I missed the Golden Globes this year and the astonishing TEN hour pre-show show on E! How do you fill TEN hours with nothing??? I also hear the red carpet interviewer was bad. Gee, knock me over with a feather.
For the past seven years I have reviewed the Oscars for my friends (this year will be for my blog). Included is always a paragraph or two on the pre game, usually focused on local channel 5, KTLA. Here are some highlights:
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I miss Tawny Little. God help me, I do. (Tawny was the number one news anchor at local station KABC ). No one was as stupid hosting the pre Oscar show as Tawny (this hard hitting journalist and former Miss America), although Sam Rubin and his co-host, Mindy Burbano came pretty damn close. These were my favorites: Mindy (to Michael Caine): "Hey, your accent is back!" Sam: "There's the back of Tom Cruise's head!" Mindy to Samuel L. Jackson's wife after noticing that Samuel was wearing a purple tux: "Yes, purple is back, but do you really think it's ever gone away?" And finally, Mindy to 80 year old best actor nominee, Robert Fansworth: "Very nice cane!"
*****
Best part of the show is before the show -- the red carpet celebrity arrivals. Once again Channel 5 featured Hollywood footstool jester Sam Rubin and dim bulb sidekick Mindy Burbano. Sam to composer Hans Zimmer: "You've been nominated LITERALLY 4,000 times." Mindy to Anthony Hopkins (nominated for SILENCE OF THE LAMBS): "Gee, you're not chilling in person."
Mindy to Lena Olin: "Did you have to eat a lot of chocolate while making CHOCOLAT?" Lena: "Yes." Mindy: "So are you tired of chocolate now?" Lena: "Yes." Mindy: "That's sooo sad."
Sam said there were more stars there than are in the heavens (never heard THAT one before) and proved it by interviewing Coco Lee, Nancy O'Dell, and Mary Hart.
Hard to believe every star didn't stop by. After all, they were giving away Altoid tins. Class-eeee.
The ABC pre-show wasn't much better. Host Julie Moran (not exactly Edward R. Murrow in a wig) asked Chow Yung Fat: "How hard was it to learn to fly?"
I don't bother to watch even a second of Joan Rivers and her equally obnoxious and otherwise unemployable daughter, Melissa. I venture to say they reinforce more anti-semitism than the Chabad Telethon.
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Always a highlight for me is the pre-Oscar show with Channel 5's dashboard bobblehead, Sam Rubin and new co-host this year, somebody named Emily Frances. Picture any Hooters waitress in a gown. But she fit right in asking questions stupid enough to rival Sam's. Emily to Phil Collins: "Was winning an Oscar an out-of-body experience?" followed by "When you present an award are you allowed to have a favorite?"
Sam made a searing observation: "Maybe the calmer people arrive earlier." You're the George Will of Puff, Sam.
His "ditz de jour" Emily kept hitting the celebrities in the nose with her microphone. I guess they don't teach that in beautician's school.
Sam had some incisive celebrity questions himself. To performer Alison Kraus: "Did you rehearse your song?" To Owen Wilson: "Next year is STARSKY & HUTCH going to win a lot of awards?"
In order to lure the celebs to Hooter and Tooter KTLA was again offering packets of M&M's. Sam Rubin's big question to Robin Williams: "Do you like the plain, peanut, or mints better?" Sam majored in journalism at Crossroads.
Channel 5 did not employ a 5 second delay as was evident when Robin Williams said "shit" on the air. In truth, it was the only moment of the show that wasn't shit.
Sam to Will Ferrell's wife: "Do you think Marcia Gaye Hardin is stealing your thunder because she's also pregnant?"
Marcia Gaye Hardin is eight months along with twins and looks huge. So why wear a bright blue dayglow dress? She looked like the Pacific Design Center.
Staying on the "baby" theme, Sam wondered what Holly Hunter would do if she won her second Oscar. "I'll put them together in a dark room and see what happens" to which the lightening quick Sam responded: "Maybe you'll have a Golden Globe".
