My version of Cyber Monday: My book is now on sale for $.99

That's right.  For just a few days only, the Kindle version of my book THE ME GENERATION... BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE '60s) will be sale for only $.99.  That's an 81% discount.  

It's the perfect gift for the holidays, especially for baby boomers (so in other words -- your parents, co-workers, aging hippies, or you).   The book chronicles my attempting to grow up in Southern California during the most turbulent and drugged-out decade of the century.  It's all here -- the California Myth, the Sunset Strip, psychedelia, the space race, the Summer of Love, student unrest, sitting home while others had sex.  

Here's where you go to order.   

Seriously, this sale is only for a few days.  So take advantage.  Enjoy a fun ride and support this blog for only $.99.

Here's an excerpt: 

I turned 16 on Valentine’s Day. This is a bigger milestone for girls. Guys do not have Sweet Sixteen parties. They just get their driver’s license.

Unless they have no depth perception, took the exam in a Chevy Impala the size of an aircraft carrier, and failed the test miserably. Happy birthday to me.

The worst part was that I had to wait several weeks to re-take the exam. So everybody knew I failed. To save face – because how humiliating to say you couldn’t parallel park – I just said I hit a guy.

After much practice, re-taking the test in my mom’s Mercury Comet (a car that could fit in the Impala’s glove compartment), I finally passed and got that elusive passport to freedom.

Which meant I finally went out on a real first date. I was still way too intimidated to ask Bev Fine so I asked Marcy Loudon. I wanted to get a few rejections under my belt first so I could better withstand Bev’s ultimate lethal blow. Amazingly, Marcy said yes and that Saturday night I took her to the Corbin Theater on Ventura Blvd. to see one of the great date movies of all-time, To Kill A Mockingbird.

The plan was to put my arm around her about halfway into the film. It was tough though finding just that right moment in the rape trial. I think I got up the courage and draped my arm around her just as Tom is shot to death while trying to escape from jail.

For a nightcap I took Marcy to Farrell’s Ice Cream parlor where we discussed the differences between the movie and the book, and I had her home by midnight. A quick peck on the cheek and that was it.

All girls had curfews back then. Midnight was standard. The penalty for violation was usually grounding. Grounding was actually an effective deterrent in 1966 – at least for the girls I dated. I’m sure my classmate who slept with own her brother didn’t give a shit if she couldn’t go to the Spring Sing. But the girls I dated always insisted on being home by twelve. And I choose to believe it was because of that severe penalty. Please allow me that little fantasy.

What's it like writing for animals?

A lot easier than directing them. On FRASIER the key to writing for Eddie was not asking too much of him. Moose (Eddie’s real name) had an extraordinary trainer in Mathilde de Cagny. As long as the stunt was quick and doable, Mathilde could get Moose to do it (always through treats and loving care). If there was some question while we were writing we would just ask Mathilde. More often than not she’d say Moose could do it. The dog was a gamer! With actors we had to ask their managers.

Other writers were more of a problem. One day in the writers room I pitched some bit with Eddie and a sock and one of the writers (who constantly drove everyone nuts) asked, “What is Eddie thinking now?” What is he fucking THINKING??! How do you answer someone like that without being brought up on charges?

Moose passed away at 15, which is like 108 dog years. I'm only sorry he never got to be on INSIDE THE ACTOR'S STUDIO with James Lipton.

Directing animals is another story.

I directed an episode of JUST SHOOT ME called “Sewer”. The B-story had Nina (Wendie Malick) bringing in an orangutan. I forget why but I’m sure it was for a good reason. He was a little harder to train and was in a good part of the show.

On filming night I said to the actors, if he does anything unexpected just go with it and stay in character. We can always re-shoot the scene. Likewise, I told the four camera operators, if you’re on the orangutan and he does something wacky stay on him. Don’t go to your next shot.

Sure enough with cameras rolling and the audience in place, Wendie steps out of the elevator hand in hand with her furry friend, approaches David Spade’s counter, and has a brief exchange with him. The orangutan, who comes up to Wendie’s knees, lifts her dress a few inches, and peers right up between her legs. God love her, Wendie stayed completely in character and reacted with utter nonchalance. The audience went completely nuts. It was a five minute laugh.

After the show had been filmed and the audience released I went back to do some pick-ups. The orangutan’s trainer tapped me on the shoulder and gently told me it was past his bedtime. I said it would only be about another fifteen minutes. He repeated: “Uh, it’s past his bedtime.” I then asked what happens if he stays up after his bedtime?

“He bites everybody he sees.”

“Okay everybody, that’s a wrap!”

I’ve heard stories of actors who were reluctant to work with animals for fear of being upstaged, but I’ve never personally encountered one. However, I think there was a cat who once refused to work with Dustin Hoffman.

This was a repost from four years ago.

Your life is not a sitcom

Over the years I’ve been pitched hundreds of ideas from people not in the business. I was handling funeral arrangements for my grandmother's passing and the mortician pitched me a movie. Small sample size, but so far there’s not one pitch I’ve sparked to. Most of the pitches go like this:

“I work at __________ and you wouldn’t believe how funny it is there? I mean, the things that go on, I could tell you stories, you could write a GREAT sitcom about it.”

If I’m lucky they’ll leave it there but most times they add one or two of those hilarious incidents. They’re usually on a caliber of “we got a guy who never puts sugar in his coffee and one time when he wasn’t looking some slipped in some sugar and then when he drank he went, “Eeeeeuu! Did someone put sugar in my coffee?” At this point the storyteller is usually convulsing with laughter just recalling this classic event. I’m praying for a meteor.


“Tonight, on a very special episode of LAMP SALESMAN, someone slips sugar in Dan’s coffee.”Just because you sell lamps, or work in a real estate office, or a Costco, or in a barbershop, or at a train station and there are co-workers who are a little quirky, this does not mean you have the premise for a sitcom. You have the premise for a work location. And chances are, even with those zany “nuts” you work with, your situation is no funnier than any of the others.

