Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fall Movies Preview Part Two

Here's more of what Hollywood thinks you'll be flocking to see this Fall.

ENCHANTED – (pictured above) Clever idea. A Disney animated princess comes to life. Starring Amy Adams. She finds it hard to live in a world where people flee at the sound of Alan Menken songs.

MICHAEL CLAYTON – George Clooney in a complex legal drama. If it sells four tickets expect a TV version with Ron Livingstone.

MR. WOODCOCK -- On and off of release schedules since the dawn of talkies. But the trailer looks funny. Billy Bob Thornton and Seann William Scott. I'll cut and paste this so I have it ready for the Winter Movies Preview.

DAN IN REAL LIFE – Steve Carell in a triangle love story involving his brother. Stay for the closing credits where he apologizes for EVAN ALMIGHTY.

LAKE OF FIRE – Director Tony Kaye’s 17 year examination of abortion. Good luck to the marketing department.

LARS AND THE REAL GIRL – Ryan Gosling falls in love with a wheelchair-bound plastic “girlfriend”. Tara Reid as the plastic doll. But only after seven callbacks.

THINGS WE LOST IN THE FIRE – Halle Berry’s auto insurance is so high after the hit-and-run she can’t afford fire.

SLEUTH – Who knew psychological torture could be such fun? Remake of the Michael Caine/Lawrence Olivier starrer. Caine plays the Olivier part in the new version. And Jude Law plays the other. You’re probably saying, “that part requires a real actor. How did Jude Law get the role?” He’s also the producer.

RESERVATION ROAD – Director Terry George had to deal with many atrocities while making HOTEL RWANDA but nothing prepared him for having to wrangle Joaquin Phoenix, Jennifer Connelly, and Mira Sorvino. I assume at any given moment two were crying and one was locked in his trailer.

DEAD IN THE WATER – A new way to get sexy women…with fish hooks.

FAT GIRLS – the ones the guys from DEAD IN THE WATER throw back.

BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOUR DEAD -- Directed by Sidney Lumet so I’m there opening day. Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ethan Hawke rob their parents. But they screw up and steal the plasma TV’s out of their own rooms.

SILK – Costume drama set in Japan combining my two favorite things -- Keira Knightley and silkworms.

FIERCE PEOPLE – Been on release schedules since 2004. Always a great sign. Diane Lane as a coked-up mom. You’re telling me the marketing department can’t sell that???

VIRGIN TERRITORY – (pictured right) A romantic comedy set during the Black Plague. I hope they don’t just go for the easy laughs.

LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA -- Sounds like the same subject matter as VIRGIN TERRITORY.

AMERICAN GANGSTER – Denzel Washington as a smooth charismatic gangster. Denzel remains Mozart to Will Smith’s Salieri.

MR. MAGORIUM’S WONDER EMPORIUM – Dustin Hoffman assumes one of his trademark painful overly-studied affected voices for this CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY type movie filled with magic for the whole family… if the family is Ned Flanders’.

STEPHEN KING’S THE MIST – People face the sheer terror of their glasses fogging up.

CASSANDRA’S DREAM – Woody Allen’s 38th film. Hopefully his 15th good one.

I’M NOT THERE – A Bob Dylan biopic but with a twist. Several different people portray him, including Heath Ledger (okay), Christian Bale (okay I guess), Cate Blanchett (a bit of a stretch), and Richard Gere (WHAT??!).

ACROSS THE UNIVERSE – Innovate director, Julie Taymor’s surreal musical with Evan Rachel Wood and Jim Sturgess as two lovers who travel from the 40’s to the 60’s. At first blush, MOULIN ROUGE with hippies but the music is all Beatles so I’ll be seeing it.

Tomorrow: the final installment. Not to give anything away but Alvin and the Chipmunks are back.


Anonymous said...

I actually have moderate hopes for The Mist; the original novella is one of my favorite King-works, and Frank Darabont has shown, unlike many other directors, he can successfully adapt King to the silver screen...

Anonymous said...

"but the music is all Beatles so I’ll be seeing it"

One phrase of DIRE warning: The movie of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band with the Bee-Gees.

Worst ... musical movie ... ever.

Anonymous said...

Alvin and the chimpunks!? :O

Anonymous said...

For the first time in recent memory, I'm excited about a movie. The Mist is one of King's best short stories and if done right, can be a great movie. I agree that Frank Darabont seems to be the man for the job. Of course, a lot depends upon the casting. Is Tom Hanks available for the lead?

