Maybe the greatest weekend in NFL playoff history

This last weekend was maybe the best weekend of NFL football ever.  I can't think of four better games all coming in the space of two days.  

They had everything.  Amazing clutch plays, turnovers and unpredictable events that were completely shocking and unexpected.  Eight great teams, each with great quarterbacks.  And the pressure of do-or-die games.  That's entertainment, kids. 

All four games ended in a walk-off.  The first three ended in last second field goals.  The final game (Buffalo at Kansas City) was simply a football game for the ages.  The lead went back and forth like windshield wipers with each team trading touchdowns.  With 13 seconds left and Buffalo leading, Kansas City hit a miraculous field goal to tie, and then won it in overtime with a touchdown.  Final score 42-36 (reminiscent of old AFL games in the '60s).   I'm sure it was less exciting if you were a Buffalo fan, and overtime rules have to change so the team that loses the coin toss for OT still has a chance to win if the winning coin toss teams drives and scores a touchdown.  But still!  Wow!

And wait, there's more! 

It was subfreezing and snowing in Green Bay, which you know is my preferred scenario for football.  

I'm sure some may disagree, but it was wonderful to see Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady go down.  Especially Rodgers.  Fuck that anti-vaxxer.  The jokes after the loss were almost instantaneous.   He didn't have adequate protection.  He could have used a shot in the arm, etc.   My favorite, that someone posted on Facebook was that Rodgers and Green Bay could still go to the NFC Championship game if Mike Pence had any courage.  

The game I was most invested in was the Rams-Buccaneers, and it was a rollercoaster.  All Rams the first half, which was most enjoyable.  But the second half they were atrocious, allowing Brady to bring the Bucs back from 27-3 to tie the game with 45 seconds left.  The Rams got two big plays to bring them within field goal range and won it in regulation, but it was a nail biter.  I was a wrung out dish rag, and this was before the Kansas City-Buffalo game.  

I'm also a fan of the Cincinnati Bengals so to see them upset Tennessee in the south was delightful.  Bengal fans have been long-suffering for years.  Can they beat Kansas City?  Well, they did once already this year. 

And the Rams have lost six straight to their NFC opponents, the 49ers.  The first-half Rams will beat them.  The second-half Rams will get blown out.  They need to decide which Rams team will play.   

I also have to say that the network announcers were all up to the task.  Ian Eagle, Joe Buck, Al Michaels, and Jim Nantz were as good as the games.   My preference:  still Al Michaels.  He is so in control, and no one handles dramatic moments with more flair.   And more than the others, Al taps into the emotion of the audience.  He says things you were thinking.   I know his contract is up at NBC following the Super Bowl, but I'm sure he'll surface somewhere next season -- maybe with Amazon that will have Thursday night football.  He's as sharp as ever and deserves to be behind a microphone. 

And the other three were great too.  Joe Buck has that spare Ray Scott authoritative big game delivery, Ian Eagle calls a terrific game and has a sly sense of humor, and I've never heard a football announcer who was more observant than Jim Nantz.  He sees tiny things on the field that most analysts don't pick up.  How he does that from way up in the booth I will never know.  He's also doing the game with Tony Romo who is a bar none the best analyst in the game.  Genuine personality and uncanny in how he can predict what's going to happen.   But they're all excellent.  There's not a Brent Musberger in the bunch.

Looking forward to next weekend.  But I gotta tell you, this past weekend is a hard act to follow.  Maybe impossible.

Some cartoons are now available

For those who want to see some of my cartoons, I've posted them on Instagram.  Follow me -- HollywoodandLevine. 

Weekend Post

I'm guesting next month on a podcast called Fire & Water.  Not sure when it will drop.  But it's a podcast devoted to MASH and delving into specific episodes.  They had gotten to our first, "Out of Sight/Out of Mind" and that's why they invited me.  But it brought back a lot of memories.  Many I have expressed already in this blog.  But I thought it might be fun to re-post a entry from 2012, all about that first episode and the speech that launched our career.  So travel back with me...

My writing partner and I were bouncing around trying to get freelance assignments early in our career. We were pitching and writing any show we could get. We got hired to write a back-up script for a pilot that didn’t go. We did two episodes of a series that was canceled in five weeks. But then we lucked out and got a MASH assignment. It was the episode where a gas heater blows up and Hawkeye is temporarily blind. I know: hilarity can't help but ensue!  As part o the episode, we wanted Hawkeye to convey what it was like for him to experience blindness. To better understand her predicament we consulted someone who worked with the blind. To simulate the experience she blindfolded us and had us try to walk up Beverly Glen Canyon with cars whizzing by.  I can't say how many times we were almost killed because I couldn't see the cars.  But judging by screeching brakes and horn blasts -- fifteen. 

The end result is we wrote Hawkeye a big speech. We didn’t know whether the producers even wanted a monologue. It wasn’t in the outline. But we felt (a) it was a good character moment, and (b) showed initiative on our part.

The only problem is: it took us FOREVER to write it. Literally three days. We just kept revising and revising, looking for better examples and imagery, trying to be heartfelt and touching without being maudlin and cliché’d, and if possible, work in a small laugh. At times it was too long. Other times it was too short. We just kept going around and around until we were finally happy. I remember saying to David, “How does Paddy Chayefsky bang these out like they were fortune cookies?” (I now say that about Aaron Sorkin.)

We turned in the script. Gene Reynolds, the showrunner, loved it – especially the speech. From then on he kept giving us assignments and that first script, as our new writing sample when our agent submitted us for things, was our golden ticket.

I do believe that speech was the turning point in our career. Please consider that when you’re writing your spec. Not saying you need to include a poignant monologue (especially if you’re writing a WHITNEY), but you do need to put in the effort, time, and diligence necessary to make your script just that much better than whatever else is out there. Wait. Let me amend that. Do everything necessary except blindfolding yourself and walking up Beverly Glenn. You’re not going to get a lot of job offers if you’re dead.  Even Chayesfksy's phone no longer rings. 

Here is that “speech”. It’s from the episode “Out of Sight/Out of Mind”, season five. Hawkeye has been rather manic and BJ tries to get him to settle down.

BJ: Listen. Why don’t you just settle down for five minutes? I know what you’re trying to do, and I know how you feel.


HAWKEYE: I don’t think so.

BJ: You don’t want to think about what might happen to you. So you keep running…


HAWKEYE: That’s not it. Look, when Dr. Overman walks in tomorrow and unwraps my pacage, I hope to God I’ll have my sight back. But in the meantime, something fascinating has happened to me.

BJ: How’s that, Hawk?


HAWKEYE: One part of the world closed down for me, but another part opened up. Sure, I’ve been seeing myself sitting on a corner with a tin cup selling thermometers. But, I’m going through something here I didn’t expect. This morning I spent two incredible hours listening to a rainstorm. I didn’t just hear it, I was part of it. I’ll bet you never realized that rain hitting the ground makes the same noise as steaks when they barbecue, or that thunder seems to echo forever. And you can’t believe how funny it is to hear someone slip and fall in the mud. Had to be Burns. Beej, it’s full of trapdoors, but I think there may almost be some advantage to this. I’ve never spent a more conscious day in my life.

Friday Questions

Getting you ready for another weekend of NFL playoffs (which I’m sure are a big whoop in the rest of the world), here are some Friday Questions.

Adam is up first.

When people have found out that you're a professional comedy writer, have they tended to do the feedback and criticism thing in real life? Telling you what would have made "Frasier" funnier, and sure everybody says this "MASH" episode is a classic but let me tell you what's wrong with it, and why couldn't you guys have made Carla a lesbian? Why the homophobia? And so on.

Sometimes when mingling with strangers I don’t tell them I’m a TV writer — for just the reasons you described.  I say I write tech manuals.  They drop the subject real quick. 

