Here are some of mine. Feel free to share yours.
When I go to a news website, every time I click on a page a video with a commercial loads and I have to pause it.
Waiters saying “perfect” after everything I say.
Pay stations. No two in the world are alike. I’m always putting my credit card in wrong. Always.
At movie theater concession stands – salt shakers instead of little packs of salt. What if I want to add salt to my popcorn after it’s half-eaten? Then what???
Motorized scooters blocking sidewalks.
People posting the same thing fifteen times on Facebook.
Flo from Progressive Insurance.
The internet radio station I’m listening to stops and has to rebuffer. I’m telling you, this is what causes serial killers.
My health app not giving me proper credit for number of steps. If Steve Jobs were still alive this would not happen.
Idiots who still don’t know how TSA lines work.
Restaurants changing their menus – it’s never for the good. And the prices are never cheaper.
The credit card feature on the gas pump doesn’t work and I have to walk all twenty steps to the office to pay.
Sped up sitcoms on cable networks and indie channels. The SEINFELD cast becomes the Chipmunks.
They no longer make chocolate Necco Wafers.
Automatic faucets in public restrooms. Half the time they don’t work, or I’m moving my hands up and down trying to trip the sensor. How do human beings live like this?
Not being able to submit a play to a festival because I don’t live in Kentucky.
Credits popping on and off the screen too quickly.
Paper straws. I’m sorry – they break, they get soggy. Straws are not what’s going to destroy this planet. (Watch: I get a thousand irate comments from people saying I have no regard for the environment.)
People who say I have no regard for the environment.
Going to a website to get their phone number and it’s not listed, even on the “Contact Us” page.
And finally, (saving the most infuriating for last) when I pay by credit card and they return the slip, the customer copy is on top. So I fill it out then have to fill it out again. I know – seek therapy.
59 comments :
On the subject of restrooms, I hate toilets that flush before I'm ready for them to flush. Give a girl fifteen seconds to finish up, ok?
I hate websites that automatically play sounds without my consent, especially first thing int he morning.
I hate being a house hostage waiting for deliveries that can come any time between 8 am and 10 pm.
And I hate it when the delivery people can't be bothered to ring the doorbell when they are dropping something off. They have to walk all the way to the front door to deliver the packages - they can't reach three extra inches to let me know that something has arrived?
BTW, I totally agree with you about paper straws. If you're lingering over a drink, they are totally useless after a few minutes.
I know I shouldn't get so angry over a bad film but Terminator Genisys was unspeakably, insultingly, excruciatingly awful.
It's not just that it's a shitty movie. There's no lack of those. It's that it completely pissed on everything that fans loved about the first two films. It turned a hard R rated science fiction action franchise into an anodyne, tame, PG13 joke. The Terminator character itself went from being a lethal badass to a punchline. Every single scene he was in was about how to get a joke out of the character, whether it was his "hilarious" attempt at smiling or saying "it is nice to meet you" to every person he meets. Terminator 2 had ONE mildly humorous scene with the character as a means of comic relief, but the writers of this shitfest did an entire film of such scenes.
As if that wasn't bad enough, it failed spectacularly in delivering the one thing fans expect and that's intense, exciting action sequences. Instead we were served a steaming pile of shitty CGI and kid friendly vehicular smashes. Not a single cool fight scene like in James Cameron's films.
I know, it's just a lousy sequel, but it's the fact that they made something so insulting to fans that pisses me off.
And now there's another sequel on the way this year. This one is supposed to be a proper sequel because Cameron is on board as producer. If it's not R rated, I'm not wasting my time and money on another PG13 crapfest.
Beem through that. It's as if they don't want you to talk to a human, which to them is a useless cost.
The Flo commercials kinda grew on me especially after she played multiple characters, like her weird family. "I got the meat sweats!"
That last one is real. One time I left my CC at a restaurant, and when I went back to get it the manager said I signed the wrong slip and made me do it over.
>>Automatic faucets in public restrooms. Half the time they don’t work, or I’m moving my hands up and down trying to trip the sensor. How do human beings live like this? <<
Also annoying about those is if you need to clean your eyeglasses. Glasses don't trigger the water flow, so you have to put your hand there, move the glasses in quickly after the water starts and re-trigger the water flow with your hand to get enough water for both lenses.