Here’s what nobody ever pitches me: a show about a relationship. THE OFFICE is funny because of the relationship between Michael and his employees. It is funnier still because of the relationships among the employees. What they actually manufacture is completely unimportant.

Start with the characters first.

What about the dynamics between them are interesting, fresh, and could sustain stories week after week? And then, what is the best setting to put them in? One that hasn’t been seen before is a plus but not imperative. How many shows and plays and radio series have been set in bars?

That said, there are some areas that are tougher sales than others. Madcap terrorist cells probably won’t fly.

But the next time you come up to me, assuming it’s not in a funeral parlor (and his movie idea was just friggin’ awful), and you have a great idea for a series, start with who are they are, not what they do. And if they truly are interesting you won’t even need those hilarious incidents.

This is a re-post from five years ago. 

PETER PAN LIVE -- My review

Friday Questions will not be seen this week so that we can bring you this special program. Friday Questions will return in its normal time next week. But now, we proudly present: PETER PAN THE DAY AFTER.

The very fact that everybody is talking about PETER PAN LIVE today makes it a huge success in my book. How often in these days of 900 channels (600 of them featuring cooking shows) does the country experience a shared event? And you had to watch it last night because it was live and you knew it would be the topic of conversation in every school, office, and maximum security prison in the land.

Oh, and it wasn’t all that bad. Certainly not like that SOUND OF MUSIC train wreck last year when all of America was screaming, “Bring on the Nazis already!” And PETER PAN LIVE was an enormous undertaking. Kudos to the hundreds of people behind-the-scenes who pulled off this highly ambitious project with no room for error. Yes, there were wires but no nets.

Do I have quibbles and snarky comments? Oh yeah. It wouldn’t be me otherwise, but on the whole I thought everyone involved should be applauded for a job well done.

First off, Allison Williams surpassed my expectations as Peter. She can sing well enough, crow well enough, and if she threw every teenage boy into a frenzied state of sexual confusion, well, so be it. At least we had Clarissa there to explain it all to you.

On the other hand, Christopher Sleep-Walken – what the fuck was he doing? Even for Chris Walken he was clueless. If there ever was a “lost” boy on the set it was Walken (who you know I normally love). Half the time he couldn’t remember his lines and the ones he said were probably snippets of dialogue from DEER HUNTER.

Now let’s go through the show:

The opening scene was slow and endless – the MUPPET BABIES version of DOWNTON ABBEY. Nana, the dog, however, knew her cues better than Christopher Walken. Did they have to make the wires SO noticeable? They couldn’t have found clear wires? I mean, we know it’s a special effect, but if they’re going to do that, why not just have a Teamster come into the set and double check her harness?

The best singer and most accomplished actress in the entire production was Kelli O’Hara and she disappears for 2 ½ hours.

Maybe it’s because I saw the original Mary Martin versions but some songs like “I’m Flying”, “Wendy”, and “I’ll Never Grow Up” still get me every time.

Off to Never-Never Land. First stop: a gay bar with a pirate theme. When they all started prancing around with tambourines all I could think was “where were the cowbells?”

And what was with that strange pirate musical number that cut to commercial while Walken was straining to hold the last note, and then after five minutes of spots, they went back to him choking the note to death for ten more seconds, and then another five minute commercial break? I bet Walken thought he was on the entire time. Either that or he didn’t know he was on television at all.

The Jolly Roger didn’t need an anchor. It needed cue cards.

Lots of cleaning went on at Never-Never Land apparently. The pirates were swabbing the deck and the Lost Boys were sweeping their pad. I was beginning to think we were watching Felix Unger’s childhood wet dream.

The Lost Boys should be called Lost Men. Was there one of them under 35? Really. I would not have been surprised to see Woody Allen in short pants as part of the group. And what was with the German schoolboy uniforms they all wore? Did wardrobe get a deal on the costumes from SPRING AWAKENING?

It was only mildly creepy that 35-year-old men wanted a 25-year-old girl to be their mother. But let’s be real – PETER PAN is a pretty weird story no matter who does it. Children are abducted. Hot girls play young boys. Father-figures play the villain. And there’s more killing than an episode of 24.

I’m assuming the show got big ratings. If I know Mark Burnett, this spring expect to see SURVIVOR: NEVERLAND on CBS.

Update:  The ratings were disappointing.  Down 46% from last year's SOUND OF MUSIC.  Either the novelty has worn off or they should have gotten Lady Gaga to play Peter. 

Tiger Lily was pretty hot. I think Cher wore that same outfit during her Vegas stint. Her tribe consisted of authentic native-professional wrestlers. Glad they didn’t sing “Ugg-a-Wugg.” That’s a song that belongs in “Never-Never-Again Land.”

Those wildly day-glo Neverland outdoor sets that just exploded with every color in the rainbow looked like the backyard in every Disney Channel family sitcom. Hey, NBC, we all have color TV’s now. It’s no big deal.

Loved the Brian Williams promo in his daughter’s show.

Was that a sad crocodile? Did they hire a second grade class to design and build it? So scrawny. Hook shouldn’t be worried, even if he’s eaten. Clearly this is the one bulimic crocodile.

When the Lost Boys were kidnapped it looked like one was holding a Torah. Never growing up means putting off your Bar Mitzvah indefinitely.

So let me get this straight – the Captain’s name is James Hook and he just coincidentally lost a hand and has to wear a hook? Thank goodness his parents weren’t the Dickless family.

Certainly one of the highlights of any production of PETER PAN is when Peter addresses the audience and asks children to clap and show they believe in fairies. I’m sure when I saw this as a kid it wasn’t at 10:45 at night.  But we didn't have Wal-Mart back then.

In the big climactic scene when Hook blames Wendy for all the misfortune saying that a woman on the ship was bad luck, how I was hoping he’d slip and call her Natalie Wood.

