Who's out there???

I haven’t done this in close to a year. But today I want to hear from YOU. It’s nice for me to know who is out there and what you like or don’t like. So I’m asking you – especially you new readers and lurkers – if you wouldn’t mind going to the comments section, telling me where you’re from, how long you’ve been here, how you found it, and any thoughts on the content, yay or nay.

Which topics do you enjoy? Which turn you off? Based on your previous feedback I’ve made Friday Questions a regular feature, and you’ll notice I no longer bash George W. Bush.

In the past I’ve written about TV research. My problem is that networks use it as the gospel and make all key decisions on creative projects based solely on test results. You’d think after research said that THE PLAYBOY CLUB and HOW TO BE A GENTLEMAN would both be embraced by viewers the networks would get the message (but that’s another story). Still, if you use research for input it can be a very useful tool. In this case, it’s my blog. I don’t have to gear my content based exclusively on research. So there will still be some baseball-related posts. But as a source of feedback it’s very helpful.

When I started this blog, almost seven years ago, I had no idea what to write. So I decided to try a lot of different things and see what stuck. What stuck was writing a lot of different things. Quite honestly, I’m amazed I haven’t run out of ideas (unless I have and just don't realize it). And there’s the fear that someday I will (if I haven't already).  Thank God  there’s always an Adam Corolla to pop up and say something stupid.

But I want to thank you for your readership. I’ve made a lot of great new friends and got a lot of shit off my chest as a result of this forum. For now I’ll continue to post something new every day and spare you banner ads. If you want to support this blog buy my book.

And keep coming back.  It's great to have you.  Okay, now it’s your turn.

"New Choice!"

There was another great exercise for comedy writers in Andy Goldberg’s improv class last Wednesday. This one was called “New Choice!” Two people would do a scene and periodically someone would say something and Andy would interrupt with “New Choice!” The performer then had to devise an alternate line. If Andy wasn’t satisfied he’d again bark “New Choice!” Sometimes it would take two or three lines before the scene was allowed to proceed.

Example:

Me and Fred are in a Costco.

Fred: What are you here to buy?
Me: Cheerios.
Andy: New choice!
Me: 300 rolls of toilet paper.
Andy: New choice!
Me: A case of Trojans and a dozen oysters.

Later in the scene:

Fred: I don’t have cash. Do you take American Express?
Andy: New choice!
Fred: Do you take the Diner’s Club card?
Andy: New choice!
Fred: Do you take second-party Group-ons?

You get the idea.

Why is this such a good exercise?

When writing a script, it’s human nature to come up with a joke and want to just go with it. But more times than not you’re settling. You need to be tough on yourself. Write down the original joke for reference then say “New choice!” And don’t restrict yourself. You’re not limited to the number of choices. Come up with a crazy choice or two; let your imagination really run wild. Who knows? From time to time you might stumble onto something truly brilliant that you never would have thought of otherwise. But the point is, get in the habit of looking for alternatives.

Now that may sound obvious, but just wait. It’ll be the end of the day, you’re tired, or you’re behind schedule and all of a sudden you’re rationalizing that “Cheerios” is the best, funniest reason why anyone would ever shop at Costco.

Improv class in general is a great training ground for young comedy writers. It teaches you spontaneity.

New choice!

It teaches you character development.

New choice!

It forces you to challenge yourself.

New choice!

It’s a helluva lotta fun!

Review: To Rome With Love

How many movies does a writer/director have to make before he no longer has to follow any rules of logic or good storytelling? How many movies until he’s allowed to just recycle elements from his other movies and no one cares? Whatever that number is Woody Allen obviously has passed it. And that’s fine, for what it is. But not fine when he’s still considered a genius and if he should through sheer volume turn out something even halfway decent he’s showed with award nominations.

Which brings me to FROM ROME WITH LOVE. I’ve lost track. I think it’s Allen’s 284th film.

First the good news: It’s amusing in spots. It looks pretty. Penelope Cruz’s dress. Judy Davis. Alec Baldwin. Woody Allen is in it but doesn’t play Allison Pill’s love interest.

Now for the bad news: It’s a slapdash series of vignettes. Most are one-joke premises that get replayed over and over. The payoffs all fizzle. And several are confusing.

At this point I should say SPOILER ALERT. But truthfully, what follows is a SPOILER HELPFUL BRIEFING. This may save you some time trying to figure out things when no attempt has been made to explain them.

These vignettes all seemingly start at the same time. But some unfold over the course of one day and others stretch over a week and I guess months. Yet Woody keeps cutting back and forth between them.  Huh? There’s no continuity whatsoever. But that’s only a problem if you’re a filmmaker that cares whether your audience is tracking your story. I guess after you’ve made 43 movies you no longer have to concern yourself with that.

Alec Baldwin essentially has the role Bogart had in PLAY IT AGAIN SAM. I think once you’ve made 26 movies you are allowed to rehash old ideas instead of trying to conceive new ones. In the same way that the ghost of Bogart advised Woody Allen, Alec advises Jesse Eisenberg (who, by the way, plays the same smug character in every movie). Except Alec’s not always a ghost. Sometimes he’s real. And sometimes only Jesse can hear him while other times Ellen Page can hear him as well.  Huh?  Don’t bother trying to figure that out. After 37 movies the filmmaker doesn’t have to establish and follow any rules.

Roberto Benigni plays an average schmoe who walks out of his house one morning and is mobbed by the paparazzi. He can’t understand why. Neither can the audience. You keep waiting for it to be explained. Is he being mistaken for someone else? Every time they cut to another scene of him being mobbed (and there are like seven or eight of them – all the exact same) you’re trying to decipher just why. Don’t bother. It seems that once you make 41 movies you no longer have to justify any behavior or explain anything to the audience.