Whistlers. I'm sure they mean no harm, but yet, it's likely they're condescendingly showing us what a good mood they're in and you're not. And you never can recognize the tune they're whistling, so it just sounds like they're farting out the wrong end.
Very funny Ken!
You can add in people who stand in line to order then get to the front of the line and try and decide. You've been in line staring at the menu for five minutes, how do you not know what you want to eat??? Are they surprised the cashier was going to ask them what they wanted to eat?
The same people who are then stunned they are going to have to pay and take forever to find their wallet.
Sped up sitcoms on cable networks and indie channels. The SEINFELD cast becomes the Chipmunks.
Actually, thanks to digital technology, the frequency of the voices does not go up. So they don't become Chipmunks, they become auctioneers.
You have no regard for the environment! Damn these are so dead on I lol'ed at every one of them. You forgot about the assholes who used 'lol' though. Ken's list is gold and I want to comment on some of them:
Scooters blocking sidewalks - Man this is annoying, I encounter this every day. I want to tell the driver that they don't have any health issues except being fucking fat and lazy. Hey driver take one step, then another and soon you'll be walking like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever providing you can actually hold a fucking can of paint.
Automatic faucets - These things don't work! I've tried them, they don't work! I just forget about them. When I go into a public washroom I just pretend I'm a soccer player and don't use my hands. Imagine crawling through a desert for 14 hours and the first thing you encounter is one of these things. These plumber free pieces of shit are useless so do yourself a favor and just bring a cat with you to lick you clean.
Salt for popcorn - This is bullshit. I've given up and now I just Jimmy Buffet my way through this crap and bring my own shaker of salt...salt, salt, salt.
Now a few of my own since Ken has me pissed:
Morons who order off the menu at fast food joints - Jesus help me! Every day with this. I go in just to get a coffee and the family of four in front of me all need to fine tune their orders like they are NASCAR mechanics looking under the hood. "On the first burger only put butter on the top bun and put the lettuce under the meat, on the second burger take off the sesame seeds and mix them in with the ketchup, which can't touch the relish, oh and can you carve the fries into the shape of Wilma Flintsone for my kids, and we'd like four sodas, one diet, one large, one small, and one in this special cup I brought with me, oh and we'd like three and a half of those shitty paper straws this guy who has a blog hates."
Women -
Big motorhomes - This is out of control. Retired people clogging the roadways with those huge condos on wheels. "Yeah we've decided to see America and camp in every state." This isn't camping granny, it's you and gramps wanting to get out of the house for a month without getting out of the house! These things have every luxury right down to the welcome mat granny puts at the bottom of the electric pull out steps as soon as they reach their destination. No offense gramps but you can't drive something that big, you can barely see in front of you let alone knowing whats behind you. "Look Martha it has a screen so I can see what's going on behind me." What's going on behind you gramps is 3 miles of cars going 30 miles an hour, all honking more then a family of Canadian geese who just discovered a golf course to shit on. Meanwhile you're listening to the Boston Pops and waiting for Martha to finish making lunch four steps behind you in the galley. Fuck me.
Great list you made Ken, funny as always and true.
People who don't wait for others to get off the elevator before charging on to it.
Too much salt will kill you, Ken. (And I bet you also hate people who give you medical advice.)
I've worked in restaurants for a long time, and (at least at the places where I worked) there is no difference between the "customer copy" and the "restaurant copy." Either will do. In fact, even if you accidentally leave with both copies it doesn't really matter. The transaction has already been processed. They can reprint the receipt. The only thing is that the server will lose whatever tip you intended to leave on the card.
One thing I completely disagree about is automatic faucets. I don’t want to touch ANYTHING when I’m in a public washroom. I hate when I have to touch the door to open it.
I'd hit agree if your blog provided that option. I especially detest "perfect." Its spread beyond wait staff, too. I've started asking why they think its perfect. Or if its a menu item I reply with something like "I'll be the judge of that" or "I guess we will find out, won't we?"
No, menu changes are never an improvement.
