I can't believe ESPN let Jon Miller go

ESPN’s decision to replace Jon Miller as the TV voice of Sunday Night Baseball is a colossal mistake. Other than Vin Scully (who’s in a class by himself), Jon Miller is easily the best baseball announcer in the game. No one else comes close. Having been his partner in Baltimore and having had the privilege to watch him work on a daily basis I was continually in awe of his knowledge of the game, respect for its history, preparation, use of the English language, and showmanship.

His highlights alone can give you chills. And it’s not because he has any bullshit signature home run calls, it’s because he communicates a genuine excitement and joy. Add to that an exquisite voice (although I must admit I hate him for that). And something else very rare to the field – a real sense of humor. In this age of generic, safe, plastic sounding play-by-play guys, Jon truly entertains. And let’s face it – Sunday night baseball in the middle of the season. The Indians at Oakland. Who other than fans of those teams or diehard baseball freaks is going to watch? You’ve got to offer them something more. K-Zones ain’t gonna cut it. Jon Miller gives you a reason to tune in even if you don’t give a crap about the game. His humor, flair for the dramatic, and unique style makes him frankly, not just the perfect choice for that job; the only choice for that job.

I know Dan Shulman and like Dan Shulman. He’s a terrific broadcaster. He’s good on baseball and sensational on basketball. But he’s not Jon Miller.

I don’t understand making a change just for change sake. That’s like NBC booting Johnny Carson because they wanted to try something else. You’ve got the best. Leave it alone.

Jon’s been offered Sunday night baseball on ESPN radio. I don’t know if he’ll accept it. He remains the voice of the World Champion San Francisco Giants, so it’s not like he has to go on Craig’s List to see if there’s anything he can do to make ends meet.

Sooner or later Jon will be back on the national stage. Another network will hire him, and I’m sure when the sports director is applauded for his foresight he’ll just shrug his shoulders and say, “Are you kidding? It was a no-brainer.”

Conan's debut

It's good to have Coco back.  But I’ve got to be honest, by the time he got to Lea Michele I was reaching for the remote. And after a six-month build-up to this show and the whole internet full court press (I'm still pissed that he has 10,000,000 more Twitter followers than me), that’s not a good sign.

The Conan I love is the one who is irreverent, loose, and unpredictable. At his best, he presides over inspired anarchy. What I disliked most about his move from late night to THE TONIGHT SHOW was that it felt more conventional. To broaden his appeal he toned down the lunacy (until the end of course, when he just didn’t give a shit). I always assumed that was a mandate from the network.

And so I was hoping when he relocated to basic cable that he’d throw off the shackles and really go for it. And maybe he still will. It was just his first night. Also, I assume the amped up nervous energy will dissipate once he settles in and realizes he’s on the same network that reruns sitcoms literally twenty hours a day. He’s on the ACCORDING TO JIM station.

But what I saw Monday was just another late night talk show. After an inspired filmed opening, Coco settled into the usual talk show format. Monologue, schmooze with co-host (good to have Andy back, too), tedious celebrities shilling their latest projects, a musical guest rushing through one quick number, and “goodnight, everybody!” Come on, Conan. This is the time slot once filled by FRANK TV and even worse, the stupifyingly unfunny, George Lopez. You can trim your nose hairs for an hour and it will still be better. It’s a no-lose! So take advantage.

Like I said, the opening film showing his journey from NBC to TBS was funny. Loved the interview with Don Draper. And the opening monologue made me laugh a lot. A few NBC shots but not belabored. This was my favorite:

But the weird thing is this: I put myself and my staff through a lot because I refused to go on at midnight. So I get this job at eleven. Then, yesterday, Daylight Savings Time ended --- so right now it’s basically midnight. In fact, it’s 12:05. I’m an idiot!

I laughed out loud (which is one time more than I think I ever did during a Jay Leno monologue).

The schmooze-at-the-desk-with-Andy segment also had its moments. The “Ex-Talk Show Host” mask was a riot. And you can never go wrong with a Ricky Gervais bit.

