Tuesday, October 31, 2017

My idea for a really cool slasher movie

I must admit I never got into those slasher movies. Seems to me they’re all the same story. The popular kids who were too good to ever go out with you in high school all frolic off to a cabin for some holiday and some disfigured skeesix in a goalie’s mask terrorizes and one-by-one graphically slices them up. Yes, it’s grizzly and horrible but isn’t that sorta what they deserve? Would it kill them to agree to dance with us just once??

Then there’s a sequel where the ones that survived go BACK to the cabin. You’d think maybe they’d hit Miami Beach the next winter break instead?

And there’s always the backstory explaining how the psychopath became a killer…such as he was a bed wetter or flunked out of Benhinana Chef school.

I have what I believe is a great idea for a slasher movie. I’m sharing it because I’ve had it registered (in other words, you can’t steal it!!!). But it seems to me the key to this genre is creating a truly terrifying slasher. My idea is to hire Gordon from SESAME STREET as the psychopath. Can you imagine how disturbing THAT would be to anyone who grew up with that show?

“You didn’t eat your vegetables!” “AAAAAAAA!!!” Slice! Hack!

“Can you spell ‘help’?” “H-E-L-AAAAAAAAAAA!!” Stab! Slit!

“One of these limbs is not like the others!” Chop!

“Today I’m brought to you by the letters D.O.A.!!”

I can hear the screams now. Freddie and Jason and Chucky, eat (or cut) your hearts out. Plus, I’ve got the sequel all storyboarded. Only this time it’s Maria.

Happy Halloween, kids.


KMB said...

Peter Jackson once did something similar with one of his first films in "Meet the Feebles", a nasty Muppets parody.

David P said...

Do it as a movie musical - and recycle songs from other shows.

"How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

Rashad Khan said...

Too funny!!

Unfortunately, Roscoe Orman would never sign on for it. Back in '76, when he was working simultaneously on "Sesame Street" and "All My Children," he noticed that kids who watched both shows had trouble distinguishing his SS character (Gordon) from the one he played on AMC (Donna and Estelle's pimp, Tyrone). Gordon was too special to him, so he asked to be written off AMC.

Nevertheless, seeing him slash-and-trash his way through "the Street" would be, well, killer.

Mike said...

Gordon & Maria have been behaving strangely. During the opening number, they've been taking the knee.
"Hold out your hand. Can you count up to five?" Klick. "Now you can only count up to four."

No need to make a Trump mask. Just glue some straw on top of a pumpkin. It'll scare away the boy scouts.
"So pumpkin, have you been invited to any parties that are only for hot people?"

Mike Doran said...

Many years before he got the Sesame Street gig, Roscoe Orman did an early-career stint on All My Children, playing a really nasty pimp named Tyrone.
That was back in the mid-'70s, but soap fans (like me, I'll admit) have very long memories ...

Show you just how long:

On All My Children not too long after that, a nice lady's supper club was torched by a mean arsonist - played by Chef Brockett from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood!

So much for nostalgia ...

E. Yarber said...

If you think the AMC performances were anything new, consider that the same sort of contrast took place back in the days of Radio, except that time the disturbing role reversal was on the KIDS' show.

"Pepper Young's Family" was a long-running serial (27 years!) featuring an all-American teenager in a small town who eventually married his high school sweetheart and raised a son while having wholesome adventures.

Since the shows were only fifteen minutes apiece and there were a lot of roles to play, it was a common practice in those days for radio actors to appear in more than one soap opera. Mason Adams charmed listeners early in the day as Pepper, but when the kids came home from school he turned up on "The Adventures of Superman" as Atom Man, a superhuman former Nazi with Kryptonite blood who sadistically beat the crap out of the Man of Steel and left him for dead more than once. I wonder how many mothers were by the radio long enough for both shows and shuddered at what must have sounded like Pepper's secret life.

Green Luthor said...

Roscoe Orman also played a pimp in the 1974 blaxploitation film Willie Dynamite. (That would be the same year he was hired for Sesame Street.)

ADmin said...

I've seen a few Slasher movies in my day but, to me, they should be called Attrition movies. Like the "10 Little Monkeys" song, you count down the characters to the last one or rarely two. They ARE all the same(Except for Cabin in the Woods - that was kinda different). The genre could use some new ideas. And quite frankly, that Snuffleupagus has always seemed sketchy to me - How come only the yellow guy with the feathers can see him? It's all verrry suspicious. Just what is this "Snuffleuppagus" up to, anyway? And what's the deal with the Goalie mask? You can't just meander down to Academy Sports and buy one of those old classics! Where is Jason getting those masks, at the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto? Is he making his own, or just heading out to the Spirit store and buying a half a dozen of them every Halloween? Jerry Cheevers better start hiding his old equipment!

What were we talking about again? :)

lowtide said...

You might try the comedy Tucker and Dale vs. Evil which shows what happens when the hillbillies are the ones under siege by the murderous college kids.

Becky said...

Ken, here's some news about your "Favorite" singer Seth MacFarlane :)

Seth exposed Kevin Spacey in 2005 itself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4dHf6jnwaU

And also slammed Harvey Weinstein during the Oscar nominations announcement in 2013 itself.

I know you hate Seth, but surely he deserves some appreciation too for having the courage to take on someone as powerful as Harvey, don't you think?

Laura said...

They have cut out a dialogue that referenced Kevin Spacey from "This is Us".