It is annoying when they offer suggestions on shows I’m on, but worse is they’ll give me suggestions or criticize shows I’m not associated with.  “Hey!  Why is BIG BANG THEORY lousy this year?”  “I don’t know.  I never worked on BIG BANG THEORY.”

But people generally are complimentary.  Or they’ll say, “I never watch MASH but my grandparents loved it.”  That gives me a real warm feeling.  

There have been occasions where people have given me spec scripts.  This even happened at a high school reunion.  

And when my father and I were making funeral arrangements for my grandmother the mortician pitched me a movie.  I should have said I was a tech writer that day.

msdemos asks:

In searching your name on IMDb Mr. Levine, I noticed that there are a number of "Ken Levine's" listed, each one differentiated with a consecutive Roman Numeral. Is there, or isn't there a rule that applies to individuals having the exact same name in the entertainment world......or no, is that something that some just do on their own in order to avoid confusion with others that may have the same name?

I hadn’t noticed that but I guess it’s to distinguish one Ken Levine from another.  What Roman Numeral am I?   Does my bio say I was emperor of Rome?  If not, who do we contact to add that to my listing?

Douglas Trapasso has a long question.

The vibe I get frequently through your blog is that "stuff" just simply had a higher inherent quality three or four decades ago it doesn't matter the category - music, movies, burgers, etc. Pre-Nixon crap at least -tried- harder to be decent compared to Y2K crap.

I'm in my late fifties now and falling into that same rabbit hole myself, maybe it's inevitable. Can -anything- brand new approach the first time you heard "Born to Run" or saw a production of "Hamlet" or the movie "Citizen Kane"?

Here's the question: Has this -always- been the feeling? Were your elders in the entertainment world when you came up equally dismissive of the generation behind them? And is that tension what ultimately fuels the best art/pop culture going forward?

I would say, to a certain extent, that it’s the same with every generation.  My parents hated my rock n’ roll, their parents probably hated their jitterbugging (and they were good jitterbuggers).  

I think every generation feels the best music ever is what was playing when they were in high school.  (And some generations would be wrong to think that.) 

As for movies and TV, will today’s fare stand the test of time the way some shows and films of the past have?   Will there be the equivalent of THE GODFATHER or BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI or CASABLANCA from this generation of filmmakers?  Only time will tell.

I don't know if there's a "tension" per se.  Each generation wants to make their own mark and that's the way it should be. 

If there is one difference between the current generation and those of the past (and I know this is a gross generalization), is that I get the sense this generation has little regard for what came before they were born.  Older generations — certainly mine (Pleistocene Era) — took great interest in the music, films, and TV of the past.  

There is so much amazing stuff out there.  But it might be in black-and-white, or it might not fit the PC standards of today so it’s dismissed.    

We boomers watched old movies.  We had to.  That’s all that was on TV.  But we loved them.  And we were introduced to worlds and artists we had never seen.  There’s a treasure trove of material just waiting to be discovered.  Treat yourself if you haven’t already.  

And finally, from DBenson:

Did Cheers ever consider bringing back Coach's daughter?

Not to my knowledge.  That episode with Coach’s daughter (played beautifully by Allyce Beasley) was a little gem.  And I think the feeling was we weren’t going to top it.  Plus, Allyce soon became a regular on MOONLIGHTING so I don’t think she would have even been available.  

What’s your Friday Question? 

EP258: Meet Marc Summers Part 1

Talk about carving out a career. Marc Summers is a TV personality, disc jockey, radio host, warm-up guy, comedian, game show host, magician, stand up comedian, talk show host, and producer. He’s best known for hosting DOUBLE DARE for Nickelodeon and UNWRAPPED for the Food Network. Come along on this fascinating journey.

More podcasts at WAVE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/artist/wave-podcast-network/1437831426

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Are movies too long?

Here’s a Friday Question that became a whole post.

Michael Dorsey wondered:

Question: You mentioned in your review of "Licorice Pizza" that the film felt too long. I find that this is true about most movies released nowadays. Do you find this as well, and do you have any theories as to why?

I have been mocked on numerous occasions for harping on this subject, but YES, I think most movies are too long.   Especially comedies.  Comedies over two hours wear out their welcome.  People get tired of laughing (assuming it's good and they laugh at all).   A 90 minute comedy is perfect.  

When you think about sitcoms being a half-hour (and today they’re more like 19 minutes), 90 full uninterrupted minutes is plenty of time to tell a story and get in your laughs.  

Why are movies so long these days?  I think you can answer that by asking this question instead:  Why weren’t movies longer in the past?   

By “the past” I mean before streaming and cable and video rentals.  

Movies lived and died by how well they did in theaters (remember those?).  The longer the movie; the fewer the daily showings.   If your movie was under two hours you could squeeze in one more showing a night.  More people in the theater meant more concessions sold, which is really how theater chains make their money.  That $9 tub of popcorn you bought cost $.09 to make. 

So a lot of theaters and studios put pressure on filmmakers to keep their running times down.  In many instances, the studio retained final cut, and if the director didn’t deliver a film with a suitable running time the studio would hack away.  Lots of good movies were destroyed that way.  

Over time and with other ways studios could profit off their releases, that became less critical.  Plus, we went through a period where directors commanded more power and creative control.  Indulgence began to creep in.  

Today, the only movies having any real impact at the box-office are comic book superhero flicks.  They’re expensive “event” movies and since they charge ridiculous prices to see them, studios are allowing longer films so the audience is fooled into thinking they’re “getting more for their money.”  

And if a movie is streamed, who cares how long it is?  It’s not like you’re programming something behind it.  

Sometimes now on blu-ray they’ll feature “the director’s cut,” which is always way longer.  How many of those are actually better?  (Some yes, but I submit most no.) 

LICORICE PIZZA is waaaaaaay too long.  And as a reader pointed out, most of the scenes in the trailer aren’t even in the movie.  I bet the first cut was 3 1/2 hours or more.  So to Anderson, the movie was cut way down.  But did he need twenty minutes of people running?   I would rather have seen some of those omitted trailer scenes. 

There are some movies that do warrant a lengthy running time.  Usually they are big sagas with scope.  BRIDGE ON THE RIVER KWAI, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA.  But not KNOCKED UP.  

And I’ll leave you with this truism in the theatre, usually spoken during out-of-town tryouts:  Take out twenty minutes and the show runs two years longer.

The theme from Applebee's... I mean CHEERS

Lots of you have asked my opinion on the CHEERS theme being used in an Applebee’s commercial.  I’d like it a lot more if I were making money off of it, I'll tell ya that.  I don’t think this is the first time the CHEERS theme was used.  Didn’t it appear in an Allstate commercial a number of years ago?  Or am I making that up?  (And if so, why would I make up something like that?)

And then there was some diet commercial with Kirstie Alley and some of the CHEERS gang.  That I know I saw. 

Yes, I think it sullies the brand.  Do I condone it?  God NO.

But I hear Beatles songs and Springsteen songs and Dylan songs used for commercials.  Lots of popular records now hawk products.  Lots of venerable sports stadiums now are named for corporate sponsors.  (Before you baseball fans say that’s sacrilegious remember Wrigley Field and Bush Stadium.)  

It’s the world we live in. I guess the question one must ask is if you’re a rights holder is do you want your show/song/stadium/franchise associated with that particular product.  When you think of CHEERS you (hopefully) think of a certain level of quality.  Is Applebee’s on that commensurate restaurant level?  I can hear you calling out the answer -- one that Applebee's would not appreciate. 

And I think that’s what riled up so many fans of CHEERS.  It’s not so much that the sacred theme is being used in a commercial, it’s that it’s for Applebee’s.  If Applebee’s used the theme from THE ROPERS I don’t think anyone would care.  But not CHEERS.  And some of those burgers look disgusting. 

