Sunday, June 15, 2014

Happy Father's Day

On this Father’s Day (the most sacred holiday of the year) I’d like to wish a happy one to my dad, who also happens to be my hero, mentor, and best friend. I love you, Dad.  I'm in therapy for other reasons. 

Here are some pithy Father’s Day quotes:

“To be a successful father… there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.” -- Ernest Hemingway

“A man knows when he is growing old because he begins to look like his father.” -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

“If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.” -- Bill Cosby

“It is a wise father that knows his own child.” -- William Shakespeare

"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years." – Mark Twain

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.” -- Charles Wadsworth

And finally, a salute to Screaming Jay Hawkins. Screaming Jay was a r&b/blues singer. His big hit was “I Put a Spell on You” in which he came out of a coffin. The man was a crowd pleaser. And also a lady pleaser it seems. Upon his death when it was time to divvy up the estate it was discovered he had 57 children. Screaming Jay will not be saluted on Planned Parenthood day.

Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.  Note to my family:  I hate power tools.  I'm more of a "free trip to Europe" kind of guy. 

9 comments:

Scooter Schechtman said...

If I can be so bold, your "Saturdays of Thunder" Simpsons ep had some great father son stuff in it. But the only Simpsons quote I could think of is (maybe?) from a different episode: "I'm using my whole ass now!"

JJ Wong said...

Happy Fathers' Day to every Daddy in the world. Thanks for all the love, care, guidance, and being the role model of my life.

Loosehead said...

Hey Ken, if you get that free trip to Europe, and I'm not holding my breath here, nominate a day and a pub somewhere in London for your UK fans to meet up and buy you a pint. Maybe next to the river.

Igor said...

Yes, there's Hemingway. And then...

There's Chris Rock - "As a father, you have only one job to do: Keep your daughter off the pole! If she's dancin' on a pole, you fucked up!"

bruce miller said...

Ken....you are as good as "they" get!!

D. McEwan said...

And then there's Barry Humphries's character, Sir Les Patterson, whoi in describing a desert island castaway said he was " As lonely as a batard on Father's Day."

Anonymous said...

Happy Father's Day to you, Ken.

...But really, an Anna Nicole joke? In 2014?

Rebecca said...

I write this on in my dad's Fathers Day card every year:

“My father has always been a good provider. And in terms of a work ethic, he’s been a wonderful role model. He taught me that every morning – no matter how you feel physically and no matter what mood you're in – you have to get yourself out of bed, shower, shave, put on a dark suit, hood your face in a black ski mask, and go out into the world and make some money.”

– Mark Leyner (The Tetherballs of Bougainville)

Johnny Walker said...

Haha. Love the last quote.