Wednesday, May 13, 2009

AMERICAN IDOL -- Adam and the two other guys










Some idle idol questions:

How do they schedule only six songs in 64 minutes and still go over? Especially when, in years past, they’d do nine songs and finish on time.

Was Simon and Ryan in the tanning booth too long? Their skin was the same shade as Bob Evans’ – a orange heretofore never seen in nature.

And were they in the same tanning booth?

What was Carrie Underwood doing on SURVIVOR?

Why is Kara even there?

Who were some of those people they showed in the audience? They’re now even less familiar than stars of Fox comedies.

Where’s the suspense? Adam, Kris, and Danny are like a presidential election between Barack Obama, Ralph Nader, and Lyndon LaRouche.

Now to the performances. The judges chose one song and the contestants got to choose the other.

Danny Gokey, as per Paula’s suggestion, did some forgettable song about a dancing relative, originally sung by Trent D’Arby, an artist whose name was so forgettable he forgot it himself and now is known as Sananda Maitreya. Simon criticized the song choice (I love that) and the hens were split on Danny’s dancing. I thought he did fine and could become the most nonthreatening performer to have a hit on the rock charts since the Singing Nun.

His other song was Joe Cocker’s “You Are So Beautiful”. I know I’m going to take heat for this but I was disappointed. Joe Cocker had heart, Joe Cocker had raw emotion, Joe Cocker had seizures. I felt none of that from Danny. Just vocal gymnastics. Rarely will a guy plead his love to a girl by blasting a note to her from across the Acropolis.

Kris Allen did “Apologize” as per Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber’s suggestion. Maybe the best moment of the year was when Simon called out Kara for picking this nothing song and then criticizing Kris’ performance of it. Kara is that obnoxious cousin every family has that you hate yourself for thinking this but you wish she had married Ike Turner.

Kris’ next number, Kanye West’s “Heartless” was better. The judges thought his acoustic arrangement was daring and risky. Sorry but that’s pushing it a little. Daring and risky is tackling an acoustic arrangement when you don’t know how to play guitar.

Of course Simon had the best song selection – “One” by U2 for Adam Lambert. And of course Adam (who went back to the Joey Heatherton look) gave the performance of the night. Although, is it just me or is his high-pitched screech getting just a tad annoying? Please don’t burn a big A on my lawn. I’m just askin’.

For his own number Adam did Aerosmith’s “Cryin’”. At this point he could have done the “Unicorn Song” and still received the same four blowjobs from the judges. He’s a lock to win AMERICAN IDOL and either become the next Elvis Presley or Bette Midler.

And for Kris and Danny, hey, losing isn’t so bad. At least you don’t have to go to Africa.

Tomorrow: Montgomery Burns explains the whole Hulu/cable company controversy to you.

16 comments:

Vermonter17032 said...

I mean, you just gotta love a blogger who makes reference to Joey Heatherton -- the first woman I ever had a crush on -- and the poster child for the screwed up lives of celebrities.

WV: Gumunsia - the species of flowering plant that grows from a chewed wad of Bazooka.

jbryant said...

On my TV, the first 15 minutes of Idol had no sound (there will be a brief pause while Idol haters compose snarky comebacks along the lines of "you should be thankful"). No such problems on any other channel. So was it a problem with the Fox affiliate or my cable provider?

Adam is a helluva singer, but yes, he's got to give the screech a rest. Not many songs outside of the hair metal genre really benefit from it. "One" is the perfect case in point, and I can't believe none of the judges thought so. He didn't do much with "Crying" either, compared to his usual standards. I thought this was perhaps his worst week, but he'll still probably win.

VW: antre -- main course on the aardvark's menu

Mike McCann said...

>>Kara is that obnoxious cousin every family has that you hate yourself for thinking this but you wish she had married Ike Turner.>>

Not to defend Ike, but at least he married a woman with talent.

How'd you'd enjoy your first taste of afternoon-drive baseball? And forgive the dig, but how did the Dodgers, usually good in scouting, let Jayson Werth get away?

bettyd said...

Adam has a great presence and voice. I didn't like the Aerosmith tune either. But, he needs to use it more sparingly. Slash actually gave him that advice too, which was a surprise to me. It is like Patti LaBelle - she is great but can not contain the riffing and it distracts. The judges tell others not to overdo that stuff, but never Adam. Not that it matters, since he is a lock.

Mary Stella said...

Of course Simon had the best song selection – “One” by U2 for Adam Lambert. And of course Adam (who went back to the Joey Heatherton look) gave the performance of the night. Although, is it just me or is his high-pitched screech getting just a tad annoying? Please don’t burn a big A on my lawn. I’m just askin’.The performance of "One" couldn't have been more theatrical if Ethel Mermen came back from the dead to sing it for one night only. (Which would have been a better career revival than anything attempted by Taylor Hicks.)

Chick said...