Outdoor football -- you gotta love it

I enjoyed this weekend’s NFL Playoff Games.  It’s nice that they actually mean something.  And it seems like every team but four make it to the playoffs and the head coaches of those teams are fired the day after the regular season.  The only job with less security was Trump's Chief-of-Staff. 

But I especially love these playoffs for a perverse reason, and you’re welcome to hate me for it.  I love them because I’m in Southern California.   Football games are always way more dramatic when they’re played in horrible weather conditions.  Snow bowls — the best.  Rain bowls — super fun.  Hail, fog, hurricane winds — that’s entertainment.  Subfreezing temperatures (like in Buffalo) — now you got a football game.  (Dick Enberg told me he was calling a Bengals-Chargers playoff game from Cincinnati and it was so cold someone poured him a hot cup of coffee and by the time they set it on the desk in front of him it froze solid.  Now THAT’S cold, friends and neighbors.)  

But the elements do add an element.  If you can’t see the yard markers that’s a game you’re not turning off.   They don’t want to hold Super Bowls in those outdoor winter venues because it would inconvenience the high rollers paying to see the game, and Lady Gaga would freeze in her trashy Tinkerbell outfit.   

Too bad because some of the more memorable games in NFL history were legendary because of the weather.  The famous ice bowl in Green Bay between the Packers and Cowboys.  Championship games between the Giants and Colts in arctic New York.  

And the enjoyment is heightened by watching in 70 degree weather.  At least for me.  

That said, I don’t know why anyone actually attends these playoff games in punishing weather.  The players are getting paid and they can go into the locker room at halftime.  You’re just sitting there.  I know some of you spartan readers will say “it’s an experience,” but so is waterboarding.  

Were I to be in Buffalo yesterday I would have been inside with a warm fire, food at the ready, my own bathroom, a better picture, the yellow stripe, and no chance to catch COVID at a super spreader.  The only downside is maybe catching an Applebee’s CHEERS commercial (more on that tomorrow).  The coffee you buy at the stadium can’t be any warmer than Dick Enberg’s.   Of all the major sports, football is really made for TV.  

There was a time in the NFL when home games wouldn’t be televised unless they were a sellout (which was rare).  Here in LA, the Rams played in the Coliseum that seated 100,000.  We NEVER saw a home game.  Ever. Not once.  The very first Super Bowl was held in LA.  Both CBS and NBC covered it.  Both were blacked out in Los Angeles.  The point is, in those days you had to attend the game if you wanted to watch it.  Not now.  When the Rams returned from St. Louis and played in the Coliseum while their new stadium was being built, it was downright eerie to finally see a Rams home game at the Coliseum.  Like sneaking into an X-rated movie when you were a kid.

Anyway, if you attended any of the games this past weekend I hope you didn’t get frostbite, COVID, trench foot, hypothermia, pneumonia, or toxic shock.  But if your team won I’m sure it was worth it.  I’m turning up the heat just writing this. 

Weekend Post

 

Great expression in Hollywood: Mentors get eaten by their young.

While there is certainly no shortage of that “All About Eve” type behavior, I must say that for myself, I would never be where I am today were it not for some exceptional mentors. It’s like I learned pitching from a staff of Sandy Koufaxes.  One reason I started this blog was to be able to give something back. I’m a big believer in “Pay it Forward”. So if any tips I share you find valuable you can thank these people.

Larry Gelbart, Jim Brooks, Allan Burns, the Charles Brothers, Gene Reynolds, Tom Patchett, Jay Tarses, Treva Silverman, and one name you’ve never heard – Bruce Anson. Don’t race to imdb to look him up. He’s not there. Even Googling him will yield no results. (There are others with that name but they’re not him.)

But Bruce Anson taught me more about the craft of writing than all my high school and college teachers combined.

I was a sports intern at KMPC radio in Los Angeles. Bruce was one of their newscasters. He was in his 60s, smoked and drank too much (which I think was a prerequisite for getting hired in that department back then). He had been a booth announcer in the early days of TV and prior to that, network radio. And now he was pulling part-time Sunday night shifts, writing and delivering news twice an hour in between public service programs the station was obligated to run. When he finished at midnight the station went off the air for maintenance. So not exactly prime time.

He’d show up in shorts, loud Hawaiian shirts, and flip flops. Other newsmen reported for work in suits and ties.

My job was to write the sports portion of the newscast. Essentially a rundown of the day’s scores. Northwestern beat Ohio State 23-10, Notre Dame edged Army 21-20, etc. The most creative thing I did was once write: LSU puffed Rice 34-14.

During baseball season all the scores would be final by 6:00. There was no Sunday night baseball. Not even in Texas. The shift was until midnight but most sports interns would write up three sportscasts that could be rotated and went home six hours early. I went to Bruce and asked if I could help write his newscasts. He said, sure, but it’s not as easy as I think.

He was right.

I’d take a story from the United Press International wire, rewrite it, and hand it to Bruce. I assumed he’d say, “Great job. Thank you.”

No.

He said, “This sentence could be cut in half”, “There’s a better way of saying this”, “Use more descriptive words”, “This point should go ahead of that point”, “this phrase is a little confusing.” He’d then take a pen and start rewriting -- slashing words, replacing phrases, making it shorter, punchier, clearer, BETTER.

And so began a weekly pattern that lasted until football season. I would doggedly write story after story determined to just once please that son-of-a-bitch. Finally it happened. A house fire story. I don’t remember the details but I do remember I used the word “blaze”. It aired right before the vasectomy PSA. I was so proud.

Be ruthless. Always look to make it better. Have a little Bruce Anson sitting on your shoulder when you write. Ask him to put out the cigarette though.

I owe Bruce Anson a lot. I thank him for his time, his toughness, his talent. And if he were here today I'm sure he'd say "Isn't all the alliteration a little precious?"

Friday Questions

Friday Questions to launch you into the weekend.  What’s yours?

Kyle Burress starts us off.

Are you glad that you didn't have to deal with all of the social media and such that goes on in today's society during your involvement with Mash, Cheers, Jefferson's and Frasier, amongst others? Do you think that would have changed things dramatically in the way things were written or how the cast and crew were dealt with?

If there was social media in those days, here’s how I think it would play out.

THE JEFFERSONS.  The show would get buried because two Jewish guys wrote an episode.  

MASH.  Can you imagine the shitstorm when they killed Henry Blake?   The producers would have gotten death threats.

CHEERS.  I think social media would have helped us.  There would be more buzz, more word-of-mouth.  We wouldn’t be such an underground hit but ratings flop.   

FRASIER.  To some degree there was social media.  Not to today’s extent, but there were chat rooms and fan groups that discussed the episodes.  I would say, in general, that FRASIER was well received across the board. 

The shows might have been written a little differently based on the country’s sensibility, not necessarily pressure from social media.   How different?  I have no way to calculate that or even speculate.  

From jcs:

In your very entertaining podcast episodes 243 and 244 warmup luminary Bob Perlow voices his annoyance about some sitcom actors and producers being unwilling to invest just five minutes to talk to their audience before the taping. Perlow reasons that apart from showing a lack of appreciation, an opportunity to increase the show's fan base was wasted.

Did you experience similar situations in your career where you felt that not enough effort had been made to reach or to accommodate an audience?

I only did warm-up on one show (CHEERS) so Bob had way more experience with this than me.  

But I will say this:  Some actors are really concentrating on their performance — that’s their process — and they don’t want to disturb that by kibitzing with the audience.  As a director, I want my actors to be as comfortable and ready as possible and if chatting with the crowd would get in the way, then I’m all for the actor skipping it.

Might the audience embrace them and the show more had they interacted?  Probably.  It’s definitely to their benefit.  But the performance is the important thing.

blogward asks:

I was just reading about Glynis Johns, the beautiful Welsh actress who is now, at 98, the oldest Best Actress Oscar-winner alive (with Olivia De H gone). I never saw the episode of Cheers with her as Diane's mother, but I wonder if you had anything to share? Thx.

