Thursday, October 30, 2008

My idea for a really cool slasher movie

The Friday question will return next week but this is Halloween!
I must admit I never got into those slasher movies. Seems to me they’re all the same story. The popular kids who were too good to ever go out with you in high school all frolic off to a cabin for some holiday and some disfigured skeesix in a goalie’s mask terrorizes and one-by-one graphically slices them up. Yes, it’s grizzly and horrible but isn’t that sorta what they deserve? Would it kill them to agree to dance with us just once??

Then there’s a sequel where the ones that survived go BACK to the cabin. You’d think maybe they’d hit the MTV beach house the next winter break instead?

And there’s always the backstory explaining how the psychopath became a killer…such as he was a bed wetter or flunked out of Benhinana Chef school.

I have what I believe is a great idea for a slasher movie. I’m sharing it because I’ve had it registered (in other words, you can’t steal it!!!). But it seems to me the key to this genre is creating a truly terrifying slasher. My idea is to hire Gordon from SESAME STREET as the psychopath. Can you imagine how disturbing THAT would be to anyone who grew up with that show?

“You didn’t eat your vegetables!” “AAAAAAAA!!!” Slice! Hack!

“Can you spell ‘help’?” “H-E-L-AAAAAAAAAAA!!” Stab! Slit!

“One of these limbs is not like the others!” Chop!

“Today I’m brought to you by the letters D.O.A.!!”

I can hear the screams now. Freddie and Jason and Chucky, eat (or cut) your hearts out. Plus, I’ve got the sequel all storyboarded. Only this time it’s Maria.

Happy Halloween, kids.

14 comments:

Steven said...

Great post Ken. I've always thought the hype leading up to Halloween is better than the day itself.

impworks said...

The low budget British "borrowing" of your idea will be based on Rainbow and will feature Zippy, Bungle and George each in their own part of a film trilogy. The total budget for all three will be a fraction of the US originals and while this will be blatantly obvious it will go on to be a cult classic.

Vermonter17032 said...

I have an idea for the ultimate horror movie: John McCain wins the election, keels over at inauguration, and we get four years of Sarah Palin as president! ARRRRRRRRRR!

Tom Quigley said...

I thought a great idea for a horror movie this year would be "Nightmare on Wall Street: The Revenge of Freddie (Mac)"....

Eleanor said...

impworks: inspired!
My money is on Geoffrey or the singers as being the first victims. :) Monster hit. LOL

mike doran said...

Maybe you know this, maybe you don't... before he got the 'Sesame Street' gig Roscoe Orman played a vicious pimp on 'All My Children', so some viewers might not be as shocked. Personally, I still haven't gotten over seeing Chef Brockett from "MisterRogers' Neighborhood" torching a nightclub on the same show a few years later...

olucy said...

I'm sure there's an audience out there who would find a genre usually dominated by white men suddenly occupied by a black man and a woman to be very scary. Put a pantsuit on the woman, and you've got yourself a sure thing.

Julio said...

Vermonter - The thought of that scares me to death.

Tallulah Morehead said...

I'm always in a good mood when someone has their hand up me, but some puppets are EVIL!

It's a scary day in the neighborhood. Mr. Rogers is much scarier; a weird little man who hangs out with little kids all the time, talks to imaginary people, and has a serious sweater fetish. If he and Michael Jackson had ever thrown a Halloween party for the local kids, that would be HELL HOUSE!

Halloween festivities over at my flog.

Cheers darlings.

charlotte said...

[quote]Plus, I’ve got the sequel all storyboarded. Only this time it’s Maria.[/quote]

Mr. Hooper returns from the dead? Or David? (They were both victims of The Curse of Hooper's Store!)

charlotte said...

[quote]I'm sure there's an audience out there who would find a genre usually dominated by white men suddenly occupied by a black man...[/quote]

Candyman... Candyman... Candyma-

Numb Frog said...

I'm a huge horror guy. Favorite movie is Halloween even though I write comedy.

Just can't help but point out it's FREDDY.

te said...

The newspaper I was working for once made reference to a "grizzly" murder.

The crime, however, was not perpetrated by a bear.

Oddly, the paper in question wasn't the Los Angeles Times.

The word the writer was looking for was "gristly."

Daniel said...

'The word the writer was looking for was "gristly."'

And the word you are looking for is "grisly."