During the program they invited viewers to Live Tweet. If I may be cynical for a moment, I wouldn’t be surprised if NBC didn’t care whether you hated the show. As long as you were tuned in. Hate-watchers count in the ratings just as much as adoring fans. And by suggesting people Live Tweet, knowing they were going to get crushed, they were encouraging hate watching. If this is the case, NBC, Allison Williams deserved better. She worked way too hard to be held up as a target.

Yes, part of the fun of a big live event is goofing on it. And when you take the big stage you have to know that’s part of the bargain. But all kidding aside, adapting Broadway musicals to television is incredibly difficult. It’s so hard to capture the thrilling experience that only live theater can provide. Add to that, all the commercial breaks – each one lasting as long as a normal theatrical intermission. So imagine trying to weave a magic spell when you have twelve intermissions during your show. And for the most part, you’re not using seasoned Broadway veterans who know how to keep the energy up for an entire performance. In this case you're using a former movie star who is a caricature of himself.  For all those reasons, I give PETER PAN LIVE high marks.

Allison, feel free to crow.

Friday Questions on Thursday

The Friday Questions are beginning to stack up so I thought I’d add an extra day.  Feel free to leave your Friday (or Thursday) Questions in the comments section. Thanks.  Meanwhile, I may review PETER PAN tonight and pre-empt Friday Questions or move them to one weekday next week to totally confuse you. 

Tyler starts us off:

I've noticed in the first couple of seasons of Frasier that a smaller version of Cafe Nervosa is sometimes used. It's the area up stage near the bathrooms. But after those first few years we never see this version again. So I guess my question is was there a need for a small set early on that was later resolved?

Very observant, Tyler. Yes, there were two versions of Café Nervosa. There was only so much room on Stage 25 at Paramount so if the episode required a large swing set (say a ballroom for a wedding scene), the size of Café Nervosa could be adjusted to accommodate it. Roy Christopher did an amazing job designing the FRASIER sets.

From Jim:

How often does a showrunning partnership dissolve and has there ever been an instance where, like this Levitan/Lloyd divorce, two separate camps and sensibilities continue production?

Partnerships can dissolve. There is enormous pressure showrunning a series and it can take its toll on many relationships.

There was a similar situation to MODERN FAMILY back in the ‘80s with a series called BUFFALO BILL. It was created by Tom Patchett & Jay Tarses who had been writing partners for years. And prior to that they had been a stand-up act together. After the first season of BUFFALO BILL they split their partnership and did exactly what Steve and Chris are doing on MODERN FAMILY. They alternated episodes.

What I don’t know is whether either of these shows had separate writers for each co-showrunner or the staff worked with both. That would be tough, I imagine because then it’s like you’re working on two separate shows.

Carl asks:

Ken, have you ever had a line or bit of business that you felt was funny but just wouldn't get a laugh no matter what you did with it?

Too many times to count. I toss it out and replace it with something else. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.  On the other hand, there are intended straight lines that out of the blue get laughs. Don’t know why but I just thank the Comedy Gods and move on.

Brian Phillips queries:

With no disrespect to David Isaacs, have you co-written with someone else?

Yes, I co-wrote a spec screenplay that sold to MGM with Robin Schiff. (Robin also co-created and ran ALMOST PERFECT with me and David.) I co-wrote the musical THE ‘60S PROJECT with Janet Brenner that was produced at the Goodspeed Theatre in Connecticut in 2006.

And my first partner was Joel Siegel. Remember him as the movie critic for GOOD MORNING AMERICA? We were in the same army reserve unit and during one two-week active duty summer camp we were assigned to write a musical comedy designed to get reservists to re-enlist. Yes, I know. Everything about that sentence is bizarre.

Still, my real partner is David and we continue to work on projects together to this day.

Charles Jurries wraps it up.

Stephen Collins (7th Heaven) and Bill Cosby have been accused of some terrible things, and the repercussions have been in part taken out on their current projects and/or shows in syndication. As someone who’s worked on many legendary TV series, do you ever wonder if something will come out to distort, even temporarily, the show's legacy? (Something like the Stephen Collins or Bill Cosby allegations.)

Not until you brought it up. Actually, no. I think I know the actors I worked with well enough to be reasonably certain they weren’t those kinds of people.

Whether the allegations are true or not, there have been rumors about Cosby for years.

So keep watching MASH and CHEERS and FRASIER all starring upstanding actors.

BONUS QUESTION:

A number of you have asked if I could do my play, A OR B?  in Seattle or Philadelphia or wherever.  I would be happy to do it anywhere.  

If you are a producer or theater group that would be interested, please contact me.  bossjock@dslextreme.com.   I would hope a two-character romantic comedy with minimal sets would be an attractive prospect to some regional venue.   I'd love to go to Seattle or Philly or even Broadway if I have to.  That's how much I believe in this play.     Thanks much.

Join me on TCM

I will be hosting the "Friday Night Spotlight" on Turner Classic Movies the entire month of January.  Yes, I can't believe it either.  It will be a Neil Simon Film Festival, showing seventeen of Neil's films.  Needless to say, I couldn't be more thrilled or honored.  As many of you know, Neil Simon is an idol of mine.  I've written about him numerous times in this blog.  So I get to be "Robert Osborne"for a month.  How cool is that? 



I recently went to Atlanta to tape my segments.  More on that as we get closer.   Again, thanks to TCM for entrusting me with their Neil Simon salute.   If I can't be him, at least I can introduce his films.  I hope you'll join me.  And even if you skip my intros and outros, watch these movies.  There are some real gems. 

Here's the schedule. 