That was the episode we first tried to get Lucy.  

Ms. Johns was fabulous.  The ultimate pro.  Knew her lines, was kind to everyone on the crew, not at all a diva.   I never got up the nerve to ask her to sing “Send in the Clowns.” Sondheim wrote it specifically for her.  

If you haven’t seen the episode, I very much recommend it.  It was from season one, was called “Someone Single, Someone Blue” and was written by the late David Angell.  

And finally, from Cedricstudio:

I recently got sick and had a froggy voice for almost two whole weeks. Which got me wondering, when an actor gets sick (loses their voice, for example) is it ever just written into the show? In season 11 episode of MASH ("Say No More") the B story is that Margaret's hero is visiting camp and she desperately wants to meet him, but she gets laryngitis and has to enlist Charles' help. I was re-watching it and noticed that she can't talk for practically the entire episode. I don't think I've ever seen the "character loses their voice" plot device used on a TV show before so it got me wondering: Was this something the writers came up with, or did Loretta Swit actually lose her voice forcing the writers to work it into the episode?

Actors getting sick used to be considered such a big crisis.  Now, in the middle of a pandemic, having laryngitis for three days doesn’t seem that big a deal.  

If we can work it in organically then we would.   But especially on a single-camera show like MASH that’s shot out of order, we might just re-arrange the schedule to give the actor a few days off to recover and film his scenes later.

A bigger problem is explaining away why a character suddenly has a broken arm or cast on their wrist that’s not coming off for two months.  Suddenly you have to dream up something to justify it.   Glad we never did a period drama.  Explaining a wrist cast in the Middle Ages might’ve taken some doing. 

EP257: Cartooning for fun and a little profit

Ken’s cartooning days from drawing Woody Woodpecker at 4 to trying to get in the New Yorker. If you’re a fan of cartoons, comics, comic books, or New Yorker cartoons this episode is for you.

More podcasts at WAVE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/artist/wave-podcast-network/1437831426

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

A major life lesson in Margaritaville

Only a few of you will recognize the name (Boomers who grew up in LA), but disc jockey Billy Pearl passed away last week (as if there haven't been enough deaths).  I am very saddened by this. We went to UCLA together and were roommates.  Our paths drifted apart as the years went by.  But one dinner I had with him made a huge impression and shaped my worldview, especially where my career was concerned.  

Billy Pearl was one of the best jocks in the Top 40 era.  I don’t think there’s a single person in radio at that time who would dispute that.  His rise in the industry was meteoric, but no one could begrudge him because of his enormous talent on the air.  By the time he was 24 he was doing nights on KHJ, Los Angeles.  KHJ was the very top of the mountain in Top 40 radio — a legendary powerhouse of a station.  The only other stations in its league were WABC, New York and WLS, Chicago.  

Needless to say, he was the envy of all the rest of us radio nerds.  But he was a good guy and we were all very happy for his success.  And he was fun to listen to. 

At the time I had quit radio and moved back to Los Angeles to try to launch my writing career.  This was early 1975.  I was toiling at the KIIS Broadcasting Workshop during the day and writing spec scripts with David Isaacs at night and on the weekends.  Pearl was making great money.  I was pulling down $650 a month.  But I didn’t care.  I was actually enjoying this time in my life.  

One night I had arranged to get dinner with Billy after his show.  I met him at KHJ while he was still on the air.  Like I said, KHJ was Valhalla, and to see my good friend sitting behind that mic, that was really something.  Imagine going to a movie theater and there’s your former roommate as one of the stars of THE AVENGERS.   

After his shift we went across the street to Lucy’s Adobe Cafe for Mexican food and top flight margaritas.  And throughout the entire meal, all he did was bitch about how terrible KHJ was.  The audio quality on the cartridges was muddy, the promos were horribly worded, the music rotation was bad — practically everything about the programming pissed him off.   I listened and just nodded, but inwardly what I was thinking was: “Are you fucking kidding?!  You’re on KHJ!!! We would all KILL to be on KHJ!  So what if a stupid promo is worded poorly?”  

Apparently he made his displeasure known inside the building to the point where he was let go after maybe one year.  And think about it, for a station to fire one of their absolute best and most popular performers, he must’ve driven them scooters.  

Now flash-forward two years and David and I are on staff of MASH (which I guess you could say was the KHJ of sitcoms).  Not that there weren’t frustrations on that job, but there was not a day that I didn’t drive onto that lot and go “Wow, I’m on MASH.  How incredibly lucky am I!”  I’d think back to that dinner and appreciate even more my good fortune.  And I carried it over to all the stops in my career.

Sometimes you gotta look at the big picture.  We’re all going through hard times now.  It might be worth a moment to step back and appreciate those things in your life that give you pleasure, give you meaning — be they career situations or relationships or both.  Who knew great lessons could be learned at Lucy’s Adobe Cafe?  It’s still open, by the way, if you’re looking for your own epiphany.  

Comments on your comments

A key feature of this blog is the comments section.  Ideally, it can create a whole little community — a real exchange of ideas.  And it’s fun for me to get your thoughts on my daily topics.  Often times I will even solicit your opinions.  

But I’ve noticed that things are starting to change.  Perhaps it’s a reflection of the dark times, but there is a meanness that has crept into the comments section.  And I’m not talking about trolls.  These are normal readers who lately have been attacking each other, often times over really stupid shit (like correct usage of punctuation).  They use the C word (I’m sorry I accidentally let that one slip through), they’re hostile, and they take every opportunity to correct me or each other over nonsense.  

Now that I’ve sold a cartoon to THE NEW YORKER I’ve had several of you ask me to share some of my cartoons on this blog.  No thank you.  Why?  I learned my lesson years ago when I wrote a spec DICK VAN DYKE SHOW episode for fun for this blog.  At the time I specifically said I don’t want any critiques.  Part of the exercise was to see what an actual DICK VAN DYKE SHOW writer would say and I promised to print his reaction verbatim — good or bad (happily it was very good).  But I wasn’t looking for audience feedback.  It wasn’t a script I was going to submit anywhere.  Nor was I going to rewrite.  

And yet, I got a flood of reader feedback.  They didn’t like this, they didn’t like that.  I should have done this instead.  I should have done that.  This joke didn’t work for some.  That bit wasn’t funny.  You get the idea.  

So I know that even if I post cartoons and say I want no feedback I’m going to get fifty readers saying they don’t like the shading or the perspective or the anatomy is wrong or the joke would be better if I did a caption they suggested.  I have cartoon mentors whose expert opinions I value highly and send everything.   But to put my toons on this blog in this current atmosphere — I would be walking into a propeller.  

The comment section is supposed to be fun.  And civil.  If I say I liked a movie and you didn’t, that’s fine.  You’re free to dislike anything I like (okay, except maybe Natalie Wood).  But to point out that you don’t like a movie because of how someone reacted to rape charges — you’re going to be deleted.  And frankly, I don’t like deleting you ever and yet I’m doing it more and more.  Even when I agree with your opinion (it’s just the tone).

So it’s time to reboot.  Time to start playing nice together.  Above all, this is a humor blog.  You all know where I stand politically, but I’d say 90% of the time I keep politics out of it.  And if you disagree with me politically you’re welcome to leave and find a blog that shares your views.  God knows, they’re out there.  My feelings won’t be hurt.  But if you’re sticking around, just know I welcome your comments as long as (a) you leave a name and (b) you show the same respect to others as you would want them to show you.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask, do you?  It's a new year, a new beginning.  Let's start 2022 off right.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation.

Ken

From Betty White to Bob Saget

What is happening with all these celebrities deaths?  It started with Betty White and it seems every day there’s one or two more beloved figures who are taken from us.  Peter Bogdanovich, John Madden, Sidney Poitier, Dwayne Hickman, and now Bob Saget.  