*********
Sam Rubin, 'Entertainment Groveling Jester to the Stars' for Channel 5, again co-hosted the Oscar arrival show. He said it was "particularly emotional going back to Hollywood." Oh yes, to now be only a block away from the Fredericks of Hollywood "Museum of Bras" and Popeye's chicken restores the event to the luster and dignity it deserves. Sam's co-host this year was Lynda Lopez, who we were told is Jennifer's sister. I guess following in the Joan & Melissa Rivers tradition, you need an untalented family member to co-host one of these shindigs. Bring back Mindy Burbano. At least she asked stupid questions. Ly-lo just stood with her back to the camera blocking every celebrity Sam fawned all over.
Okay, that's not fair. She did ask some stupid questions. To Robert Altman: "Does it get less exciting to go to the Academy Awards?" Or to Hugh Jackman: "Are we over run by Australians tonight?" To Will Smith she made the observation: "You're a little bit smaller than when I saw you last."
But for sheer idiocy it's hard to beat Sam. "And that's the exciting thing about today," Sam gushed, "Some people have been here before and some have never been here before." I wondered why today was exciting. To Sting he asked: "What's distinctive about singing to a BILLION people?" Helen Mirran was queried this by slathering Sam: "How did you make your role so vivid" to which she replied: "It's called acting, darling."
Suck-up Sam's best question of the night was directed towards the lovely Jennifer "I had any trace of humor or personality removed" Connelly. "I hear John and Alicia Nash are here. How are they feeling? And how are you feeling about the way they're feeling?"
*******
The pre-Oscar coverage is always amusing. Most inane (as always) was Hollywood fool/footstool/bootlicker Sam Rubin and his co-host this year, the brainless Toni Senecal (who I assume is Sam’s gushy sycophant counterpart in New York) on KTLA. Sam to Catalina Sandino Moreno: “Did you spend a lot of time getting ready?” Has he ever actually talked to a woman?? Toni then asked her: “It’s your first movie, you’re the first Columbian to ever be nominated – call me crazy – how do you feel?” Toni asked Sophie Okonedo what was the best gift she had received.
Nominees I never heard of or recognized were blowing them off. Maybe if they weren't trying to lure them with Tic Tacs.
The KTLA fashion expert said about Hilary Swank; “It’s a surprise to everyone. She looks fantastic.”
Sam to P. Diddy: “People watching at home, having an Oscar party, what can they learn from you?”
There should be a spam blocker on my TV to save me from ever seeing Joan and Melissa Rivers. This year they’ve been relegated to the TV Guide channel which answers the question “what could possibly be less entertaining than a 24 hour program guide crawl?”
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
How do you guys write?
I’ve been lucky enough to be in the same partnership for 33 years. Some time ago I got a letter from a young writer named Ken Levine saying, since we had the same name, could I give him any advice? I said, “Yes, find a partner named David Isaacs.”
Writing teams all work differently. Here’s how we work and it’s a tad unusual. A lot of teams will split up the script – one takes one scene or act and the other takes the other. Then they switch. We write head to head and we dictate the script to a secretary who takes great shorthand. We never actually see the script while we’re writing it. This forces us not to obsess over a line. It frees us to pitch out a whole run knowing we can just go back and clean it up. We can juggle beats, move things around more easily. This process also allows us to volley lines back and forth. When people ask if a particular joke was mine and I say I don’t remember I’m not being coy. We shape practically every line together.
It now takes us four or five days to write a half hour. Two or three if we have to. When we started it took two weeks. That’s where 33 years of experience comes in handy.
We work off of an outline, talk out what we’re going to do then just take a shot at it. Next day we see the typed version of what we wrote, proof it, blame the medication, and keep going. After the rough draft is finished we each take a copy, make notes, joke suggestions, cuts, etc. and reconvene for one more pass. Once that’s completed, more often than not we turn it in.
Do we have arguments? Sure. But we never let them get personal. And if we ever have a disagreement over a particular joke and can’t reach a consensus quickly we just toss it out and write something else. It takes less time to come up with a new line than to argue and have one of us ultimately pissed.