But then came the guests. Here’s where the show crashed and burned. Conan is clearly uncomfortable in the role of straight man/interviewer. He goes from being a gifted comedian to a census taker at the end of a twelve hour shift. And his first two guests didn’t help. Seth Rogen (sporting his new Mark Feuerstein look) was painful. He shared the hilarious story of proposing to his wife while she was topless. And he managed to get in the word “titties”, too! Nicely turned, Mr. Rogen. Then he promoted a movie that doesn’t come out for two months.

Up next was Lea Michele from GLEE, yammering about her father not thinking she could sing at age eight. At that point Conan himself looked like he wanted to change the channel to see what Colbert was doing.

Things improved in the two-minute musical segment with Jack White, mostly because Conan participated. The fact that he can play an instrument and sort of carry a tune makes him unique among talk show hosts. Anything Coco can do to distinguish himself is a plus. Instead of robotically feeding Lea Michele questions it would have been fun if Conan had tried to sing with her. With Seth Rogen, I don’t know what you do.

Practically all of the laughs this first night came from Conan’s career turmoil. Very funny, yes. But it’s time to move on. You’ve got a good job. Jeff Zucker is out of work. Jay is losing to Dave. On to the next great masturbating bear.

So stop downing 5 Hour Energy Drinks as if they were shots of tequila, let Seth Rogen hawk his crap on LOPEZ TONIGHT, and be that crazy goofy guy I first met in the SIMPSONS writing room that I thought was so enormously talented and disturbed.

Font of youth

So as you can see, I went back to the original font size. Since it is the standard and anyone can easily enlarge their own screen, it seemed the best way to go. Thanks to everyone for joining the discussion.

Looking forward to Conan’s debut on TBS tonight. Will let you know tomorrow what I thought. And as always, I’m more interested in hearing what you thought. Except for the Anonymous crazy people, but they’re probably too busy still ripping me for criticizing the airlines and Traci Lords.

Following up on Jessica Alba's dopey statement...

In light of master thespian, Jessica Alba’s recent comment that good actors don’t follow scripts and instead just say whatever they want, I’ve had a number of readers ask if that is true.


For the most part, no. Some improvisation does go on in features if the director embraces it. Mike Leigh uses this approach (although I’d be surprised if Jessica Alba even knows who Mike Leigh is). Many directors will allow actors to improvise during rehearsals as a way to help them lock into the characters but when the camera is rolling they go back to that pesky script.


Actors in CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM work off a detailed outline but rehearse and refine scenes until they might as well be scripted. Plus, Larry David uses actors who are well-skilled in working off-the-cuff.


I would love to see Jessica Alba join the improv workshop I attend. She might find that creating a character, moving a story forward, and holding her own with other gifted actors without a script requires more than nice breasts.


In the theater, actors must perform the script verbatim. But this doesn’t apply to Jessica Alaba since I can’t imagine her ever doing theater… except maybe a one-woman show as the Statue of Liberty.


By the way, I always find it curious that actors will claim, “I can’t say this” but in a play where they’re legally not allowed to change anything they somehow manage to deliver the lines as written.


In sitcoms, especially multi-camera sitcoms, it is imperative the actors don’t stray from the script because, among other reasons, cameras move on line cues. A hint to the studio audience that an actor is ad libbing is when three cameras crash into each other.


I wish those actors who dismiss scripts, like Jessica, could sit in a writers’ room. They’d be amazed at how much thought and time and effort goes into crafting each line. Debates over whether a certain word in a set-up needs to be in the middle or the end of the line. Long discussions on ways to make the lines sound more natural. The Jessicas would be surprised by how concerned we are with making the dialogue easy for actors to perform. If something is a tongue-twister or clunky we change it so they don’t have to struggle with it. On MASH, before we sent a script down to the stage, we read it aloud ourselves and tweaked any lines we felt the actors might stumble over.  You're welcome, Jessica.


Bottom line: I think actors who share Jessica Alba’s disdain for scripts are in the vast minority. Yes, there may be tension between writers and actors, but (if forced to take truth serum) I believe you’d find that most actors do have respect for writers and writers do appreciate the skill and discipline that actors exhibit to fully realize their characters.


Jessica, I just think you need to spend more time with writers (or any time at all) to really understand how they work. Fortunately, there are ten thousand of them who have personally volunteered to meet with you. That’s the kind of pride and dedication we take in our craft.

The votes are in!

You'll see in the morning.   Thanks for participating.