Saget’s was the biggest shock.  65 and seemingly fine the night before where he performed for two hours.  I met him once very briefly but didn’t know him at all.  However, going by my Facebook news feed, everybody who ever worked with him loved him and was devastated.  (I am also the only person on Facebook it seems who does not have a picture with him.)   

My newsfeed is a good indicator of how a celebrity was really received.  Most of my friends are industry professionals so these are people who know and worked with him.  And their accounts were all glowing.  

Trust me, when that’s not the case and the celebrity was a dick, the reactions are usually “Gee, that’s sad” or “Hunh.”  No testimonials, no photos — “I guess I’m obligated to acknowledge this so I am.”  

But people listed above were all admired, both for their graciousness as well as talent.  

The only one I knew personally was Dwayne Hickman.  For Boomers that must’ve been a gut punch because it’s yet another part of our childhood no longer with us.  Dwayne Hickman was Dobie Gillis.  

In the ’80s, Dwayne had left acting and was a current program executive at CBS.  He was our CBS rep on AfterMASH, and I know writers grouse about “suits,” but Dwayne was a pleasure to deal with.  You really got the feeling he was on your side.  And you could kid him about being Dobie Gillis.  Sometimes I’d call him Dobie, or if he gave a note I’d say, “I’m gonna kill that boy! (the dad’s catchphrase on DOBIE GILLIS).  

White and Poitier were in their 90’s.  Their deaths were sad, but they lived rich long lives.  Bob Saget however — 65 is way too young.  And as of this writing, the cause is still a mystery.

Like I said, what’s happening?  We haven't completed two weeks yet of this year. 

Weekend Post

A question I’m always asked is “how do you find a writing partner?”. I met mine in the army but I sure don’t recommend that method. The WGA has come up with a nifty idea. Speed Dating. Just like the social version with the same success rate of getting laid. Every so often the Guild sponsors evenings for writers looking for that perfect scribe mate. I’ve never been to one of course, but I imagine you hear some pretty wacky responses. As a public service, so you don’t make these gaffes, here are few of the responses I would NOT want to hear. (I'm sure you can think of some more yourself.)

Dennis Miller is funny now. He never used to be but he is now.

We can work at my place. I live in Bakersfield.


Hey, hey, don’t touch my Naomi Watts photos! They’re not bothering you.

I can work anywhere any time. In fact, if you’ve got a couch I could crash on, that would be sweet.

If I could go back and work on any classic sitcom from the past, it would have to be 2 BROKE GIRLS.

You would be…let’s see…my eighth partner.

I’m really good at editing. You pitch me ten ideas and I can tell you which is the good one.

It's nothing personal. I don't look anyone in the eye.

Do graphic comics count as books I’ve read?

Look, if you didn’t go to an Ivy school I don’t even know why we’re talking.

Everyone who’s read my script thought it wasn’t funny. That’s why I need a partner.

I do my best work between 2 and 4 A.M.

First things first -- who gets top billing?

Let’s work at my place. That way I can watch my twins. They just started walking!

You don’t remember? You slept with me at the Sundance retreat and never called me back, you shit!

I have a spec JOEY I could show you.

This rubber band? Whenever I start feeling this building smoldering rage my shrink says play with this rubber band. Does it bother you?

There’s a British version of THE OFFICE?

You have beautiful hair. Can I touch it?

Do you have a cigarette?

How long have I fucking been writing? Fuck knows. But I guess it was, fuck, I dunno, some fucking time around the end of last fucking year or some shit.

The only thing is… I don’t drive.

I took Robert McKee’s class twice. So I kind of see myself as an expert on story.

Would you take my hands and join me in a prayer?

Okay, well…if you’re here and I’m here it’s pretty clear our partnership isn’t working. 

Friday Questions

First FQ of the new year.  We’ve gone more days than last year already without an insurrection, so that’s good.  What’s your Friday Question?

marka is up first.

A director question. When you had an actor in their first role on a filmed show did you ever talk to them early in the week to give them advice, or clue them in to what was happening, or anything like that? Seems like the first time might be overwhelming, even if your only line was, "here's your soup, gentlemen.”

I assume you’re talking about guest actors who are hired specifically for that episode.  As a director I try to go out of my way to make them feel comfortable.  A big reason is that, for reasons I don’t fully understand, some casts are horrible to guest actors.  

I should pause here and say that MASH, CHEERS, BECKER, WINGS, and FRASIER could not have been nicer or more supportive.   But in my freelance directing days I would encounter certain regular casts who completely shunned any guest actor.  Maybe they were threatened or just had to flaunt their importance, but for whatever insecure reason they wouldn’t even talk to the guest actors.   

I have a lot of friends who are actors and I bet every one has a story or six that are just like this.  

And of course, the thing is, once their series is over, the regular cast is right back in the pool with the guest stars.  

Anyway, as a director, I believe actors do their best work when they’re comfortable.  So every actor in one of my shows gets my attention.  There's no hierarchy.

Keith R.A. DeCandido has a MASH question.

I was watching "Dear Sis," and I had the captions on, something I've started doing for pretty much everything the last couple of years, and the captions completely changed a line of dialogue for me.

When Winchester is waxing rhapsodic about the Christmases at the Winchester Family Estate in Beacon Hill, he mentions the servants standing the firelight -- I always thought he said they stood in "utter servility." But the captioning says, "utter civility," which, well, isn't as funny.

I don't suppose you recall what the line is from your position as executive script consultant way back in 1978? :)

I’m lucky I remember we did an episode called “Dear Sis.”  

No, I don’t remember.  That was a script that Alan wrote so we did less rewriting.  But whatever is the funniest interpretation — that’s the right one.

From Jay in NYC

On long running sitcoms which characters have developed the most over the run of the series. My choices are Radar in Mash, Penny in Big Bang and Rachel in Friends. Are there any others?

There are many others.  I would certainly put Hot Lips at the very top of that list.  The character, played beautifully by Loretta Swit, grew tremendously.  

Liz Lemon on 30 ROCK.  Daphne and Roz on FRASIER.  Norm and Cliff on CHEERS.  Robert on RAYMOND.  Certainly Bonnie on MOM.  I’m sure there are a hundred more.  Chime in, peeps!  

And finally, from Mike Bloodworth:

Once you started writing when did you realize that you could make a living at it?

When someone started paying me.  I know that sounds like a flip answer, but it’s actually true.  Once we sold our first script (a JEFFERSONS), were able to get into the WGA and secure a decent agent we were elevated to the ranks of working professionals.  We still had to parlay that into an actual career, but the fact that even one show recognized potential in us was a huge morale boosts.

EP256: Humbling Experiences in Hollywood

The minute you think you’re hot stuff in Hollywood, something comes along to knock you back down to size. Ken shares some of his more humbling awkward experiences.

Get Honey for FREE at https://joinhoney.com/levine

More podcasts at WAVE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/artist/wave-podcast-network/1437831426

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Licorice Pizza - My review

Usually I either love or hate Paul Thomas Anderson movies.  BOOGIE NIGHTS is one of my all-time favorite films.  THE PHANTOM THREAD may be the worst movie I ever saw.  I was relieved and delighted to find that I liked LICORICE PIZZA.  It wasn’t great, but I wasn’t screaming at the screen, which is a major plus for me in a PTA flick.  

I must say going in I was primed to like it.  A coming-of-age film set in the San Fernando Valley in the ‘70s — all that was missing was me on the radio at K100 during that time (that would have made the movie great.).  But Anderson really got the details right.  Vin Scully, Tail o’ the Cock, KMET billboards, the gas crisis, waterbeds, vintage cars, and phones you still had to dial — they were all represented.  There’s a scene at the Teenage Fair that was freaky in its authenticity (having been to many Teenage Fairs).  Ironically though, we never see a Licorice Pizza record store (still not as great an omission as "Beaver Cleaver" spinning the hits on K100).  