Weird night. Wasn't overly please with Adam's stylings on these two particular songs, but I liked Crying better than One. Danny was very, very good on the Joe Cocker piece and sucked at the Dance Little Sister.

Wait, did I hear that right? Kris was doing a Kanye West song? I'm sorry, I do not see what all the hub-bub was all about. He took a very good HipHop song and squeezed a folksy ballad out of it? For God's sake, leave HipHop to HipHop artists. Kris was better than Kanye? Stop the ride...I need to get off and regurgitate.

Adam is still my favorite because I have to take into consideration the whole season and he has consistently shown us he is not only the most talented but has the biggest chance to be a successful pop recording artist, internationally, not just here in the U.S.

I also think that Danny could be a great Gospel recording artist!

Kris....well I'm in marketing and I just can't justify a marketing budget.

The Milner Coupe said...

Ditto on the Adam critique. One was overdone he removed the melody completely from Cryin'.

For me, Gokey is an average singer with a great voice. The first song was forgettable and I know they said he was singing 'You Are So Beauiful' but when you completely abandon the melody, you may as well change the words too. And is it me are was the guitarist playing a different song?

Kris did fine and he is a much better marketer than your previous commentor. Kanye West? Way to lock up the high school and college votes kid! Gotta love the strategy.

I think it should be Adam and Kris. But I've been wrong more than once.

Debby G said...

You crack me up!

Though I'd take Kara over Paula any day.

I LOVE Adam, and I'd be all over him if he weren't gay and 20 years younger than me and if I weren't married, but even I am getting tired of seeing his tongue sticking out every 5 seconds. It's kind of gross.

Kris's second song reminded me of my 12-year-old trying to act ghetto. It's laughable. As I keep telling my 12-year-old, "You're an upper class white kid from the suburbs, not a black kid from the projects." Kris should have consulted with his mom before choosing Heartless. It was Artless.

shpankboy said...

I am a big Adam fan but the screeching finally got to me last night as well. He leans on it too much. Maybe he sees that it drives the hens into orgasm when he does it.
Looks like Kris stumbled on the Luka Bloom version of LL Cool J's "I Need Love" and decided that he could nail a Kanye song like that and he did.
At this point Danny's performances are great times to hit the head and grab a Malta Hatuey on the way back.
Love the Joey Heatherton reference. Somewhere dad Ray must be smiling. Does anybody remember the "Joey and Dad" sitcom from the 70's?
Maybe Simon's best night of the season. Somebody had to say something to Kara!

Chip said...

"Joe Cocker had seizures. I felt none of that from Danny. Just vocal gymnastics."

There is no "heart" in those contestants anymore (if ever there was). Did you hear Danny refer to his "mentors". Mentors, coaches, stylists, arrangers ... there's no Artist anymore.

Everything is over produced today. (I know, stamp me with a "duh").

Tom Quigley said...

I thought the most telling moment of the whole show was when Ryan Said to Adam "You've done Cher... You've done Queen..." I was expecting the next words out of his mouth to be "So when are you planning on doing ME?"....

jbryant said...

Kris' cover of "Heartless" was undoubtedly inspired by The Fray's similar acoustic take on the song (as mentioned by Randy). It's funny, but the first time I heard their version on KROQ, I said "Kris should do that on Idol. I'll bet the judges choose it for him." Was surprised when it he chose it for himself, albeit with his own somewhat different arrangement.

Milner Coupe: "...Gokey is an average singer with a great voice." Thanks for that phrase. It sums up how I've been thinking of Gokey lately. If only his taste were one-tenth as good as his natural vocal chops, he could've taken this in a walk.

Fladam said...

I think it's important to remember that people who vote, always vote. IF Danny leaves, those votes will likely go to Kris - IF Kris leaves, those votes will fall to Danny.

While I think Adam is definitely a game-changer, this is still Good Ol' Red State Idol.

I think an upset is coming.

bebecandance said...

Dearest Tom Q~
Are you insinuationg that Ryan is gay? Come on. Remember his photo op romp on the beach in Santa Monica with none other than Teri Hatcher?
Heeeeeey, wait a s e c o n d!!??!
Oh, and Tom~ have you heard that he's BFs with Ben Silverman--that big wig over at a place called NBC.
Hmmmmm.

word verif: buddlike

A. Buck Short said...

While I will continue to follow the American Idol competition with a moderate level of interest, at this time I feel it is in my own best interest to resign from any further reading about any of the continuing fallout from the Miss California USA Pageant. Should I at any time be unable to continue my duties ignoring the Mss California USA Pageant, it is comforting to know that runner up, Mr. Disinterested Oklahoma will accept and carry on with all of those responsibilities.

Debby G said...

Jbryant, it made me laugh to hear white guy Kris singing lyrics like these:

How could you be so, cold as the winter wind when it breeze, yo

Just remember that you talkin' to me though

You need to watch the way you talkin' to me, yo

Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me

Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me

And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me