I'll add to the list:
* buying one item at a drug store and getting a receipt that's 12 inches long. I now stand at the counter and make everyone wait while I figure out how much of it is actually receipt, tear off that portion, and hand the extraneous paper back to the check out clerk to throw away.
* being asked to fill out a survey for every purchase or service I order. If I actually responded to a fraction of them, I'd have no time left for anything else. Don't sell me something that then expect me to do you work for you.
* being asked by a machine to provide all my account info, only to have the live person who I finally reach ask me to repeat it all.
*being asked by a machine to say what I want out loud. I suspect that's why Trump's guy really insisted on the soundproof phone booth in his office. Hey, I wonder what they did with that?
I'll also agree that straws are not the worst problem we have. I remember paper straws from childhood, and I now demand extra straws at places that have switched to using them. They get too soggy to use and collapse if your drink is anything thicker than water. Really, before getting rid of straws, they should look at all the plastic containers every dang thing comes in these days.
Thank you, venting about this stuff has been therapeutic!
Driving on a busy interstate and a dump truck with the sign "Stay at least 200 feet away- Not responsible for broken windshields" enters the freeway ahead of you.
Drivers who don't use their turn signals when changing lanes on the interstate.
Google Chrome news notifications, until I found out how to disable that feature. Half their "news" were horrible examples of clickbait.
I've worked in restaurants for years, and (at least in the ones where I worked), there is no difference between the "customer copy" and the "restaurant copy." Either will do. In fact, even if you accidentally leave with both copies, it doesn't matter. The transaction has already been processed. The restaurant can print new receipt. The only thing is that the server will lose whatever tip you intended to leave on the card.
OK, here's my one:
Drivers who sit in a parking lot, watch someone unload their groceries from the cart into the trunk who then push the cart into the next aisle, then get in the car, fasten seat belt and back out verrrrrrrrrry slowly. Hey, LADY WAITING FOR THAT ONE PARKING SPACE -- there are eight cars behind you!!! GET OUTTA THE WAY!!!
You never find a parking space by following someone down a parking aisle, anyway. I never have, anyway. I keep driving and THEN I find one.
"For all INTENSIVE purposes"
"Ree-luh-tor" for reator
Also, if a sitcom has one character recalling something, it bothers me that there is a scene or two that does not include them. How would they know what X said to Y.
Using forks with short tines for the main meal.
The correct response when someone asks you, "Do you mind if i....?" is "No". Yes means you DO mind. It's all in the delivery, I suppose.
I fix computers (NOT a solicitation for work). If I ask what's wrong, "It's broken" "It's not working" is far too general. It's akin to a kid crying to a parent and saying, "Mommy..hurt!"
For that matter computer defenestration threats. "I'm ready to throw this thing out the window".
Like should not end certain sentences, "I was driving to work and this guy almost ran into me and I'm like...[facial expression]"
Here's another one - I HATE it when I'm browsing on a website, ultimately decide not to buy anything, and then get a follow up e-mail saying, "You forgot something!" No I didn't - I just decided that I didn't want the ugly ass merchandise that you were offering today (I'm looking at you, Coach Outlet Online!).
Clickbait ad blocks masquerading as news stories on otherwise legit news websites (“Remember the girl from Full House? You’ll never believe what she looks like now!” or even worse “Nation mourns this star” with a picture of Alan Alda or Dick Van Dyke who are assuredly not dead but make me panic that maybe they’d passed on and I hadn’t heard but they just want you to click on the link). Newspaper and other news sites use these crappy services as ad revenue, which helps keep them in business since their paper subscription bases dried up, but they really decrease their trustworthiness as a reliable source of news. And you see the same ads on multiple sites over and over and over.......
> What if I want to add salt to my popcorn after it’s half-eaten? Then what???
Ask them for another cup or box. Then pour half in and salt both. I do this for butter.
I wouldn't know about paper straws, as we haven't had a nutcase government pass such a ban yet, or on plastic bags.
