Since I am in Korea I was unable to watch the Academy Awards. And no Korean channel shows them. Maybe next year when THE INTERVIEW is nominated for Best Picture. So I wrote my snarky review before I left. I’ve done this before. Let me know how right I was.
Most people in America thought this was the first time Neil Patrick Harris ever hosted an awards show.
Harris had good moments but was better hosting the Tony Awards. And again, most of America is saying, “What are the Tony Awards?”
Spielberg did not attend because he wasn’t nominated.
Channel 5’s Sam Rubin gushed that every big star in the world was there and then was grateful to interview Richard Linklater’s daughter.
And at least one of the Red Carpet hosts asked her, “So you have the same last name as the director. Coincidence or are you related?”
Another asked her: “So Art Linkletter is your father?”
They did not take my suggestion for doing a Red Carpet Show version of In Memoriam for Joan Rivers.
You cannot remember who hosted last year’s Oscarcast. You probably can’t remember who won Oscars last year either although, as a hint, they were presenters this year. You still can’t name them, can you?
More people here in China know who is Rita Ora is than in America.
Anna Kendrick looked spectacular. So did Sienna Miller.
You’d think after totally fucking up last year, the Academy would not have John Travolta be a presenter again. How many stars had to say no for this to happen?
There was a bit using the audience that surprisingly worked thanks to Neil Patrick Harris.
Julianne Moore was a lock. She played the more fashionable disability this year.
Lots of jokes about how "white" the nominations were. And lots of African-American presenters so the Academy could save face.
Eddie Murphy came off bitter. Why isn't he a bigger star? Because he's always bitter.
If BOYHOOD had followed nine years of the kid’s life instead of twelve there would have been no contest. As it is, the Best Picture went to B_______.
Mickey Rooney and Shirley Temple, who were mega stars in the ‘30s and ‘40s only got fleeting mentions in the In Memoriam section.
Remember how “concerned” and stricken Hollywood was over free speech and Paris at the Golden Globes? Not a word mentioned at the Oscars.
However, you would think that Amy Pascal, who took the fall for THE INTERVIEW, was the martyr of all-time. She was acknowledged six or seven times. Amy of Arc.
It was sad that Glen Campbell couldn’t sing his Oscar nominated song.
No Hollywood star knows how to read a teleprompter.
Jennifer Lopez’s tits almost popped out of her dress, which is why she is still considered a movie star.
When you saw Kevin Hart, did you say (a) “he’s really short” or (b) “How is he a movie star?”
FOXCATCHER won the award for Best Picture nominee that most academy members hated.
Ben Affleck was a presenter and there was a Batman joke. Yawn.
There were also eight FIFTY SHADES OF GREY jokes. Better do them now. It won’t be nominated for anything next year (since there’s no category for props).
At least the Grammys had Kanye West to liven things up. There were two Kanye West jokes – one in the opening monologue.
The intrusive play-off music began the minute any winner acknowledged his dearly departed mom/dad/grandfather/manager/pet.
Lady Gaga was a hit. Even though she's never been in a movie and was only there as a blatant desperate attempt to get young viewers. Still she kicked ass... even without Tony Bennett.
And she didn’t wear a meat dress, although that would not have been the worst gown of the night.
There were at least two shots of Oprah in the audience unhappy.
There were billboards in LA for the film VIRUNGA the last few weeks. Yes, I know – what is VIRUNGA? Best Documentary films now mount campaigns.
Jennifer Aniston was a presenter in the hopes that the Academy will nominate her the next time she does a courageous role where she wears no make up. In the meantime, back to stupid comedies with Adam Sandler.
The show ran long.
Okay... so how did I do?