And you can't be defensive. The best idea wins even if its the other guy's.
We’re also not afraid to throw stuff out – a line, a run, a whole scene. And scripts can ALWAYS be trimmed. No matter how long our rough draft is we always look for and find cuts.
Although the head to head process works well for us (which isn’t to say it works for everybody) early on in our career we began a practice whereby once a year we took an assignment and divided it up. The purpose was to feel confident that we could write on our own if we had to. We’re partners out of choice not dependency. And it’s amazing – we’ve been writing together so long that when we do split up a script I defy anyone to tell who wrote which act. They’re equally in need of major work.
There are many advantages to having a partner. The obvious ones you know. It’s more social, you have someone to share the burden/blame with, and it’s nice to get feedback (especially in comedy) – in our case not only from each other but our secretary, Lana. On more than one occasion we’ll laugh uproariously at a pitch, I’ll say to Lana, proudly, “Put that in” and she’ll say “Really???”
But here’s the biggest advantage to being in a team -- when you have to bring your car into the shop you know you can always get a ride.
A good partnership is like a marriage except you give up half your money before you get divorced.
ADDED THOUGHT based on the first comment:
Maybe I should start my own match.com on this comment page. If you're looking for a partner leave your contact info, a little about yourself, what you're looking for and who knows? A few of you might hook up.
You must thank me if you ever win an Emmy however. And I mean before your spouses and certainly agents.
Writing teams all work differently. Here’s how we work and it’s a tad unusual. A lot of teams will split up the script – one takes one scene or act and the other takes the other. Then they switch. We write head to head and we dictate the script to a secretary who takes great shorthand. We never actually see the script while we’re writing it. This forces us not to obsess over a line. It frees us to pitch out a whole run knowing we can just go back and clean it up. We can juggle beats, move things around more easily. This process also allows us to volley lines back and forth. When people ask if a particular joke was mine and I say I don’t remember I’m not being coy. We shape practically every line together.
It now takes us four or five days to write a half hour. Two or three if we have to. When we started it took two weeks. That’s where 33 years of experience comes in handy.
We work off of an outline, talk out what we’re going to do then just take a shot at it. Next day we see the typed version of what we wrote, proof it, blame the medication, and keep going. After the rough draft is finished we each take a copy, make notes, joke suggestions, cuts, etc. and reconvene for one more pass. Once that’s completed, more often than not we turn it in.
Do we have arguments? Sure. But we never let them get personal. And if we ever have a disagreement over a particular joke and can’t reach a consensus quickly we just toss it out and write something else. It takes less time to come up with a new line than to argue and have one of us ultimately pissed.
And you can't be defensive. The best idea wins even if its the other guy's.
We’re also not afraid to throw stuff out – a line, a run, a whole scene. And scripts can ALWAYS be trimmed. No matter how long our rough draft is we always look for and find cuts.
Although the head to head process works well for us (which isn’t to say it works for everybody) early on in our career we began a practice whereby once a year we took an assignment and divided it up. The purpose was to feel confident that we could write on our own if we had to. We’re partners out of choice not dependency. And it’s amazing – we’ve been writing together so long that when we do split up a script I defy anyone to tell who wrote which act. They’re equally in need of major work.
There are many advantages to having a partner. The obvious ones you know. It’s more social, you have someone to share the burden/blame with, and it’s nice to get feedback (especially in comedy) – in our case not only from each other but our secretary, Lana. On more than one occasion we’ll laugh uproariously at a pitch, I’ll say to Lana, proudly, “Put that in” and she’ll say “Really???”
But here’s the biggest advantage to being in a team -- when you have to bring your car into the shop you know you can always get a ride.
A good partnership is like a marriage except you give up half your money before you get divorced.
ADDED THOUGHT based on the first comment:
Maybe I should start my own match.com on this comment page. If you're looking for a partner leave your contact info, a little about yourself, what you're looking for and who knows? A few of you might hook up.
You must thank me if you ever win an Emmy however. And I mean before your spouses and certainly agents.