People aren’t laughing because they’re confused. Not important.

At what point do Academy members and WGA members stop rewarding Woody Allen for sloppy filmmaking? How many movies until he reaches that number?

I’m sure Woody Allen is laughing at all the voters. He obviously knows better. He knows when he’s cutting corners.

So if I can’t wholeheartedly recommend this picture despite some good moments, it’s because I’m the one who’s supposed to be laughing at Woody Allen comedies, not him.

Check out my new website!

The website for my book, THE ME GENERATION... BY ME has been revised and really spiffed up!   There's now a sample chapter and a whole photo gallery with never-before-seen pictures of the era, lost drawings of mine, and other goodies.  You can enlarge 'em.  You can do a slide show.   There are even captions!  Also, some videos of the Sunset Strip riots and other '60s fun times.  Prepare to spend hours, or at least ten minutes immersed in my life.

My thanks to Great Big Radio Guy for putting it all together.

Come visit.  Here's where you go.   

Preview: Who's this person in the middle?  No it's not any of my former girlfriends... although, good guess.  The photo gallery explains.

Writing problem: what to do if you get stuck

This happens often as you write your script or novel. You come to a point where you think you’ve written yourself into a corner. A plot point requires something and you just can’t get there. Wait a minute, he can’t swim to safety; he’s in a wheelchair. Exactly how is she going to get to the Pope to sell him Girl Scout cookies?

This is one of the benefits of a being in a partnership – sometimes he can solve it.

But when working alone, here are four handy tips:

First, don’t be afraid to go back. Yes, you spent an hour on the last page and there’s a great joke about renal failure but if it drops you off at a dead end replace it with something that works. Once you have it you’ll probably be able to make up for lost time and more.

So now that you’ve freed yourself, let your mind wander. Come at the problem from different angles. What if he doesn’t get drunk? What if she gets drunk instead? What if he kills the cable repairman tomorrow and not today (right away that makes more sense because the cable repairman is always a day late)? Way too often we get stuck thinking there’s only one way to solve a problem. There’s not. On LOST once there was some crisis and the solution was to “move the island”. Now that’s not the first thing you normally think of. Look for other options. They’re out there.

Second, go past it if you can. If it’s a joke you just can’t find, stick a pin in it and move on. Do the heavy lifting first and then come. It’s a lot easier to tackle the problem when you know it’s the final thing you need to do. But I say “if you can” because if the issue is a major plot point or character definition it’s usually better to solve it now. You don’t want to have to go back and rewrite six pages before the problem and then sixty pages after the problem once you’ve solved it. Or that could just be me. However, long speeches, specific jokes, finding the perfect paragraph to describe a setting – save that crap for later.

Third. Don’t panic. You’ll get it. It might not be in five minutes but you will. My partner and I always joke when we come to a bump that “that’s it. A thirty year career comes to end because we can’t figure how to get Daphne out of the room.” Yes, it’s frustrating but you’re a writer. You welcome pain.

And finally, just walk away. Take a break. Do anything else but write. For some this is hard. They don’t like to stop until they’ve finished a scene or a certain number of pages or ZACK & CODY comes on. But it’s okay to stop in the middle of a scene, the middle of a speech, the middle of a word. Clear your head. Go for a walk. Go see a movie. Go to bed. Let your subconscious mull over the dilemma. It will, trust me. Many times I’ll go to sleep with a pad and pen by my bed. In the morning the solution is somehow there. I also do a lot of problem solving in the shower. It’s hard to read back later because the pad is wet, but letting your mind drift while you’re in a relaxed state often unlocks the lock.

Let me show you an example. I don’t really know how to end this post. So for now I’m ju

"Life Without Dick" and other LIFETIME movies

I found a website that lists all of the movies shown on LIFETIME. I imagine most of these are Movies of the Week made specifically for LIFETIME. You’ll notice several recurring themes. These are actual titles; I’m not making any of them up. I gotta watch LIFETIME MORE.

Life Without Dick

A Woman Hunted

Bastard Out of Carolina

Co-ed Call Girl

Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life

Dead at 17

Death of a Cheerleader (which just might be the remake of Dead at 17)

Honeymoon With Mom

Human Trafficking

I Do (but I Don’t)

I Me Wed

I’m With Lucy

Little Girls in Pretty Boxes

Miracle on the 17th Green

My Stepson, My Lover

Nora Roberts Old

Robin Cook’s Terminal

Secret Lives of Second Wives

Single White Female 2: The Psycho (as opposed to the well adjusted girl in Single White Female 1)

The Trophy Wife’s Secret

To Be Fat Like Me

Too Young to Be a Dad

7 Things to Do Before 30

Ambulance Girl (this might be a superhero movie, not sure)

Confessions of a Go-Go Girl

Hostile Makeover

Jack & Jill vs. The World

Love ‘Em, Love “Em Not Weekend

Mafia Doctor

Mom, Dad, and Her

More Sex & the Single Mom

Mother, May I Sleep With Danger

Our Son, the Matchmaker

Sex & Mrs. X

The Hunt for the Unicorn Killer

The Wives he Forgot

Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her

What if God Were the Sun?

Why I Wore Lipstick to my Mastechtomy

Standing up to the star

Egads! It’s Friday the 13th. But answering a question of yours is considered good luck, so here are a few.

John starts with a question that harkens back to a previous post about how actors should give writers notes.

