It’s Christmas time in Hollywood and you know what that means – plastic surgery season!
Yes, it’s the time of year when stars or anyone over 28 can sneak off
for a couple of weeks and get that face lift, tummy tuck, botox
treatment, and boob job they’ve needed since October. Instead of Aspen
or joining me in Hawaii they can spend the holidays locked away looking
like raccoons or Mickey Rourke after a fight.
They need to be ready because in January the awards season begins!! A
standard rule of thumb: an actress’ skin must be pulled tighter than the
red carpet. What they don’t understand is that viewers don’t say, “Wow,
she looks amazing!”, they say, “Wow, she looks like Barry Manilow.”
Lip enhancements are still the rage (as anyone who watches REAL
HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS knows). Here’s Meg Ryan. AMERICAN PSYCHO
producer Clifford Streit said it looked like she installed a vagina on
her face. Later, they actually did that operation on an episode
NIP/TUCK. Meg would be so thrilled to know she's a trend setter.
There is a high rise hotel adjacent to Beverly Hills that reserves two
floors exclusively for celebrities hiding out while recovering from
their transformation to the Joker. Can you imagine how many poor room
service guys are traumatized for life? “Here’s your club sandwich Ms Cox…AAAAA!!!”
It’s not just women of course who go in for these procedures. Here’s Burt Reynolds turning Japanese I really think so. And have you noticed that every local news anchor is starting to look like Warren Beatty, including the women?
One celebrity who doesn’t buy into this nonsense is MODERN FAMILY'S
Julie Bowen (pictured right). And despite being somewhat flat-chested,
she’s found you don’t need a boob job to be provocative while at an
But the astounding thing is that it’s not just stars who flock to the
knife and suction hoses. In L.A. a large number of elective surgery
patients are…are you ready?…real estate agents.
That’s right. You’ve got to look young and glamorous if you possibly
hope to move that tear-down in Mar Vista. Why is the housing market in
Los Angeles so screwed up? Because there are now 5,000 Liza Minnellis
running around with real estate licenses! No wonder everyone makes fun
In the rest of the world Santa asks “What would you like for Christmas?” But here in the land of perpetual beauty, endless award shows, and a tight housing market Santa asks, “What don’t you like about yourself?”