January 2

8:00 PM

Odd Couple, The (1968)

10:00 PM

Out-of-Towners, The (1970)

12:00 AM

Come Blow Your Horn (1963)



January 9

8:00 PM

Murder by Death (1976)

9:45 PM

Cheap Detective, The (1978)

11:30 PM

Plaza Suite (1971)

1:30 AM

California Suite (1978)



January 16

8:00 PM

Goodbye Girl, The (1977)

10:00 PM

Chapter Two (1979)

12:15 AM

Only When I Laugh (1981)



January 23

8:00 PM

Lost in Yonkers (1993)

10:00 PM

Biloxi Blues (1988)

12:00 AM

Seems Like Old Times (1980)

2:00 AM

Sunshine Boys, The (1975)



January 30

8:00 PM

Heartbreak Kid, The (1972)

10:00 PM

Prisoner of Second Avenue, The (1974)

12:00 AM

Sweet Charity (1969)

Watch where you're going

It’s amazing how oblivious we are going through life (or at least how oblivious I am going through life). Recent example:

A couple of days ago I drove over Beverly Glen. This is a local canyon that separates West Los Angeles and the San Fernando Valley. I use it frequently. Anything to stay off the 405 Freeway. When I had my play at the Falcon Theatre I took Beverly Glen every day for two months. My car could negotiate the turns on its own.

I usually had the radio on so was listening to music or a ballgame. Traffic was sometimes slow but it generally moved. And it was always faster than the 405, even when I was behind a garbage truck or a meteor landed on the road.

This time over Beverly Glen I also had a letter to mail so I kept my eyes open for a mailbox. In so doing I found myself really paying attention to my surroundings.

And it was like a completely different experience. For the first time I noticed….

One guy has a boat in front of his place.

Another has a vintage 65 Mustang.

Some of the trees have turned colors and are New England-like. 

There are lot more houses for sale on the east side of the street than the west.

Hippies still exist.

Someone was throwing out a couch or maybe a person. There was a guy sitting on the couch.

There are some very cool mid-century homes.

One nimrod has planted cactus.

There are speed limits on some of the turns.  

A few have white houses with bright red or blue front doors. They must get Jehovah’s Witnesses constantly.

One homeowner still had his "Vote for Shriver" sign in the front lawn.  Do they know up there that the election is over? 

I hope that was a dog and not a wolf.  I was just relieved there wasn't a baby in its mouth.

There’s a new repaved section without lines yet. Is it okay to pass?

Homemade lemonade stands do shitty business on busy canyon roads.

There's a food market.   And it's probably been there my whole life.

The point is I observed so many more things than usual simply by paying attention. How much of the rest of the world around me am I missing by grooving along with Queen and obsessing over that joke I just can’t seem to make work? It’s one thing to stop and smell the roses; it’s another to recognize there are roses there.

I hope to build on this and be more observant in the future. There’s a lot more to see than I’m seeing. Unfortunately, I think within a few days I’ll slip right back into my old ways. But it’s worth making the effort once in awhile. That’s all I’m sayin’.

And no, I never found a mailbox.

Will Peter Pan be hot?

Has NBC promoted their upcoming live version of PETER PAN enough? You can’t leaf through ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY or go to a pop culture website without seeing articles, videos, or discussions on the new version. Kudos to the NBC publicity department.

I was just a wee lad when PETER PAN first appeared on NBC. It was the ‘50’s, Mary Martin was Peter and thanks to 76,000,000 baby boomers still being babies the airing was a national event. The next day it was what everyone talked about at recess. We didn’t have water coolers at Van Alden Elementary School.

But even as a kid I wondered, why couldn’t they get an actual boy to play Peter? Or at least a girl who didn’t look like she was 40?

Try telling a six-year-old that it’s a long-held theater tradition to have a woman play Peter Pan. It just seemed weird. The fact that the parents go out and leave the dog in charge didn’t seem to bother me.

Will young boys today have the same gender issue? And a new wrinkle we didn’t have in the ‘50s – will older boys find Peter hot? I mean, Allison Williams is not Mary Martin. And by older boys I mean, y’know, preadolescent… to 70?

(Quick sidebar question: Does Ellen DeGeneres think she’s playing Peter Pan in real life)

Like last year’s SOUND OF MUSIC, success seems to depend on the star. Carrie Underwood, despite playing Maria as a Miss Texas contestant, attracted huge numbers. Will Allison do the same? She certainly doesn’t have the name recognition that Carrie does. AMERICAN IDOL vs. co-star of GIRLS. Suddenly all the hype makes sense. But I do think Allison will pull it off and this will give her that big-name exposure for future productions.

The other curiosity factor is Christopher Walken as Captain Hook. We know he can dance. And we know he he’s not to be trusted on the deck of a ship. (He was on the boat with Robert Wagner that fateful night.) We know that he’s super strange. Will whatever bizarre interpretation he undoubtedly will give to Captain Hook add or detract from the production? Here too, I’m guessing thumbs (or hooks) up.

And there’s one other factor. The show will air LIVE. If there’s some mishap, if the dog takes a dump, Allison flies into a wall, or Walken has a brain fart and calls Peter “Natalie” you’re going to want to see it in real time. Just having it on your DVR to watch a week later won’t do it. And in this DVR, shows-on-demand age, the only real way network television can attract a live audience is to air something live. This is why they pay such big bucks for sporting events. SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL loses something by Wednesday.

PETER PAN LIVE airs Thursday night. I'll be watching... for nostalgia and curiosity.  Hopefully I can stay up for the whole thing. After all, it is a school night.

Only in L.A. Part 2

Dying underarm hair.  When bright green hair just isn't enough.

Only in LA

My place is a mess after the Thanksgiving weekend.

One of those great Hollywood stories

I was a Story Editor on MASH and was invited to speak to a sitcom writing class at UCLA along with my friend Larry, who at the time was a Story Editor on RHODA. We talked about how to break into the business – the importance of writing great spec scripts. Do’s and don’ts. 

We stressed the need for hard work, really studying the shows, setting high standards for yourself. That was the path to a script assignment for one of our shows.

A friend of mine was in the class and overheard the following:

Two coeds talking. Near the end of our discussion one turned to the other.