Does size really matter?

As you know, I’m always looking to improve the blog. And by that I mean cosmetically. The content is what it is.

Today, quite by accident (I mean, after months of focus groups and detailed research) I used a larger font size. It has really caused quite a reaction. Many love it, some don’t, others (like me) didn’t even notice the difference.

But I might as well just ask: Do you like the larger font or not? I know – it’s not like you haven’t voted enough this week. Still, it would be good to know. Leave your thoughts in the comment section. Thanks.

What is a Creative Consultant?

A reader wanted to know just what it meant to be a “Creative Consultant” on FRASIER. First of all, these titles are arbitrary and completely made-up. They can mean anything and nothing. For my responsibilities on FRASIER I could just as easily have been called “Teleplay Consultant”, “Script Captain”, “Producer for a Day”, “Supervising Shecky”, or “Power Forward”. In the theatre the job was called “Play Doctor”.

Essentially you come in one night a week and help to rewrite the script currently in production. You attend the runthrough and go back to the room and help fix the show. Primarily it’s punching-up the jokes but it can also be story help too. Often times the staff can get too close to a story and it helps to have a pair of virgin eyes. Even mine.

In this day and age of tightening budgets, “creative consultants” are a luxury most shows can no longer afford. It’s too bad. A good consultant can not only contribute to the script but also provide a welcome boost to the rest of the weary staff. Another screen credit could be "Part-time Buddy Sorrell".

I’ve done that job on many series including CHEERS, FRASIER, BECKER, WINGS, SIBS, MAMA’S BOY, IT’S ALL RELATIVE, LATELINE, and countless pilots. It can be great fun but also long hours. And when you’re working on two or three shows a week, and each rewrite goes until 3 AM your life become the Night of the Living Dead by Thanksgiving. The late Jerry Belson, one of the funniest punch-up guys EVER, worked on two shows a week at one time. LOVE SIDNEY on Monday and CHEERS on Wednesday. Except LOVE SIDNEY was in New York. Jerry would commute back and forth every week.

I’ve had the privilege of working with some of the finest “Creative Consultants”. In addition to Jerry Belson, there’s David Lloyd (unfortunately he too has passed on) and the all-time king of this field – Bob Ellison (pictured).

I marvel at Bob Ellison. The man is just a machine. He can come up with more jokes and BETTER jokes faster and more plentiful than anyone I’ve ever met. Most writers look for any excuse to get out of the room for a short break. They’ll call their agent, use the bathroom, make some coffee, agree to a root canal if it’ll buy them an extra four minutes. Not Bob. He’ll sit down at 4:00 and not move until 2:00 AM. And during that time he’ll pitch great joke after joke. Bob can come up with more quality material in one night than most accomplished comedy writers can deliver in a year. And for twenty years Bob worked on as many as four shows a week. How he does this and remains so sharp and funny and consistent – night after night after night -- I will never know.

An example of Bob (and there are literally millions): There's a writer who always wore black. Bob crossed paths with him while walking across the Paramount lot and noticed he was wearing a white shirt that day. Without missing a beat Bob asked, "Who died?"

Like I said Bob Ellison is the King. Maybe that’s the screen credit he should be given. “King of Comedy” or even “Executive King of Comedy” if they want to spruce it up.

Tragedy at the Playboy Mansion and what cartoon they're showing

So I saw this news story from the LA DAILY NEWS and immediately went to Hugh Hefner’s Twitter account to see if he Tweets about it. As you know, he really keeps us informed. Here is the article and the resulting Tweets. This should clear up any confusion about the case. Thanks, Hugh.


MAN FOUND DEAD AT PLAYBOY MANSION


LOS ANGELES — A man was found dead today at the Playboy Mansion.


It was unclear exactly where on the property the body was located, said Officer Cleon Joseph of the Los Angeles Police Department.


"We don't really know much at this point," Joseph said. "As of now it is a coroner's case."


The Coroner's Office picked up the body, but the cause of death, the man's name or why he was at the mansion have not been determined.

# @Katayaxx Our love to Katie from the Mansion. about 1 hour ago

@chrystianti The Saturday night cartoon is Bugs Bunny in "Baby Buggy Bugs."

@3POINTGROTTO After my death, my autobiographical scrapbooks will be shared by Playboy & the Playboy Foundation.