Any corresponding anecdotes about actors/actresses who protested loudly/petulantly about a scene, didn't get their way and then had to watch the 'horrible' scene score a bull's eye with the audience?

Well, I have a variation of that. This was back in the late ‘70s on THE TONY RANDALL SHOW. There was one scene that Tony hated. It was between him and luscious young guest star Annette O’Toole (pictured: above). He tanked it in rehearsal. We all went back to the room and didn’t know how to change it. It should've worked. So we left it in. Next day, same thing. He buried the scene in rehearsal. One of the showrunners, Tom Patchett took him aside – and I’ve never seen this before or since – he told Tony they weren’t going to change the scene. Tom said it even worked when the casting director was reading the scene during auditions. Tom reiterated that the staff really believes in the scene and knows that if Tony wanted to commit he could hit it out of the park. But if he wanted to keep playing it the way he had been he could just die with it in front of the audience. Tony’s choice.

Tom then walked away. I was in awe. What cajones!

Tony did commit to the scene, it went through the roof, and afterwards Tony came up to us and said Annette O’Toole was really sensational and we should bring her back.

All these years later I still tip my cap to Tom Patchett. Wow.


Matt asks:

Some actors have some experience writing or at least writing jokes, such as Ray Romano as a stand up comic. Are you more likely to take notes from somebody with this experience?

I have one simple rule: the best idea wins. Whether it’s from Ray Romano or the craft-services guy.

In the case of Ray, he was very involved in the creative process, even coming back to the room during rewrites. And I must say, having sat in on a few of them myself, he never played the “star” card. He was just one of the writers around the table. And yes, most of his suggestions were excellent ones.

Tim Simmons queries:

I love the deleted scenes from the office on their website. They are usually real quick jokes. Do writers add short, non-story related jokes to pad (or if running long delete) to fit time?

Sometimes. In the first year of CHEERS David and I wrote a bar run about what was the smartest barnyard animal? I think that was the bit. We wrote quite a few. Anyway, it was filmed, but then the show ran long so it was cut. A few weeks we put it back in another episode. Same thing. The actors rehearsed it, memorized it, performed it on camera and it wound up on the cutting room floor.

This went on about four times until the bit finally aired. By that fourth time the actors understandably were ready to storm the writers room.

Now you may ask, if you filmed it once, why not just use that? Because the wardrobe and background wouldn’t match. If this were MASH we would have been able to do that.

And finally, from DwWashburn:

In the pre VCR/DVR days of television it was not uncommon for a semi recurring character to be played by more than one actor. For example, Rob Petrie's father was played by at least two actors. Nowadays it seems like if a character is going to reappear, even if just for one or two episodes a season, the production company retains the same actor.

My question is does the actor (or their agent) call up the program and say "I'm available from insert first day to insert last day and then the writers get to work on a script featuring the semi-regular?

Or is a script written first, and then an effort made to find the actor and check his schedule?

Usually the producers will call the actor’s agent and check on availability first. If the actor’s free they’ll write the script, or they’ll adjust their schedule to accommodate the actor.

But not always. Remember the Bar Wars episodes of CHEERS? We used Joe Polis (pictured: left), but then he wasn’t available when we wanted to bring him back so they re-cast the part with Robert Desiderio. Over the next few Bar Wars episodes they kind of traded off depending on who was free. Too bad Annette O’Toole wasn’t available.

What's your question?  Leave it in the comments section and stay away from black cats.    Thanks. 

Radio Daze

Here’s another tale from my colorful yet brief radio career. There may be a book in these stories (assuming I sell more of my current one. Why haven’t you ordered yours yet? Do I have to become Dr. Gene Scott and just stare at you people for an hour?)

Anyway...

Among the many things missing in radio today are pranks. Back when there were live local broadcasters and actual competition between stations (one company didn’t own them all), a by-product was one-ups-manship. I was involved in one stunt during my first job.

I was a sports intern at KMPC in Los Angeles. They were the big full-service station in town. Their disc jockeys were national celebrities like Gary Owens, Wink Martindale, and Jim Lange. They carried the Rams, Angels, and UCLA Bruins. And they had helicopters and mobile units. I think their local news department was larger than CNN’s is now.  The studios were essentially in the White House.

It was the summer of 1970. I worked Monday through Friday from 6 AM – 3 PM. (Yes, the hours were long but they were paying me minimum wage.) I wrote sports reports, made coffee, and emptied ashtrays.

Meanwhile, their competitor was KGIL in the San Fernando Valley. Their signal was nothing compared to KMPC’s. If they had a helicopter it was made by Hasbro. Their "skywatch" was probably a guy on a mountain top with binoculars.  But their morning man was brilliant. Sweet Dick Whittington was (and is) one of the funniest, most inventive radio personalities I have ever heard. I was a huge fan. We had met on a couple of occasions. Okay, so that’s the backstory.

Sweet Dick

I’m at my desk. It’s about 7:45 in the morning and my phone rings. It’s some goofball who says he’s the singing newsman from some station in Denver and wonders if there are any openings at KMPC. I tell him I didn’t think so. He asks if he could audition for me. This sounds strange to me but I say okay. Who doesn't like to be serenaded about a bus plunge?  He begins singing some news story. I figure it out. It’s Whittington using a phony voice. I assume he's on the air live. I let him finish, tell him he’s great. Then I say, “Y’know, I’m frustrated that I’m not on the air. I have a pretty good singing voice. Could I audition for you?” He’s a little thrown but says okay. I then sing the KMPC jingle. There’s a pause and he says, “You’re a rotten kid!” and hangs up.

I was right.  This bit went out on the air live, my singing KMPC’s jingle included.