Monday, January 16, 2006
Join me at the water cooler
In the past I’ve reviewed the Golden Globes. But this year (a) I just don’t give a shit, and (b) 24 was on. I’m more concerned with what happens to Jack Bauer than Jake Gyllenhall.
Didn’t you love the 4 hour premiere explosion-fest? I hope President Palmer had Allstate life insurance. And Michelle had car and life insurance.
Now they’ve just stopped TRYING to approximate how long it takes to get anywhere. Mojave to downtown LA in twenty minutes – during 7 AM rush hour? And LA to Ontario Airport in 12 minutes? You can’t fly there that fast. Why not just “beam” Jack from place to place now?
Could they have found a President who looks more like Nixon? And acts more like Bush? Who needs a mole in the White House when the President is that vain and petulant and stupid?
And it’s great to see every family’s embarrassing “Aunt Carol” as the First Lady. Or was she modeled after Martha Mitchell?
What a break for the Channel 11 newscasters. John Beard, Steve Edwards, the weather guy – they all got to play parts. I was expecting Dorothy Lucey to report on the “lighter side of terrorism”.
So much for my theory that Chloe would be a lot less uptight if she ever got laid.
Sean Astin has gotten big. He COULD play football for Notre Dame these days.
Now Michelle can appear as a patient on HOUSE. “Teri”, Jack’s slain ex appeared as a bag lady that died in that show too. And evil “Nina” was a patient shortly thereafter. At the end of that episode she asked House why he had risked his career to save her. What I wanted him to say was “Because you and I have something in common. We both killed Jack’s wife.”
And I know as a TV writer I’m nailing my own coffin but I admit it, I love AMERICAN IDOL. I’m looking forward to the new season. Especially the auditions. It helps me understand Bush being President when I can see the people who elected him.
I’m starting an office pool. Which contestant will Paula sleep with this year? “Congratulations. You’re going to Paula-wood.”
Re last season: So much for my theory that Paula would be a lot less stupid if she ever got laid.
Ryan Seacrest is taking on so many gigs (including hosting an unfathomable ten hours of Golden Globes pre-show nonsense on E!) that I’m surprised he didn’t star in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN too.
Quick aside: E! TELEVISION should change their name to the GET A LIFE channel.
Quick aside #2: Going around the internet – alternate titles for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. My favorite: YOU HAD ME AT HOWDY.
Didn’t you love the 4 hour premiere explosion-fest? I hope President Palmer had Allstate life insurance. And Michelle had car and life insurance.
Now they’ve just stopped TRYING to approximate how long it takes to get anywhere. Mojave to downtown LA in twenty minutes – during 7 AM rush hour? And LA to Ontario Airport in 12 minutes? You can’t fly there that fast. Why not just “beam” Jack from place to place now?
Could they have found a President who looks more like Nixon? And acts more like Bush? Who needs a mole in the White House when the President is that vain and petulant and stupid?
And it’s great to see every family’s embarrassing “Aunt Carol” as the First Lady. Or was she modeled after Martha Mitchell?
What a break for the Channel 11 newscasters. John Beard, Steve Edwards, the weather guy – they all got to play parts. I was expecting Dorothy Lucey to report on the “lighter side of terrorism”.
So much for my theory that Chloe would be a lot less uptight if she ever got laid.
Sean Astin has gotten big. He COULD play football for Notre Dame these days.
Now Michelle can appear as a patient on HOUSE. “Teri”, Jack’s slain ex appeared as a bag lady that died in that show too. And evil “Nina” was a patient shortly thereafter. At the end of that episode she asked House why he had risked his career to save her. What I wanted him to say was “Because you and I have something in common. We both killed Jack’s wife.”
And I know as a TV writer I’m nailing my own coffin but I admit it, I love AMERICAN IDOL. I’m looking forward to the new season. Especially the auditions. It helps me understand Bush being President when I can see the people who elected him.
I’m starting an office pool. Which contestant will Paula sleep with this year? “Congratulations. You’re going to Paula-wood.”