@happyRAFproject Happy birthday, Rafael.

Don't miss the start of the new season of "Kendra" on E! Sunday night. And don't miss Kendra in a hot December issue, about 1 hour ago via Twitterrific

@aphrodite092 Happy birthday, Jay!

The Saturday night Mansion movie is Steve McQueen & Faye Dunaway in the cool caper film "The Thomas Crown Affair."

While I'm editing cartoons & working on my scrapbook, Marston is playing tennis with Keith, Ray Anthony &Berry Gordy

I guarantee you will laugh at this scene

I had the good fortune to direct this episode of FRASIER, called ROZ & THE SCHNOZ. It was brilliantly written by Jeffrey Richman.

The premise: Roz is pregnant and meets the father's parents (played to perfection by Kevin Kilner and Jordan Baker). She is horrified to learn they both have huge noses. Will her baby have one too? This is the dinner party scene when everyone arrives and gets their first look.

There are times when it appears the actors are about to lose it. Those moments are real. David and Jane especially.

It was a tricky scene to stage, finding different ways to do the reveal as each character entered. But at the end of the day I couldn't be happier with the results. I think this is one of those rare scenes where you can watch it over and over again and laugh every single time.

Enjoy. I know you will.

Unchained Melody

"Unchained Melody" (written by Alex North & Hy Zaret) is one of the most beautiful and emotional songs of all-time. Most of you I'm sure have heard the Righteous Brothers' classic rendition of it. If not, here it is.

Click To Play

There are over 500 versions of this song, but maybe the best, certainly the most powerful is by Vito & the Salutations. This is a master class in interpretation. I warn you -- you're going to need a hanky.

Click To Play

Jessica Alba is an idiot

In the recent edition of Elle magazine, Jessica Alba had this to say:

"Good actors never use the script unless it's amazing writing. All the good actors I've worked with, they all say whatever they want to say."

What a moronic statement.  Especially from someone whose only talent is her looks. Good luck winging Shakespeare, Jess.  Oh wait.  You don't do Shakespeare.   You do great movies like THE LOVE GURU and GOOD LUCK CHUCK.  And fine television work like THE LOVE BOAT and FLIPPER.

Oh...and if your theory is correct, Jessica, then Flipper can say whatever he wants, but you need to stick to the script.

German Comedy Schools

Time for Friday questions.

The first one comes from Kaan in Germany.

My whole life I have this crazy passion for American television, especially comedy shows. Comedy is really my passion and so many people say I really have a talent for that.


But every German TV Show suck! They are just not funny.


There are some writing programs/schools in Germany. But I'm afraid if I go to these programs/schools they will screw up my writing. Because these are the same programs/schools that produce these terrible writers who write the terrible German TV Shows.


Should I go to these schools to learn at least something, which is most probably wrong or should I wait until I'm in the US, which will take two years at least?

I find it hard to imagine a German comedy school. I don’t know any personally so I can’t vouch for them good or not. You don’t usually think of the Rhineland as the Mecca of comedy.

But the best way to learn how to write American sitcoms (besides reading this blog of course) is to watch and study American sitcoms intensely. This is easier to do now with DVD’s and ON DEMAND and websites like HULU.

Take a full season of a show you admire. Outline every episode. Then begin comparing. Look for patterns in how they break down the stories. What kind of jokes do they tell? Are they set-up/punch line? Or more observational? Or snarky?

It’s all there for you. You just have to deconstruct it.

There are also some good books you could read on the subject by Alex Epstein and William Rabkin & Lee Goldberg.

Gluck.

Michael asks:

It's common to hear about network interference, but do you have any examples where network suggestions or notes actually improved a series or particular episode?

Yes. I’ve mentioned this before but Tim Flack, when he was at CBS was amazing. Every project we did for him benefited greatly from his input. Sadly, Tim passed away. Were he still here I’d be running my pilot ideas and stories by him to this day.

There have been a few others but Tim was a star.

From Eduardo Jencarelli:

What's the criteria for hiring freelance directors on any show?

This is tricky. Imagine you have an office full of workers. And you hire someone to come in for a week and be their boss. That’s the roll of the freelance director. He has to come onto the set as an outsider and somehow garner everyone’s trust, fit in with whatever rehearsal schedule has already been established, and deliver not only a good show but one consistent in tone and style with all the other episodes.

