Friday Questions

Ready for some Friday Questions?

Joel Keller starts us off:

Here's a Friday Question for you, Ken, something that has had me curious for almost 40 years (I saw these episodes in reruns):

Did Mike Farrell grow a mustache on his own between seasons 6 and 7 or did you and David ask him to do it? It seems to have come with a change in BJ's character, where the clean-cut guy from Mill Valley is showing cracks in the armor due to all the horrors he's seen since he came to Korea. So it could have been part of a purposeful shift in his character.

Or he grew the 'stache over the break, didn't want to shave it, and you and the staff found an opportunity there. The irony is that Mike was stuck with the lip hair until the end of the series, even though it got fainter and shorter as time went on.

He was requested to grow the ‘stache to give him a different look.  We had read in research that lots of folks in MASH units grew mustaches and beards out of boredom.  And you're right, since Mike was so clean-cut, we all thought it might be fun.  And he could cut it at any time. 

But like I said, it was just a request.  Mike could have said no and the issue would have been dropped.   As always, Mike was a good sport.   And it looked good on him.

From Steve:

Is there a point in a series where lead actors/actresses are expected to take control of their characters? (For example, whether their character would say—or react to—something as written in the script.) Is it a source of frustration when they start exerting that control? Conversely, are there situations where showrunners / writing staff feel the need to encourage feedback from an actor to ensure they are capturing the essence of the character properly?

Steven Bochco used to say, “The first year the actors work for you, the second year you work together, and the third year you work for them.”  

The actual answer is it depends on the actor and the character.  I’ve mostly been very lucky in that I’ve worked in collaborative environments.  The actors’ input is invaluable.  They’re the ones playing the character, they generally gave way more thought to them.  Good actors can bring things to the characters and their lines that you never thought of.  On the other hand, characters are the vision of the writer.  

But with mutual respect you can usually come up with a script that incorporates the best of both camps.   Again, I’ve been verrrry lucky.  There are a lot of contentious actor-writer situations.  I've been in very few. 

Brian asks:

Have you ever written or thought about writing a play for radio?

No.  Very few radio plays are performed in front of an audience and since I write comedies, I prefer to hear the laughter.  I have featured some of my plays on my podcast, and a number of my short plays could easily be adapted to radio (they’re very dialogue heavy), but I’ve never set out to write a “radio” play.   

I wish there were more done here (with an audience).  This still seems to be a viable in the UK.  And of course, longtime readers know I love all forms of radio.  

And finally, from jcs:

I recently watched a blooper reel from "THAT '70S SHOW". Ashton Kutcher was shown having several small onstage accidents. Kutcher - to his credit - ignored the pain, stayed in character and played right through them.

Did you ever a witness an unforseen event onstage that resulted in a decent take which was later aired?

When I was directing LATELINE, starring Al Franken we had a scene we shot in Griffith Park where Al and Robert Foxworth ride horses.  It was one shot, they each had a couple of lines.  

Robert had been in Westerns and was very adept at riding.  Al, to be charitable, was not.

We rehearsed the scene a couple of times then shot it.  

On the first take, just after he got out of camera range, Foxworth screamed.  His back went out on him.  We had to have paramedics physically lift him off the horse onto a gurney.  

Fortunately we got the shot because there was no way we’d ever get a retake.

What’s your Friday Question?

EP229: Meet ESPN/NBC’s Jason Benetti

Jason Benetti is a rising sportscasting star. He calls baseball, football, and basketball for ESPN, is the TV voice of the Chicago White Sox, and will be calling Olympic baseball this summer for NBC. But more than that, he announced Korean League Baseball last summer on ESPN — from his apartment… during a riot. He and Ken swap crazy stories.

Get Honey for FREE at https://joinhoney.com/LEVINE

More podcasts at WAVE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/artist/wave-podcast-network/1437831426

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Oh no! Mike Myers is back.

Is it just me?  

I find Mike Myers incredibly unfunny.  And what’s worse is, HE thinks everything he does is pulverizingly funny.  The disconnect is Grand Canyon-wide.  

He’s had enough flops like THE LOVE GURU that we’ve been mercifully spared Mike Myers for the last few years.  

But now comes word that he’s making a new Netflix “comedy” series.  As if that wasn’t enough to make me almost cancel my subscription, he plays seven parts.  

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

So we get seven un-funny cartoonish characters probably in ridiculous make-up.   Gallagher is more subtle.

I think back to the plot of THE PRODUCERS when they were intentionally trying to make the worst musical ever so the show would flop and investors would be be screwed.  Thus “Springtime for Hitler.”   In that case it backfired.  With this project they’re taking no chances.

Because to ensure this show will be unfunny they’ve now hired Ken Jeong to be in it.  Why not just give Mike Pence a stand-up comedy special?  

Hopefully, this is like the Mister Mxyzptlk storyline in Superman where every six months he appears and Superman has to get rid of him.  This new sitcom could be another LOVE GURU and Mike Myerszptlk goes away for six more years.  One can only hope. 

Setting the record straight

Since we seem to be on the subject of multi-camera sitcoms this week....

No one hates phony laugh tracks more than me.   Longtime readers of this blog (all six of them) know this.  But I must set the record straight.

Number one:  There is a big difference between genuine audience laughter and the phony canned laughter you so often hear, which to me is like taking a new car and tagging it. 

A reader recently commented on a sitcom being given the “Charley Douglass treatment.”  Charley was the man with the laugh box.   Many of the laughs in that box were compiled from shows as far back as the ‘50s.  There are people laughing on your television who have been dead for 30/40 years (talk about getting the last laugh).  Some tracks have been used so frequently on so many shows that they’re actually identifiable. 

But here’s the thing —

There is no “Charley Douglass treatment.” 

Let me be very clear. 

It is the show runner or someone representing the show that makes all the decisions.  They’re the ones who determine when there should be a laugh, how big a laugh, whether to go with the dead woman’s guffaw.  Charley just pushed the buttons. 

So when you watch a show and cringe at how the laugh track is going crazy for every stupid lame line, don’t blame the box.  Blame the insecure or deluded show representative who felt the need to create bogus hysterical laughter where none was justified. 

I watched an episode of TAXI recently and was struck by the fact that several jokes didn’t work.  And there was no effort made to hide that with fake laughter.  You’d hear the line clank and then silence for a beat until the next line was spoken.  It was so refreshing.  And it made the lines that did get laughs seem funnier and more genuine. 

As we ease out of the pandemic, multi-camera shows will again start filming in front of live audiences.  Let’s hope producers write funny enough shows that no “Charley Douglass treatment” is ever needed.  

Kevin Can Go F*** Himself

 THIS ARTICLE HAS BEEN UPDATED

There’s a new show on AMC and AMC + (I didn’t know there was such a thing as AMC +) called KEVIN CAN GO F*** HIMSELF.  (Is there anyone on the planet who does NOT know what the F*** stands for?  If so, they’re pretty FUCKing dumb.)  

