Saturday, May 07, 2011

A Queen Mother's Day treat

When the Queen Mother passed away there was an on-line bulletin board set up.  These are some of my favorite comments.  Happy Mother's Day.

"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover".



"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman should have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her mother?"

W.Waugh, Richmond.


"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so again until her majesty is buried"

E. Gorman, Derbyshire.


"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I did. Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot imagine that I will ever smile for the rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".



"She was one of the old school, all the remaining royals are shit"

J.Clement. Grantham.


"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"

D.Holmes, Somerset.


"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis and I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She pissed herself later though, it was sickening".

B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.


"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the day off".

S.Wilson, Bristol.


"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal family without being accused of being homosexual".

J. Fletcher, High Wycombe.


"Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to experiment with drugs". E. Franks, Cheshire.


"On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest condolences".

T.Watson, Ilford.


"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her public duties".

N. Wallace, Swansea.


"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible event"

E. Thompson, West Lothian.


"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels, jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk past her coffin."

R. Thompson, Bath.


"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana".

G.Williams, West Midlands.


"She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she perpetrated insurance fraud or lied about expense claims. She was like us in a good way. God bless you ma'am".

L. Weller, Harlow.


"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless bastard!"

J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.


"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a life of privilege and comfort"

T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.


"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around The Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".

Y. Howell, Slough.


normadesmond said...

i recognize most of these names.

they're nom de plumes that elizabeth uses.

Tim W. said...

Those are awesome. Just awesome.

Loosehead said...

We should remember the tremendous contribution of the Queen Mother to the war effort:
As the BBC pointed out, she 'bravely remained in London beside her husband' during the war.
This contrasts sharply with the actions of my grandfather who, on the declaration of war immediately left his wife and children and pissed off, first to France, then North Africa, Italy, France (again) and finally Germany.
The shame will always be with us.

MikeBo said...

Ah, only the Brits.

Mac said...

These are hilarious. I remember another one that said;
"Everyone makes a big deal about the Queen Mother visiting the East End of London every night during the blitz. My Grandad did the same and nobody talks about him.
To be fair, he was flying a Heinkel at the time."

DyHrdMET said...

And I thought it was kids who said the darndest things!

Paul Duca said...

And of course, she was the Queen behind The King's Speech....

Supposedly, there is a rumor in England that says the Queen Mother actually died of illness during World War II and a lookalike substituted, lest it damage the country's morale. This person was significantly younger than the actual Queen, which is to explain her long life.
(A British TV show about a group of con artists used this as a basis for an episode, where the claim was part of a plot to skin an unscrupulous tabloid publisher).

Jim said...


That Grandad joke came straight from Bernard Manning:

"My Grandfather died at Auschwitz"

[pause for a beat]

"He fell out of his machine gun tower"

Matt Patton said...

I heard Mark Russell tell the same joke attributed to Bernard Manning--except in Russell's version, it was Pat Buchanan's uncle. So who stole the joke? If it was Manning, he can't be punished. He's dead. he was also Bernard Manning . . .

David K. M. Klaus said...

In 2002 my wife Nila won a Harry Potter sweepstakes which included a family trip to London and visits to the Tower of London, a drive by the open field where the Battle of Hastings was fought on our way to Hearstmonceaux Castle (with a drawbridge and a moat!), and a visit to Windsor Castle. The night before the visit to Windsor my children (then 8 and 10) had been playing trampoline on the hotel bed and the young one fell on his knee and so when we got to Windsor I asked the guards if they had a wheelchair as he was in pain. They surely did and were happy to help us get between floors as the 900-year-old castle wasn't designed with wheelchairs in mind. There is a very small elevator which was added much later, with the door on the upper floor opening at a right angle to the door on the ground floor. As we went up the guards told us it was the elevator the Queen Mother used in her own wheelchair!

It opened on the upper floor to the Royal Utility Room, where we saw the Royal Washing Machine, the Royal Clothes Dryer, and, believe it or not, the paper towels on the roll were striped with Royal Purple.

The 900-year-old village nearest the castle is "New Windsor"; the further village which existed befor William the Conqueror built the castle is "Old Windsor."

Only in England could a village 900 years old be called "New Windsor."

Johnny Walker said...

Let this be proof, if any where needed, that we Brits don't take the Royals too seriously. I've lost count of the number of times when I've heard Americans say things like, "Stop joking about Bush. Imagine how you'd feel if I came over there an insulted the Queen."

Rebecca said...

I'm late getting around to reading this, but it's one of the funniest posts ever. And I love that you've kept it for so long.

Oh and, Johnny Walker, half the population of America was also making Bush jokes. You could have just ignored all those people saying not to, that's what we did. And do.

Sooke said...

"...To be fair, he was flying a Heinkel at the time."

We have a winner!