COED #1: So what do you think, Ken or Larry?

COED #2 (after some consideration): I’ll fuck Larry. I’d rather get a RHODA.

Postscript: Neither of us got lucky that night. And she never got a RHODA. But it was nice to know the students really were taking our career advice seriously.

One of the worst movies you'll ever see

And it was co-written by Robert Altman, no less. Thanks to blog contributor Hamid for turning me onto this 1956 gem. It stars Jerry Wallace (the singer of Primrose Lane). I defy you to last more than ten minutes. For your consideration this Oscar season -- "Corn's-A-Poppin'"

Nothing more needs to be said

Black Friday Questions

Here they are. And hey, if you’re one of those people who stood in line outside a store for three days to get $100 off on a TV I wanna hear from you.

Allan V starts us off:

I absolutely adored M*A*S*H, but what did you think about it running for 11 seasons? Was that about right, or should it have stopped sooner?

I think eleven years is too long for practically any series, even a classic one.  

Charles Emerson Losechester wonders:

How does a multi-camera show that's shot on film work? Specifically, on CHEERS. Are they making literally three different films with the multiple cameras, with massive splicing edits later on to keep the action continuous, or does it all go through some sort of main control panel where the camera changes happen on the fly?

We had four film cameras shooting continuously. Originally the editing was done on film. In later years the film was transferred to tape and all the editing was done off the tape. An editor could sync all four cameras and switch back and forth building his cut. Now everything is done digitally.

However, there is a cut of the show that is being built on the fly as the show is taping. This is for the studio audience to watch on the monitors. A special editor is hired to do this real-time edit. I’m actually amazed at how good some of these guys are.

From Powerhouse Salter:

Question about sitcom camera angles: What purpose is supposed to be served in a two-person dialogue scene when the camera is set up behind one of the actors and all we can see is the static back of his or her head? I mean, what's the point of no head movement whatsoever and not even a hint of profile to suggest that we're looking at the actual actor (or the actor's stand-in) and not at what might as well be a floor mop with a wig on it?

If I understand your question correctly, you’re referring to a close up of someone talking and the head and shoulder of the person he’s talking to. This is called an “Over.” When I shoot dual conversations I do two passes. On one I do singles and the other I do overs. “Overs” help the audience tie the two yakkers together. And they provide variety. You’re not just ping-ponging back and forth for four minutes. That gets very annoying.

VP81955 went to a recent taping of MOM and asks:

Ken, what's the longest lag time you've ever had between episode filming/taping and episode airing? Because the second-season debut of "Mom" was delayed a month, the episode that aired Thursday was its third of the season. Friday's filming was for episode 12, so it won't air until January.

Infinity. There are plenty of shows that are taped and NEVER air. There have been whole series that are in the can but never aired.

For the second season of ALMOST PERFECT, we shot ten episodes. The show as cancelled after only four had aired. The other six never made it to CBS. Fortunately, the series went into syndication twice – once on USA and once on Lifetime – so those episodes were eventually broadcast.

David and I have written episodes of JOE AND SONS, THE PRACTICE, and BRAM & ALICE that never aired.

Midseason shows are often filmed in the summer and early fall. Networks sometime delay their premiers to March, May, or even the summer.

The first six episodes of SEINFELD sat on the shelf for a year.

On the other hand, I’ve been in situations where we shoot a show one week and it airs the following week. Lots of late nights and overtime when that scenario arises.

What’s your Friday Question? And don’t over-eat this weekend.

My Thanksgiving tradition

We all have our own cherished Thanksgiving traditions. Enjoying Grandma’s famous stuffing recipe (which oddly tastes a lot like Stove Top), the game of touch football on the lawn (they still talk about the year Uncle Ed’s stitches came loose), weird cousin Marla’s holiday decorations (festive paper turkeys with hatchets), everyone bringing their favorite dish, renewing the argument over whether cousin Marla should be hospitalized, etc. My fondest tradition was watching THE HOONEYMOONERS marathon on one of the local LA channels. The last few years it’s been discontinued but thanks to DVD’s, I now own all 39 classic episodes and can gleefully watch them again for the nine millionth time.  I assume Netflix or one of them also offers the show for streaming.

Produced in 1955 for one season only, THE HONEYMOONERS remains my favorite all-time sitcom. I don’t think there’s ever been a more inspired cast than Jackie Gleason, Art Carney, and Audrey Meadows. And Joyce Randolph was okay too.

I wonder what people in their 20’s would think of the show. Would it seem too retro? Would the black-and-white cause a disconnect? Would the comedy still hold up? I’d like to think it would. I’d like to think any generation would marvel at Art Carney demonstrating a golf swing, or Jackie Gleason learning to mambo.  Happily, my USC class seemed amused. 

If you’ve never seen THE HONEYMOONERS, or haven’t in a long time, I invite you to get the DVD collection or go on Netflix or Hulu and have your own Thanksgiving marathon. But JUST the classic 39 episodes. The collected sketches from Gleason’s variety show or the “lost episodes” don’t hold up. But those 39, for my money, are sitcom perfection. I’d be interested to hear what you think.

Some of my favorite episodes are:

The Golfer
Better Living Through TV (the one I show to my USC class)
Oh, my Aching Back
The $99,000 Answer
Young at Heart
Unconventional Behavior
Hello, Mom

I bet as you read this I’m watching one of them right now.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

Bill Cosby -- mentor?

Not to just pile on, but this is an article I wrote about Bill Cosby for this blog a couple of years ago that was picked up by Gawker recently, resulting in a lot of traffic.  So I thought I would share it again for my regular readers. 

I’ve always been a big fan of Bill Cosby. Loved his comedy albums as a kid, took my wife to Las Vegas to see his stand-up act (more like a sit-down act. He just sat in a chair, smoked a cigar, and held a giant audience in the palm of his hand), and admired THE COSBY SHOW (at least when it started). He was a true original and his comedy came out of reality. You laughed because you related.  He was also a damn good spokesman for Jello. So I respect his work. We’re clear on that, right?

