Sunday, September 20, 2015

Emmy flashbacks

I’ll be reviewing tonight’s Emmy Awards. Check back tomorrow. But to get you in the mood, here are a few snarky inappropriate highlights from past Emmy reviews. Enjoy.

Note to Jeff Daniels and a lot of actors last night: ease up on the spray tan. There’s something wrong when Jeff Daniels is darker than Mindy Kaling.

Elton John, who has nothing to do with television, did a tribute to Liberace. I forget the title. “Candelabra in the Wind” I think.

The WHITNEY Emmy screener makes a really nifty coaster.

The Academy sent out a pretty clear message. Louis C.K. – not yet. Lena Dunham – not happening. Chuck Lorre – never.

What does it say when Bill Maher is now 0-32 and most Emmy voters are Democrats?

If Zosia Mamet’s dress was the result of another Kickstarter campaign she must’ve only raised eleven dollars.

GAME CHANGE won so Hollywood finally voted for Sarah Palin.

Kevin Costner won for playing a cowboy, which is what he should be playing. His days of portraying a baseball player are over unless they do a screen version of CHEERS and hire him as the Coach.

Christine Baranski, in a gold plated gown, looked like C-3PO caught cross-dressing.

Producer Mark Burnett has said that the “In Memoriam” segment doesn’t have to be such a downer. Really??? To that end, the song under the clips was “Where Dem Girls At”.

Six winners told their kids to go to bed. Five thanked Jesus. One told Jesus to go to bed.

Gray ribbons this year as Hollywood rallies to provide relief to the hurricane victims in the Hamptons whose guest homes and tennis courts sustained water damage.

Kate Winslet and Martin Scorsese won Emmys for having already won Oscars. When you win an Academy Award they should just throw an Emmy in the swag bag.

At least one Red Carpet interviewer asked Margo Martindale if she was coming back next year on JUSTIFIED (note: her character was killed) and another said how much she loved Margo's dad, Wink. Still another was hoping the "real" Mildred Pierce would be there for the ceremony.

What was that hideous song Jewel sang? I hate to say it but it really brought down the “In Memoriam” section.

For the first time ever the Emmys were shown live in Los Angeles. NBC recognized they were up against very stiff competition this year -- the Chabad Telethon.

Al Pacino’s won a million awards and his speech was like your uncle Lou’s just before the paramedics came.

Did you notice that not one winner all night, any category, thanked a network or studio for notes?

When Jessica Lange was thanking everyone in the world I was hoping for a promo crawl underneath her to say, “Jessica Lange speech over in 8 minutes.”

Letting Heidi Klum do comedy is like giving a squirrel a grenade.

Anyone who says Jewish girls don’t know how to dress didn’t see Sarah Silverman tonight in her Catholic Girl’s uniform.


Mitchell Hundred said...

In fairness, Bill Maher is kind of an asshole.

Mark Moretti said...

Mitchell please, either you are joking based on the hysteria Maher and Harris caused with their completely salient and well reasoned critique of Islam, and Afflecks complete misunderstanding of everything, or you are incapable of that level of discourse. The only “asshole" in that segment is Affleck.

Maher should win, far better than Stewart's Daily Show, which often beats him.

Bill K said...

In fairness, that clip's not the best evidence that Bill Maher is kind of an asshole. I would say that his support for the anti-vaxers or his defense of the idiots in Texas arresting Ahmed Mohamed or his treatment of women's issues are all far better evidence.

And Maher shouldn't win as he's not even the best show in his category on his own network which is why John Oliver was nominated instead of him this year. Although to be fair he did deserve to be nominated over The Tonight Show.

Mike said...

The BBC's promotion was uncharacteristically lavish this year. The emails read:
"We commend for your attention The Honourable Woman and Wolf Hall. Budget restructions prevent us from sending screeners, but you may borrow copies from your local library. Region 2, PAL."

Mitchell Hundred said...

I'd also cite the movie Religilous as evidence of Maher's assholery. He travels around the world arguing with straw versions of adherents to various religions and concludes that religion is the source of most of the world's problems (which it really isn't). It's just that the clip with Ben Affleck and all those other guys arguing about Islam was the most readily available to me.

Basically, he's a guy who thinks that choosing to be non-religious automatically makes him smarter than everybody else. And I am not a fan of his type.

Mark Moretti said...

So because Maher presses people on their deeply held belief in an imaginary friend he's an asshole?

The world's religions have much to apologize for, why should Maher ignore it? It's time for everyone to grow up and admit belief without evidence is for children.

If you have bad ideas, just like Maher's regarding vaccines, you should have to account for them. People who claim to know what God wants also need to be held to account.

Mitchell Hundred said...

How dare you Jesus is always there for me and you are going to hell Mark Moretti unless you change your ways.

Anonymous said...

Bill K. Said:

"I would say that his support for the anti-vaxers or his defense of the idiots in Texas arresting Ahmed Mohamed"

Uh... the kid took an electronic clock's guts out of it's container, put in in a metal briefcase (not a "pencil case), leaving the manufactured circuits and wires he did not design or create hanging out and around outside the clock in the interior of the suitcase. He did ZERO to do with "inventing" the clock besides laying it's guts out in the suitcase. If I open my TV, and pull the circuitry board out, I haven't "intented" a TV. All he and his father repurposed a cheap electronic clock into something that looked like a half-assed bomb.

Why don't you try googling "briefcase bomb," check out the images, and see if you notice any similarities to Ahmed's? That said, would it be all right with you if he randomly brought to school something that looked like a half-assed gun? No? But briefcase bombs are a-okay? If you had your kids attending that school, would you rather the teachers try to figure out what a half-assed briefcase bomb actually is, or would you rather have the police involved?

So, why would the boy try this publicity stunt?

His dad is a Sudanese immigrant who has run for president of the Sudan numerous times, while residing here in the United States. I would call that not only a failure to assimilate, but a success in being an exploiter. His entire family is quite a piece of work, and wildly political. That's why one of the officers said, when he learned his name, “That’s who I thought it was.”

So stop presenting this boy as if he was just some innocent who happened to invent a clock (he didn't) and decided to bring it to school for a science project or impress a teacher he winded up scaring the hell out of. He and his father planned this, for no reason but to incite an incident, as per his father's wishes.

There's a lot more to the story that is yet to be resolved, it's highly likely the elements are political, but for now it's safe to presume the intended outcome, by this boy's father, was for a lot of bad journalists doing what they do best, and create internet headlines detached from the facts.

Recently, it appears the boy's father applied for a corporate name:

Here's more of his father's background:

I told you his family is a piece of work.

So far, you've misrepresentd the boy as being much less than he is, so I'm afraid you're beating out Mahr as supreme douchebag, and you win the "stupid thing that looks like a briefcase bomb" award. Congratulations.

– Jess

Barry Traylor said...

I am sure this question has been asked and answered before Ken, but how are the winners of the Emmys chosen? Are the names just drawn out of a huge hat or what?

Mitchell Hundred said...

No, Maher's not an asshole for questioning people on their beliefs. He's an asshole because he made a documentary about religion and instead of seeking out theologians or anybody who can provide an actual substantive debate about religious belief, he argued with a bunch of truckers and a guy who played Jesus in a Christian theme park because he thought it would make him look smarter (which it didn't). Like I said, he went for the straw positions.

Mark Moretti said...

He also talked to theologians of all faiths and you know it. Not like they have any evidence for their beliefs either.