So I go the rest of the morning feeling pretty good about myself. Word gets around the station and a few salesmen and other employees stop in the newsroom to congratulate me.

At around noon, Stan Spero, the General Manager comes in. He asks if I was the one who pulled that stunt on KGIL? Yes, I say proudly. He tells me there’s someone who wants to speak to me. Now Stan Warwick, the General Manager of KGIL enters the room. What the fuck is he doing there? Warwick is clearly pissed. He begins grilling me. “Did I think it was funny to embarrass his station?” “Is this how I conduct myself as a professional?” Needless to say, I’m sweating buckets. I look to my GM for support. He’s just glaring at me. Fun is fun but apparently I had crossed a line.

Just at the point I was ready to hang myself with a teletype ribbon they both break up laughing. I had been punked. Orchestrated of course, by Dick Whittington. The two general managers were friends and had planned on getting together for lunch that day anyway. Both appreciated a good radio prank and appreciated even more getting back at the prankster.

Dick Whittington is one of my favorite people in the world. But I hope he’s sleeping with one eye open. Because it’s my turn.

Everything you ever needed to know about comedy

Dan O'Shannon is one of the executive producers of MODERN FAMILY.  He was a showrunner of FRASIER and an executive producer of CHEERS.  The man knows funny.  Recently he wrote a terrific book called WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?  A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO THE COMEDIC EVENT.   Somehow he managed to explain comedy, which to me is harder than trying to describe the color red over the radio.   As insane as it is to plug someone else's book when I'm still shamelessly hawking mine (available here -- go buy it), I really recommend Dan's book (which you can order here).  Recently, I had the chance to talk to him about it. 

What possessed you to write this book?

Like many who actually create comedy, I occasionally see books and articles that academics write about humor. And like many who create it, I find most of it tone deaf. It's like reading about bicycle riding from someone who's never been on a bike. One day I asked myself how I would define and analyze comedy, if I was so smart?

It seems like such an enormous undertaking. Explaining the world might've been easier. How did you go about organizing this bad boy?

A lot of people start right in analyzing joke structures. I chose to analyze the comedic event, which includes the study of context, as well as structure, content, and transmission. And I relentlessly asked myself questions: What changes in social context or delivery might enhance or inhibit the laugh? How does being part of an audience make you laugh differently than when you're alone? How does being in the presence of the source of the comedy enhance or inhibit response? How can a joke be funnier through repetition and then stop being funny and then start being funny? Why do things cease to be funny? Four years of stand-up followed by twenty-seven years in sitcoms provided me with thousands and thousands of hours of experimentation.

Has writing this book affected the way you now write comedy? Are you consciously analyzing every joke you write?

I never analyze while I'm writing. It's like I use a different part of my brain or something. But seem to record the process mentally, because I can go back and trace my steps.

Doesn't analyzing take the fun out of comedy?

I spent a solid eight years writing this book, exploring the dozens of variables that can come into play when we laugh at even the simplest things. In the end, I found myself in awe of comedy's flexibility and scope. I still enjoy it, but now I appreciate it more than I did. That's why I get annoyed when I see academes trying to nail it down to a simple "All comedy is X" statement.

Can this book teach you how to be funny?

I truly don't know. But I do claim that it will make the reader hear laughter -- even his own -- differently. You'll have a reasonable chance of understanding the probable variables that provoked the laughter.

How is this book valuable to young writers trying to break into sitcom writing?

If they buy it, I will be more likely to send their scripts to agents. I'm kidding. I guess the same could be asked of music theory. It can illuminate, but it can't turn someone who's got a tin ear into a singer. Also, I don't tend to position the book as a "how to". It's more like a "what I think happens."

There are times I'm in a movie theater and people are laughing and for the life of me I don't know why. You went on a search to discover why. I just think, "what am I doing in this business?" Were there some laughs that took you years to explain?

Since I was a boy, I was always trying to understand the laugh. One laugh took me years to figure out. When I was a teenager, I saw the MARY TYLER MOORE episode, "Lou Dates Mary", in which Lou and Mary go on an awkward date, culminating in an attempted kiss on her couch. The characters realize the folly of what they're doing and start laughing at how wrong it all is. The studio audience shrieks with laughter, but then there's kind of a sharp taper to the laugh. It seemed slightly unsatisfying.

I forgot about it until years later when I put a joke in a CHEERS for Norm. He starts to announce that he's going to get off his ass and get a job and tell his wife he loves her and stop drinking beer -- but he's kidding and can't say the whole thing without laughing. When we did it for the audience, I heard a familiar laugh: loud at first, sudden taper. And I looked at the studio audience and I had my answer to the Mary Tyler Moore laugh.

The answer is that in each case, the studio audience thinks they are witnessing a blooper. Actors often crack up when they make a mistake. So the audience laughs. But then, the scene keeps going. The audience realizes their mistake and has to jump back into the scene's reality. That's the taper. It's a mistake we would not make watching at home, because we are having a different experience. This is why we study the whole experience and not just the material.

How about the theories of comedy. Comedy is pain. Comedy is pain plus time. Comedy is frustration. Comedy is anything other than an Adam Sandler movie. Is there a theory?

There are several competing theories, like incongruity theory (which is different than incongruity resolution theory, which is a crock), aggression, relief, superiority, etc. Many of them are often championed as the essence comedy, as in "all comedy is superiority". My approach was to step back and create a model, one that would show how these ideas can come into play in any given comedic event. While there are several new theories throughout the book, I tend to think that what I'm really presenting overall is a more comprehensive and flexible model.