Recently, WRITTEN BY, the WGA’s monthly magazine did an article where they referred to Bill Cosby as a writer’s mentor. I think they were being a little overly generous. I wouldn’t call him a mentor.

I’d call him an egotist who worked his writers as if they were pack mules.

I know. You say potato and I say potato.

There’s no question that there was much to be learned from Bill Cosby, and those writers who survived did take lessons that helped them in their future work. But what a cost.

The article explains how the process worked on THE COSBY SHOW. The staff worked out a very rough story area on Wednesday, then wrote an entire script over the weekend. Cosby would shit on it at the table reading on Monday. If there were lines he didn’t like he would read them in funny voices. Rather rude to the writers who killed themselves all weekend to service you. Then would come the hours of notes, Cosby would tear the whole script apart.  Often, with his big cigar, he would literally blow smoke into the writers' faces.  And then the staff went back to now write a completely new script and cough. Those rewrites, even in the article, were termed grueling.

And this went on week after week. Hundred hour weeks were common. Month after month. At least he didn't smoke $2 Tiparillos.

Oh, and did I mention, at the end, Cosby ad libbed stuff?  I’m sure it was funny but why put everybody through that just to ultimately do it yourself?

Talented showrunners would understandably bolt after a season or even a few weeks of this. One writer was so fried after she quit that she spent six months working at the Coney Island Aquarium.

Are there shows with long hours? Absolutely. Is it difficult to write for a comedian who has a very strong voice? You betcha. But you know that going in.

However, to have a star just arbitrarily toss out draft after draft and force his staff to write around the clock for seven months is unfair and highly disrespectful.

I don’t know why the staff bothered to do anything for the table draft. Why work hard crafting jokes and scenes and moments when everything's just going to be dismissed? Just write down the first thing that comes to your mind and head for the train. The fact that the staff didn’t do that (and never did that) says something about how admirable and professional they were.

Fact: Writers burn out. Fact: Writers do not do their best work at 4:00 AM after being in the room for fifteen hours. How would an actor like it if he were asked to strenuously rehearse every day from 7:00 AM until 11:00 PM and then an audience would be brought in and he'd be asked to perform NOISES OFF for two hours?

The fact that Cosby established this grueling schedule and maintained it shows, to me, a lack of consideration and compassion. Yes, the show was a smash hit, and he was the 800 pound gorilla, but I will never be convinced it would have been any worse had the writers not spent 70% of their time writing material that everyone knew was gong to get thrown out. I could however, make an argument that the shows would have been even better had the staff not been walking zombies.  And if some of the better writers had not quit.

But that’s the way they did it. A number of people made fortunes of money (including sweater manufacturers). And the show is a classic.

Call Cosby brilliant, call him the man who saved sitcoms, call him a game-changer, a visionary, a titan in the world of comedy. But mentor? I was fortunate that I had mentors who didn’t send me screaming to an aquarium.

A riot photo that is a riot

I teach a class Monday nights at USC, which is in downtown Los Angeles.  As a result of the Ferguson protests the campus was under lockdown.  No one was allowed to enter or leave.  Scary times with helicopters hovering overhead and lots of sirens and flashing blue lights.  But that doesn't mean you can't get hungry.   Here are students getting a pizza delivered during lockdown.  I had to take this photo.  I bet you won't see anything similar in the paper. 

The Macy's Parade

I have no desire to go to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. I’ve been in New York several times during Thanksgiving and just my luck, every year it’s been cold. Maybe if they held it indoors one year… Perhaps down in the subway? Nah, it might be tough wedging Sponge Bob through a tunnel.

Brutal weather conditions aside, the parade is spectacular and organizers do an amazing job. It’s quite a spectacle and well worth seeing if you’re not a princess like me. But hey, I don’t go to football games in the winter either. Do fans realize these games are on television?  Or are they just looking for an excuse to use those flasks? 

In Manhattan in January I’ve been known to hail a cab to take me across the street.

I only attended the parade once. And that was because James L. Brooks had a condo along the parade route and had a bunch of people over for a viewing party. So I watched from the window while sipping my hot chocolate. Jim, and a few others were calling down to the passing celebrities. It helped that he actually knew these people.

More fun than going to the parade is watching them blow up the balloons the night before. I do recommend that. They do it near the Natural History Museum. Wear a sweater.

To me the Macy’s Parade is a TV event anyway, even when I’m in Manhattan. It signals the official beginning of the holiday season and gives us a chance to see all the “stars” of the midseason NBC shows that will be cancelled by every St. Paddy’s Day Parade. Al Roker will be interviewing these recycled sitcom actors and fawning all over them. Such excitement lay ahead when these new NBC shows premier. Remember GROWING UP FISHER? 1600 PENN? SMASH?

THE TODAY SHOW anchors always host. Matt Lauer pretends he’s really enjoying himself, but he has the same look as when they make him do the red carpet show for the Golden Globes. It must be the one day of the year Ann Curry is sitting by a cozy fire saying, "Ha ha bitches!" 

The advantage of viewing the parade on TV is you get to see the Broadway production numbers. My heart always goes out to those poor frozen kids in skimpy show outfits dancing and singing in 20 degree temperatures, sometimes being rained or snowed upon. Equity is such a strong union. Why isn’t there a rule that Broadway dancers are not allowed to perform if they can see their own breath? How many Rockettes blow out hamstrings?

And then the parade starts and I’m always wondering why certain celebrities got stuck on certain floats. “There’s Allison Janney on the foot care float.” Singers stop and lip sync the first chorus of their songs before they’re cut off by six Black Friday commercials. Balloons are the big attraction and Matt must act like he’s seeing the Snoopy balloon for the first time, even though he’s seen it thirty.