Another key factor is whether he's hands-on or hands-off.  Some casts really like to be directed.  Others don't.

We look for experience, personality, sensibility, style, and talent. We like our sets to be low-key and relaxed so we hire directors accordingly. No screamers. No highly intense guys. Other producers may want just the opposite.

On the other hand, as a frequent guest director myself, I always felt like a substitute teacher coming into an unruly classroom.

Brian Phillips has another directing question:

While watching episodes of "Becker" and "Frasier", I noticed a few scripts credited solely to David Isaacs. Have you ever directed one of his scripts? If so, did you find it any easier or harder directing your writing partner's scripts?

I’ve never directed a script written solely by David but have directed episodes that we’ve written together. And those were easy because in writing it we had talked through practically every moment.

I assume it would also be easy directing one of his scripts because we’ve developed such a shorthand between us over the years. David could convey to me something I was missing with relative ease.

However, I will say this – I threw him off the stage once. It was after a runthrough. I said to him I always wanted to throw someone off the stage but I couldn’t afford to dispatch anyone from the cast and crew. I needed them all. So David got the heave-ho instead.

I did direct an episode of BECKER that I wrote on my own. The writer-me and the director-me fought all week. It was ugly.  I can't tell you how many times I wanted to throw myself off the set.

And finally, Andrew Wickliffe wonders:

When you have a supporting cast member who never talks in the background--I'm thinking of the woman who works for Roy on WINGS--does she never speak because then her pay would be different?

Bingo. Once they speak a line their pay scale shoots up dramatically and they come under SAG’s jurisdiction (Screen Actors Guild) vs. SEG’s (Screen Extras Guild).

Still, every so often it was worth it to give an extra a line. We did that one time on CHEERS. There was some bar run and the payoff was “Sinatra”. Rumpled barfly Al Rosen was assigned the line. It got a huge laugh. Al was then given more lines here and there over the subsequent years. And this is how he was always referred to in scripts: “Man Who Said Sinatra”.


What’s your question?

Sparky Anderson 1934-2010

When Sparky Anderson was 30 he looked 75. And now that he’s passed away at 76 I still think of him as 30. No one had more energy than George "Sparky" Anderson. Even the last time I spoke to him, which was only a few months ago at Dodger Stadium, he still had that twinkle. The sharpness wasn’t there but the enthusiasm was. He came out when the Tigers were in town. The above picture is one I took. How often do you see three Hall-of-Fame managers (Joe Torre, Jim Leyland, and Sparky) together?

It was the first time I had seen Sparky in years. He looked the same. Of course, he always looked the same. He circulated, greeting people and shaking hands. Judging by the respect and affection everyone had for him, you’d think the Pope was hanging around the batting cage.

Later he was up in the press dining room regaling scouts and long time cronies with stories. There was much laughter. That signature Sparky grin was ear-to-ear. I wondered why he didn’t come out more often. He got to be beloved and see a game. Not a bad way to spend a summer’s day. I must say, I never thought of his appearance as a farewell tour.

I’ve known him for almost twenty years, since I started broadcasting for the Orioles and he was managing the Tigers. Sparky and MASH producer, Burt Metcalfe, went to high school together at Dorsey High in Los Angeles. Whenever Sparky saw me down through the years, the first thing he always said was give Burt his best. This summer at Dodger Stadium was the first time he didn’t. I figured something wasn’t right.

Sparky gave the best interviews. The English was fractured but his answers were refreshingly candid and straight-forward. Once, when I was with the Mariners I asked how he planned to handle Ken Griffey Jr. and he went on for five minutes about "that kid is not going to beat me.  I don't care if I have to walk him nine times.  I don't care if everyone else in that line up hits a home run.  That so-and-so is not going to beat me!"  He was a throwback – back to the days when managers were colorful and made decisions based on gut, not Sabremetrics. The passion and joy he had for the game was infectious.

He was the Casey Stengel of my generation.

Will I miss him? Will baseball miss him? To use his favorite expression: “No doubt about it!”

Thanks for all the great years, Sparky.  And that's from a Dodger fan.