Re last season: So much for my theory that Paula would be a lot less stupid if she ever got laid.
Ryan Seacrest is taking on so many gigs (including hosting an unfathomable ten hours of Golden Globes pre-show nonsense on E!) that I’m surprised he didn’t star in BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN too.
Quick aside: E! TELEVISION should change their name to the GET A LIFE channel.
Quick aside #2: Going around the internet – alternate titles for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. My favorite: YOU HAD ME AT HOWDY.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
2006 Movie Sneaks
The L.A. Times CALENDAR section on Sunday had their annual sneak peak edition of all the upcoming movies for the year. This is always fun to read…unless you’re writing a spec. Then it’s terrifying. Like walking in a mine field. God forbid the movie you’ve spent a year writing and are only ten pages away from finishing has the same premise as the July Owen Wilson/Mandy Moore release. And what a relief when there’s nothing scheduled even remotely similar to yours.
Whew!!
But for most writers I suspect you’re in that dreaded “middle ground” – there are movies with “areas” that touch upon yours. Hard to tell from the one sentence logline just how close to yours they are. You see there’s a “threesome”. Your comedy is about a threesome. But theirs could be two guys and a girl and yours is two girls and a guy so it’s completely different. You start playing those games with yourself. Will Ferrell runs a restaurant. Your lead character runs a restaurant. Shit! But wait -- they’re two entirely different restaurants. His takes reservations, yours doesn’t.
Whew!
Unless…there’s a scene where Will Ferrell decides to stop taking reservations? Shit! You’re dead.
Now before you jump off the Hollywood sign or toast yourself on your good fortune let me screw with your head.
If there is not one premise in the entire Sneak Peak section that smacks of yours then maybe your idea sucks or is not commercial.
And if your spec does touch on an “area” then maybe you’re on the right track. Do you think studios really give a shit about “original” ideas? If they did why would they make and release CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2 and YOURS, MINE, AND OURS at the same time? (A better question is why release these two stinkburgers at all?)
Why would they make two Iwo Jima pictures? Why did we have both the X-MEN and FABULOUS FOUR? Is there a comic book character short of Little Lulu that they’re not developing?
Why would they make GARDEN STATE and ELIZABETHTOWN? And I see this year there are two or three more “young guys go home to Midwest towns” projects. Isn’t that GARDEN STATE and ELIZABETHTOWN?
Just write the best script you can. Do what’s in your heart, tell the story you want to tell (making sure there’s a part for Vince Vaughn). And if you haven’t read the CALENDAR already then do yourself a favor and toss it in the garbage with the equally infuriating Real Estate section. You’re shooting at a moving target anyway. If your script itself is good (and has a part for Vince Vaughn) it will open doors for you, whether you sell it or not. Many writers get assignments off of specs. So who knows? Next year YOU could have a movie in Sneak Peaks – YOURS, MINE, AND OURS 2.
Whew!!
But for most writers I suspect you’re in that dreaded “middle ground” – there are movies with “areas” that touch upon yours. Hard to tell from the one sentence logline just how close to yours they are. You see there’s a “threesome”. Your comedy is about a threesome. But theirs could be two guys and a girl and yours is two girls and a guy so it’s completely different. You start playing those games with yourself. Will Ferrell runs a restaurant. Your lead character runs a restaurant. Shit! But wait -- they’re two entirely different restaurants. His takes reservations, yours doesn’t.
Whew!
Unless…there’s a scene where Will Ferrell decides to stop taking reservations? Shit! You’re dead.
Now before you jump off the Hollywood sign or toast yourself on your good fortune let me screw with your head.
If there is not one premise in the entire Sneak Peak section that smacks of yours then maybe your idea sucks or is not commercial.
And if your spec does touch on an “area” then maybe you’re on the right track. Do you think studios really give a shit about “original” ideas? If they did why would they make and release CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN 2 and YOURS, MINE, AND OURS at the same time? (A better question is why release these two stinkburgers at all?)