Stephen Gallagher said...

Costume drama set in Japan combining my two favorite things -- Keira Knightley and silkworms.

Perhaps not my own two favourite things, but certainly two for which I have an equal liking.

Willy B. Good said...

I love black comedies so I'll be seeing Virgin Territory in the hope there will be ample naked virgins to go with those easy laughs.

The Minstrel Boy said...

i can buy cate blanchett easily as a young dylan, much more easily than i can buy richard gere. . .

Warren Fleece said...

Attention sequels department:

"Stephen King's Mist Again"

Julie O'Hora said...

The trailer for ACROSS THE UNIVERSE is so magical to me, it tears my guts out. No way it'll be as great as I hope.

(Perhaps by my saying this here, Murphy's Law will bend in on itself, warping all space and matter, and the movie will exceed my expectations after all...)

Anonymous said...

Keira Knightley? really? you like your women grotesquely skinny?

shame on you Ken, for this and for not yet watching The Wire.

Charles said...

Sgt Pepper was a truly horrible movie, but it did turn me on to the Beatles' music as a teenager. And ACROSS THE UNIVERSE looks fabulous.

Cap'n Bob said...

Keira Knightley is nice to look at, but her one-trick acting style is deadly dull.

Anonymous said...

Dead In The Water???

That's a real title?

How did that get made!!!

Mark B.

Busby said...

So in 30 years when the re-make the re-make of 'Sleuth' and Jude law plays the Michael Caine/Sir Larry role, who will play the other role... and that person probably hasn't been born yet

emily said...

Love in the Time of Cholera = Garcia Marquez novel. Not particularly something I need to see on the big screen, since aside from The Order of the Phoenix, the last film adaptation I really loved was David Lean's Great Expectations.

Anonymous said...

Don't bully Ken. Skinny girls are pretty, too.


Jack Ruttan said...

Admit it! You're making these up, aren't you?

Anonymous said...

I saw an Alvin and the Chipmunks teaser before The Simpsons Movie. Yes, it looks suitably awful.

Across the Universe may be the end of Joe Roth.

Anonymous said...

I know nothing about Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, but the title sure sends up a red flag. So the writer made up a stupid name just to get a rhyming title? Though I guess if there really were people with the last name Magorium, they probably would be more likely than the average person to start up an emporium of some kind.

I think Lecter became a cannibal only because his parents named him Hannibal. Too bad they didn't name him Hembezzler instead.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Alvin and the Chipmunks are back, and the teaser consists entirely of a poop-eating joke.

Wide Lawns said...

Ehhhnn. I'm not all that enthused about any of these. Maybe I'll watch Love in the Time of Cholera when it comes out on dvd. I think reading you making fun of the movies might be more entertaining than the movies themselves.

Anonymous said...

I saw that ALVIN & THE CHIPMONKS trailor before THE SIMPSONS too. "Hey guys, after watching this great animated movie, want to see one that is CRAP?"

WHO do they think the audience is? No adult will be able to sit through it without begging to be shown all 4 SAW movies instead, (With the Chimunks and the Alvin filmmakers as the victims) and no kids know who they are. They were an unfunny fad act 40 years ago!

I also sat through a MR. MAGORIUM trailor, and nothing could get me to watch any more of it. It looks just AWFUL! Dustin smirking in a silly hairstyle and acting cutesy, trying his best to bottom his performance in HOOK. Why isn't the Dahl estate suing? It's a full-out rip-off, with "Magic" toys instead of candy.

I can't wait for SWEENEY TODD. It's my favorite musical to begin with.

Charles, how could SGT. PEPPER"S movie have turned you on to The Beatles music? It's all murdered by the BEE-GEES and Peter Frampton, except when it's murdered by other "Artists". (Steve Martin as Maxwell Edison, and he isn't even a serieal killer anymore. The non-musical talents of Frankie Howerd, George Burns, and Donald Pleasance destroying songs.) What makes SGT. PEPPER such an amazing bad movie (And I saw it again for the first time in 28 years two weeks ago) is that is manages to be ghastly dspite having a GREAT song book.

I was lucky. When I was teenager, The Beatles music was being performed by The Beatles.

Anonymous said...

And when Tallulah was a teenager, Mozart's music was being performed by Mozart.

jouster said...