Adventures in pilot casting

The most important decisions you as a producer/creator/writer/whoever will make is casting. Everything else can be fixed. But the wrong people will kill you. On the other hand, the right people can send your project soaring. This is why networks today routinely replace actors in pilots. These decisions are often the result of testing but truthfully, actors are given a quick hook today if they don't score immediately in rehearsal.  Too quick in many instances, if you ask me.

Okay, on to THE MARY show.  You can see the pilot here.

We had several advantages while casting that show. We had a firm series pick-up. This made our project more attractive. Also, there was less network interference. We were asked to bring two choices for each role to CBS when we felt we were ready. And even then, in a couple of cases, we only came in with one person. The other big advantage we had was Molly Lopata, our extraordinary casting director.
Molly discovered Katey Sagal. Our other choice for the part was Kathy Bates, who was also marvelous but Katey just seemed so fresh. Kathy Bates survived the rejection by winning an Oscar. (Aside: You should see Katey in SONS OF ANARCHY. She’s amazing. As is Ron Perlman. And I love the fact that this series about bikers stars two Jews.)

Proud to say John Astin was my idea. We had been searching for months for the theater critic role. Lots of excellent actors came in and played him very pompous, and that was a major facet of the character. But the danger was he could become insufferable. John brought a sweetness, goofiness, and dignity to the role. John came in, started reading, said "Ed LaSalle" and that was it.  We knew he was the guy. We didn’t even bring him to the network. CBS approved him over the phone.

For the part of Lester, the shady guy that Mary’s friend Susan was engaged to, we pictured James Tolkin when we wrote the pilot. He too came in to read and was exactly what we imagined.  That's so nice... and rare when that happens.

Finding Susan wasn’t so easy. We must’ve read at least a hundred actresses including Sandy Dennis, Brenda Vaccarro, Susan Strassberg, and Janet Margolin. We had a wealth of riches. Ultimately, we went with Carlene Watkins who had been so funny in one of the great underrated sitcoms -- BEST OF THE WEST.

But the big challenge was Frank. He had to be handsome, charismatic, could hold his own comedically with Mary (not an easy feat), and be a potential love interest. Here too we read at least a hundred actors, maybe more. Robert Loggia, Jerry Orbach, Robert Vaughn, Ron Liebman (who played him “scary”, an interesting but disturbing choice) were among them. It seems like any leading man who starred in a series between 1965 and 1982 came in to read. 

James Farentino’s name was mentioned and honestly, we were skeptical. We had never seen him do comedy. Molly believed in him so we saw him and were very pleasantly surprised. So surprised that we didn’t believe it. We brought him back. He was even better.

But we were still nervous. Dabney Coleman’s name was mentioned. This intrigued us. Both David and I were huge fans of BUFFALO BILL (and if you haven’t seen it, Netlix it today!), knew he could pull off the comedy, but our concern was that he usually played villains. This character had to keep you guessing. Was he really a cad or just testing people to get the best out of them? We were relatively sure he could pull off the charm but we still needed to see it. Plus, we had never met the gentleman.

And here’s where it gets sticky. A few months before when we were looking for directors there was one we had our eye on. We had never worked with him but were fans of his work. We contacted his agent who said the director wouldn’t meet. We had to make him a firm offer first. To us that was ridiculous. We needed to see whether we were on the same page. The agent held firm. So we moved on.

Next we came up with Danny DeVito. He had directed some TAXIS at the time. Unfortunately, he had that same agent who told us the same thing as before.  No offer, no meeting.  We said fuck that. We knew Danny personally. He’s married to Rhea Perlman who we worked with for years on CHEERS. So we called Danny. He read the script, loved it, and wanted to do it. Now the agent calls us furious for going around him.

Anyway, guess who Dabney Coleman’s agent was. Yep. His client would not meet. There was no way we were going to say hello to our leading man for the first time at the table reading. The network was excited about Dabney. But we wouldn’t budge. Dabney didn’t have to read. Just meet with us, have a cup of coffee. The agent still said no. We enlisted Mary’s help. She had played tennis with Dabney. She called on our behalf and he really wanted to do the part but was entrusting the negotiations to his agent.

This was the day before we were going into production. At 5:00 we said we couldn’t wait anymore and went with James Farentino.