The title is a send up of KEVIN CAN WAIT, the ill-fated Kevin James CBS show that went from highest rated new comedy in year one to cancelled in year two (a nifty trick indeed).  In the typical family sitcom set up, Kevin was the buffoon husband and Erinn Hayes had the unenviable job of playing his tolerant wife.  Eventually her character was unceremoniously killed after the first season (which some might argue was a little hostile and harsh for no reason).  Guess who made the decision to explain away her departure with death?  (Hint: He can go F*** himself.)  

Playing the wife of a typical dufus sitcom husband (Tim Allen, Kevin James, Ray Romano, Bill Engvall, Sherman Hemsley, Jackie Gleason, Patrick Warburton, Jim Belushi, Drew Carey, Matt LeBlanc, Mark Addy, Anthony Anderson, and dozens more) is the world’s most thankless role.   You’re either the wet blanket always scolding the star for wanting to sell their children for whiskey, or you go along bemused thus looking like an idiot yourself.   

And rarely do you get to be funny.  With the possible exception of Audrey Meadows’ Alice Kramden, the “voice of reason” is not funny.  

My heart goes out to Erinn Hayes, and Nancy Travis, Jamie Gertz, Patricia Richardson, Patty Heaton, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Megyn Price, and all the others.  

This new series is seen through the eyes of Allison McRoberts, as played by SCHITT’S CREEK Emmy winner, Annie Murphy.  She’s the mom on a witless multi-cam sitcom starring “Kevin” (Eric Peterson).  And she loathes it.  But that supposedly is either a fantasy or alternate world because the other half of the show is apparently her real life marriage to Kevin, which is also a nightmare.  Those scenes are played very dark. 

The show is shot two ways — multi-cam when you’re watching the actual sitcom, and single-camera when the red light is off.  So it’s a meta behind-the-scenes look at sitcoms and an exploration of a woman trapped in a horrible marriage.  I haven’t seen it.  Obviously, I’m curious and will give it a look. 

It seems intriguing and odd.  Will the sitcom scenes seem like a bit that wears out its welcome?  And is there escape from either nightmare?  There certainly is for the sitcom actress. She takes her money, quits the show, and does something else.  Even if she sticks it out, it's only for a few years.  Extricating yourself from a real abusive marriage is something else. 

The premise is ambitious and I'm anxious to see it.  I'm sure it'll be an interesting follow-up when I do. 

Weekend Post

 

Here’s one of those questions worthy of a Weekend Post.

It’s from Nancy Knechtel:

You have captured the history of the studios you have worked at so well - Did you ever find out who occupied your offices at the studios in the past? Rumor has it that some writers have worked in Shirley Temple's old dressing room bungalow at Fox. Were your offices old dressing rooms or writers buildings? Any great writers occupy your space before you?

For history you can’t beat the Fox lot on Pico. I never had an office in the building that was Shirley Temple’s dressing room, but I was in it frequently since at one time it served as the headquarters for THE TRACEY ULLMAN SHOW and my partner David and I wrote several episodes.  Shirley had nice digs for a six-year-old. 

But for years on MASH and AfterMASH David and I had offices in the Old Writers Building (back before we were old writers). It’s a gorgeous Swiss chalet, and to this day it was my favorite office.

You’ve seen it in many movies and TV shows. BABES IN TOYLAND with Laurel & Hardy for one. Could you ask for better ghosts when trying to create comedy than Stan & Ollie?

They were always filming CHARLIE’S ANGELS and STARSKY & HUTCH outside our office. It was always fun to look out the window and see either Jackie Smith in a tight jumpsuit or a drug dealer being gunned down in a hail of bullets.

In our time there we had three offices. The first was supposedly once F. Scott Fitzgerald’s. We found a few of Zelda’s empty gin bottles behind the couch so we have confirmation.

More impressive to me was when we became head writers of MASH and moved into Larry Gelbart’s old office. That was like having Babe Ruth’s locker.

We used that as our main writers room and one afternoon I noticed several people in the nearby apartment building looking in at us. I didn’t think four guys sitting around a table writing a Radar speech was much of a show but who knows? Later I learned that the Hello Dolly New York set was on fire across the lot. That’s what the apartment dwellers were looking at. Now I feel like an schmuck for waving at them.

Both of those offices were on the second floor. For AfterMASH we took over the entire first floor. Larry Gelbart didn’t have an office but we said whenever he was there he could use ours. The only thing better than having Larry Gelbart’s old office was actually SHARING an office with Larry Gelbart. Babe Ruth using your locker.

Back in the MASH days we parked behind the building and the old Western town from BUTCH CASSIDY AND THE SUNDANCE KID was still up. My spot was right in front of the saloon (which explains why I was often late).

For several years we had a development deal at Fox and this was our office. Since it fronts a street it is always used as a location. I’ve seen it at least two dozen times on shows. And I’m always yelling, “Hey, get the fuck out of my office!”

Friday Questions

If you haven’t already, this is the time to get vaccinated.  Our president and the CDC is being very diplomatic, but let me just say if you’re not getting vaccinated you’re just stupid.  And maybe in needless danger of your life.   And with that public service announcement, here are this week’s Friday Questions.

An unknown reader (who submitted this before I banned unknown and anonymous readers) asks:

How do you feel about studio audiences that go "Awwww!" when something sweet happens, or "Woooo!" when one character insults another or a hot woman walks in? Do any warmup guys try to discourage such behavior?

I hate it and will eliminate it from the audience track.  Emotions need to be earned, not prodded by the audience.  “Wooo’s” are distracting and in some cases rude.

I do tell my warm up people to ask the audience not to do that.  

I also hate applause when actors make their first appearance.  It takes the audience out of the show and it’s self-congratulatory.  

Personal bias but I go to great lengths to avoid any hint of self-congratulations.   Like I said, everything has to be earned.  YOU decide whether the show is good. 

DougG. wonders:

Would you like to have been a writer for Johnny Carson on THE TONIGHT SHOW?

No.  I never had any desire to do that and never applied.

I like writing stories and having my humor come out of characters and attitudes.  I don’t enjoy just writing “jokes.”  

Having to sit in a room and bang out fifty one-liners hoping I get one in is not why I became a writer.  

My first "writing" job was coming up with jokes for Joan Rivers.  I think I got $5 for every one she used.  So basically $5 for every twenty jokes. 

Not for me.  

Mike Reiss, on my podcast, also said that THE TONIGHT SHOW was a revolving door, and that it was not uncommon to get fired once or maybe twice.  

Not for me.

That said, there were some brilliant comedy writers who did work on THE TONIGHT SHOW, several who are friends.  I greatly admire what they did.  It just wasn’t my strength.  Or interest.  

From Yakimi:

A radio question: In all your radio travels, did you ever work at a station that had horribly outdated equipment? I mean, consoles that Fred Flintstone would have been using long before you got there?