Why would they make two Iwo Jima pictures? Why did we have both the X-MEN and FABULOUS FOUR? Is there a comic book character short of Little Lulu that they’re not developing?
Why would they make GARDEN STATE and ELIZABETHTOWN? And I see this year there are two or three more “young guys go home to Midwest towns” projects. Isn’t that GARDEN STATE and ELIZABETHTOWN?
Just write the best script you can. Do what’s in your heart, tell the story you want to tell (making sure there’s a part for Vince Vaughn). And if you haven’t read the CALENDAR already then do yourself a favor and toss it in the garbage with the equally infuriating Real Estate section. You’re shooting at a moving target anyway. If your script itself is good (and has a part for Vince Vaughn) it will open doors for you, whether you sell it or not. Many writers get assignments off of specs. So who knows? Next year YOU could have a movie in Sneak Peaks – YOURS, MINE, AND OURS 2.
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Tag, I'm it
Here’s the meme that’s going around all the screenwriters' blogs. I’m the latest to be tagged.
ONE (1) earliest film-related memory:
Seeing TEN COMMANDMENTS as a mere tyke and being scared shitless. Not by the special effects or torture to the Jews but by the bad over-acting. Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner in the same movie? Even Cinemascope couldn’t contain them. Both had me diving under the seat. And incredibly, they weren’t the worst offenders. That dishonor would go to Ms. Anne Baxter. She gave maybe the single worst most overblown performance in the history of film…rivaling Butty Hutton in THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH. Even Nathan Lane would say, “Whoa, bring it down.” I still haven’t recovered.
TWO (2) favorite lines from movies:
Edward G. Robinson in TEN COMMANDMENTS: “Nnnyyeah, Moses, where’s your God now?”
And any line from TOOTSIE.
THREE (3) jobs you’d do if you could not work in the “biz”:
Teacher
Cartoonist
Morning man at W.O.L.D.
FOUR (4) jobs you actually have held outside the industry:
Amway salesman (Hey, that detergent really works)
Record store clerk
Comic strip artist
Teaching broadcasting
THREE (3) book authors I like:
Philip Roth
John Kennedy Toole
Kurt Vonnegut
TWO (2) movies you’d like to remake or properties you’d like to adapt:
VOLUNTEERS. They never did justice to our script. When the movie came out I wanted to stand in the lobby and just hand out screenplays.
The other movie that I’d like to remake is THE PRODUCERS. Come on. It’s time.
ONE (1) screenwriter you think is underrated:
Steve Gordon. Wrote ARTHUR then tragically died. No one wrote better funnier witty dialogue than Steve.
He also wrote a movie starring Henry Winkler and Kim Darby called THE ONE AND ONLY about a TV wrestler, directed by Carl Reiner. It shows up frequently on HBO. Since most of you with Tivo have Kim Darby on your wish list anyway, check it out when it pops up on your menu.
And TV freaks might vaguely remember a show in the late 70’s called THE PRACTICE starring Danny Thomas as a crusty neighborhood doctor in the Bronx (Becker meets Uncle Tanoose). Steve created and wrote that show and it just crackled. I’m hoping that someday it will resurface on DVD or at least on the Lebanese channel.
Steve Gordon was…and is…an inspiration to me.
ONE (1) earliest film-related memory:
Seeing TEN COMMANDMENTS as a mere tyke and being scared shitless. Not by the special effects or torture to the Jews but by the bad over-acting. Charlton Heston and Yul Brynner in the same movie? Even Cinemascope couldn’t contain them. Both had me diving under the seat. And incredibly, they weren’t the worst offenders. That dishonor would go to Ms. Anne Baxter. She gave maybe the single worst most overblown performance in the history of film…rivaling Butty Hutton in THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH. Even Nathan Lane would say, “Whoa, bring it down.” I still haven’t recovered.
TWO (2) favorite lines from movies:
Edward G. Robinson in TEN COMMANDMENTS: “Nnnyyeah, Moses, where’s your God now?”
And any line from TOOTSIE.
THREE (3) jobs you’d do if you could not work in the “biz”:
Teacher
Cartoonist
Morning man at W.O.L.D.