The lead actors were wonderful.  Anderson cast two unknowns, which may not help the box-office but sure added to the picture.  Alana Haim was fantastic — and so refreshingly REAL.  Cooper Hoffman (Phillip Seymour’s son) pulled off his difficult part with elan.  His dad would be proud.  But stealing the movie was Bradley Cooper as producer/asshole Jon Peters and Sean Penn as an Evil Knivel-type.  

The film is part AMERICAN GRAFFITI, part BOOGIE NIGHTS (without the porn or nudity -- I know -- the two best parts), and part CHARIOTS OF FIRE.  If you took out the scenes of Alana and Cooper running you’d shave an hour off the running time.  And shaving would have helped.  It runs 2 hours and 13 minutes.  Considering the story is very anecdotal and meandering, that length seems a ted indulgent.  There’s not enough story or suspense or scope to warrant that long a film — and this from a guy who loved being back in that world. 

Anderson presents a rather unique relationship — a 25 year-old girl and a 15 year-old boy.  (Thank God Woody Allen didn’t get his hands on this material.)  So it had to be treated with great sensitivity, which it was.  I was relieved that the story didn’t go in the SUMMER OF ’42 direction where the older woman sleeps with the callow youth.   The angst and joy and confusion of adolescence and young adulthood are more the focus, explored in small telling moments.  They too felt refreshingly real.

Visually, Anderson films are always handsome.  And he must’ve gotten a deal on dolly tracks because Alana and Cooper each got in their 10,000 steps.  

There are some funny moments in LICORICE PIZZA — notably with Bradley Cooper and considering everything else is deadly serious, I guess you could qualify this movie as a comedy.   There’s also a great soundtrack of the 70’s and some ‘60s but I wouldn’t call it a musical.  I’m sure Anderson doesn’t want it labeled a musical since no one wants to go to musicals these days.   (If Spielberg had a few hits from the ‘50s in WEST SIDE STORY and had Tony & Maria run from Soho to Harlem maybe more people would’ve seen it.)  

Anyway, I think you’ll enjoy this movie even if you’re not from the valley.  I'm hoping for a sequel set in 1977.  I was on TenQ then and sounded even better. 

King Richard: My Review

Wait.  Wrong King Richard

I was leery about KING RICHARD going in.  It’s about the Williams sisters and yet the focus is on the dad.  And it stars Will Smith who wants an Oscar more than Wile E. Coyote wants the Road Runner, and every year he stars in another prestige movie holding the Acme rocket launcher.  And every year Leo DiCaprio gets the nomination.  Beep beep!  

This year, however, I think he’s going to get it.  In KING RICHARD he gives his best performance and carries this movie to victory.  Although 2 1/2 hours, it managed to hold my interest.  Unlike LICORICE PIZZA, I don’t think I could cut out a half hour that easily.  KING RICHARD is a very standard biopic telling a linear story, but it works.  And along the way there are some terrific scenes.  You don’t have to love tennis to enjoy this movie.   Yes, it has that Hollywood studio feel-good “dreams can come true” pouring out of every frame of celluloid, but you know that the story is real.  And feels authentic.  There’s no RICARDO trickery where events are made up to accommodate the narrative.  Venus doesn’t win Wimbledon at twelve.  

Kudos to director Reinaldo Marcus Green and screenwriter Zach Baylin along with everyone in the cast.  Among the many standouts: Aunjanue Ellis, Saniyya Sidney, Demi Singleton, and Jon Bernthal.  But everyone was terrific.  

This is the kind of movie you don’t need to see in a theatre.  It’s tennis matches not epic space battles.  Your living room will be just fine.  But I recommend it.  Will Smith turned me around.  The Road Runner is in trouble this year. 

The I LOVE LUCY movie I would like to see

I was having a discussion last night with my son-in-law, Jonathan about BEING THE RICARDOS.  (If you missed my review, you can find it here.)  He brought out a great point — the take on the Ricardos we’d like to see.  

One problem with the movie as is that many have pointed out is that there’s nothing in it that we don’t already know.  Beyond that, there is a lot of stuff just made up.   Not to spoil anything, but the ending is utterly absurd, did not happen, and never in a million years would happen.  But we knew Lucy was accused of being a Communist, that CBS balked at Desi starring in the show, and further balked at doing a storyline of Lucy’s pregnancy. And we know that she was cleared of charges, Desi got the job, and the pregnancy storyline stayed in.  We also know that Desi was a womanizer, and that would cause a rupture in their marriage.   So in a sense there was no suspense other than would Lucy save the day by having the Mertz’s fall off the piano bench.  

But like Jon said, Desi created the whole multi-camera form.  Let’s see that.  How did he come up with it?  And why?   Most sound stages couldn’t accommodate a large audience.  How did Desi solve that?  Let’s see bleachers being built.  Let’s see how they overcame CBS’ objection to Desi.  They performed a vaudeville act, parts of which found its way into the I LOVE LUCY pilot.  Recreate that.  

But of course this leads to one of my big problems.  You can’t recreate Lucy comedy bits because Nicole Kidman can’t move her face and isn’t funny.  If a movie could demonstrate how Lucy approached these scenes and what she did to perfect them, that’s a movie I’d want to watch.  And that you can’t do with Nicole Kidman.  She’s a great actress, but comedy (and now expressions) are not her gift.   You need to find a young… well, Lucy.  Or even a young Carol Burnett.   Forget star power.  Lucy is special.  You have to find someone who’s special. 

I’m also not sure Sorkin would be the one to direct that.  There were moments in the movie that suggested he had no idea how a sitcom is filmed.  The director (who is maybe the most inept director ever) blocks a scene around a table with the Mertz’s back to the cameras.  It takes Lucy and it takes several days for her to figure out they should be facing the camera.  Uh… everyone on the set, including the craft services guy, knows you don’t seat people with their backs to the camera on a multi-camera show.  How are you going to shoot them?  You can’t swing the camera around because then the background would be the audience.  Now Sorkin could argue that the general public doesn’t know that, but it’s so egregious and so unnecessary that it looks embarrassing.    It’s one thing if a director doesn’t know the procedure of a medical operation; he’s not a doctor.  But blocking a sitcom scene?  If you’re directing a movie about sitcoms, I’m sorry but that you gotta know.   

(Believe me, if that happened in real life, the actors would IMMEDIATELY say that’s wrong.  The camera’s only on our backs.)  Factual note:  I LOVE LUCY used very few outside directors. Marc Daniels and Bill Asher directed most of them.  And they both knew what they were doing in spades.

Which brings me to my next point.  Authenticity.  There’s enough real fascinating stuff that you don’t have to fabricate the ending, or the mistreatment of her writers, or Lucy getting fired from RKO (didn’t happen that way) or that silly subplot where Lucy was trying to get Desi a producer credit because he was a proud Cuban who felt diminished in her shadow.  He owned the fucking studio!   He hired everyone on the crew.  He didn’t need a credit.  It was his show.  He owned it.   If he wanted a credit he could have just given himself one — any credit he chose.   Executive God: Desi Arnaz.   

And if Lucy wasn’t comfortable with the director he’d be fired.  As a freelance director myself, do you think I could force George Segal or Nathan Lane or Joan Plowright to do something they didn’t want to do?   That I’d be able to draw a line in the sand over a “hands-covering-eyes-guess-who-this-is” thirty second throwaway bit?  

Bottom line:  I LOVE LUCY pioneered situation comedy into an art form, and they had to literally invent it.  The format, the lighting, the audience, the rehearsal schedule, camera blocking — they invented it.   And seventy years later we’re still making shows the exact same way.  Wouldn’t you like to see that?   We all sort of know that Lucy was a tough broad.  We know Desi drank and slept around.  They got divorced.   Jon is right.  To better appreciate the genius and impact of I LOVE LUCY on popular culture and the evolution of television, show us how they did it.  His business savvy, her artistic brilliance.   This film should be made by someone who says I LOVE COMEDY.  