Thanks, Dan.  Once again, the book is WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT?  You can get your copy here.  

Fun with flops

Readers have asked why I continue to bring up AfterMASH and my involvement in it? Well, number one – it was a legendary failure. In only a year we went from a 48 share to a 19. Had we stayed on the air longer we might’ve broken single digits. How many people can say they were part of history?  That PEOPLE magazine cover had to be from when we premiered.  And what says comedy more than an I.V. drip?

Number two – it keeps me humble. Everyone who has been in the business for any length of time has an AfterMASH or two (or six). Ever see 1941? Or LIFE WITH LUCY?

Number three is that a flop is good fodder for humor. The truth is I had a decent time on that show. Got to work and learn from the great Larry Gelbart. And the hours allowed me to be home every night to give my newborn son a bath. And the final product wasn’t end of the world bad, just global crisis bad.

But I’ll let you in on a little secret. I stole the bit.

Using a past flop as a running gag was not an original idea of mine. I lifted it from Jack Benny.

Who’s Jack Benny many of you are saying? He was a comedian who had his own radio and television show for four or five decades in the first part of the last century. In his day he was as well-known and popular as Robin Williams, David Letterman, and Louis CK put together.

Benny was the master of running gags. He was (or should I say his character was?) notoriously cheap. The famous line (written by Milt Josephsberg): Benny is held up at gunpoint. The robber says, “Your money or your life.” There’s a long long pause. The robber says, “Well?” and Benny says, “I’m thinking!”  His character supposedly drove an old beat up Maxwell car, kept his money in an underground vault guarded by alligators, and saw himself as a virtuoso violinist although he was terrible (again, in real life he was quite good).

He was once in a movie called THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT. It did not do well at the boxoffice. And for years Benny or someone in his cast would bring up THE HORN BLOWS AT MIDNIGHT and what a flop it was. This always produced big laughs. To say I “stole” the bit is not completely accurate. I didn’t use any of the specific jokes, I just adopted the form.

But my point is this: I consider myself a student of comedy. Most, if not all of the comedy we see today is merely a variation on what has come before. The trick is to make yourself aware of it. Do your homework. How?

You want to be a stand-up comedian? Get albums or watch YouTube videos of Woody Allen, Bob Newhart, Shelley Berman, Danny Thomas, Richard Pryor, Redd Foxx, Elayne Boosler, and many more. Yes, there were funny people before Chris Rock.

Want to be a comic playwright? Read Neil Simon. Read Kaufman & Hart. Read Herb Gardner. Read Alan Ayckbourn. Read Paul Rudnick. Read Woody Allen. Read Hecht & MacArthur. Read Larry Gelbart. 

For comic timing in movies study the silents. Laurel & Hardy, Chaplin, Buster Keaton, Harold Lloyd.

There are some dazzling comic screenplay writers from the distant past. Preston Sturgess, Billy Wilder & I.A.L. Diamond, Morrie Ryskind, and Joseph Mankiewicz to name but a few.  Judd Apatow did not invent comedy. 

You get the idea. These people have much to teach you. And as a bonus, they’ll also throw in a ton of belly laughs along the way.

Tomorrow I talk more about the study of comedy. Dan O’Shannon, one of the Executive Producers of MODERN FAMILY and formerly with CHEERS and FRASIER just wrote a book called WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT? It’s the most complete analysis of comedy ever written (certainly ever attempted). Tomorrow I’ll interview him.

There's no need to re-invent the wheel.  These conventions are out there and yours for the updating.  Go find them.   Or read about them.  See you tomorrow.

Handicapping the Best Comedy Emmy

I’ll be very curious to see what shows get nominated in the Best Comedy category for the Emmys. There seems to be two very distinct camps this year – the mainstream group and the off-beat contingent.

The mainstream group would select THE BIG BANG THEORY, 30 ROCK, PARKS & RECREATION, (I’d say TWO AND A HALF MEN but no one’s going to vote for that), THE OFFICE, MODERN FAMILY, and new challengers like THE MIDDLE, HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER, RAISING HOPE, HOT IN CLEVELAND, and NEW GIRL. (Sorry 2 BROKE GIRLS, WHITNEY, ARE YOU THERE, CHELSEA?  If any "trash talking girl" new show sneaks in it will be THE B... IN APT 23)

Then there are the fans of the more adventurous sitcoms. LOUIE., GIRLS, WILFRED, VEEP, CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM, NURSE JACKIE, IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA, and MAGIC CITY (that’s not a comedy? Really? Have you seen it?).

The problem with these shows is that you have people who passionately love them, others who actively hate them, and a large majority of voters who have never seen them. Remember, many older Academy members may not be employable but they’re not dead.

And then there’s COMMUNITY. Here’s a show with a loyal fan base, but a very small one. It’s a critics’ darling and a fanboy favorite. Added spice is that creator/showrunner Dan Harmon got Ann Curryed. So in the buzz department this show is in the stratosphere. But COMMUNITY also has its detractors. They point to its unevenness and the fact that it’s geared so exclusively to younger demographics that it’s almost like they don't want anyone over thirty watching it (and they're getting their wish).

On the other hand, there are a lot of younger Academy members. Might they just tip the scale? Very possible.  But my question is this: If you’re voting for COMMUNITY are you doing that because you think it’s the best comedy or because you want to make a statement? You want to stick it to NBC for firing Harmon? You want to prove that just the sheer muscle of an internet campaign can influence and maybe decide an Emmy?