FOUR (4) jobs you actually have held outside the industry:
Amway salesman (Hey, that detergent really works)
Record store clerk
Comic strip artist
Teaching broadcasting
THREE (3) book authors I like:
Philip Roth
John Kennedy Toole
Kurt Vonnegut
TWO (2) movies you’d like to remake or properties you’d like to adapt:
VOLUNTEERS. They never did justice to our script. When the movie came out I wanted to stand in the lobby and just hand out screenplays.
The other movie that I’d like to remake is THE PRODUCERS. Come on. It’s time.
ONE (1) screenwriter you think is underrated:
Steve Gordon. Wrote ARTHUR then tragically died. No one wrote better funnier witty dialogue than Steve.
He also wrote a movie starring Henry Winkler and Kim Darby called THE ONE AND ONLY about a TV wrestler, directed by Carl Reiner. It shows up frequently on HBO. Since most of you with Tivo have Kim Darby on your wish list anyway, check it out when it pops up on your menu.
And TV freaks might vaguely remember a show in the late 70’s called THE PRACTICE starring Danny Thomas as a crusty neighborhood doctor in the Bronx (Becker meets Uncle Tanoose). Steve created and wrote that show and it just crackled. I’m hoping that someday it will resurface on DVD or at least on the Lebanese channel.
Steve Gordon was…and is…an inspiration to me.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Your guide to 24
For everybody who says “I hear 24 is great but I don’t want to join it in the middle” Sunday night is your chance to start fresh with a whole new day and season.
And if you’re not familiar with the characters, let me quickly get you up to speed.
JACK BAUER (Keifer Sutherland) – Has personally saved the world from nuclear war, a killer virus, deadly terrorist attacks, the destruction of Los Angeles, and a presidential assassination yet has not received so much as a holiday ham from this grateful nation. Now presumed dead he’s living in Mexico under an assumed alias (Rafael Palmiero). Never shown was the most grueling and harrowing 24 hour adventure he has ever had to endure -- the one that occurred after he drank a glass of unfiltered water.
CHLOE -- CTU agent, computer whiz, and my favorite character on television even though I often want to slap her. Could not be more snotty, could not have worse people skills. She’s the template for every US postal employee.
TONY -- CTU agent who fell in love with fellow agent MICHELLE, went to prison for saving her life and then forgot to send her a card for their anniversary or something so she divorced him. They’re now back together. I’m not sure if they’re returning this year. They may go straight to JUDGE JUDY.
NINA, GEORGE, SHERRY, TERI – dead so don’t worry about them.
EDGAR – CTU computer nerd. Overweight although he seems to go 24 hour periods without eating. His mother was contaminated by radiation and had only a few hours to live but he had to get off the phone for “an emergency”.
AUDREY – Jack’s weepy sometimes girlfriend. Issues in the relationship: Jack’s torturing people, Jack letting her ex-husband die, Jack leaving the toilet seat up.
KIMBERLY – Jack’s annoying daughter. Been kidnapped so many times she now brings her own rope and gag. Can not ride in a car unless she’s in the trunk.
DAVID PALMER – Former President of the United States now selling Allstate Insurance.
Let the shootings, explosions, mayhem, suspense, and uninterrupted cellphone service no matter where Jack is begin!!
And if you’re not familiar with the characters, let me quickly get you up to speed.
JACK BAUER (Keifer Sutherland) – Has personally saved the world from nuclear war, a killer virus, deadly terrorist attacks, the destruction of Los Angeles, and a presidential assassination yet has not received so much as a holiday ham from this grateful nation. Now presumed dead he’s living in Mexico under an assumed alias (Rafael Palmiero). Never shown was the most grueling and harrowing 24 hour adventure he has ever had to endure -- the one that occurred after he drank a glass of unfiltered water.
CHLOE -- CTU agent, computer whiz, and my favorite character on television even though I often want to slap her. Could not be more snotty, could not have worse people skills. She’s the template for every US postal employee.