NOTE: The next two days I will be reviewing KING RICHARD and LICORICE PIZZA.  How’s that for an exciting teaser? 

Happy Better Year

I used to do an annual feature on this date.  I used to say “I hope (the upcoming year) is as good for you as (the current year) was for…”  and then I’d list all the people who won awards or celebrated big events or achievements.  It was as positive and hopeful a New Years greeting as I could write.  

I haven’t done that for the last couple of years.  It’s hard to wish any year since 2017 on anyone.  

I never understood the ritual of cheering a new year.  Who knows how the year will unfold?  Maybe the year you’re leaving behind was better.  But this year, I think we are all happy to — if nothing else — say goodbye to 2021.   We go into 2022 with our eyes wide open (well, some of us) — there’s a pandemic surge, Trump is not in handcuffs and leg irons, the Supreme Court is taking away our freedoms, and Republican congressmen are committing acts of high treason.  

But hopefully, with a White House that now cares and wants to do right by its citizens (what a concept), vaccines protecting those not stupid enough to shun them, the January 6 committee, criminal investigations in New York and Georgia, and Adele appearing in Vegas — there may be a glimmer or two of hope.   There was a year when World War II ended.  There was essentially a year when the Depression ended.  Same with the Spanish Flu, polio (oh wait… people weren’t morons — everyone took the vaccine), and Roseanne was fired.

So maybe this will be one of those years — or at least a turning point to lead to one of those years.  At this point, I think that’s the best we can hope for.  You don’t have to win awards or invent a new phone to have a great year.   If we’re all better off to any degree one year from today that’ll be worth celebrating.

Here’s wishing you and yours a happy and healthy New Year.

Ken

Betty White

So sorry to hear of the passing of Betty White, just weeks from her 100th Birthday.  Why are the good taken too soon?  

I never worked with her but did meet her on several occasions.  The last time was for a panel I moderated.  She was just a kid then — maybe 94.  We sat backstage beforehand and she was working a crossword puzzle.  We chatted a little.  She was sharp as a tack.  

My father actually knew her way better than me.  He was in local advertising in the early ‘50s and hired Betty on several occasions to do live TV commercials for him.  

No one I’ve ever met in the industry had a single bad word to say about Betty.  Everyone loved her.  She was nice, she was kind, she was professional, and ohmygod was she funny.  

Did you know she was literally the first woman on television?  In 1939 in an experimental broadcast she was the one on camera.  Fitting, no?

For more about this National Treasure, there’s a great new book out called BETTY WHITE: 100 Remarkable Moments in an Extraordinary Career by Ray Richmond.  You can find it here.  I really recommend it.  

Over the next few days I’m sure you’ll see tons of tributes and film clips.  I just want to add my appreciation.  She was the best that ever was.  

And what an almost poetic way to end this shitty year.  

RIP Betty.  May you now be reunited with Allen and after-live happily ever after.  

Friday Questions

Last Friday Questions of the year (if my math is correct).  What’s yours?

CJMiller starts us off.

What was your 9-5 job after radio? I don't remember you ever talking about it.

In 1975 I got a job teaching radio at the KIIS Broadcasting Workshop on the Sunset Strip.  This was one of those diploma mills — not that an actual degree in broadcasting was a gateway to anything.   

The school's big lure, which was pretty ingenious, was that the students could actually go on the air on KIIS-AM from 2-4 AM.  The station made way more money with this arrangement than if they had sold the time to sponsors, and the school had a perk no other broadcasting academy had.  Talk about OJT. 

The Workshop also provided assistance in making an audition tape and getting that elusive first job.  

I will say this, we had some pretty impressive people on the faculty.  Art Hannes, who had been the announcer on THE ED SULLIVAN SHOW and was the original announcer on Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds.”  Also Gene Taylor, who had been a jock and then General Manager of WLS Chicago when they went rock n’ roll.  Lee Marshall, whose booming voice was heard on CKLW, KHJ, and KABC among others.  He also became the voice of World Federation Wrestling and then the voice of Tony the Tiger.  Gary Theroux was also there.  He wrote the syndicated “History of Rock n’ Roll and has done major market radio as well.

For me, the attraction was 9-5, Monday-Friday and that’s it.   It was my “survival job” as it’s now called.  My “real” job was writing spec scripts nights and weekends with David Isaacs and trying to break into the business.

Brian Phillips asks:

Do show "bibles" still exist? What were some of the good ones that you have seen?

Some shows might still have internal bibles, but I’m guessing not many.  Now that we have the internet, episode guides and loglines are readily available.  

MASH used to have a great one.  Each episode received a full page with a detailed description of what happened in the episode.   It was very helpful when we were trying to come up with stories to pitch.  We knew what had already been done.  

None of the other shows I worked on ever had a bible.  

From Kendall Rivers:

Now, I'm sure you've already been asked this at least a few times but I'm still gonna ask. About Alan Arbus' Sydney Freedman being such a beloved and popular character, do you know why he was never made a regular? You would think that what he brought to the show and how well he fit in with the cast that he would've eventually become a regular and frankly more Sydney could only have helped the show, especially its last few years.

We didn’t want his character to wear out his welcome.   We wanted audiences to be delighted when he made appearances, which was usually a couple of times a season.   Same with Colonel Flagg.  We made a point to use him only once a season.  We just didn’t want to go to that well too often.  He was very funny but the character was so extreme that a little went a long way.

There are some characters that are great if used in small doses.  Another was Harriett Harris as Frasier’s agent, “Bebe.”  

I’m not a TV historian, but I imagine it might go back to Hans Conried as “Uncle Tonoose” on THE DANNY THOMAS SHOW.  It was always a special treat when he appeared, but those appearances were doled out very carefully.   (And now I feel 100 years old.  Anyone else remember Uncle Tonoose?  See the photo at the top of this post.)

DyHrdMET closes it out for the year.

I follow a few YouTube channels that post old games for viewing/listening (some are TV broadcasts, some are radio broadcasts). Do you know if any of your broadcasts are available for public consumption?

I also follow a channel which posts some old radio commercials and bumpers, etc. Do you know if your anything from your radio DJ days is on the internet?

To my knowledge, none of my baseball games are online.  If someone finds one, please let me know. There are airchecks of my disc jockey days as Beaver Cleaver and later, Ken Levine on several radio aircheck websites like reelradio.com.   Consult your local Google.

Happy New Year.  Be safe tonight. 

Remembering 2021

As we end the year we look back and remember those we lost.  Award show tribute segments are always disappointing, incomplete, and half the time the honorees aren't even full screen.  

TCM put together their piece and it's truly beautiful. I also suspect it's fairly complete.  Take five minutes to remember those in the entertainment industry who brought so much joy and enrichment to our lives. 

RIP all of these wonderful people. 

 

BEING THE RICARDOS -- my review

I love Aaron Sorkin’s writing.  I wish I could do what he does.  When he is on his game I’m amazed someone can write that well and that deep that fast.  It almost seems like the brilliance is effortless.  What an extraordinary gift. 

But there’s one thing I can do that Sorkin apparently can’t and that is write comedy.  I’m certainly not saying it’s a better skill, just different.  But I think it drives Sorkin crazy.  (Not because of me specifically but all comedy writers.)   It’s the one club he can’t join.   Why it bothers him, I do not know.  His skill garners Oscars.  Mine —  $.02 residual checks.  

But it obviously does.  There’s a pattern.  We’ve seen it in STUDIO 60; we see it in BEING THE RICARDOS.  Comedy writers are always portrayed as talentless hacks that get the shit beaten out of them by smarter, better producers or actors.   Even in THE WEST WING, a show I adored, the president’s staff were enlisted to write jokes for the president because his assigned comedy writers were not funny. 

