.

Because being a sleazy, serial pervert wasn't bad enough, right?

Clubs that are letting this piece of shit perform should be boycotted by all sensible comics. He obviously believes he's on the road to a comeback with all the gigs he's been doing.

And Kevin Spacey just needs to fuck off.

Rant over.

Happy New Year to everyone!

VP81955 said...

I won't stop listening to the Ronettes, Crystals or "I Love How You Love Me" by the Paris Sisters simply because they were produced by convicted murderer Phil Spector (RIP Lana Clarkson).

Anonymous said...

“Not only do you achieve legitimate oversight, but you can bog down key administration players to such a degree working with attorneys to comply with all the investigations that you actually get them to be too busy to do all the stuff they had been doing to screw over the country.”

That confuses impeachment with elections. One is to remove an officer because of constitutional high crimes and misdemeanors. The other is to elect officers to enact policy. Impeachment is not some last resort, consolation prize for Election Day losers. The closer that comes to reality the less consequential and meaningful elections will come to be. That helps no one.

Just come to terms with the fact that your “screw over the country” often aligns with policies people want enacted. In other words, half the country doesn't agree with you (and half doesn't agree with me). I want my disagreements resolved at the ballot box, not inside the courtroom via endless lawfare. The willingness to lose an election is a testament to how much you believe in the electoral process.

Cowboy Surfer said...

I think you will like THIS IS US

Happy New Year 2019

Tony.T said...

I can't remember who said it, or even the correct wording, but someone described Claire Danes as "that ugly good looking girl".

Tony.T said...

Ken, there's an article on Vulture about Endless Slumper. I still routinely say "Hit the bricks, pal."

Buttermilk Sky said...

I assume the first item is a joke. I'd understand if you never bought another Miramax DVD, but throwing out what you already own is like burning Nike gear because of Colin Kaepernick. And I know you're smarter than those people.

I like Stephen Marks's analysis of the NW case. Can we get Armando Iannucci ("The Death of Stalin") to direct?

Joe said...

Janet, you ignored my comments from the Kavanaugh hearings. What they can do is make up accusations against Republican Senators, and this can get them to vote for impeachment to mollify the crowd.

Mueller Report is likely going to be a fig leaf about Trump lied to the public, had some business deals with Russia, etc. All the stories put out in the media was just to produce smoke, but they contradict each other. If there was collusion, then why did they need a music producer to set up a meeting in Trump Tower in June? And why even have that meeting?
If there was collusion, why is Jr trying to set up a backchannel with Russia after the election?
Most likely is the Russia line is just a use of a whole bunch of connections that Trump has around the world, to give an excuse for Hillary losing. The investigation is a bonus, try and catch him in some other crime.
The Michael Cohen detail in the dossier suggests something more sinister, that the government was spying on the Trump campaign. Jake Tapper reported a different Michael Cohen went to Prague, not THE Michael Cohen. This tells me the Michael Cohen travel detail was deliberately put there so the FBI could 'confirm' it, only they messed up.

MikeN said...

I guess you all know about this already and talked about it at the time, but saw today:

Over the years these two have kept to the pact they made that fateful night so long ago. They both know what happened and are the only two people alive who know what was said and done prior to the night that changed their lives forever. One of those people is a permanent A- list mostly movie actor. He is an Academy Award winner/nominee. As was the case that night, like many other nights, the actor took up his friend of the offer of a threesome with the friend and the friend's wife. They always chose to do such things away from prying eyes. No hotels, no spies leaking to papers or the studios. Nope. They were far away. Apparently, the wife of the friend, wanted some more time with our A- list actor. Alone. Our actor, who was married at the time, agreed. The thing is though, the friend, who also happens to be an actor took exception to it. He knew his wife was going to leave him and suspected she was going to leave him for the A- list actor. No woman was going to leave him and he killed her.

Both actors agreed to stay quiet. Until now. Our A- list actor heard that his friend from so long ago threw the A- list actor under the bus to police which is why he has been so aggressive in the press as of late. He thinks he is going to get away with it. Our A- list actor has a trick up his sleeve though. He has a letter from the husband to the wife threatening to kill her if she ever leaves him again. Apparently the wife had left for several weeks before deciding to come back about two months before the death.

Tony.T said...

PS: Do you know who is the guy at the end of the bar who cops the "hit the bricks, pal" treatment?

Tudor Queen said...

"Valley girl" definitely counts - Gabriel "Fluffy" Iglesias actually does an excellent one, which he uses to confound fast food window personnel.

So you nailed that resolution.

Happy New Year!