I’ll never know how Dabney Coleman might have been in the role but I think we caught a break. Jimmy was everything we wanted and much much more.

So that’s how we cast the show. Again, thanks to Molly Lopata. 

And here’s the epilogue: For the last ten years I see that agent in my gym. I know who he is and he knows who I am. You’d think it would be very awkward. But it’s not. We get along great. Yeah yeah, I know – that is sooooo Hollywood.

You'd think a show starring Mary Tyler Moore would work

Thanks for the nice comments on the Katey Sagal/MARY episode I posted over the weekend. Also thanks to reader Dave Benson for actually keeping it these many years and uploading it on YouTube. I can’t believe in 24 years he didn’t tape over it. What follows, also thanks to Dave, is the pilot. Talk about a lost episode.

So today I thought I’d answer the NAQ’s (never asked questions) about the MARY show.

We originally had a different premise. In our initial idea Mary was the editor of the paper and Frank was her ex-husband now forced to work for her. Ironically, this is the exact premise CBS would employ for the Ted Danson series INK a few years later. We liked the idea of Mary being in charge.

But CBS had a big problem with it. They felt the audience wouldn’t accept Mary in that role. America wanted to see her as more of an extension of Mary Richards, they reasoned. Our BIG mistake was not saying no, we don’t want to do that. But we were young and stupid and Mary was also okay with the new (old) direction so we forged ahead.

But that decision proved ultimately to be the fatal flaw of the show because as we got into production it was clear that neither we, nor Mary was very comfortable. We all did the best we could. I think we created some fun characters. And tried to put a spin on the format by having some sexual tension between Mary and her editor. And it seemed fun seeing Mary in a real sleazy tabloid having to deal with lowlifes.

The pilot filming went so well that the president of CBS took us aside before pick-ups and said, “You’ve got five more.” So our order was upped to eighteen. Producers today will tell you that’s unheard of. Now they test everything ten times, wait for ratings for the first five weeks, and maybe give you a script order for two more.

But I can honestly say they liked the pilot TOO much. Originally we were supposed to be a 9:00 show but CBS decided this could be their COSBY and lead-off a night. So we were scheduled on Wednesdays at 8:00 against HIGHWAY TO HEAVEN, a top five show. We got decent ratings considering, but not the COSBY type numbers Mary was hoping for.

The creative differences kept mounting. Eventually we asked CBS to cut back the order to the original thirteen. Still, we were a good candidate to be renewed. But we told CBS and MTM that we would not return should the series come back. Our entire writing staff followed suit. Mary’s disappointment with the numbers was also apparent. Ultimately, CBS thought this was a headache not worth the effort. I felt bad for the rest of the cast and crew. They did a sensational job under trying circumstances.

Tomorrow I’ll let you in on the casting process.  It was, uh... lively.  But for now, for the first time in 24 years, here is the MARY pilot. Hope you like it. I’m still very proud of it.

A couple of things I'm up to...

On Saturday night the California State Parks Foundation is staging a salute to MASH at Paramount Pictures. A couple episodes will be screened followed by a panel discussion. I’ll be participating in the panel along with producers Gene Reynolds and Burt Metcalfe, director Charles Dubin, and Father Mulcahy himself – William Christopher.

For information you can go here.

I’m also planning to do another free teleseminar about TV sitcom writing. No date yet but the last one was well received and a lot of new readers have found this blog in the past year so what the hell?

Here’s how it’ll work, I begin collecting your questions and eventually narrow them down, pick a date, and let you know when and how to sign up. Again, this is free and I have nothing really to plug.

Here’s where you go to ask your question.

Leo DiCaprio called me!

I was excited. Sure, it was a recording but it was really him! He was plugging some candidate. But still. Leo DiCaprio! I was supporting the other guy but now that I know that Leo DiCaprio, an Oscar nominee for Godsakes, is supporting his opponent I have to switch my vote. How can I not? You saw Leo in INCEPTION. He’s really SMART! Plus, who studies the issues more diligently than Hollywood actors?

Later I got a call from the great Martin Sheen! Wow! He also had a candidate recommendation for me. And remember, Martin Sheen was the president once. You saw WEST WING. He was such a knowledgeable and compassionate leader. I could study the candidates myself, read their positions, watch their debates, analyze their records but I’m just a layman. Martin Sheen is an actor. And not just an actor. A father. One just has to look at how well his sons turned out to be supremely impressed.

