Thursday, August 02, 2007

It's not rocket science... or is it?

Coming Monday: "the Kennys" -- my equivalent of the Emmys but with no intolerable Debbie Allen choreographed production number.

Ben Silverman, new head honcho of NBC spoke to reporters recently at the TV Critics convent
ion and spinfest. He said this: "I want to do it fast and furious. It's really hard to move this massive ship. We left port, we're in a business that is under attack, and we're an inch from an iceberg. We have to move quick, we have to roll up our sleeves and we have to get things done." Could he have worked in any more cliches and catch phrases? Not that he's alone. We're all guilty of talking like endeavor agents occasionally.

THE had a fabulous contest recently. They invited readers to compose prose crammed with as many infuriating phrases and clichés as possible into no more than 150 words. Here are a few of the winning entries. You are welcome to provide your own as well (although I have no prizes to give you. I’m just a blogger). But I’m sure if my readers proactively put in 110% they can raise the bar to a new level and hit a slam dunk home run.

Mrs J. M. Johnson_To be honest with you, I'm pressurised 24/7. I'm literally in pieces. I surfed the net and sourced a top-dollar lifestyle guru, and he's working with my partner and I, prioritising issues so that we can team up and address them - know what I mean?
There's things that have to go on the back burner, so that we can jet away to the sun and chill to the max. A few drinks, a few laughs and I'll be firing on all cylinders, like I say. She'll shop until she drops - right? - but if that's what the little lady wants, that's what she'll get. We'll soak up the sun, go with the flow, and come back bronzed and fit. Hopefully, by Christmas, we'll be sorted, and ready to party, party, party big-time - and spend some quality time with the kids, with the turkey and all the trimmings.


Nick Godfrey_I hear what you're saying but, with all due respect, it's not exactly rocket science. Basically, at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is you have got to be able to tick all the boxes. It's not the end of the world, but, to be perfectly honest with you, when push comes to shove, you don't want to be literally stuck between a rock and a hard place. Going forward we need to be singing from the same songsheet but you can't see the wood from the trees. Naturally hindsight is 20/20 vision and you have to take the rough with the smooth before proceeding onwards and upwards. The bottom line is you wear your heart on your sleeve and, when all is said and done, this is all part and parcel of the ongoing bigger picture. C'est la vie (if you know what I mean).


B.D.Farrant _I don't do competitions. But, at the end of the day, little ol' moi just couldn't resist this challenge. Actually, there's a lot of weather about 2d and moseying down to the shops has soooooo lost its appeal. As a result, there's a window here to think outside the box. Yes, you've got it, it's a blue sky thinking moment. I mean, it's not rocket science, you know. True enough, but let's face facts here, this could so be my conduit to a whole new ball game. Awesome, or what? That's if the judges don't, like, move the goal posts.


R.G. Banks_Let’s stop obsessing and get down to the nitty gritty of fleshing out the gender issues. John. I’m wanting to hear inclusiveness and ethnicity here. A raft of blue sky thinking to challenge accepted orthodoxies. The bottom line is about empowerment and at the end of the day getting up to speed working 24/7 towards a coalition of understanding through best practice. This can only be fully achieved if the glass ceiling, in inverted commas, is transformed into a level playing field where the goal posts cannot be moved without leaving a substantial carbon footprint which inevitably would consign us all to the expediency of existing between a rock and a hard place. We must pick up the ball and run because we can no longer wait for the smoking gun of the next denial of service attack to consign us all to the wheely bin of history.


MrCarlson said...

we have got to pull together as a group. take each moment in stride, get ready for the good and bad times come and stare this thing right in the face, attacking it at full speed, taking into account its strengths and weaknesses, however taking everything by enlarge, and as far as one can tell, at this stage, I couldn't care very much for it, one way or the other.

ontarioguy said...

This cerebral clash is over the top, beyond the pale and shoots for the proverbial moon. A literal and figurative giant as far as scribbler clashes go, a mind-bending way to spark the day. Beware of going to far, stretching it thin or laying it on too thick. Balance is the key to make this elephant dance, once overdone there's no putting lipstick on the pig. That's my kick at the can, swing for the fence . . . a good-hearted, fingers crossed leap of good faith.

Anonymous said...

Give away your Emmy!

Jim Endecott said...

Blogging is a disease and Ken Levine’s soap box of viral marketing the he uses to bloviate his canonical machinations on writing falls well short of the Mendoza line.

On the other side of the fence some of it does resonate. I use it as a springboard to increase my return on investment using my innate abilities as a self-starting, quick learning, low maintenance, heads-down, code monkey.

While you can lead a horse to water, you can’t make him drink it under the bridge, nor can you polish a turd. I believe in dancing with the partner that brought you so today I will circle the wagons, cowboy up, and attempt to hit the moving target head on, avoiding any red flags and ignoring the fire drills by offloading any surplus action items to my better half.

Now if I could only talk that buzzard off the gut wagon…

Unknown said...

Bonus points if you can use "at the end of the day", "when all is said and done" and "in the final analysis" all in one sentence.

Prize is, I believe, a job writing political speeches or motivational material for businesses...

By Ken Levine said...

Thanks Jim... I think??

Jim Endecott said...

You bet Ken.

Love the blog, hit it every day.

Go Mariners!


Anonymous said...