Emmy wins have been used to save shows. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT had a longer life because it won the Best Comedy Emmy. At one time an Emmy win would translate into higher ratings. That was certainly the case with CHEERS. But not with ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. The people who didn’t respond to ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT could not be swayed by a gold statuette. So even if COMMUNITY should win, would that result in a big uptick in its numbers? I’m guessing not. I believe the Academy was somewhat embarrassed that ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT’S win had so little impact and they wouldn’t relish that scenario happening again. Would that influence voters? Would some think “why waste a vote on this?”

For the most part, members voting for shows like LOUIE and GIRLS are doing it to make a statement. Comedy doesn’t have to be familiar. It can be daring and take new forms. And that’s great. But I don’t see experimental sitcoms as a “cause.” To me the Emmys are not an occasion to storm the palace gates.

My only yardstick is what sitcoms were the FUNNIEST? At least to me. I voted for shows that make me laugh – regardless of network or coolness factor. Who did I vote for? I’ll let you know when the nominations came out just how in or out of sync I was with the Academy.

But however it shakes down, at least there’s some real suspense this year.

(Okay: Hint. I didn’t vote for WHITNEY or ROB!)

Ernest Borgnine 1917-2012

Wow. It’s been a bad week for sitcoms icons. First Andy Griffith, and now Ernest Borgnine has passed away at 95. He remained robust and sharp pretty much to the very end. A few years ago he was asked the secret of long life and he said he masturbated every day. That sure beats eating healthy and taking vitamins.

I met him just a few years ago. I was in Milwaukee covering the Dodgers and he was there to be the grand marshal of a local parade and to throw out the first pitch at a Brewers’ game. You hear people say, “I hope I have that much energy when I get to be his age.” I said, “I wish I had that much energy now.”

His career as a character actor spanned six decades. Baby boomers fondly remember him in McHALE’S NAVY. Coincidentally, I just watched an episode of that recently on Antenna TV. Talk about a different, more politically incorrect era – this was a sitcom set during World War II and his men were selling “Nip souvenirs.” Yikes. But he was always likeable and disarming. He had that big Cheshire Cat grin with the distinctive space between his two front teeth.

Some things you might not have known about Ernest Borgnine: He won an Oscar in 1955. He was nominated for an Emmy at 92. He was the voice of Mermaid Man in SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. He served in the Navy for ten years and was awarded five distinguished service medals. And among his five wives was Ethel Merman, the bombastic Broadway belter. The marriage lasted a month.

He’s appeared in hundreds of movies, and he was great in all of them. THE WILD BUNCH, THE DIRTY DOZEN, ICE STATION ZEBRA are among my favorites along with his Oscar winning performance in MARTY.  

In an industry that’s so obsessed with matinee idol looks, it was always refreshing that someone like Ernest Borgnine – barrel-chested, unrefined, REAL would have such a successful career for over sixty years.  His credit always read Ernest Borgnine, but to anyone who knew him, he was just plain Ernie.  And that's fitting, for if there was ever an Ernie it was this down-to-earth lug with the great laugh. 

He’ll be missed – for his body of work and his spirit. And also I suppose, for his advice.

How many of you contestants are from out of town?

The life of an aspiring stand up comedian is a grueling one. Years of knocking around, working crappy comedy clubs, first on open mic nights before eight drunks, then being banished to “the road”. Playing towns where you’re the first Jew they’ve ever seen, waiters talking and serving during your set, hecklers, hecklers who are funnier than you, “half price beer and weapons welcome” night, retirement homes where it’s hard to hear over the oxygen tanks, endless meals at Shoneys, all for little or no pay. It’s a tremendous sacrifice with absolutely no guarantees. But if you’re good, REALLY good, and you pay your dues, catch a few breaks then maybe – just MAYBE you could grab the brass ring –

…and become the next Wink Martindale.

It seems that the new pot of gold at the end of stand-up rainbows is hosting game shows. Howie Mandel, Bob Saget, Louie Anderson, Jeff Foxworthy, and now Drew Carey are leading contestants through bonus rounds. This is bad news for TV weathermen, disc jockeys, and Regis Philbin.  Let's revive THE WEAKEST LINK with Roseanne (it would be worth it just to hear her try to pronounce the questions).

I’m only sorry Sam Kinison isn’t still alive to host THE PRICE IS RIGHT. Couldn’t you just see it?

“No, you stupid bitch! $135.95 for a Hamilton Beach 4-slice toaster? Do you live in a FUCKING CAVE?! It’s $42.99. It’s a fucking toaster! It cooks up bread. How much do you pay for things? That shitty T-Shirt you’re wearing on NATIONAL TELEVISION, how much did you pay for that? $4000?! Jesus, even the dumb motherfucker next to you was only off by ten bucks and he couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel!”

Wait a minute. Does anybody have Lewis Black’s number?

The bottom line: if you’re a young comic coming up, don’t worry about your material, just memorize the rules for the wet T-shirt contest and never miss a chance to emcee karaoke night.

Coroner changes the cause of Natalie Wood's death

As many of my longtime blog readers know, I am obsessed with the Natalie Wood drowning case.   I don't believe her death was "accidental."  And now, apparently, neither does the LA County Coroner.  The cause of her death has been changed from "accidental" to "undetermined."   Okay, not yet a "homicide"  but we're getting there.  Still, Robert Wagner's got to be calling his lawyer asking, "Does mean Columbo is going to be coming around a lot?" 

Yes it does.  It means this now becomes an ongoing investigation.  And hopefully a real one.   Natalie's sister, Lana is happy.   She told KCAL9 last year, “I don’t think ‘I’m sorry for your loss Mr. Wagner’ is an investigation.”