Oh yes.  My first job in radio.  KERN, Bakersfield.  I think it said “Hail to the Kaiser!” on the transmitter.  

But here’s the irony: The station also had the best Chief Engineer in John Barcroft.  So even though everything was old and outdated, the station ran like a top.   And it sounded fantastic on the air.  

I’ll take that over new state-of-the-art equipment that breaks down, needs to be rebooted, has glitches, and sounds lousy.  

And finally, from Buttermilk Sky:

Friday question: Commercials. As someone who has written for movies and stage as well as TV, do you find it difficult to remember to break down scripts into ten-minute segments because of the ads? Or does it help you to structure the show?

It helps to structure the show.  When I construct a story I’m always mindful of act breaks and the best, most suspenseful way of telling the story.   Even if I did a show for a streaming platform with no commercials I would still create my own act breaks.

What’s your Friday Question? 

EP228: Another Free-Association Episode

Ken riffs from topic to topic; everything from Jean Smart’s new show “Hacks,” to Toronto, Kurtwood Smith, Gal Gadot, a power failure, making Claire Danes laugh, advice from Red Barber, and getting smacked by Wayne Newton.

More podcasts at WAVE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/artist/wave-podcast-network/1437831426

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Misc-Takes

In no particular order of importance…

It was announced yesterday that HACKS has been picked up for a second season by HBO Max.  I guess my review really did the trick.  You're welcome.

Sure glad I’m not competing in the Olympics this year (I just missed out).  NBC will be televising 500 hours of what could be the last major super spreader.  

I ate indoors at a restaurant for the first time in 16 months this week.  I was going to eat outside but it was cold and rainy.  I always say I’m very diligent about my own safety unless it inconveniences me.  

But I’m still not ready for stadiums.   I already risked my life once going to a stadium — that was when the Raiders played at the LA Coliseum.  

Mayim Bialik is my current pick for new JEOPARDY host.  I don't care how she dresses. Ken Jennings & Buzzy Cohen are tied for second.   Mayim has a great voice, poise, kept the game moving, and really looked like she was having fun.   

Bill Whittaker from CBS looked like a guy who won a school raffle to host JEOPARDY.  

Ironically, Anderson Cooper was the smoothest, most polished guest host, but his ratings were the worst.  Ken Jennings still has the highest (non Tournament of Champions).

THE CHASE is a half-hour game show stretched to an hour.  

Apple announced a new operating system.  Every time they do that I cringe.  When I update things suddenly programs and apps that used to work fine now don't.  Stop "improving!" 

What will get people back into movie theaters?  IN THE HEIGHTS.  It’s supposed to be great and in a recent Fandango poll of over 1300 moviegoers, 96% said that would be the first movie they’d go to see in a theater.   Surprisingly, PETER RABBIT 2 did not score as high.  

Another reminder:  I no longer post comments by "Anonymous" or "Unknown" readers.

I still contend that last year's baseball season was a joke.  Teams played 60 games against weird divisions.  Take the standings this year at 60 games and compare them with the final standings later this fall.  How many teams that qualified at 60 games won't by season's end?  And how many teams that didn't by game 60 ultimately will by game 162?  How much of an advantage did the Dodgers have playing all their postseason games in Texas last year versus Tampa Bay that spent time in San Diego?  Everything about the 2020 MLB season deserves a big asterisk. 

TV sitcoms will be funnier this year, if for no other reason than writers will be together in one room again and not on Zoom.  Zoom is the ice bucket challenge of comedy.  

Please get vaccinated.  Or move to Mississippi. 

Ten years ago...

 

I do this from time to time.  I've answered over 3,000 Friday Questions.  It's one of the most popular features of this blog.  But rarely do readers go way back into the archives.  So occasionally I'll pull out a FQ post from ten years ago, knowing 99% of you haven't read it, and the few that have have long forgotten it.  As NBC once said, "If you haven't seen a rerun it's new to you."  So here are Friday Questions from 2011.  Feel free to dive into the archives.  There's some good stuff buried in there somewhere. 

First up is John Trumbull:

I'm doing a caricature of Danny Devito tonight and it got me to wondering: Was there ever any discussion of having Danny guest star on Cheers? Considering that he's Rhea Perlman's husband in real life, it seems kind of strange that he never even did a cameo in all the years that the show was on.

There was some talk about it the first season but nothing really serious. At one point we thought of including Danny in the Superbowl scene as a lark but ultimately it was decided the objective of the scene was to promote CHEERS and it would just confuse people with TAXI. Were they watching Louie & Zena?

But if you listen carefully, you can hear Danny laughing offstage. He was there when we filmed it.

The first season of CHEERS proved to be the final season of TAXI, and Danny went off to have a hugely successful feature career. I once said to him, “Now that you’re a big star, I hope you won’t forget us little people.”


Joe Pontillo asks:

Here's a different Netflix question - When I click to stream an episode you wrote, does any money filter your way? If not, is that because of the age of the show, or because the writer's strike didn't quite accomplish its goal?

We’re supposed to see some tiny fraction of money. And I’m sure we will because the studios are dedicated to making sure that writers are never screwed.


From Pat Quinn:

When someone pitches a show to a network, and one or all of them pass on it ... is that show/idea for a show dead forever? That is, can that same person come back next year, with tweaks and changes but the same basic idea to pitch to the same networks?

You can but you already have two strikes against you. But sometimes network agendas change. One year they’re looking for urban buddy comedies and you pitch a rural family comedy. They pass but the next year they’re looking for rural family comedies. So you run back in only to learn they bought the exact same idea from someone else three days before.

There are instances where a network will pass on your idea and then during the course of the season decide they really want to be in business with you. So they invite you in and ask what you’ve got. You say all you have is the idea you pitched last year. Suddenly they love it and buy it.

I also find if you wait long enough (two years) you can sometimes re-pitch an idea because the entire development department has turned over. Note: this isn’t true at CBS. Wendi and Julie and that group has been there quite some time now. And to their extreme credit, if they decide months after passing on your idea that now it makes sense for them they will call you back in.

We once wrote a pilot for FOX that was ultimately passed on because they said it felt too much like an NBC project. A couple of years later, one of the development people at FOX during that time moved over to NBC and remembered the project. It was a better fit for NBC and she bought the project. That’s really the perfect scenario.  The late great Jerry Belson wrote the movie SMILE and it was later turned into a Broadway musical.  In his Playbill bio he wrote, "SMILE fulfills a lifelong dream for Mr. Belson -- to be paid twice for the same script". 

Johnny now asks:

Do writing teams get paid half as much as solo writers? (I.e. A normal writing salary halved?) And could having a partner work against you if you're both going to cost more than a single writer?

In terms of scripts, yes. You split the fee. Unless you rise to a position where you can negotiate a fee beyond that. Same with producing. But in those cases you usually do negotiate the terms. Showrunners rarely work for scale. 