Carbon footprint is key marketing strategy. It's the buzz on the street. We're talking four quadrant appeal here and at the end of the day it's got a USP that in the final analysis and when all's said and done, has got to be our mission statement.

That means thinking outside the box. Run it up the flagpole and see how it flutters. It's all gris to the mill and you get brownie points for hitting a home run. Not to mention trousering a chunk of change.

Remember there is no I in Team. We sink or swim together and needless to say it's not women and children first people! We need lean and hungry not mom and apple pie. So without further ado I hand you over to the head honcho.

Todd Mueller said...

You know, it's just this sort of thing that gets my blood boiling down to its essentials. At its core, the meat of this thing is a need to communicate. And if that's wrong, I don't want to be right on the money. 'nuf said.

Anonymous said...

Ben Silverman doesn't impress me at all. All he seems to be good at is buying foreign formats and remaking them for American TV. And he's a big fan of cheap reality crap - his first move at NBC was to revive "The Apprentice". He doesn't have a creative bone in his body, and will take NBC to new depths.

Anonymous said...

Ummm? Hello?? Back in the day, we didn't throw somebody under the bus,we totally, you know, whatever, but it is what it is. Good times, good times.

Anonymous said...

To All Employees,

Although the quarterly profits are down I see the glass as half-full. I can clearly see the forest through the trees. Remember each of you has a responsibility to be at the top of your game at all times. I expect employees to give 110% 24/7 because competition is fierce and it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and money never sleeps.

I lead by example and actions speak louder than words. We all have to tighten our belts and cut expenses. So, we have decided to reduce the workforce by 10%. I not only talk the talk I walk the walk. Therefore I’ve decided to give myself a 10% decrease in pay this month.

The affected employees will be notified in two weeks. There are no sacred cows here. Believe me when I tell you this hurts me as much as it hurts you.

Unknown said...

You know what I think is particularly noteworthy? How nonsensical these snippets are. I mean, beyond just the crime of being clichés and generally awful writing, even the best of them don't particularly hang together as cohesive statements.

I know that's the point, but there are writers out there - by which I mean people who are paid to actually put their thoughts down on paper - who actually write like these examples on purpose, and somehow, when they're done, have the gonads to submit it as finished. SHIP IT!

kaldad said...

OK, so we got off to a bad start, shot ourselves in the foot right out of the box, so to speak, and dug a really big hole. But if we take one game at a time, keep our focus, give 110% on an everyday basis, watch each others' backs, concentrate on what's going on between the white lines and stop scoreboard watching, we'll be okay. We got a great bunch of guys. I mean I love every last one of 'em like a brother. I gotta give it up to them, that's for sure. Them and God--I mean, the big guy upstairs, he's what it's all about--him and the family--Tammy and the kids, luv ya guys, hi mom!

Anonymous said...

It's patently obvious to this humble reader that, when it comes to this blog, Ken Levine neither farms it out nor phones it in. The ROI for writing this blog is still TBD, but Ken continues to cowboy up, acting as CEO, CFO, and CIFO of this dynamic site. Taking the proverbial leap of faith and thinking outside the box, he puts himself on the line daily to flesh out sparkling prose about the underbelly of the media beast

Do a token few of his posts under-perform and - let's be totally honest here – bore the average joe out the wazoo? Abso-freaking-lutely! But let’s not let a few rotten apples obviate the fact that the vast majority of the time he walks that tightrope like the professional that he is, and hits ‘em out of the ballpark.

And, furthermore my friends, Ken’s blog inspires an unparalleled synergy between my fellow posters … a 24/7 confab that is nothing short of magic. The sparkling repartee that you all – irrespective of race, creed, or nationality - contribute to the dog pile adds immeasurably to the resonance of the blog experience pour moi.

So, my gut feeling is that Ken Levine – our Head Honcho, our Chief Cook and Bottle Washer, our Man of the Hour - deserves a big standing O, ASAP. A consummate master of pushing the comedy envelope, he literally makes me fall out of my chair laughing eight days a week. And I’m not just whistling Dixie!

Rob said...

Sadly, this is what now passes as cliche in business writing:

At this juncture, I feel it is important that we all pull together and leverage our synergies to work as a team. There is no I in team. Oh yes, there is a "me", but you gotta scramble the letters. When we get together as a team, it's importatnt that we be planful in implementing value-added paradigm shifts that can be used to provide us a first mover advantage in implementing our programming solutions in the video entertainment space.

Anonymous said...

He's about to try his hand at laying a finger on her!
Aww, look at that, she's turning to putty in his hands... oh wait; she's just wearing too much foundation.
Boy, he's sure got his hands full! She's giving him a free hand at getting his hands dirty.
Look! Things are starting to get out of hand! The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing and, I can't put my finger on it but, I think he's all thumbs!
Oh no! She caught him red-handed! It's clashing with her blue dress!
She's taking matters into her own hands!
Look out Ken! She's trying to give you the ole knuckle sandwich! She's got one hand tied behind her back too! What a show-off.
Ha! He didn't fall for it. He knows that move like the back of her hand!
What's Ken doing now?
Egads! Don't do it! Don't pull his finger!
Ooooh, it's out of our hands now. Don't look! Put your hands over your eyes!
Hey, put a finger in the air. We are up-wind, aren't we?