I don’t know about you, but I can’t enjoy a parade unless I’m also provided commentary. Instead of listening to a marching band I want to hear how many pancake breakfasts they held in order to finance this trip. I need to know how much helium is in Bullwinkle. And why is Allison Janney on that float shaped like a giant foot?

And then afterward, that big decision, that tough decision – football or the dog show?

Hope you have a great holiday season. And if you’re going to the parade, try to get a selfie with Kermit. Thanks. And again, wear a sweater.

Attention Cumberbitches!

And everyone else. There’s an awesome new movie coming out.  It's called THE IMITATION GAME and it's the best film I’ve seen so far this year (although in fairness, I’ve yet to see MOM’S NIGHT OUT). It stars Benedict Cumberbatch and open the 28th, hopefully in more than four theaters nationwide.

THE IMITATION GAME tells the true story of a British mathematician (guess who) who broke the code of the Nazi Enigma machine that essentially allowed us to defeat the Germans in World War II. So Cumberbatch is sort of the John Wayne of nerds. Also on hand are Keira Knightley (can I be a Knightleybitch?), and two Sunday night quality TV faves – the guy who plays Finn on THE GOOD WIFE and the guy who plays Tom on DOWNTON ABBEY.

The movie is thoroughly engrossing – the perfect blend of character study and thriller. For my money it’s way better that BEAUTIFUL MIND so I wonder if it will get the Oscar love I think it deserves. It’s also superior to THE KING’S SPEECH if you ask me (and it has a character who stutters).

The Weinstein Company produces it so it has a shot. But believe me, if it were directed by Spielberg there would be handsome glossy programs handed out at all industry screenings and we would be bludgeoned into making this the frontrunner. We would be told in no uncertain terms that it’s “important.” A smart, entertaining movie isn’t enough. And getting director Morten Tyldum to go on Charlie Rose is not a big whoop.

Whether THE IMITATION GAME is sexy enough for an ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY exclusive behind-the-scenes on-the-set profile (Cumberbatch’s stock has probably plummeted now that he’s engaged) or an ENTERTAINMENT TONIGHT exclusive behind-the-scenes on-the-set featurette remains to be seen. But fortunately, Spielberg isn’t coming out with some three-hour epic starring Daniel Day-Lewis as Winston Churchill so there may be hope.

If you think encrypting a code with 159,000,000,000,000 possibilities is hard, just try making a riveting screenplay out of it. Kudos to Graham Moore. Cumberbatch and Knightley are worth listening to as well as looking at. And director Mortem Tyldum (sure to become a household name) turned what could have been a two-hour eye chart into a cinematic delight.

THE IMITATION GAME – all it needs is a catchy tagline. How about…?

WAR IS HELL… TO THE THIRD POWER

or

GOD IS MY COSINE 

Update:  A reader made an excellent point.  I write a wonderful review about a hero mathematician whose name has been ignored and then I never mentioned his name.  Alan Turing.    My extreme bad.   His name deserves to be over the title.   Alan Turing. 

A Hollywood Tradition -- My Thanksgiving Travel Tips

The Thanksgiving holiday is the peak travel weekend of the year (in America. The rest of the world could give a rat’s ass about Thanksgiving.) So as a public service, here again -- and with a few additions -- are some travel tips:

Leave for the airport NOW.

Bring no luggage. Wearing the same clothes for a week is a small price to pay. Plus, the airlines now charge you for check-in luggage AND blankets. Pretty soon pressurized air will also be extra.

Southwest has no reserved seating. Get in one of the latter groups boarding. You don’t want to be one of the first to sit then watch as fifty people glance at the empty seat next to you, then to you, and decide to sit somewhere else. Even in the last row.

If you have children under the age of five tell your relatives one has an earache and make everyone come to YOU.

Those people in the Stand-By line – those are the same people who think they can get rich selling Amway products, and the Tooth Fairy really exists. Don’t fly Stand-By unless you like sleeping in airport terminals for five days.

If you rent from Hertz plan on a two hour wait just to get your car. Unless you’re one of their “preferred” customers in which case allow only one hour.

When rental car companies recommend you use premium gasoline put in regular. It’s cheaper, it’ll run just fine, and it’s not your car.

Before you pull off the road to a Chuck E. Cheese for lunch, remember their namesake is a rat.

Air travelers: avoid O’Hare. Better to land in Dallas, even if your destination is Chicago.

If you’re dropping someone off at the airport don’t even think you’ll be able to stop. Have your travelers practice the tuck and roll from a moving car. The first couple of times they’ll bounce but by the fourth or fifth try they should have it down.

Watch the DVD of HOSTEL on your laptop. The bigger the screen, the better.

There’s more legroom in Exit rows. When the flight attendants ask if you are willing to help out in case of emergency just say yes. Like it’s going to make a big difference anyway if you crash.

There are NO bargains in the Sky Mall magazine.

When you’re stuck in St. Louis and all flights are grounded (and trust me, you WILL be), grab lunch at JBucks.

Never pay to see an in-flight movie starring Debra Messing.

Put a big strip of duct tape on your luggage so you’ll recognize it easily. And it makes a nice fashion statement.

If you’re flying with small children see if there’s such a thing as “Flintstones Valium”.

In-flight alcoholic beverages are expensive. Better to drink heavily at the airport before boarding.

And finally, watch PLANES, TRAINS, & AUTOMOBILES again and think of it as a “best” case scenario.

Happy trails to you all.

Thanks...

... to everyone who honored my request and told me where you're from, how you found the blog, etc.   And also for all the kind things you said about me & my little blog.  Thanks for letting me into your life.    Oh... I need a photo.  Wait.   Okay, here ya go.

Mike Nichols & Elaine May

With the passing of Mike Nichols this week, the world lost a superstar talent. He'd won Oscars, Tonys, Emmys, everything. But many younger people might not know that in the late '50s/early '60s he and Elaine May were a comedy team. They both came out of an improv background in Chicago, and the scenes they did together just clicked in a magic way. As a comedy team they were a sensation. Number one selling albums, numerous TV appearances, and even a stint on Broadway.