Splitting money is certainly a downside to partnerships. However, I always felt that half of something was worth more than a lot of nothing. I don’t think my career would have been as successful if I weren’t partnered with David Isaacs. So it’s a trade off. But that’s my situation. Yours may be different.

One good thing about splitting money – in today’s marketplace teams are more coveted because shows can get two writers for the price of roughly one. So you might make less but at least you get the job.

There are many instances of partnerships breaking up after they’ve reached a certain level of success and can each carve out a good career on their own.

I think the key to maintaining a good partnership is that there is enough flexibility in the relationship that each member is free to take projects on their own as well as together. For instance, I branched out into directing and sportscasting. David is now a tenured professor at USC. Hey, it just occurred to me, his side profession is way more prestigious than mine. That bastard!

HACKS -- My review

I have a new favorite show.  HACKS on HBO Max.

It’s that rare comedy-drama that actually delivers on both.  The funny parts are genuinely funny, and the drama is real, earned, engrossing, and surprising.  

And that’s not even the best part.

The best part is Jean Smart.  She’s always good in everything she does, which is admirable considering she’s done everything.  But HACKS is her tour de-force.  She has my vote for the Emmy right now.   She plays a famous stand-up comedian, now relegated to a showroom in Las Vegas and hawking crap on QVC.  She’s part Joan Rivers, part Wayne Newton, part Shelley Winters.  Her character is so layered that you find yourself really rooting for her, even though she occasionally will do appalling things.  On top of everything else, Smart is fearless, and all too happy to be shown in a less than favorable light. 

And unlike “Midge Maizel” we’re not asked to believe that every lame joke she tells just pulverizes audiences. To be honest, I find Deborah Vance’s (Smart) material to be way funnier than Midge’s.  

HACKS is a character study of a fascinating, complex woman played to perfection by Jean Smart.  

But wait!  There’s more.

Young Hannah Einbinder (Laraine Newman’s daughter), plays a Millennial sitcom writer who tweets something deemed objectionable and her career is kaput.  The only job she can get is writing fresh material for Deborah Vance.  Their relationship and chemistry is gold.   The job interview scene in the pilot alone is enough to start binging. 

The supporting characters are all terrific, and after watching all these shows shot during the pandemic with no scope and no energy, it’s such a pleasure to watch a show with crowds, and large casinos, and people eating in restaurants.  They make great use of Las Vegas.  HACKS almost makes me want to go there.  I said “almost,” I’m still not ready and when I see the all the house trailers in hotel parking lots, I think: “Probably half of these people aren’t vaccinated and yet they’re indoors, and eating at big buffets” — I’ll let them get COVID, lose all their money gambling, and lose their mobile homes while I get my Vegas fix by watching the series.  

Each episode gets better and better and you learn more and more about each character.  HBO Max drops two episodes every Thursday.  I believe eight are available.  I invite you to get on the train.   I know everyone raves about TED LASSO, and it’s a damn fine show, but for my money (which I’m not spending on KENO) HACKS is better.  

It’s that super rarity — a Las Vegas winner. 

Weekend Post

 

You’re familiar with the game “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”, right?  Kevin has worked with pretty much everyone in Hollywood.  Even more people than Heidi Fleiss.   In no more than six projects you can usually trace any performer back to Kevin Bacon.  Well, for the serious “Kevin Bacon” player, let me add a few more links based on my involvement with him.
 

Granted, it’s not a big involvement. On FRASIER, whenever Dr. Crane spoke to a listener on his radio show they got a celebrity to play the caller. Kevin Bacon did one for a show my partner David and I wrote. 

 

And recently my daughter and her husband wrote on CALL YOUR MOTHER starring Kyra Sedgwick who is married to Kevin Bacon.  So I'm two degrees from that end. 

And you can now link Kevin to any of the other unlikely celebrities I wrote for or directed.

Dr. Timothy Leary did a FRASIER phone call for one of our shows. That’s right. We wrote for Dr. Timothy Leary.  You'd think that would be good for some complimentary LSD at the Free Clinic, wouldn't you?

Also, we wrote jokes for the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral William J. Crowe. He did a CHEERS we scripted.  See, aren’t I a name dropper?

Craig Ferguson guested on an episode of ALMOST PERFECT. So it’s just a few steps from Kevin Bacon to Craig Ferguson’s robot. Amaze your friends!

Then there are the athletes. We wrote for Wade Boggs (later to learn in his mistress’ tell-all in Playboy that he only took the job for a free trip to LA to bang her), Kevin McHale (who was sensational!), and Luis Tiant. (who also would have been great if only you could understand one single solitary thing he was saying – even after sixty takes).

So in only two steps you can get from Kevin Bacon to Luis Tiant. There’s a huge bar bet waiting to be won.

As a director, I had the pleasure of coaxing comic brilliance out of Karl Malone (in this case “the Mail Man” did not deliver – oy!), funnyman Mike Ditka (“a little more energy, Mike”), and Terry Bradshaw (“a little less energy, Terry. In fact, a LOT less energy. In fact, just stand there.”)

Oh sure, I’ve worked with a lot of top flight actors but you know all of them and could probably get to Kevin Bacon through other paths. The real challenge comes when someone throws Art Garfunkel at you (FRASIER caller), or you’re at the national finals and for the world’s championship you’re given the name Bombo the orangutan (did a JUST SHOOT ME I directed).

So use me. Be my guest. It’s my little way of Paying It Forward. The only thing disconcerting about providing this useful public service is that all these celebrities that I worked with so intimately over the years – I bet not one remembers me and knows who I am.  But that's okay.  I'm sure Bombo doesn't know who Kevin Bacon is either.

Friday Questions

Starting to feel like summer.  Vax so you can enjoy it.  Here are this week’s Friday Questions.

Jeff leads off.

Ken, when you watch episodes of sitcoms you were involved with, do you sometimes recognize certain laughs coming from the audience?

Yes.  I recognize Jim Brooks (pictured above) on TAXI and THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW.  He sounds almost like a donkey braying.  

Two distinct laughers on CHEERS were Phoef Sutton and the cackle of Bill Steinkellner.  I occasionally hear Jim Burrows’ laugh as well.  

Chuck Lorre’s laugh is somewhat distinctive and I can pick it out from time to time on one of his shows.

Alas, I am not a loud laugher.  Especially at my own jokes. 

Matt wants to know:

Who is on your Mt Rushmore of announcers. I know you will say Vin Scully (who wouldn’t) and you have just said Marc Albert. Who are the other two?

Vin Scully, Marv Albert, Chick Hearn (of the Lakers), and Bill King (Raiders, Warriors, A’s).    

I don’t think anyone has ever called a better, more exciting football game on the radio than Bill King.  He gave you chills.

Same for Chick Hearn and basketball on the radio.  Most basketball expressions (like slam dunk) were invented by “Chicky baby.”