Susan Sarandon has called twice asking me to vote yes on legalizing marijuana.  She's an Oscar winner so not only am I going to vote yes, I'm going to get some marijuana!
 

And then there’s Sally Field. Mama Gump herself called! I’ve seen her quite often at the gym and she’s never said a word to me in five years. I had no idea me and Sal were this close.

These stars are providing a great public service – giving of their recorded time to set us straight on the complicated issues of the day. And it’s scary out there. You’ve seen the commercials. It seems every candidate really wants higher taxes, has no experience and will destroy our way of life, is a serious criminal, is a puppet to corporate greed, is in bed with the terrorists, and every proposition will bankrupt us, cost us our jobs, and is really supported by tobacco growers and the oil industry.

In the past we’ve voted, life has moved on, we’ve been pleased or displeased with the results and have voted accordingly next time. But this time, if we make even one bad decision then it’s Armageddon. So it’s clear. The stakes are waaaay too high to not listen to actors, especially ones who can open a movie.

I hope you’ll get out and vote today. But of course, who am I?

The Flying Nun hopes you’ll get out and vote.

Happy Birthday, Matt

You're a great kid and I love you.  Hopefully this year all of your sports teams won't lose.  

Dad

The latest trend in TV development: buying blogs and Twitter feeds

In addition to $#*! MY DAD SAYS networks are snapping up internet properties left and right for potential sitcoms. CBS and ABC each have two pilots and SHOWTIME just picked up one. (I don’t know what NBC is doing. They’re probably still dancing in the halls because Jeff Zucker is gone.)

At this moment there must be 10,000 hopefuls hastily creating blogs and Twitter feeds. Each looking for a hook. “My mom after three drinks. com”, “@theSexNun”, “Locked In My Room For Five Years”, “@HeathLedgerSpeaksThroughMe”.

They’re thinking, “This is great. I can break into sitcoms and I don’t have to go to Yale!”

What was once a forum for self expression has now become the next California Gold Rush. It reminds me of when my partner David and I sold our first script. We had been diligently writing specs for two years, taking classes, studying sitcoms. Once we landed a sale at least ten of our friends immediately began banging out spec scripts. The implication was obvious. “If these two idiots can make it, anybody can!” Of course, once they launched into their scripts and discovered it was a lot harder than they thought, all but one junked the idea. (and he also broke through and had a nice career.)

I suspect this will be the case with most of these new bloggers who have dollar signs in their eyes. After a few weeks of cranking out tweets and posts for a readership of four the SexNun will throw in the towel.

I know a number of established comedy writers who are very opposed to this trend. It’s hard enough to pitch and sell an idea. And this year there will be fewer open slots because “I’mBoyCrazy.com” and “Dear Girls Above Me” will have claimed them.

Aside from the golddiggers who will be cluttering up the blogosphere, I applaud the trend, and here’s why: What these blogs and Twitter feeds that have sold have in common is that they all have strong voices and personal visions. This to me is what television comedy needs. All too often sitcoms get so watered down by committee and research. And that has led to the generic, bland, familiar sitcom that has threatened to kill the genre.

To those bloggers who have landed a sale – first off, congratulations. But your big challenge now is to hold onto that voice. And it will be a big challenge. A similar trend occurred almost thirty years ago when (sparked by the success of COSBY) networks clamored to sign stand-ups to star in sitcoms based on their acts. But they were performers with proven material at a time when there was far less interference from networks and studios.

Most bloggers aren’t experienced television writers. In all likelihood you’ll be paired with established showrunners (so those writers who don’t sell a pitch may still hook on with a project). The blogger might have to really fight to maintain his voice and vision. I encourage you to protect that at all costs.

And for the rest of you bloggers, don’t be discouraged if your site is not discovered and becomes the show that replaces TWO AND A HALF MEN because Charlie Sheen is in Bellvue. There is the satisfaction of knowing your readers appreciate you. And isn’t that alone worth the effort?

Isn't it?

Okay, well, there are also GoogleAds.

Amazing Alan Alda impression

From Bill Hader on last night's SNL...