Sunday, September 23, 2018

Girls, don't let this happen to you

Oh, the humanity!  The heartbreak!  Imagine if she had slept with a roadie.  Or worse -- a writer.

Let this be a cautionary tale.  Never sleep with a celebrity until you've determined he's important enough.   Now this poor girl has to go through life with the shame of knowing she only slept with a bass player.    Let the years of therapy begin. 

My favorite related concerns a certain character from the '60s and '70s.  He was in a series of commercials for a gasoline company.   At the same time he was acting in dinner theater.  One night he goes to bed with one of the ushers.  They're in the throes of passion and she yells out, "I'm fucking Mr. Dirt!" 

You gotta love show business! 

18 comments :

Gary said...

I wonder what Paul McCartney would think of this story...

scottmc said...

I just listened to the 'Less is More' podcast and it reminded me of a posting that you did years ago. Your daughter was preparing for an audition and the Neil Simon piece she selected ran over. After trying to speed it up you decided to try editing it down to the acceptable time. You were right, the second version of The Fugitive didn't seem to be missing anything I considered essential from the first version.

Peter said...

On the subject of fame being an aphrodisiac, it reminds me of this classic Eddie Murphy line from Delirious:

"There's somethin' about singing, that is the business! You sing, women go crazy! 'Cause Mick Jagger is an ugly motherfucker."

Matt said...

Is. This from The Onion?

VincentS said...

Reminds me of the joke about the dumbEST blonde in Hollywood. She was so dumb she screwed the screenwriter!

Steve Bailey said...

I'll never think about Ronny Graham the same way again.

Janet Ybarra said...

At least he wasn't the drummer...

Sandra said...

Ken,

A Friday question on your Friday answer.

I was reading one of your Friday questions on MASH movie.

https://kenlevine.blogspot.com/2016/07/friday-questions.html

You said "we always had great respect for the movie". Did you like the script of Ring Lardner Jr.?

It is said that the poor guy was cheated out of proper praise, since Altman went around saying that he re-wrote the script and took all the praise - which seems to happen all the time in Hollywood.

And also in the same answer you have said that Richard Hooker earned just peanuts. Was he compensated later for the successful TV show, or just stiffed as usual by Hollywood.

Mike said...

Surely you too must have gotten lucky Ken. Especially in the 70s when girls were batshit crazy about Hollywood guys. Even if they were just writers.

Mike Bloodworth said...

Its almost enough to make me wish I had continued with my piano lessons when I was a little kid. I just HATED practicing. Little did I know back then how much "tail" musicians get. Maybe a keyboardist isn't as popular as a guitar player, (That's probably why they invented the keyboard that looks like a guitar) but I'd take it.
M.B.

Moanerplicity said...

Wow. "Oh! The humanity!" is right! Talk about sleeping your way to the middle! LMAO!

Charles Cavender said...

Don’t sell writers short. Arthur Miller?

Mike said...

@ VincentS

Read Joe Eszterhas' books. That guy boasts on and on that he is the only writer in Hollywood who has slept with A list actresses, starlets etc... Sharon Stone is his biggest conquest.

Also snidely informs us that he banged Martin Scorcese's wife in his kitchen when Marty was away shooting. Wonder if it was Isabella Rossellini ........

Paddy Chayefsky did get lucky with Kim Novak.

So not all writers are schmucks.

Waiting for Ken to put out his list one day to rival Joe ;)

E. Yarber said...

That reflects the side of show business which always struck me as kind of high school-ish. I learned early on I was better working with people in the trade than trying to socialize with them. I'd get excessive praise when I turned something in, but if they got me to go to parties I was inevitably standing around looking stupid because people had their cliques and were always judging whether I was one of the cool kids or not. It takes me a while to get warmed up in a conversation, and by that time anyone around had already moved on looking for someone with status. Since my work was anonymous, I had nothing to impress them with. Once I ran into a guy who had heard of me, but insisted I must only be claiming to be E. Yarber because Yarber wrote much better than I possibly could.

In the end, if it came down to impressing strangers or being able to work long hours actually doing the work, I'd choose the latter, not that I seem to have a choice. I have a few close friends, but none of them are involved in "creative" work and find my stories about Hollywood dull and annoying. God help them, they insist they like me for myself. Don't ask me why.

Peter said...

He bragged that he had sex with Scorsese's wife while he was away?

And all this time I've wondered why Eszterhas is perceived as an asshole.

Ralph C. said...

Kids In The Hall... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQCGefdrjkc

D McEwan said...

You realize some of us remember who was "Mr.Dirt"?

michael brown said...

It was Issabella and Joe says something to the effect of "I fucked Rossellini while Marty was off being an auter".