And while we’re on the subject of sportscasters, Jahn Ghalt wonders:

Where do you stand on broadcasters as they start to lose it, even the legends? Should they be allowed to stay on forever or should someone nudge them to the door at some point, and if so, how do you do that respectfully?

I think to protect them and their legacy, when iconic sportscasters start to lose it they should gracefully retire.   It’s harder for broadcasters who have been with one team for many decades.  Phasing them out might be one answer.  Or if the announcer is really incapable of calling a game, someone has to make the hard call.   

Hey, it's not a Supreme Court Justice.  You're not entitled to these jobs for life. 

I think you appeal to his pride.  You want him to go out with dignity and remain beloved.  

As the old saying goes, it’s better to leave a year too early than a year too late.

That said, I bet Vin Scully, (at 92) could still call a better game than 90% of the announcers out there.

And finally, from Brian:

I enjoyed your episode on writing. Have you ever been plagiarized? If so, what steps did you take?

Not any TV writing that I know of.  Had that been the case I would consulted my attorney. 

Before I had this blog, I would write snarky Oscar reviews and send them to my contact list.  I found out that one radio talk show host on my list would go on the air and steal all of my material as if it was his own.  Once I learned that he was promptly off my list.  

In my disc jockey days, there was an LA DJ who listened to me in San Bernardino and stole my material.  I learned this when I applied for a job at his station and the program director accused me of stealing his jock's material.  That resulted in a very angry phone call from me.  

Flash forward a few years and I’m on TenQ in Los Angeles every Saturday night.  After six months on the air I got a call from that program director apologizing.  He said, after listening to me and the quality and amount of my content it was clear I was the original and his disc jockey had stolen from me.  

What’s your Friday Question? 

EP227: Writer Mike Reiss Part Two

More with SIMPSONS writer Mike Reiss including how he auditioned to star in THE OFFICE and as a tourist was chased down the street by a woman with a meat cleaver.

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How I would fix Major League Baseball

Here’s a Friday Question that became an entire post.  Warning:  It’s about baseball.

KLAC Guy asks:

I have been reading comments by Don Mattingly and Reggie Jackson about their dissatisfaction with the way baseball is played today. Both said that many of today’s games are unwatchable due to the lack of offense and the high number of strikeouts. Yankees play by play announcer, Michael Kay, talks about it often on his talk show. If you were baseball’s commissioner, what changes would you make to make the games more entertaining?

Okay, some of these are radical.

First, I’d eliminate the shift. 

I’d eliminate walk-up music.  Get in there and hit.

I’d install a pitch clock.  It works in the minors.  Get the ball and throw it.  And if you’re a hitter, stay in the box and hit.  No more “Human rain delays.” 

With two strikes, you get two foul balls.  Any more than two and it’s a strike out.  No more fouling off pitch after pitch. 

An announcer friend made this suggestion that I would use.   With a runner on first you get one throw over there.  You may say that gives the runner an unfair advantage.  If you think he’s going to steal, pitch out.  There were teams last year who never needed to pitch out once. 

You want fewer home runs?   Move fences back.  That also means outfielders have to cover more ground.  More balls might drop in for singles and doubles. 

Eliminate the stupid extra-inning rule where a runner starts at second base.  Two sacrifices and the runner could score.  That’s an unearned win in my book. 

Challenges must take no more than three minutes.  And if that doesn’t work, eliminate challenges.  I’d rather see arguments in front of the fans than everyone sitting around for ten minutes while umpires review replays in New York. 

Lose one commercial break per half inning.  Charge more for the commercials to make up the difference. 

If a pitcher warms up to begin an inning he has to face at least one batter.  None of this Tony LaRussa shit where a pitcher warms up, then a pinch-hitter is announced, and he pulls the pitcher to bring in someone else, thus causing another three to four minute delay. 

Study analytics before the game all you want, but during the game, no note cards. 

No seven-inning double headers.  This is the fucking big leagues.  

I would fire Angel Hernandez, an absolute disgrace of an umpire.

A quicker hook for pitchers who throw at a batter on purpose.  And an automatic one game suspension.  Pitchers throw at 100 miles an hour now.  They could really kill someone.  Managers get ejected too.  This also eliminates a number of brawls through the course of the season.  

Along those same lines, any player who it is determined willfully tried to injure another (e.g. spikes up) get suspended for at least a week or more if it’s a repeat offense.  Ty Cobb is dead. 

I know.  I’d be a hard-ass commissioner and the owners and players would be pissed at me.  But the games would zip along and there would be way more action and you’d get home at a decent time.    Unfortunately, no one has asked me to be the commissioner. 

Arlen Peters

Today I’m devoting my post to someone you don’t know.  Well, most of you don’t know.  He has been a guest on my podcast a few times.  

Arlen Peters.

For years Arlen was an entertainment reporter, primarily for CBS, but also made many of those “making of” mini-documentaries that were used to publicize studio movies.  You may not know him, but Meryl Streep did, as did Gene Hackman and many other notables who considered him a friend.

Proud to say I was his friend too.

Arlen died suddenly last week.  

I’m still not over it.  

It’s never easy when  someone close to you dies.  But when it’s sudden, he’s your age, and a nicer person you’ll never find — it truly is devastating.  People throw that word around a lot, but in this case it really applies.

After being in lockdown for 60 weeks, one of the very first lunch appointments I made was with Arlen.  We sat outside at Mel’s on Sunset maybe three weeks ago.  How can he be gone?  

Arlen was a lovely guy.  Always cheerful, always looking ahead with enthusiasm.  For someone who hobnobbed with “the stars,” he was incredibly down-to-earth.  There was no pretense.  No sense of entitlement.  I think that’s why so many stars liked him and trusted him.  In a town of phonies, someone genuine really stands out.  And that was Arlen Peters.  

Like I said, he guested on my podcast.  Several times.  I’m so glad, especially now, I was able to interview him and document his life.  I also wanted to do an episode of someone interviewing me.  And I turned to Arlen because he was such a master at that.  

At Mel’s the waitress asked if we wanted dessert.  Arlen was considering whether to get cherry pie.  I told him, “Get it!  What the hell?”  He did and loved it.  If there’s a takeaway it’s this:  Order the pie.  You never know.

RIP Arlen Peters.  I will miss you terribly.  There was not enough time, not enough laughs, not enough pie.

Memorial Day

 Above is a photo of real MASH doctors.

Several times studios and networks have come to my writing partner, David and me asking us to create another MASH. Well, that can’t be done. MASH is unique. It’s a comedy. It’s a drama. It’s a life and death situation. And the entire premise is built around insanity. The insanity of war, the insanity of doctors treating patients who never should be there in the first place. Comedy that comes from pain, from futility.

When you watch MASH, as well as hopefully being entertained, please appreciate the sacrifice these young soldiers and all American soldiers have made for their country.