Sorkin takes every opportunity to belittle the writers.  At one point “Bill Frawley” says something amusing and writer Madelyn Pugh points out it was funnier than anything her partner, Bob Carroll has written.  Ouch!  And they're a team.  Why was that necessary?   It seems that any flashes of humor, from anyone in this movie, is put downs.  

Not being a member of the club, Sorkin has a somewhat distorted view of the sitcom process.  In his conception, as seen in both STUDIO 60 and certainly in BEING THE RICARDOS, the production of a comedy show is an utterly joyless endeavor.   Now, that’s not to suggest it’s a 24/7 party — it’s not.  It’s hard work, long hours, and lots of analysis as to what’s funny and what could make it funnier.  

But there’s also lots of laughter.  Even on bad shows.  You laugh every day.  You’re not doing O’Neill.  Are there actors who hate each other?  Yep.  Are there stars who make things unpleasant for everyone on the set?  You betcha.  But I want to tell you — the worse it is on the stage, the funnier it is up in the room.  The humor may be vicious as we blow off steam, but there are belly laughs.  When was the last time you had a belly laugh in your job?  

Now in the case of I LOVE LUCY, I was privileged to know two of the writers (not shown in the movie) — Bob Schiller & Bob Weiskopf.  They wrote on the show for years.  I heard plenty of Lucy stories.  I was envious of their experience.  I sure wouldn’t be if the process was as dreary as this film suggests. 

In BEING THE RICARDOS, only Lucy knows what’s funny.  Not the writers, not the milquetoast director, not the other actors, not the network.   Just Lucy.   And she operates in a tactless emasculating manner.   Sorkin tries to show that she was under a lot of pressure to justify this behavior, and it’s hard to justify when all the crises were lumped into one week that never happened.  It was a creative convention.  And I don’t fault him for that.  That’s just good storytelling — consolidate events to make one manageable narrative.  Sorkin takes a lot of creative license and liberty with the facts in all of his biopics (no one said "firewalls" in 1952 - they were invented 35 years later).  And I know it's a tricky dance.  The alternative is generally boring linear stories.  The trouble comes when you're dealing with real life individuals.  Juggling events or combining events to create a story is fine when the events themselves are truly depicted.  There are a few times in this film where that is not the case.  The ending, for example, never happened and is absurd. 

But getting back to the process, good sitcoms are collaborative.  I LOVE LUCY wasn’t just good; it was great.  Are there stars that have no respect for writers and run roughshod over them?   Hello Roseanne.  Hello Cybil.  Hello Bret.  And what happens?  The writers leave.  Actually they run.  But that wasn't the case here.  Shortly before her death Lucy did a commentary about I LOVE LUCY.  This is what she actually said: 

"Many times when we would review at the beginning of the season, they would say Viv and I ad-libbed our way through some mediocre writing.  They have since found out that that was ridiculous. They know how great our writers are because hundreds of people have copied from them. I have such respect for those kids, my writers I call ‘the kids,’ Bob and Madelyn.”

So that bothered me.  But I’m in the industry.  If you’re not in the industry, you might not be bothered by it at all.  There’s a lot to like in this film.  Javier Bardem stole the picture for my money. “I Love Desi.”  J.K. Simmons gave him a run for his money as Fred.  Nina Arianda was fantastic as Ethel.   As for Nicole Kidman, she's a gifted actress who gave it her all, but how do you cast someone who can't move her face to play Lucille Ball, who thrived on her many comic expressions?  There was nothing about Kidman's performance that even suggested this was a funny lady, much less the all-time queen of TV comedy. She got the voice down, and I appreciate that she tried to make the character real and not just an impersonation, but I'm sorry, if you're playing Lucy, moving your face is as signature as red hair.

Again, the pluses: For Sorkin fans like me, his signature whip-smart dialogue was all there.  Some great lines and speeches.  And these characters don’t all sound alike (although it would be fun if they did… if they all sounded like Desi).  

I guess I just felt a little hurt by the film.  As a proud comedy writer I felt lumped in with the writers who were portrayed as hack footstools.  Is that how Aaron Sorkin sees me?  It stings a little because I think the absolute world of him.   

Note:  If you're interested in the subject, I did a whole deep dive into the history of I LOVE LUCY on my podcast.  You can find that episode here. 

Exciting announcement

Well, I think it's exciting. My first cartoon is in this week's NEW YORKER.  I can now eat at the Algonquin.  Many thanks to Julia Suits, Emma Allen, and Colin Stokes.  It seems a talking mouse is a good way to start a cartooning career.  In a few weeks on my podcast I'll talk about my journey as a cartoonist. But for now, enjoy.  

Is it just me?

As we are knee-deep in the travel season, I wonder whether I’m neurotic or normal.  

I’m on a flight (this was before the latest COVID surge).  The plane lands.  Everyone is trying to get off.  If I’m up front and have a bag in the overhead compartment, I can not get it out fast enough.  Why?  Because I am aware that this procedure is holding up 150 people, and that drives me CRAZY.  Who am I to inconvenience 150 people?  

And yet, I wonder — am I the only one who thinks like that?   Because I see folks take their sweet time, adjust their hair, finish their text, and slowly extricate their bag as if they had all the time in the world.  

Well, you might say it’s only another thirty seconds.  But thirty seconds here and twenty seconds there and passengers in the back of the plane get off ten minutes later.  Should they be trying to make a connection those ten minutes could be key.  

Same is true when I’m ordering something at Starbucks and there’s a long line behind me.  I figure my order beforehand, have my credit card ready, and complete the transaction as fast as I can.  I don’t get to the counter and then look up at the menu.  I don’t ask seventeen questions.  I don’t pay in pennies and meticulously count them out.  I don’t change my order four times.  

Now I recognize that this could just be my own OK Boomer hang up.  I should just chill.  This is merely the new normal.  But I’m the guy you want to be on the plane with or in front of you in line.  Hopefully I'm not the only one.

A Mommy Dearest Merry Christmas to you all!

 May your family have as wonderful a Christmas as Joan Crawford's.

All About (Christmas) Eve

Friday Questions were on Wednesday this week.  But today is Christmas Eve.

You would think that being Jewish on Christmas Eve I would feel left out. Actually I love Christmas Eve. Here are two reasons why:

The first is an excerpt from my book, THE ME GENERATION… BY ME (GROWING UP IN THE ‘60s) – the perfect last minute gift.

On Christmas Eve, (my brother) Corey and I went to Disneyland. This is a secret only Jews know: Disneyland is empty on Christmas Eve. Practically all Christians are preparing for the big day so the park is wide open. No lines for anything. And when they have the big Christmas parade down Main Street there’s maybe twelve people watching it. In 24 hours they’ll be hanging on the light poles, but on December 24, the Magic Kingdom was ours.

The other great thing about Christmas Eve for me was that back in my disc jockey days I always worked that night (along with Christmas). In addition to making double-time for the long shifts ($5.00 an hour in Bakersfield! Multiply that by eight hours and suddenly I’m rich!!), the jocks who I substituted for always owed me. At one station the program director got the brilliant idea that it would be a great stunt for me to ride a rollercoaster for six hours. One of my fellow jocks graciously “volunteered” to go in my place. He grumbled to me that it wasn’t a fair trade-off and I said waa waa. “I had to play The Little Drummer Boy every 45 minutes,” I replied. “At least you’re allowed to throw up.”

But I generally enjoyed those shifts because I knew no one in management was ever listening. In between Brenda Lee and Nat King Cole Christmas standards I was out of control. Howard Stern woul’ve said “Jesus, man, tone it down.”   

 

Whatever your plans are, have a safe and happy Christmas Eve. I’ll probably be at a Chinese restaurant.

All I Want for Christmas...

No new podcast episode this week.  I'm taking a break until the new year.  But instead, I have a treat.  I love the Mariah Carey song, "All I Want for Christmas is You."  But did you know there's an even better version?  Enjoy.