Sunday, November 18, 2007

Holiday Movie Preview: Part 1

What to see this holiday season? Look no further.

SWEENEY TODD – Tim Burton turns everything into SWEENEY TODD so this should be a natural. And it has Johnny Depp and Sondheim’s bulletproof score so how bad can it be? Also stars Helena Bonham Carter as the director’s wife who always gets a part.

MARGOT AT THE WEDDING – Stars Jennifer Jason Leigh as the director’s wife who always gets a part. Also Nicole Kidman in her most “courageous performance” since her last most “courageous performance”.

ATONEMENT – Keira Knightley looks spectacular in the trailer. There’s a love story, battle scenes, star crossed lovers, whatever. As long as she eats.

FRED CLAUS – Already dead. Vince (“who needs writers when I can just fix scripts myself?”) Vaughn in a studio formula Santa Claus movie. ELF it’s not. ALF it’s not.

ENCHANTED – is about a live princess who used to be a cartoon character. Women! There’s always baggage!

JUNO – Teenager puts her baby up for adoption. Great buzz on the script. Written by a former stripper. If the strike drags on forever she at least has something to fall back on.

I AM LEGEND – Will Smith. Should be entitled I AM OSCARWORTHY.

THERE WILL BE BLOOD – Directed by Paul Thomas Anderson (BOOGIE NIGHTS), it’s about an oilman in California and has a minimum of dialogue. Could either be a masterpiece or the feature long college student film from hell.

NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS – Sequel. Nick Cage finds treasure map in Thomas Jefferson’s wig receipt.

WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY – The one movie I can’t wait to see. John C. Reilly as a rock star moving through musical decades. Co-written by Judd Apatow. It sounds like FORREST GUMP meets SUPERBAD. Jack Black as “elfin” Paul McCartney. I gotta see the movie just for THAT.

I’M NOT THERE – Six actors and actresses take turns playing Bob Dylan. The “elfin” Jack Black is not one of them.

THE GOLDEN COMPASS – A giant spectacle featuring polar bears, wondrous worlds, children, and Nicole Kidman in her “most courageous role” since MARGOT AT THE WEDDING, unless she filmed this one first.

PERSEPOLIS – The title speaks for itself.

BEOWULF – When Christian monks first wrote this story over 1,000 years ago this is how they envisioned it – as a big blockbuster motion-capture digital animated thrill ride with Angelina Jolie coming out of the water...naked.

The conclusion tomorrow.



Anonymous said...

holiday movie previews are my favourite articles on your blog.

thanks ken!

Anonymous said...

wig receipt


Anonymous said...

I hope the next time Bart Freundlich makes a film you describe him as the director whose star wife got him a greenlight.

D. said...

Don't know if you saw Jack Sparrow singing - here. It's especially disheartening if you enjoyed the musical. Or have eardrums.

Stephen Gallagher said...

Naked in motion capture GGI. Does that count?

Anonymous said...

When you first described ‘There Will Be Blood’, "it’s about an oilman in California with minimum dialogue". I thought it was a documentary about the 2004 Bush re-election during a campaign stop in Sacramento.

I like Paul Thomas Anderson, I’ll like him better when he makes , Boogie Nights II, Another Foot Long.

Eric said...

This was your most courageous Holiday Movie Preview since your last one.

AnimeJune said...

Um....isn't the Disney movie called "Enchanted" instead of "Enchantment"? I know it kinda throws off your "Atonement-Enchanted-Uma-Oprah" comparison you've got goin' on, but...

The Minstrel Boy said...

is “courageous performance” still hollywood codespeak for lots of frontal nudity?

if it is, yum.

Anonymous said...

Your Beowulf comment nearly made me pull a stitch from this morning's session with my dentist, and his assistant, Eyegore. Very funny!

Withyouinrockland said...

Persepolis: the title speaks for itself.

Maybe it's speaking a different language--you'll have to translate. (And in reality, I think the movie actually was first released in French.)

The movie's based on a pretty brilliant graphic novel written by a woman who grew up in Iran during the revolution. Funny, thoughtful and provocative. If it's a faithful translation, it's fairly can't miss.

Anonymous said...

Saw "Beowulf" yesterday. It's a rousing adventure, and the 3D is superb (even if the rendering of human eyes and mouths is still lacking). But I'm scratching my head at the casting of Ray Winstone. He's a fantastic actor, but of course they've given him a CGI makeover so he's no longer 50 and flabby. Okay, fine. But it's a bit disconcerting that Beowulf's voice comes out sounding like one of the Sex Pistols.

Rob said...

--Could either be a masterpiece or the feature long college student film from hell.--

Every movie I've ever seen from PT Anderson has been the college student film from hell. I always feel like I'm watching a movie directed by the world's most pretentious fan, of Scorsese and Altman.

Anonymous said...

I caught a preview of "Enchanted" last week and liked it a lot more than I expected to. There's some really funny stuff in it of Disney sending up their own syrupy Princess cartoons. And if you don't fall in love with Amy Adams in this picture, yep, you're gay.

The "Dewey Cox" movie might be really funny, but one aspect of the trailer rubs me the wrong way. They ridicule the idea of the guy being haunted by a childhood tragedy of his brother dying in a horrible accident. Problem is, they're not just satirizing a scene in a stupid Hollywood movie, they're mocking a tragedy that actually happened to Johnny Cash and his family. My sense of humor will stoop pretty low, but that's so tasteless, it really takes me out of the spirit of the movie.

Anonymous said...

... except Burton's not using much of the Sondheim lyrics; nobody but the help, in the back, down the dingy street, are actually singing like they know how.

Oh, Jesus Christ, can't he stick to bubblegum cards, to frak up?

Karen said...

"ATONEMENT – Keira Knightley looks spectacular in the trailer."

Keira Knightley? Feh! James McAvoy looks spectacular in the trailer, that's who.

Fraser said...

Saw Atonement on the weekend, loved it. Incredible five minute tracking shot in the middle. James McAvoy was, as you say Karen, spectacular. But no surprise there.