Our thanks and prayers go to them and their families on this Memorial Day.

Weekend Post

I miss the SKY MALL.  This used to be in airline magazines.  Products they couldn't sell on SHARK TANK at goofy prices.  At one time I compiled some of my favorite SKY MALL items.  Don't you wish you could still buy these items from the '00's?   

Vuzix iWear – Glasses that are supposed to simulate the big screen experience. $249. More if you want the iMax experience.

Gravity Defyer Shoes. Somewhat self-explanatory. $200. Or, for $4 you could tape Slinkys to your current footwear.

HairMax LaserComb – it’s a comb, it’s a laser. It’s the miracle answer to hair loss. Only $449! Perfect for that cue ball who spends thousands on a toupee that looks like a toilet seat.

X5 Hair Laser – See LaserComb but substitute metal ice pack. $299.

A Portable Alarm Clock for your iPhone. Uh, doesn’t the iPhone already have an alarm clock? $99.95.

Computer Speakers for your iPhone. Not to be confused with any speakers that are the same size and use the same plugs. $149.99.

Retractable Banner Pens – Okay, this you could really need. A thousand for only $950.

Hand Therapy Bars -- $59.

Water trappers -- $169. And they’re fade resistant!

Exclusive Microfibres Trellis Mat to protect high-traffic areas. Here’s the good news: it’s low profile so it will never obstruct your door. $149.

Ingeniously engineered EZ Bed that features an extra-plush mattress, a highly supportive frame, and new dual comfort zones. $299. Who buys a bed from a catalog? "I dunno, it sure seemed firmer in the picture."

Wolfgang Puck-designed toaster – otherwise known as a “toaster”. $99.50.

Cinema style Popcorn Maker – Who doesn’t crave seven tubs of popcorn while watching the National Geographic Channel? $199.

Electric Vortex Solo Heater – Nothing heats a room better than Vortex power. $169.

All-in-one Recycling System – patent pending. Perfect for the person who has compacted and non-compacted items. The ideal Christmas gift! $299.

Personal Breathalyzer -- $199. Because expensive gadgets know when to say when.

Feature-laden solar emergency radio – Ideal for those sunny day emergencies. $80.

A Bill Sorter – for only 199 of them.

The Custom Keeper -- 25 cubic feet of storage -- A far better name than laundry hamper. $199. Pretty much everything is $199.

The world’s largest write-on map mural – Only $149. The house with cathedral ceilings at $2,000,000 is not included. But what a mural!

Voice activated R2-D2 – “makes any home feel like it has been transported to a galaxy far far away”. The ad goes on to say it features “distinctive happy and sad sounds faithfully mimicking the real thing… right down to his occasional bad mood." If you buy this (at only $169.95) you are too nerdy to live.

The Electric Tint Changing Ski Goggles – No changing goggles while hurtling down the diamond course. $249.95.

The Upside-Down Tomato Garden – $79.95.

The Hand Crank Two Way Radio – Think of all the money you’ll save on two dollar batteries! Only $99.95.

The only Digital Camera Swim Mask – And it’s waterproof! $99.95.

The Sleep Regulating Sun Lamp – It produces no harmful UV radiation so that’s a plus. $249.95

Adjustable Sheepskin Slippers – You wake up in the morning, it’s 20 degrees in the house, you want your feet to be comfy as you putter around the kitchen. $49.95.

The Motion Sickness Relief Wrist Band – It keeps time and reduces nausea! $139.95.

The Finger Drum Mousepad -- $39.95.


The Mind Spa – This comes with a Catwoman type mask and a control unit that combines soothing sounds and calming lights. $349. From SuckerBornEveryMinute Industries.

The Carbon Fiber Heated Vest --$149.95

The Continuously Freshening Feline Drinking Fountain – What cat would be caught dead drinking out of a bowl these days? $69.95. For an extra ten dollars they should throw in a cat.

The Million Germ Eliminating Travel Toothbrush Sanitizer – It uses “proven germicidal UV technology ". And it sanitizes a toothbrush in only seven minutes! $29.95.

The Foldaway Lateral Stepper – $99.95. Or you could just step from side to side yourself for free.

And finally…

The Children’s ATM Bank – No more breaking into piggy banks, kids! Get a debit card and go to town! $39.95.

Friday Questions

Wrapping up May with Friday Questions.  What’s yours?

Matt gets us started.

How long do you think the networks will continue to air award shows in their current state? Could you see them moving it to on-line productions or simply slimmed-down, 1 hour quick recaps of all the awards? Or do you think it will always be this big production, regardless of how few people are actually watching?

The big problem is that the Academies are caught between a rock and a hard place.  Networks are paying big bucks for these shows and would like them slimmed down and jazzed up.  But the unions, rightfully so, won’t allow clips or participation if their members do not receive their awards and are allowed to speak on the actual ceremony.  

As more people are moving to streaming, I think networks will pay much less for the rights to air these ceremonies, and may not air them over all of their platforms.  

Like everything else, if a show doesn’t bring in a big audience, networks aren’t going to pay big money for it.  The NFL delivers.  Award shows no longer do.  

From Stan Garelik:

Thanks to your podcast I have been binging on Wings (so underrated) and loving it. My question is about the addition of Tony Shalhoub. He and his character Antonio gave the show a major shot in the arm   How did it come about to add him?

The producers had seen him as a waiter on an episode of CHEERS where he just killed.   What often happens is you’ll bring on a character for an episode or two and it’s clear they really click and offer the series a shot of adrenaline.  They then evolve into series regulars.   

Other examples I can think of are Bebe Neuwirth on CHEERS, Jamie Farr on MASH, and Christopher Lloyd on TAXI.  

In the case of Tony Shalhoub, he’s great in everything he’s in no matter what character he plays.  

Another Matt, Matt in Westwood, CA asks:

I believe you’ve mentioned having attended RHODA on more than one occasion. Can you share some details on that experience as well and perhaps how it compared to attending MARY TYLER MOORE?

They were both very similar, but with different warm up guys.  David Lloyd did the warm-up on THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW and was very high-energy.  Lorenzo Music, who played Carlton the Doorman, did the warm-up on RHODA and had a very gentle style.  Both men were extremely funny and quick-witted.  Each show also had a band to play during those ten minute stretches where the cast would change wardrobe.  

In both shows, the actors were well rehearsed and there were very few flubs.  If the filming began at 7:00, the audience was out before 9:00.  They were well-oiled machines.

The thing I remember the most about RHODA was that Vivian Vance guested in one of the episodes.  I was in awe getting to watch Vivian Vance perform.  And of course she hit every line right out of the park.  

I only attended one MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW filming.  As luck would have it,, it was the “Chuckles Bites the Dust” episode.  So if you can only go to one…

And finally, from James:

As a showrunner, how did you determine which episodes of your show (say Almost Perfect) would be submitted for Emmy awards in each category? Is there a limit? Did you have to try and include multiple directors' and writers' episodes so that more people got a shot at a nomination and a win?