Hello Ken,
I live in NJ and work in NYC take mass transit everyday of my life. The WORST THING in the entire world is: people at Port Authority Bus Terminal who are in line and don't follow thru in snake line fashion. The gates are always overcrowded and some people just stand there- they let the line advance in front of them- and then when the line get past "the ropes" and near the door to the gate- they step up and enter the line. Meanwhile there's a total backlog behind them as the line "snakes" thru, freeing up all that space. If I was the Supreme Ruler of the World, this offense would be punishable by death. Immediately. -LLL
(From Tim Dorsey's "Cadillac Beach", an damn fine entry in his Serge & Coleman series)
Phone companies that say they’ll show up between one and five, subcontractors who don’t show up at all, drivers who stop side by side in the road to chat, a pop group’s third farewell tour, those smug young professionals and their chardonnay, the quiet voice of golf announcers, Orkin bug sprayer uniforms with military epaulets on the shoulders, asshole popular kids in high school now making a fortune in GAP ads, the whole El Niño thing, gated communities, canned laughter, sesquicentennials, Members Only jackets, little Napoleons on school boards, the inexorable drumbeat of genocidal horror throughout human history, the final episode of Seinfeld, that I can’t get my head around why water expands when it freezes, struggling to get a pizza box into the trash, remembering to set the clocks back, right lane must turn right, ‘MasterCard -- It’s everywhere you want to be’, Bankers’ hours, sellers’ markets, horned dilemmas, vicious circles, conspicuous consumption, hidden costs, private clubs, public opinion, live callers, the death of courtesy, new spelling like 'lite' and 'thru,' old spellings like 'shoppe' and 'olde,' celebrity breakups, celebrity breakdowns, celebrity TV chefs, conservatives in general, liberals in particular, youth-oriented beer commercials that extol the social advantages of being drunk and stupid, lawsuits by rejects who can’t perform simple tasks like drink coffee without putting themselves in the fucking emergency room, the daily double-wide news item on the fatal stabbing over the last drumstick in the bottom of the KFC bucket, ads for hopelessly lame cars that use high-energy rock songs and quick-cut photography so you can’t get a very good look at the vehicle, the ’72 Olympic basketball final, the colorization of The Maltese Falcon, the tags in the backs of my T-shirts, the seams across the toes of my socks, ‘Would you like to take our survey?,’ ‘Would you like fries with that?,’ ‘What would Jesus do?,’ ‘No shit, Sherlock ...
First-world problems. *Yawn*.
Okay, to be fair we all have things that get under our skins. For me: Tailgaters. Fuck them with the full weight of the law.
Personally, I would be more generous to people at airports who don't know the TSA protocol by heart--most people don't fly every day, or even every year. Maybe airports should do a better job of giving public information about what travelers should expect, so they not be surprised by the lines, inspections, etc.
The more you know...
Necco wafers are coming back. http://mentalfloss.com/article/577741/necco-wafers-and-sweethearts-are-making-comeback
This is the time of year for my pet peeve to be the LA Marathon, now in its tenth year of forcing me out of the house on a Sunday with no busses. My windows began rattling at 9:45 from the amplifiers of a bar band playing across the street from my place.
I walked down to Cafe 50s on Santa Monica, where the staff graciously sat me in a semi-quiet corner to read Herodotus. I explained to the waitress that the big H had actually made the news last week when archeologists discovered the remains of a Nile freight boat he had described in Book Two. It had taken nearly 25 centuries to confirm that such boats existed outside of Herodotus's imagination.
I told her my favorite bit was in Book Three, however. It seems that this king named Cambyses had a brother named Smerdis. He was warned that it was fated that Smerdis would overthrow his kingdom, so he had his bother executed. Then it turned out that there was another guy named Smerdis. Before Cambyses could say, "Sorry, Mom," Smerdis II killed him and took the throne claiming to be the original brother. He even claimed the royal harem.
However, one of the wives was the daughter of a nobleman who knew that the fake Smerdis could easily be identified because his ears had been cut off. For some reason, the daughter had to wait until Smerdis was asleep and then felt his head in the dark to confirm that yes, he had no ears. That discovery was good for about three pages of bloody retribution.
And about then I realized that everyone ELSE's pet peeve was guys who got enthusiastic reading ancient Greek historians.
I miss people saying "you're welcome" to a thank you. WTF does "no problem" mean, anyway?
"The correct response when someone asks you, "Do you mind if i....?" is "No". Yes means you DO mind. It's all in the delivery, I suppose."