Friday Question - Have you ever had any of your dialogues cut at the last moment to avoid controversy?

Is such a last moment cut necessary? Or is it just too much "political correctness" that each and every thing related to someone needs to be "purged".

Mike Bloodworth said...

The person I always wanted to see as a villain, not necessarily in a slasher movie, is Mr. Rodgers. I can imagine the hero trapped in a cell or strapped to some sort of torture device and in walks Mr. Rodgers. He puts on his sweater and his sneakers and then proceeds to confront the hero. Of course he's saying all the wild, crazy cliches a movie villain would say, but he's doing it in is calm, soothing, monotone. It would be simultaneously creapy and hilarious. Unfortunately, Fred Rodgers is dead. And Even if he wasn't, I'm sure he'd have the same problem As 'Gordon.' Too many kids might be confused and/or traumatized by the situation. I can't help but wonder how many times he approached to do Just that; either as a parody or legitimately.
P.S. I very pleasantly surprised that no one threw in a Donald Trump reference.

Peter said...

On the subject of slasher movies, Ken, I urge you to see Happy Death Day, because it is the funniest film of the year. It's Groundhog Day meets Halloween and it's just so clever and funny.

Don't worry if you're not really into horror movies, because it's not scary and not particularly gory. The emphasis is on the comedy and characters. Check it out, you won't be disappointed.

Rashad Khan said...

"a nice lady's supper club"

Are you talking about the Chateau, Mike Doran? Because, I think I know the storyline you're talking about. ;)

Pat said...

And quite frankly, that Snuffleupagus has always seemed sketchy to me - How come only the yellow guy with the feathers can see him?

For those who don't know, the Snuffleupagus is a wooly mammoth-like creature on SESAME STREET who is a friend of Big Bird. For a long time, the gimmick with Snuffleupagus is that no one but Big Bird ever saw him, and no one believed Big Bird that his friend Snuffy was real.

Eventually, the over-thinkers behind SESAME STREET decided this was sending the message to kids that adults wouldn't believe them even if they were telling the truth and that this would discourage kids from reporting themselves as victims of sexual abuse, so in a Very Special Episode of SESAME STREET, the whole gang finally meet Snuffy and apologized to Big Bird for not believing him.

SESAME STREET was more fun back before there was so much meddling in it. Cookie Monster? Oh, he's still there, but now he learns important lessons about enjoying cookies only occasionally and only in moderation, as a small part of a balanced, nutritious diet.

Rick said...

The best example of that kind of casting that I can recall was in the 1968 spaghetti western "Once Upon a Time in the West".

A family is gunned down by a group of men attacking from the bushes. When the deed is done the men come out from cover to inspect their work and find that one young by is still alive. As they talk about what to do next, one of the men slips and refers to their leader by name, Frank. We have not seen his face.

Frank points out that, now that they boy knows his name, his options are limited. So he slowly pulls his gun and shoots the boy point blank. The camera is focused on the smoking gun and then pans up to show the face of this ruthless killer... it's Henry Fonda!

Y. Knott said...

Isn't it awful when something you found fun is changed simply to help combat sexual abuse, rampant obesity and diabetes?

Toughen up, kids -- Pat's childhood memories mustn't be sullied!

Mike said...

@Mike Bloodworth:
I very pleasantly surprised that no one threw in a Donald Trump reference.
I did. I knew nobody read my comments. I recently wrote a risque joke about Theresa May & Brexit negotiations, if you'd like to read it.

Andy Rose said...

Haha, I love complaints about changes on Sesame Street as a result of research and testing, like it's some sort of new thing. That show was literally the most tested program in the history of television before it started. The producers spent THREE YEARS researching, piloting, focus group testing the pilots, and recasting and reshooting before the show even debuted. Every single sketch they've ever done has been reviewed by educational consultants.

While the sexual abuse concern was the official reason for making Mr. Snuffleapagus seen, the writers have acknowledged that they were also simply tired of the gimmick. After 14 years, they were sick of finding new ways for the adults on Sesame Street to always narrowly miss seeing Snuffy.

Mike Doran said...


= Mike Bloodworth:
Fred Rogers (note spelling) was not an actor; he'd have been the first to tell you that.
On other people's talk shows, he'd tell stories on himself, about how he'd sometimes get the puppets's voices mixed up during tapings, and the other actors would bring him back on track.
That was the key: the other actors, mainly stage people from Broadway and Off-, who worked with him for years.
I already mentioned Don Brockett, who years afterward turned up as a violent inmate in Silence Of The Lambs.
I'm fairly sure that Fred Rogers didn't live to see the bizarre roles that Betty Aberlin would play in Kevin Smith's features (Red State in particular); now these really threw me for a loop ...

- Rashad Khan:

It was indeed Donna's Chateau from All My Children.
(And by the way, whatever happened to Candice Earley?)

Andy Rose said...

@Mike Doran: Another unexpected Mister Rogers' Neighborhood cameo in a movie: The film Bob Roberts was shot in Pittsburgh, and not surprisingly features yet another Don Brockett cameo. But they also do a thinly-veiled send-up of Saturday Night Live, and it was shot in the same studio where they made Fred's show. To look more like the real SNL, they loaded up the hallway outside the studio with random props they found around the building, and one of them that you can see is King Friday's castle.

Mike Bloodworth said...

I apologize. I was wrong.
You did make a Trump joke. I admit I only scanned your comment. I'll be more vigilant in the future.