I don’t know how many they’re allowed to submit now, but we were allowed to submit one for “best show.”  Quite simply, we put up what we thought was our best, funniest show.   

Writers, directors, and actors choose their own submissions.   I believe actors can let the show submit for them, but that’s a bad idea.  There have been cases where a show forgot to submit or submitted the wrong episode.  

Now that shows are more serialized I wonder if the submission policy for “best show” has changed.   The thing is, it’s one thing to ask a judge to sit through nominated five half hours; it’s another to ask them to sit through fifty half-hours.

EP226: Meet Comedy Writer Mike Reiss

Mike Reiss has written for THE SIMPSONS for 30 years. Also numerous other shows including THE TONIGHT SHOW and THE GARRY SHANDLING SHOW. What was Garry like? What was Johnny like? These stories and more including Mike discovering Conan O’Brien. Part one of two.

Try EveryPlate for just $1.99 per meal plus an additional 20% off your next 2 boxes by going to EveryPlate.com & entering code: hollywood199

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Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Getting to write for Johnny Carson

Yesterday, I did a post about crossover shows.  Another FQ  centered on one example, and example I was a part of.    It's from kccross.

When Hope and Crosby filmed the Road Pictures, they supposedly had their radio writers beef up the script to the point where Hope said to the writer "If you come across a line that you wrote, shout 'Bingo!'".

Could this have happened in modern TV with modern protection for writers? For instance, Johnny Carson guest starred on Cheers. If he didn't think the script was funny enough and gave it to his people to completely re-write, would the show runner have to accept it?

Okay, I can easily answer this one because along with David Isaacs, I wrote the episode of CHEERS where Johnny Carson appeared.  

First off, we made it clear going in that no TONIGHT SHOW writers would be involved.  In actuality, it worked the other way.  In our episode, Johnny had to deliver a monologue, and David and I wrote that, not the TONIGHT SHOW writers.  

And as for his part...

The day we shot the episode I arrived early and knocked on Johnny's dressing room door. (David wasn't there that day).  I introduced myself and said I was happy to rewrite any of his lines and tailor it to his satisfaction.  Shockingly, he said it was great, and he was happy to do it just as written.

And sure enough, he did stick to the script word for word.  

Happy to say that our monologue got laughs, although I wonder what the actual TONIGHT SHOW writers thought.  

Crossover shows

Here’s a Friday Question that became an entire post.  Actually, this is part one, because another FQ touched on a similar area and I will address that tomorrow.

It's from Kyle Burress.  

When actors or actresses guest star on a show and portray the same character they appear as on another show are there any hoops they have to go through or need permission from the network or show runners? A couple instances I'm thinking of are when Frasier showed up on Wings and when Carla, Norm and Cliff appeared on St. Elsewhere.

Well, first off, networks encourage crossover episodes.  They’re usually a ratings boost.  And fans love 'em.

Obviously, the actors have to agree to it and their compensation.  Often it is the network that will shell out the extra money for the crossover actors.  Again, it’s the network that stands the most to gain.

So let’s assume the actors are in.  Yes, the show runners have to agree, but in most cases it’s to their benefit.  

If the crossover shows are from the same studio or are similar in style and tone it makes things much easier.  You mentioned Frasier on WINGS.  The producers of WINGS had produced CHEERS and the writers of the episode were me and David Isaacs, and we had written for both shows.  So that was an easy transition.  Same for when Sam Malone visited FRASIER.  We wrote that episode.  

There have been a number of shows in the Greg Berlanti superhero universe that have crossed over.  THE FLASH and SUPERGIRL spring to mind.

What becomes weird is when shows cross genres.  The strangest example is the one you pointed out — ST. ELSEWHERE characters coming into Cheers.  The ST. ELSEWHERE writers tried to write in the CHEERS style and it was cringeworthy.  Not that I could write a ST. ELSEWHERE scene that wouldn’t totally suck.   

Usually, whatever show hosts the crossover handles the writing.  Although sometimes both shows participate.  I wish that had been the case on ST. ELSEWHERE. 

But on ALMOST PERFECT, CBS wanted a crossover scene between our show and CYBILL. It was to be shown on CYBILL and shot on their set.  Their show runner, Howard Gould and I kept rewriting the scene back and forth.  I actually very much enjoyed that.  Howard is a terrific writer and it was fun to collaborate with him for a scene. 

I remember once on BECKER, CBS arranged a crossover of all four of their Monday night shows.  They were all comedies and all set in New York.  EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, KING OF QUEENS, and COSBY were the other three.  The scene was set in Becker’s waiting room.   Here’s what I recall: Ted Danson, Ray Romano, and Kevin James were lovely.  Bill Cosby was an absolute nightmare.  His show runner had to accompany him and basically serve as his wrangler.  Thank God he was there.  All this for a three minute scene.  

Crossover shows are fun.  Wouldn’t you like to see a crossover show of THE CONNERS and GAME OF THRONES? 

State of the Blog

As the blog goes forward here are some thoughts on the state of same.  

For several years now I’ve moderated the comments… for the obvious reasons.  Those that get through I mostly love.  You guys often make more insightful observations than I do.  I also value that this is a little community.  I bring up topics and enjoy the different perspectives you all bring to them.  They’re thoughtful, funny, and a joy to read.  I never want to discontinue the comments feature.

But I would like to institute a new policy.  For years and years I’ve asked readers not to post anonymously, and still some of do.  Lately its increased.   I think the least a person can do when making a public comment is to own it — attach a name.  So from here on I will no longer publish anonymous moments.  Won’t even read ‘em.  So don’t post as anonymous but leave your name at the end of your comment.  I’ll never see it.   If you’re uncomfortable not being anonymous I respect that.  Then my comment section is just not for you.  

Also, it goes without saying, any pro-Trump, Big Lie, MAGA, Tucker Carlson/Sean Hannity/other Fox News idiots comments will be instantly deleted.  Save yourself the time.  It takes you several minutes to compose and submit your misinformation and it takes me literally one second to delete it.   Now you may say I’m being intolerant, and I should air all points-of-view.  No.  Sorry.  It’s not a matter of opinion.  It’s that this blog respects the laws of nature, science, and the real world.    

A further reminder, no attacking each other.  This should be a fun sharing of ideas.  Play nice, kids.  

And finally, I wrote this because I found this great photo of Natalie Wood.  

Thank you for your patronage, understanding, and most of all -- comments.

- Management (me)

Weekend Post

Lots of people have heard of the Tommy John Surgery. Done primarily on baseball pitchers, it’s a procedure where they take a tendon from your knee or hip and use it to replace a ligament in your elbow that’s shot.

