Saturday, July 03, 2021

4h of July Weekend Post

 Why the hell do people buy home fireworks?

How many fingers and eyebrows do they have to lose? It's hard to hold QAnon signs  if you don't have fingers.  But with people playing Russian Roulette with their lives by not getting vaccinated, being reckless and stupid is just celebrating your First Amendment rights. 

Personally, I don't really care if these Darwin candidates conflagrate themselves. But too many of them have kids.  What parent in his right mind with children would set off something called a 12 inch “strike force missile”?

Or a “Mad Dog”
 “Bazooka Bear”
“Titanium Cracker”
“Dragon’s Wrath”
“Big Mama Jama"
“Brutal Force”
“Nuke Power”
“Pull String Grenade”
“Assorted Color Ammo Smoke”
“Caliber Blast”
“Car Bomb”
“Big Earthquake”
“Jumboshell Fountain”
“Cracker Jack in a Box”
“Deadly Fire”
“Battle of New Orleans”
“Pay Back”
“Mucho Grande – small” (isn’t that an oxymoron?)
“Air Raid”
Or of course the ever popular “So X*@! Good”?

Explain to me where these are “safe and SANE”.

Better to go to a city park, ballpark, or Steven Spielberg’s house. Enter a 5K race, cheer on a parade and pray that the grand marshal is someone more impressive than Sidney Powell.

Have a wonderful 4th of July weekend. It's okay to be an American again.  Display your flag proudly. Don't blow your fingers off.  GET VACCINATED. 


estiv said...

On the other hand, I bet it was a lot of fun to come up with those names. Some of them are pretty straightforward, but Dragon’s Wrath, Caliber Blast, Titanium Cracker...? And I'm still trying to figure out what "Jumboshell Fountain" actually means.

Piar Lincbisz said...

The past few years have been the Darwin Awards on steroids, Ken!

Perhaps there is some hope for us to avoid the future of "Idiocracy"

cd1515 said...

I’m old enough to remember when fireworks were actually a 4th of July thing.
Now I hear them outside my window EVERY NIGHT for the last 3-4 weeks.
Every night.

Kirk said...

Those names. They sound like video games

Elf said...

Even worse is that more dogs go missing between July 3 and July 5 than any other time because dogs get spooked by fireworks. Please remember to secure your pets.

Rory L. Aronsky said...

You know what a great three-day 4th of July weekend?

Rewatching "Cheers" from the beginning.

Thank you.

Rory L. Aronsky said...

Probably should have not put "what" in there. That's what I get for going to bed early the last two nights. I think I write better exhausted.

Andrew said...

What do you have against Sidney Powell? She's more comical than most present day sitcoms. "Release the Kraken!" I mean, c'mon! And then, "I didn't really mean it, please don't put me in jail or sue me." She's also good in secondary roles, playing against strong leads like Rudy G. as their world collapses around them.

Buttermilk Sky said...

No need to wait for July when you can throw a "gender reveal" party with military ordnance. I assume there's a special Darwin Award category for this new atrocity.

Happy Independence Day. Perhaps one day we'll be ready for it.

Mike Bloodworth said...

I was going to say some things, but you'd just get pissed off. So I'll limit it to this.
You seem to be conflating the so called "safe and sane" fireworks that merely sparkle and make noise and the more dangerous, professional type fireworks that shoot into the air and/or explode. In California the former are legal in some cities. The latter are illegal throughout the state.

I for one could watch fireworks every night. In fact, at one time I did. I've mentioned this before on Ken's blog, but when I worked in Anaheim I would go up on the roof of our building so I could watch Disneyland's nightly display.

Enjoy the 4th while you still can. Until the day it's added to the list of things that are unacceptable these days.


DBenson said...

Back in my 60s childhood, I remember how every box of fireworks had The Log Cabin, a little cardboard house with a smoke bomb inserted as a chimney. We'd light it, watch a weak plume of gray smoke issue forth for a few seconds, then sit and wait five or ten minutes convinced it HAD to do something more.

This triggers a memory of caps, those rolls of red paper with tiny charges to make toy guns go bang. You could also put one or more in a little "bomb" (first heavy metal, then cheap plastic) and throw it down really hard. It never occurred to anyone in my crowd at the time, but I'm suddenly wondering what would happen if you lit a roll of caps with a match.

In recent decades I celebrate with "1776" or "Johnny Tremain".

SummitCityScribe said...

It's not really July 4th until you listen to a master storyteller, Jean Shepherd, tell a classic fireworks story, Ludlow Kissel and the Dago Bomb That Struck Back.

MKNycutt said...

I have nothing against the professional fireworks you see at shows or the little sparklers and things kids use (hopefully supervised). But this year I'm hearing what sound like howitzers in the streets of the small town where I live.

I don't know, maybe the law was changed when I wasn't paying attention. Maybe some Republicans thought we needed real ordnance to prove how American we are. It's ridiculous.

YEKIMI said...

Years and years ago, a former employee was shooting off bottle rockets. Told him to knock it off and of course, he being a smart ass, lit one more but instead of going straight up it went sideways and hit me in the crotch, burning a hole through my new shorts. Luckily I was able to knock it to the ground before it exploded and avoided a second circumcision and having to change my name to Michelle. It was at that point he became a "former" employee.

Lorimartian said...

Don't forget "Yankee Doodle Dandy" on TCM on Sunday at 5pm PDT. That man, Oscar winner James Cagney, could dance. I never get tired of watching it and continue to marvel at his agility.

By Ken Levine said...

For those who say I'm over-reacting and home fireworks are safe... Just yesterday...

Dixon Steele said...

Here in S. Florida they sell fireworks in supermarkets and there are dozens of fireworks stores open all year, and they're not small.

Necco said...

If you want to see insane home fireworks, Google "San Antonio Crazy Fireworks Drone." It's the same thing every New Year's Eve. It sounds like a war zone. When it's finally over, the city is blanketed in smoke. I assume not too many planes landing or taking off at midnight. Poor pets. I lost a dog one NYE due to a seizure - and she was inside being held.

Last night wasn't as bad, as it's not simultaneous at midnight.

YEKIMI said...

I'm PA announcer for soccer games. As far as I know I'm the only announcer to get a Yellow Card from a ref and I don't even know what I said that set him off! I just hear the whistle blow, look up to see what the call was an he's pointing at me in the press box and whips out a yellow card, flashes it at me and restarts the game. Everyone around me scooted away like they were going to catch flag-itis or something. Coaches and people in the crowd are looking at me like "WTF was that about?"

Jack West said...

Having to listen to the neighbor and his kids pop off fireworks in their driveway for 12 hours, it struck me that it's a mindless, numskull activity. My neighbor, who goes for that Larry the Cable Guy look, and his boys oohed over every pop. How do you do that for 12 hours? After the first minute, it's not like it gets better. They didn't even stop and go inside when the Macys fireworks show started. Maybe I'm just getting old, but, seriously, watch a documentary about the founding of the country. Read a history book. Even watch 1776 if you have to. Better: watch "The Time Of Their Lives" with Abbott & Costello.

Mike said...

I spent $100 on fireworks yesterday, taking advantage of reduced prices.
I will take my chances with a 99.9%+ safety record.

Philly Cinephile said...

On the night of July 4th, I could hear a lot of fireworks being set off. Soon, the sound of fireworks was replaced by the sound of fire engines. The next day, I read a newspaper article about a firefighter who died in a fire in my neighborhood.