There's a scene in CHEERS where Coach is smoking a big stanky cigar behind the bar:
Coach: Let me know if it bothers you, Norm
Norm: [matter-of-factly] It bothers me.
Coach: Join the club. [continues smoking]
Sometimes we just have to deal with other people in daily life.
Going into a store for just one part. "I need a fernebulated washer for my sink faucet" "Sorry, we don't sell that by itself, you have to buy the whole sink assembly to get that." "I'm NOT buying a whole fucking sink just because I need one fucking washer!" "Then, you're out of luck because this sink company is the only one that makes a fernebulated washer that fits your sink and they don't sell it individually and no other washer will fit your sink because it's a patented washer that no one else can make." "Then fuck you, fuck your store and fuck the company that makes this sink. I'll never buy a fucking thing from their company or your store again!"
I actually witnessed that happen in a Lowes last week. Watched the guy storm out yelling at the top of his lungs. Except for the name of the washer, no idea what it's real name was. Luckily there's a REAL hardware store near me that have actual employees that know how to make or come up with something that will bypass or work in place of that washer. Run a business that has plumbing, electrical, other stuff from when it was built 65 years ago. With the exception of having to replace stuff that can easily be replaced they have always managed to come up with a workaround to fix some of this stuff that no longer is being made or replacement parts that are no longer made. Any business that doesn't carry parts I need for something that's over 5 years old pisses me off. Like the little windshield spray doo-dad thingie for my car.
I vaguely remember paper straws from my childhood years. I usually just pulled them out and threw them on the ground and drank from the cup. I was old enough by then not to dump the contents across my face and down onto my shirt.
@ Sparks
In French they say de rien and in Spanish por nada, both of which essentially mean "it was nothing". I think that "no problem" isn't too different.
Washing my face in restrooms only to realize that there are only hand dryers!
My pet peeve is shoppers who park their carts in the middle of the aisle while they browse store shelves, making it impossible for you to get through. In my experience, this happens most often in yuppie-boho places like Trader Joe's and Costco, where people probably know better but just don't care.
FYI, I bought some paper straws at Ralphs that were fairly thick and strong, and over the course of one beverage held up almost as well as a plastic one. I think it depends on the brand. (Hopefully it won't turn out that they're made with some kind of chemical that will destroy both humans and fish, and that we should have stuck to plastic all along.)
I'm just tired of visiting any website for the first time and either being asked to join their mailing list or get a big warning that I have THREE THREE THREE FREE ARTICLES REMAINING for the month unless I subscribe. Given that I'd never been there before in my life, I'm going to go out on a limb and say... no?
Also, job listings: stop saying "reliable transportation" when what you mean is "must have a car". I live in Seattle, we've got a pretty good bus system. Not infallible, but it does the job. And if that's not good enough, I have to wonder... why, exactly?
I've seen people take the salt shakers with them from the counter, into their theater. Take THAT theater owners!
My peeve: very well-meaning waiters who fill my ice tea just after I got the lemon and maybe a sweetener to get the drink tasting the way I like it. "...thanks."
For the poster who wrote about not knowing when you get to order at fast food, when fastfood is the only option - sometimes I'll say "well what happened to (item they used to have)? and find it's something I can still get, but not on the listed menu. Looking at JITB and El Pollo Loco!
Is there a category for getting po'ed at the stuff we do ourselves? If so, I'd like to agree with the poster above as I infuriate myself when I don't say "you're welcome" when someone says thank you. This happens more often than you'd expect...which makes it even more infuriating. What can I say I don't follow rules well.
So grrrrrr!
Sean
At work, I'll ask the customer "Last name? Jones. First? Huh? What? As if the obvious second question is a complete surprise. Then there are the people on the phone who either A-don't know who they're calling "What? Who's this? Who did I call?" grr. and B-are talking to someone else when I say Hello? and are like, surprised someone is answering. It's real simple people.jeez.
* at restaurants not only replying with "perfect" but also with "of course"....
* the word 'the' disappearing from 'the prom'.....
* sports announcers who only use cliches--"on the dance floor", "at the big dance", "a trip to the charity stripe", "a pick"....
* people who say "CALM-bat" when "kum-BAT" is correct....