The change was made, according to detectives, “because some of the bruises on her body were inconsistent with death by accident.”   My question of course is, you didn't notice that until just now?
Recently, the captain of the yacht Natalie, Wood, R.J., and guest Christopher Walken were on came out with a book claiming Wagner made no effort to search for her despite being aware of her disappearance.   This has raised some eyebrows and probably would have made even more noise if the captain wasn't on a promotional tour at the time of his big announcement. 

Hey, a thought just occurred: if I say I have new information on the death of Natalie Wood in my book, THE ME GENERATION... BY ME do you think I could get on THE TODAY SHOW too?  I can just see it.

SAVANNAH GUTHRIE:  Ken, your book is about the '60s.  How does Natalie Wood's death in 1981 figure?

KEN: Before we get into that, let me tell you a great story of how I threw Neil Young out of the listening booth at Wallich's Music City.

SAVANNAH:  You don't have any new information, do you?

KEN: Moe Howard of the Three Stooges was once in my car...

SAVANNAH:  And didn't you write a blog piece on Ann Curry?

KEN:  The thing that's so interesting about the '60s is that...

SAVANNAH:  This is Today on NBC. 

I hope the investigation goes well and we finally know the real story.

The history of Rock & Roll... in twelve minutes

This is totally great.  Chicago guitar salesman Alex Chadwick strums out 100 R&R riffs in twelve minutes.  The man can pick it!   Hot licks!  Yeow!

Check out this very weird photo.

It looks like the girl is sitting and the guy is hugging her neck, right?   Look again.  It's the other way around.  He's sitting, she's hugging.   Oh, our crazy brains!

Did Robin William really ad lib all those great Mork lines?

Thank God it’s Friday (Question Day). What’s yours?

Nick gets us started:

Is there much room for ad libbing on the set of sitcoms? I know in films it can work because you shoot multiple takes - but in a sitcom format (i'm thinking of Robin Williams in Mork and Mindy) do writers appreciate when actors ad lib or is it generally frowned upon?

Some shows like CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM are built around the actors improvising after being given a detailed outline. Most scripted sitcoms don’t allow for ad libbing except maybe early in the rehearsal process.

On multi-camera shows, cameras change shots based on line cues so it’s imperative the actors speak the lines as written or else you're going to have three cameras crashing into each other.  That's generally not good. 

Robin Williams didn’t “exactly” ad lib on MORK AND MINDY. I know this first-hand. He’d deliver a line on the first take. Then deliver another on the second. And still a different one on the third. The studio audience would be in awe of how quick and inventive he was. But here’s the thing. The “ad libs” were just the jokes that had been in the script and were replaced. Writers wrote them, not Robin.

Not to take anything away from Robin and his enormous talent, but he is notorious for stealing other people’s material.

From Ane:

I'm lucky enough to work as an assistant to the dramaturge in a theater and sometimes I get to watch rehearsals. I've noticed that the directors can get extremely specific about what they want from an actor. And the actors do their best to please. What's it like when working with "big stars"? Do they get lots of directions on what kind of emotions they should display and so on, or is it more like "Do whatever you want, we trust you"?

That depends on the director’s style. Some, like James L. Brooks (pictured: right) are incredibly precise. “On this line lift the cup up to here, cock your head just a bit to the left, and give him a look like ‘you know what he’s after but our history together should tell you that I’m wary but not to where I can’t be convinced.” It’s actually quite impressive to watch him do it.

Some actors love that. And several have won Oscars for their performances in Jim Brooks movies so you can’t knock it.

But other actors hate it. They like to find the moments themselves so they find this technique very stifling. I remember once watching Jim direct a scene with two actresses. One just relished the input while steam was coming out of the other’s ears.

Then there’s Woody Allen. He very rarely “directs” an actor’s performance.  He lets them just do their thing. And many actors have won Oscars performing in Woody Allen movies. So there’s a lot to be said for that method as well.

But here’s the thing with Woody Allen – he has the luxury of being able to get the very best actors in the world. Does Meryl Streep really need to be told how high to lift the cup?

And if an actor can’t give Woody the performance he really wants he merely replaces him.

For me as a director, I’m like the dad teaching his kids how to ride a bike. I let them ride on their own but I’m running alongside steadying the bicycle whenever needed, telling them to slow down occasionally and warning them that they’re headed straight for a fence. So far no one's ever won an Oscar on any of my movies.  But in fairness, I've never directed a movie. 


GMJ has a question about Nicholas Colasanto:

I noticed he directed over 29 different television series between the mid-1960s through the early 1980s. Have you ever had a chance to see any of his projects? I suspect his professional way expressing his concerns to writers extended to his work as a director before "Cheers".

I’ve seen a lot of his HAWAII FIVE-O’s (the original “good” version). Directing one-hour TV is quite a feat. Unlike features, you have to be fast. It has to be hard enough banging out an hour show in the crunch time allotted without having to stage elaborate action sequences. But Nick apparently had the knack.

He was also a highly respected acting teacher.

ScottyB has a question about one of the Bar Wars episodes that David and I wrote for CHEERS. It’s the one where the Cheers stunt apparently kills Gary.

At what point of a show's run do y'all sit there hashing out a script for the week, have someone go, "You know what would be really cool? Let's have Carla's disembodied head float around Gary's bar and pretend it gives him a heart attack!" and know whether it's even possible (in '80s technology, that is) for someone to be able to make Carla’s big head float around in an endless video loop?

This is why it’s great to have a partner. I didn’t remember how we arrived at that stunt, but my partner David Issacs did. Here’s his answer:

Can't remember all the details, but as we did in all the Bar Wars escalations we were looking for something that topped the last one. It really came out of the idea that because of Nick Tortelli, Carla would have TV repair and tech skills, so she could hook it up. We checked to see if it was possible that it could work in theory and it was something she could set up and run.