Today it’s very common, and like I said well known. But how many people know who Tommy John is? My guess is most think he’s the surgeon who invented the procedure. Wrong. He was a major league pitcher who was the very first to undergo this operation. At the time, it was very experimental and risky. It’s not something you can try first with hamsters. And even if you could, how would you even know if the surgery was a success since hamsters can’t grip a baseball? The real inventor of the surgery was Dr. Frank Jobe in 1974.

Still, Tommy John will forever be linked to the surgery, long after his playing career is forgotten (which, to many is already).

But it brings to mind the question (at least to me) of how many other public figures will be remembered for something other than what they did to originally achieve notoriety?

Prime example: the late Arnold Palmer. Once the Tiger Woods of golf (minus twenty mistresses and a better driver), his name is now identified, almost exclusively, with that refreshing drink that is half ice tea/half lemonade. I would imagine there is more than one reader who is saying, “Arnold Palmer was a golfer too?”

Quick aside:  When Arnold Palmer ordered one of those drinks did he say, "I'll have a me?" 

Shirley Temple was a major Hollywood child star in the ‘30s. She even won a little Oscar. But most folks only the know the name because of the Shirley Temple cocktail – a non-alcoholic drink of ginger ale and a little grenadine.

A variation is a Roy Rogers cocktail. It’s made with cola and grenadine. Roy Rogers was a cowboy movie and TV star.   You didn't mess with Roy.  How scared would horse thieves and bank robbers be if Roy sidled up the bar and ordered cola and grenadine?  "And don't forget that maraschino cherry, podner."   

George Foreman was a heavyweight boxing champ. You might only know him as the grill you bought off the TV.

Mae West was a bawdy movie actress in the ‘20s-‘40s (a Tallulah Morehead wannabe). Now her legacy is a personal flotation device. Sidenote: My favorite Mae West quote -- I'm the lady who works at Paramount all day... and Fox all night.

John Hancock was a great American patriot and statesman.  But to most he owns an insurance company.  And for that matter, Abe Lincoln is remembered as a U.S. President not a vampire killer.

This extends to comic book characters too. Andy Gump was this loveable Sunday funnies schmoe who wound up being the name for portable outdoor toilets. What a tribute!

I’m sure there are others. Can you think of them?

Friday Questions

Some Friday Questions to kick off your weekend.

Xmastime goes first.

Ken are you a big fan of Neil Simon? When I was a kid I practically memorized "The Star-Spangled Girl; 30 years later when I finally watched the film it was quite a disappointment. Have you had an experience where on paper your script was cracking, but somehow didn't really work onscreen after it was filmed?

In fairness to Neil Simon, the movie was completely rewritten.  Very little of Simon’s play is in the movie, which yes, is terrible. Plus, if I'm not mistaken, wasn't it a TV movie?  So the production values are cheesy too.

As for me, yes, there have been times I’ve seen shows I’ve written fall flat due to lousy directing and acting.  Or, maybe the script just wasn’t that crackling to begin with.  Nah, it was the director.

From Gladys Peters:

How come network TV dramas always get at least a one-hour time slot instead of 30 minutes?

Gladys, this was not always the case.  In the ‘50s and ‘60s there were a number of half-hour dramas.  Usually police shows.  PETER GUNN was a personal favorite.   I believe the original DRAGNET was a half-hour as well.  

There were also a lot of half-hour westerns.   GUNSMOKE started out as a half-hour.  My favorite western, BAT MASTERSON was only thirty minutes.  

I'm sure you guys can come up with other examples.

Eventually it just evolved that dramas were an hour and sitcoms were a half-hour.   Personally, I don't think you need an hour to tell a lot of these dramatic stories.  There's a lot of padding.  

UPDATED not to include WB shows that I thought were half-hours but several readers kindly reminded me they weren't.  Hey, I was 2 when I was watching them.  :)

DougG. wonders:

When you and David (Isaacs) wrote the "Adventures in Paradise" episode of FRASIER, was it always planned to be two episodes or did that just happen as part of the writing process?

More often than not, two-parters start out as one-parters with just too much story.  But in the case of “Adventures in Paradise” we knew when originally plotting it that it was going to be a two-parter.  

We had such a great cliff-hanger -- when Frasier steps out onto the balcony of this very remote resort only to find Lilith on the next balcony.  You don’t get much better than that.   

Then we constructed the two parts to fit that.  Part one was the courtship with Jobeth Williams and part two the aftermath of Lilith and the news that she was remarrying.  Each was a pretty full story. 

David and I have done a number of two-parters from various shows.  I think “Adventures in Paradise” is my favorite — especially part two.

And finally, from Bob Paris:

Ken: Imagine that you are a rookie on the Dodgers ten years ago. You get your first major league hit and for a souvenir you can have only one of these two options: 1) the game ball, or 2) a copy of the broadcast where Vin Scully calls your at-bat. Which would you choose?

That’s an easy one.  The Vin Scully call.  Anyone can get their first game ball, but having Vin Scully call it — that’s special.   It’s like having a Hirschfeld caricature of yourself.

I hope you’re vaxed by now.  And if not, what the hell are you waiting for?  It’s either freedom or Darwinism.  Choose freedom.  What’s your Friday Question? 

EP225: The process of writing

Every writer has a different process. Ken discusses his and many others. How fast to write, when to write, partnership etiquette, how to solve script problems — it’s all here and more. Even if you’re not a writer and have no desire to be one, you will enjoy this study of the creative process.

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Marvelous Marv Albert

I sort of knew it was coming but I’m bummed out that Marv Albert is retiring at the end of this basketball season.  He’s almost 80 so it’s understandable, but the NBA won’t be the same without Marv. 

For those unfamiliar, Marv has been the voice of the New York Knicks, New York Rangers, Monday Night Football on the radio, local TV sports in New York, and national NBA play-by-play guy for any network that broadcast the NBA.  He has announced countless NBA Finals.  

How good is Marv?  If there’s a Mt. Rushmore of sportscasters, he’s on it.

I know I’ll get no argument from New York sports fans.  His calls on the radio have thrilled Gotham listeners for decades.  But I’m a huge fan, and I grew up in Los Angeles.  You don’t have to be from Vienna to appreciate Mozart.  

Marv has (and I love being able to still refer to the present tense) a tremendous presence on the air.  He commands your attention.  Blessed with the perfect voice for play-by-play, he rises to dramatic moments, has a keen knowledge of any sport he calls, is immaculately prepared, and (my favorite part) has a sense of humor.  He works well with partners, and has a style all his own (now much copied).  

As a young man, when I would visit New York, I so looked forward to being able to hear Marv Albert on the radio.  I don’t know how he coordinated both the Rangers and Knicks, but he was always on with one game or another.   I wasn’t well versed on the players (especially the Rangers — I know shit about hockey), yet his pulsating narrative always enthralled me.   I was thrilled when he became recognized nationally.  I was able to hear him wherever I was.  

I wish him well in retirement and thank him for providing me such pleasure my entire life.   Is Marv Albert one of the greatest sportscasters ever?

YES!!!