I have no problem with automatic faucets. What I hate are restrooms that don't have paper towels, only air blowers. And Dyson blowers are the worst. It's virtually impossible to use one of them without touching the sides.
People that take up a whole aisle in the supermarket with their cart and body. One side or the other, folks.
People that steal grapes at the market. They're NOT free samples! Take your chances like everyone else.
Drivers that impede traffic. Sure. Maybe you are driving the speed limit. But, in California at least, slower cars must keep right. Oh! And get off the phone!
Michael Strahan. I have nothing against the man personally. I just don't understand his general appeal. I feel the same way about Ryan Seacrest.
Having a really funny idea and then forgetting it just as you're about to post to someone's blog. Then remembering it fifteen minutes later. Don't be surprised if you see a P.S. from me.
So on and so forth, ad infinitum.
M.B.
"Ice" tea. Is it made of ice? No. It's tea that has been ICED.
When you open the door for two seconds and somehow six houseflies sneak inside.
People who issue dire warnings in the guise of being supportive. ("Good luck at your doctor's appointment. My uncle had a mole like that, and he DIED!")
>> Not being able to submit a play to a festival
>> because I don’t live in Kentucky.
On balance, I'm going to guess you benefit more than you pain from not living in Kentucky. Otherwise, you might have to do live radio for greased pig races.
P.
As far as internet ads go, AD BLOCKER is very effective, even on Youtube. The only drawback is that some news sites (like The Nation and Daily Beast) refuse to allow you to enter unless you disable your ad blocker first, which I refuse to do. I got Ad Blocker because my computer became infested with Malware which comes from advertisements because the advertisers want to know my spending habits. To them I say FU, and I don't mean Felix Unger.
Falling for a robo call with a number in my area code. What if it’s my brain surgeon calling to find out how the surgery worked?
Some goofball hovering over guacamole samples in the market like it’s his lunch.
My electric razor dying halfway though the shave.
Non-stick pans that do.
Falling asleep in the last five-minute guilty/not guilty segment of 48 Hours.
A waiter/waitress who refuses to make eye contact after they bring you water.
After a half hour of filling out 10 pages of a double-sided questionnaire about my health issue, the doctor waltzes in and says: So, what brings you in today?
Sorry about this, but parents putting their poopy-covered baby’s butts, or their 4-year-old with dirty feet in the shopping cart I use for my chicken and vegetables - quite possibly a national health problem.
And speaking of butts - butt dialing!
Signing for a purchase with my finger on one of those iPad devices.
Reruns on cable that break for a commercial IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE. Getting a form by email that asks me for my email address! And Flo from Progressive Insurance.
Yep, chocolate Neccos...
Why do people call it the "rest" room? I've yet to know anybody who goes into the lavatory for a rest...well, there was one guy but he was 98 years old and decided to make the place his final resting place...
On a similar vein, do you find that you can suspend disbelief only so far and get caught up on a silly little item?
Like in The Naked Gun - I can go along with almost any of the ridiculous (but very funny) things going on except for one - when Leslie Nielsen as Frank Drebin doesn't know the words to the National Anthem. He's a cop, probably with a military background, and he doesn't know the words? Yet I'm fine with everything else in the film.
I seem to recall paper straws having a coating that rendered them waterproof, but they aren't made to last all day. Our local zoo won't give out straws fearing they might choke the animals. Likewise, out local AAA baseball team's (Tacoma Rainiers) concession stand takes the caps off your beverage bottle, which I really hate.
I remarked to a movie concession stand kid once that I wanted to have salt on all of my popcorn and not just the kernels on top and he told me to take the shaker with me. I did, and took it home because I'd forgotten about it. It sat on my desk for about a year until I remembered to return it--empty.
How about people who are going to write a check for their groceries but don't even bring their checkbook out until everything is totaled and bagged?
Paper bags in stores are five cents each, now, and plastic is illegal.
Don't get me started on bad drivers, which is to say 99% of the fools on the road.
You may slam Flo but please do not attack Jan (Laurel Coppock) from the Toyota commercials. Totally hot!
Ken, I saw this news: https://deadline.com/2019/03/the-simpsons-mike-scully-urges-writers-vote-yes-wga-agency-code-of-conduct-packaging-horror-story-1202582039/
Would you mind explaining how it works?