D.I.

Thanks, David. And thank you guys for all your questions.

Before I blogged I drew

In my book, THE ME GENERATION... BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE '60s), which you should buy already, I talk a lot of cartooning and doing caricatures during my teen years.  I went through a real Al Hirschfeld period.  He was the caricaturist of the NEW YORK TIMES for sixty years.

Once I got to the UCLA campus radio station KLA (all of this great stuff is in the book) I did the posters for them.  I was so terrible on the air I probably would have been fired had I not been able to draw.

Anyway, one of my KLA colleagues, Sharon, recently unearthed a couple of the posters.  So I thought I'd share them today.

This was for a concert we presented.  Since everyone knows exactly what each member of the Grassroots looks like, you can see how expertly I captured them all.

Likewise, you know all of these people of course.  By the way, Bill Pearl became Billy Pearl (a very successful disc jockey in the '70s who wound up on KHJ), Steve St. John became Steve Weed (a long time successful program director and jock with stints that included WXLO New York and KIIS Los Angeles), Don Enright became a well-known TV and movie producer, and Vincent G. Thomas is Tom Greenleigh who went on to own radio stations. 

I haven't drawn in a few years.  Maybe I'll pick it up again.  Let me know if you have a concert you want promoted. 

What to do in Hawaii

If you’re in Hawaii on July 29th here’s something really cool to do!

Ron Jacobs, local personality known as Whodaguy and the architect of the KHJ Boss Radio format along with co-creating AMERICAN TOP 40 and hatching the San Diego Chicken – is staging a one-man show one-day only. He’ll be reflecting on his life growing up in Hawaii and God-knows-what. Ron is the one of the most colorful interesting people I’ve ever met. Trust me, you’ll get more fascinating stories, laughs, insight, and culture out of this concert than from four museums, three books, six luaus, four pineapple factory tours, and five Elvis movies.

Speaking of the King, he and Jacobs became friends. Ron emceed his first Hawaiian concert. And this was after Jacobs pulled a stunt on the radio parading around a fake Elvis that caused a statewide frenzy. Or, in the case of Ron Jacobs -- just par for the course.

It’ll all the be there – from the war to the surf craze, from the hula to Ho, natives and haoles, statehood, tourism, mysticism, Judaism, the dawn of rock n’ roll, the birth of Obama, radio, cool cars, and lots of words with k,a,e,u,h,o,n,and i's in them. Plus, a never-before attempted feature -- a talk radio segment, where you can call him on your cellphone and ask questions.  Talk radio live.  I'm curious to see if he hangs up on someone. 

Imagine Garrison Keillor on Maui Wowie with a little Hunter S. Thompson, Mark Twain, and Dr. Emmet Brown thrown in. 

Here are the details. Wish I could be there.

This is a once in a larger-than-lifetime opportunity. And all you need to know to summarize just who this gentleman is and what he does:

"It is fitting that Jacobs is performing at the site of the former Insane Asylum in Kaneohe."

Andy Griffith 1926-2012

So sorry to hear of the passing of Andy Griffith. I never worked with him, only met him once. It was at a memorial service for one of his writers.  Just the fact that would attend says a lot.

Andy was an amazing performer. He could be scary evil as in FACE IN THE CROWD, or your cuddly uncle. His likability quotient was off the charts. And as Sheriff Andy Taylor he represented the best of what America once was -- trustworthy, kind, homespun, humble, and (here's a blast from the past) used common sense.

Oh, and his show was funny.

I find it interesting that in this day and age of edgy comedy, THE ANDY GRIFFITH SHOW still airs like 18 times a day and gets good ratings. There still is a place for warm gentle humor set in small town America with characters who had a genuine affection for each other -- a place free of cynicism and vagina jokes.

Ironic that this comes a day after my Cosby post.  Like Bill Cosby, Andy Griffith involved himself in all the show's scripts.  But unlike Cosby, he treated his writers with great respect and they stayed with him for years.

Younger readers might just know Andy as the old country lawyer, MATLOCK. The hair was white but the humanity, and savvy was still there. I hear all those über smart Aaron Sorkin characters talk and think, I bet Matlock could outsmart 'em.

Much older readers remember Andy from his bumpkin Air Force private in NO TIME FOR SERGEANTS. If you haven't seen it, rent it. Imagine Woody Boyd from CHEERS only ten times funnier.  (And the film features a cameo by a young struggling actor named Don Knotts.)

I wonder if anyone remembers his stand-up act. That's right, Andy Griffith was originally a comedian (and also a musician). His routine of describing a football game although he had no idea what was going on remains as hilarious today as it did fifty years ago. I was a weird kid and wanted to see top flight comedians. Andy was one I made a point of seeing. And it wasn't because I was just a sucker for North Carolina humor.  I just marveled at his timing.

And if none of this sounds familiar, they mimicked his voice for Huckleberry Hound. 

For years Andy lived in Toluca Lake in the San Fernando Valley in a nondescript house on a corner. Just one of the neighbors. A friend who lives in Toluca Lake said one Christmas Eve he heard carolers and wandered outside to see. There they were on a flatbed truck going through the neighborhood.. Led by Andy Griffith. Would you expect any less?

If there was a Mayberry they would surely have a 4th of July parade today. Even as everyone fought back tears. Because a celebration of America is a celebration of Andy, and that's worth a parade, a picnic, and fireworks... as long as Barney isn't lighting them.