Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Hey, what's playing at the sex-oplex?

A movie complex in Switzerland just unveiled its new theatre -- all double beds.

Here's the article.

Couples will be able to snuggle together.  And to prevent them from falling asleep there are special headphones.  Yeah, like sleep is the problem.

I'm sure your first thought when you read this was mine.  And everybody's.

You're going to have a theatre full of couples having sex.  Even if they show THE SOUND OF MUSIC. 

Now the theatre insists this won't happen.  Apparently they tested this concept elsewhere and no babies are on the way.    Yeah, and Drive-In theatres never had the same problem. 

Who are they kidding?  The concession stand will sell more Plan B's than popcorn.

Especially in this day and age when couples cheerfully take videos of themselves engaging in sexual activities and uploading them to the internet, what are they gonna care that the couple two feet away can see them boinking their brains out?   That other couple is probably just taking a smoke break.   

"Hey, quit that yodeling you two!"

And this generation is used to multi-tasking. 

I would love to see my movie VOLUNTEERS under such circumstances.  For once I wouldn't take it personally if people weren't laughing.

The theatre says they will change the sheets between every showing.  Every week they better change the springs too.

Not since people eat sushi off of naked girls has there been such an inspiring idea.

Watching a first-run film in bed in public -- it's the perfect date movie. Third date actually. 


Bryan L said...

Ha! Those crazy Swiss. You're absolutely right. I still remember a vacation to the Florida Keys and watching a couple walk out to a sandbar, pull off their suits, and go at it with at least 10 of us watching in amazement (not a nude beach, by the way). And that was more than 25 years ago. There are people who enjoy being watched. And people who enjoy watching.

And, not for nothing, I'm occasionally uncomfortable sitting in movie theater seats, wondering who was there before me. I'm definitely not getting into a bed. Even if they change the sheets between films.

VP81955 said...

"Wake Up, Little Susie" for the post-drive-in era.

Arthur said...

Ken, I just saw a picture posted in the “I Love A.M. Radio” Facebook page that was taken on something called Ten-Q Night at Dodger Stadium that is said to include you. I can identify Tommy LaSorda, Bernie Taupin, Don Steele, and Alice Cooper but can’t figure out which one is you (unless you’re the 10-Q Duck!).

Jeff Boice said...

The article doesn't say what movies they feature. I was curious because American International Pictures is long gone, and I don't think trucker movies go over in Switzerland. "The Happy Hooker Goes to Washington", maybe.

Reminded of a conversation at the office back in the 80's. A female co-worker was talking about buying a used car for her teenage daughter: she had decided on a used Ford LTD because it was "big and safe". A male co-worker (not me) replied "Big back seats, too." The look on the mother's face was priceless.

Joseph Scarbrough said...

Apparently up in Minnesota, they have theaters that have full recyclining seats.

Chris G said...

Not just Minnesota - we have several such theaters in New England. They're pretty nice.

And the leather, fake or otherwise, is easy to wipe down between shows.

Paul Duca said...

The Bible does refer to those who are "naked and unshy"

Keith Nichols said...

Will Sealy and other mattress-makers want to place their products in this venue to test durability? Will Sealy be including the stats in its TV commercials? Will Sealy be opening its own chain of sexoplexes? As amusing as it is, will we even remember all this tomorrow?

Rays profile said...

Should be fun if they show "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."

Peter said...

Someone once told me she saw a couple having sex in a cinema in Paris during Basic Instinct 2.

I was genuinely shocked. Because Basic Instinct 2 is about as arousing as Ernest Goes to Camp.

Unless you were Michael Jackson, in which case Ernest Goes to Camp was the hottest movie that year.

Michael said...

Maybe instead of salt, the popcorn will have saltpeter?

Lemuel said...

At least they'd stay off their phones.

E. Yarber said...

I'd assume they had a well-balanced slate of films including ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT, PILLOW TALK, SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE, FIELD OF DREAMS, AWAKENINGS, A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, and of course BEDLAM.

Frank Beans said...

I'd settle for an NC-17 reboot of I DREAM OF JEANNIE with cannabis gummy bears sold at the concession stand.

Pat Reeder said...

If you don't have a date to bring to bed with you, will the concession stand sell you a Swiss cheese?

Gary said...

The AMC chain in western New York has the recliners in their theaters. It's very tough for us sixty-somethings to stay awake during a movie once you recline and get comfortable, a la Joey and Chandler on Friends. In a bed, I'd be asleep before the tenth preview even started.

Mike Bloodworth said...

I can't watch a movie on a bed. Whenever I try to watch a DVD in my bedroom I fall asleep in the middle. I guess I'm at that age where I...where I...Zzzzzzzzzzz

Tom Galloway said...

Back in the late '80s, I lived and worked in Switzerland for a year, near Lake Geneva. The next year, I was in grad school and the professor I was a teaching assistant for was going to the same place I'd worked for a conference. Of course I gave him advice about the area and culture, restaurants, etc.

When he got back and I asked how the trip had gone, he told me that I'd forgotten to tell him something significant. Seems he went out for a morning jog on the lakeshore, and discovered that all the beaches were topless.

Unrelated to this, but going back to the Big Bang Theory finale's ratings, The Hollywood Reporter did a story on how Jeopardy! ratings have shot up during James Holhauzer's run. It included this: "The syndicated game show drew its best household rating in 14 years in the week of April 29. Jeopardy's 8.3 mark among households was its highest since March 2005."

"Jeopardy averaged 13.28 million daily viewers for the week. That was better than the same-day audiences for every Nielsen-rated show in primetime, including CBS' broadcast leader The Big Bang Theory (12.49 million viewers) and the initial tune-in for HBO's Game of Thrones (11.8 million, not including streaming)."

It also noted that ratings had been steadily increasing the longer his streak lasted.

Wendy M. Grossman said...

One of the theaters used by the Anchorage International Film Festival ("Films Worth Freezing For") is one where they serve food - they bring it to your table in the theater, and there's a menu and hamburgers, and so on. I saw a program of shorts there, which was ideal, I think. I wouldn't care for having full-length movies interrupted by waiters. But then, I don't even eat popcorn at movies. Why?