Include me in as one of those annoyed by scooters on sidewalks. There are plenty of them in the neighbourhood I live in and they race up and down the sidewalks actually honking their beepers to expect people to clear out of their way. And last week some dolt had a friend standing on the back of the scooter with her hands on his shoulders trying to balance as he drove up the sidewalk. This prevented him from steering properly and he swerved directly at me, but I got out of the way in time.
As my friend Rob says ..."It's time to thin the herd..."
Oh Ken...
Let's see..people NOT using their turn signals..Local TV stations not coming in clearly when I want them to..(not all of us have Cable)...Springtime in Duluth, MN brings potholes..and mold...People telling me that I am a fantastic writer but rarely reading my blog...
Pandora radio's obsession with The Eagles, CCR and Journey on any classic rock station. Internet stations are an escape from repetition yet Pandora makes it worse. National news reports that begin with "Breaking News"..and it turns out the story broke FOUR hours ago!
As for something I do that pisses me off, let my sarcasm FULLY come out in situations that really aren't life or death.
Child-proof pill bottles. Just the thing for old people with 1. arthritic hands and 2. no children. I have an actual non-child-proof Advil bottle which I will leave to someone special when I die. Meanwhile I keep re-filling it from the squeeze/press/twist/get wrench bottles I'm forced to buy.
Flo is bad, but GEICO is out of control. Even the lizard and the caveman are back. It's car insurance, it's not the newest Apple gizmo. I get it, a few minutes will save me X amount of money. You told me ten minutes ago. You'll tell me ten minutes from now.
Stickers on fruit. Bananas, kiwis, no problem, but I don't want to gouge the skin of an apple because the cashier can't tell a Delicious from a McIntosh unless it comes with instructions.
Hospitals that are colder than morgues. They say it's done to discourage airborne bacteria, but it's pretty hard on sick Homo sapiens, too, especially if you have to wait. And who doesn't?
DOES ANYBODY HAVE A DAMN PHONE NUMBER FOR MICROSOFT? I have some grievances I would like to air about Windows 10.
People who start every sentence with "so." Is this a new atrocity, or have I not been listening for a while?
Maybe Ken should make this a regular feature, say, the first Saturday of every month. What I'm hearing is that there are a lot of people simmering with rage, and this safety valve could prevent needless carnage.
BICYCLES? REALLY?
Ken, have you ever considered a quick re-write to turn your plays into radio dramas and then recording them for your podcasts?
I'll probably never be anywhere your play is being produced, but I would be a loyal listener if they were here on your site.
How nearly everyone asks, "How is your day going?" instead of "how are you?" My brain is wired to answer "Fine" to the latter question no matter how I actually am, but the new question makes it through my brain so I have to answer it honestly.
On the day my mother died, being asked that question pretty much drove me into a rage that it took an inordinate amount of self-control to master. Given that, exactly as with "how are you?" the questioner really doesn't give a flying F how my day is in fact going, why can't they simply go back to the original question?
Just this morning - bottles sealed with foil that doesn't provide enough extra area to get a good grasp for removing the seal.
Regarding TSA. The procedures are different in every airport based on my experience. Also, many people I know fly only once every few years. I get anxiety every time I fly until I am on the plane. As for plays not being accepted because you don't live in Kentucky, all I have to say is The Kentucky Shakespeare Festival, 60 free shows in Central Park in Louisville, is visible from my bedroom. But as they say here, Louisville is not really Kentucky. It's much more like Seattle, Portland, or West LA.
"DOES ANYBODY HAVE A PHONE NUMBER FOR MICROSOFT?"
Canadians do.
Some of them call my job.
I don't work for Microsoft.
There's enough self-deprecating humor in the Flo commercials that I don't mind them. One recent example of a worse commercial, Colonel Sanders making out with Mrs. Butterworth.
Here's something I hate - let's say I'm casually watching a game, and I see a home run. So I think the score has changed. But no, it hasn't - the player who is at the plate hit the home run they were showing several innings previously.
How come during replays there is no indication that it's a replay? No little sign that says, "Earlier in the game" or "In the third inning" or even "Replay"? How hard could that be?
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