So I thought today I would show some of their routines. They're dry, subtle, but very funny and very character based. Enjoy watching two budding geniuses.

Now the first one is from the 1959 Emmys and begins with Richard Nixon of all people. Stay with it though.

Friday Questions

First off, so sorry to hear about the passing of Mike Nichols.  I never met him personally and don't know what I could add to all the other heartfelt tributes, but he was a giant.  There damn well better be a special salute at the Oscars next year.   Anyway, I'm back from Atlanta with some Friday Questions.  

Marianne gets us started.

I was watching Madam Secretary last night and I noticed that Bebe Neuwirth plays quite a similar character to that of Lilith. How difficult is it for actors to avoid falling victim to typecasting?

Actors can certainly get pigeonholed. It’s up to them to not accept those similar roles (if they can), or break out and play something different.

One of the reasons Ted Danson took the role of BECKER was that he would play such a different character from Sam Malone.

This is why you see a lot of known actors doing independent films. They don’t get paid much but they get to show off other sides of themselves.

On the other hand, there are actors who don’t mind playing essentially the same part over and over. They’re working.

When I was showrunning and an agent said a certain actor I was inquiring about didn’t do episodic television I always asked, “Who else is paying him $5,000 this week?” You’d be surprised how often that worked.

On a similar note, Michael wants to know:

Some supporting actors from TV shows disappear after their show ends while others continue to pop up in new shows in varying degrees. In your opinion, which factor is most important in determining this - talent, a good agent, simple luck?

All of the above. How identified they were with their character is also a factor. How versatile they can be comes into play (again, Ted Danson).

An actor’s TV-Q becomes a factor. That’s research that determines how well-known an actor is and more importantly, how popular they are. Yes, it is pretty heartless and cutthroat. Welcome to Glitter City.

But there are some TV actors that the public just loves. Dylan McDermott is one of those guys. You’ll notice he gets a series every year. Chris Noth is another. Julia Louis-Dreyfus also tops that list.

And then there are actors from hit shows that just cash in their winnings and walk away from the table. They do theatre, they paint, the move away and live happy lives. David Schramm from WINGS would be an example of that. He’s quite content not guesting on television shows. Yes, there is life after sitcoms.

Lou H. asks:

When a multi-camera sitcom episode needs to use multiple sets, is it still shot in sequence, with everybody moving from set to set, or are things optimized a bit so that, say, all the scenes on one set are shot in a single batch, even if that makes the story a bit harder for the studio audience to follow?

It’s shot in sequence so the audience can follow it. Yes, this causes delays due to costume changes, but if the audience can’t follow the story there’s really no point. And the time it takes for the cameras to roll from one set to another is maybe three minutes.

Single camera shows (shot like movies) will shoot out of sequence. They’ll film all the scenes in one location then move to the next. Not being an actor myself I’ve always felt that had to be difficult on actors – having to adjust their attitudes based on what the scene requires. “Okay, in this one you’re distraught.” “Now you’re hopeful.” I don’t know how they can just turn on and off emotions that quickly and still keep the whole piece in their heads. But that’s why they get the big bucks and their sex tapes go viral.

And finally, from Jim S:

How do you know if an actor has "it" that x factor that makes actor A better than actor B?

There is no formula.  It's just a sense you have.  If two actors are auditioning and you can't take your eyes off of one of them, that's a good sign.

In some cases you just "know."  They have an ease, a charisma, a presence.  Almost instantly you can tell.

On the other hand, some X-factor actors can go unnoticed.   George Clooney knocked around for years.  NBC once passed on Tom Cruise for a pilot.  Madonna also got turned down.   I helped out on a short-lived series in the '80s (doing punch up one day a week).  The actress who starred in the show was God awful.  I later learned she was chosen over Annette Bening.  

So the answer is:  you never know, but you do.

What’s your Friday Question? You know you have one.

Thoughts on having a blog... for nine years now

It's hard to believe but this blog is now nine years old.   Over 3900 posts (okay some are reposts).   I began by writing something new every day to help build an audience and somehow kept doing it.  The amazing thing is that I didn't run out of things to talk about eight years ago.

So why do I still do it?

Well first off I think of this as stretching exercises for a writer.   My posts are never that long.  I don't want to write all day and you sure don't want to read all day.  But it keeps my mind active.

It's a nice chance to Pay It Forward.  I've been very lucky in my career and had awesome mentors along the way like Larry Gelbart, James Brooks, the Charles Brothers, Gene Reynolds, etc.  The least I can do is share some of this largesse with today's young writers.  

I get to plug my play, books, and whatever other ridiculous enterprise I'm hawking.  

I can write whatever the hell I want and never get network notes.  

I've made a lot of great new friends through the blog.

Every so often someone really cool like Aaron Sorkin or David Hyde Pierce agrees to be a guest blogger.  

And who doesn't want a venue to rant over things that piss you off?  

Still, it is time consuming, and I'll be honest, there are times it's a burden.   Coming up with interesting enough topics is sometimes very difficult.  I can''t tee off on 2 BROKE GIRLS every day. 

But for the most part it's been rewarding.   How long will I continue?  I don't know.  I'm surprised I've been doing it this long.  I mean, nine years?  Jesus.  I'm crossing into "get a life" country.   However, for the moment I shall continue polluting cyberspace on a daily basis.

On this occasion I turn to you guys.  I do this from time to time.  I'd love to hear from you -- especially you new readers.   Where are you from?  How long have you been reading?  How did you originally find my site?  How old are you (or at least in what demographic)?   What topics do you like or dislike?    And anything else you want to get off your chest.

Thanks for hanging in for nine years.  You're the reason I still do it.  Well, that and I'm sometimes bored.  But mostly you.