TONY -- CTU agent who fell in love with fellow agent MICHELLE, went to prison for saving her life and then forgot to send her a card for their anniversary or something so she divorced him. They’re now back together. I’m not sure if they’re returning this year. They may go straight to JUDGE JUDY.
NINA, GEORGE, SHERRY, TERI – dead so don’t worry about them.
EDGAR – CTU computer nerd. Overweight although he seems to go 24 hour periods without eating. His mother was contaminated by radiation and had only a few hours to live but he had to get off the phone for “an emergency”.
AUDREY – Jack’s weepy sometimes girlfriend. Issues in the relationship: Jack’s torturing people, Jack letting her ex-husband die, Jack leaving the toilet seat up.
KIMBERLY – Jack’s annoying daughter. Been kidnapped so many times she now brings her own rope and gag. Can not ride in a car unless she’s in the trunk.
DAVID PALMER – Former President of the United States now selling Allstate Insurance.
Let the shootings, explosions, mayhem, suspense, and uninterrupted cellphone service no matter where Jack is begin!!
The value of a fine education
Harvard and Yale are two esteemed institutions that groom young men and women to become rich. For years that meant banking, Wall Street, the law, church treasurer. But sometime in the 80’s they discovered there were big bucks to be had in Hollywood writing comedy.
Thar’s gold in them thar’ jokes! Forget Milton Friedman. Hello Budd Friedman.
So out they came, the best and the brightest, America’s future leaders, turning sitcom writing staffs into ZBT chapters.
But does an Ivy League education really make a difference?
When my partner, David and I were writing for the SIMPSONS, one day during a story conference David took a poll. He asked where everyone went to school. You can guess their answers. David nodded then recapped, “So you went to Harvard, Harvard, Harvard, Yale, Harvard, Harvard. Well I went to the University of Miami and I’m doing the same job as YOU.”
Write funny. Harvard and Yale can’t win at football either.
Thar’s gold in them thar’ jokes! Forget Milton Friedman. Hello Budd Friedman.
So out they came, the best and the brightest, America’s future leaders, turning sitcom writing staffs into ZBT chapters.
But does an Ivy League education really make a difference?
When my partner, David and I were writing for the SIMPSONS, one day during a story conference David took a poll. He asked where everyone went to school. You can guess their answers. David nodded then recapped, “So you went to Harvard, Harvard, Harvard, Yale, Harvard, Harvard. Well I went to the University of Miami and I’m doing the same job as YOU.”
Write funny. Harvard and Yale can’t win at football either.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Ken's reasons why not to watch
I see that EMILY’S REASONS WHY NOT (worst title since MANIMAL) and JAKE IN PROGRESS bombed in the ratings Monday. Gee. Wonder why? Could it be that no one gives a shit about the dating woes of incredibly good looking people? Poor Heather Graham can’t find the right man. Poor John Stamos has commitment problems. He has to juggle three beautiful women. Oh the humanity!!
You don’t feel sympathy for these people. You don’t root for these people. You want to KILL them.
They’re the ones who scarred you for life in high school. They’re the reason for Ben & Jerry’s.
And I’m sure the Jenna Elfman vehicle will be more of the same.
Jenna at least is funny. Heather Graham, although yummy to look at, is an enemy of comedy. And I know one of the contributing writers of the pilot who is the best there is so if she can’t make Heather funny then it’s time to start to thinking about playing a cop.
As for John Stamos, (who is very charming and handsome in that TV “safe” way) I’m not even sure he was trying to be funny this year. JAKE IN PROGRESS is just…pleasant. Too bad there’s no such thing as canned smiles. And Wendie Malick, one of TV’s great funny ladies is wasted. It’s like asking Vladimir Horowitz to just play “Chopsticks”,
The one thing I did find heartening about Monday night’s ratings was this: maybe for the first time Heather Graham and John Stamos will really know what it’s like to be rejected.
Heather gulping down ice cream, John sitting home the night of the prom playing “Kingdom Hearts II” with the other losers who couldn’t get a date – THOSE shows I’d watch.
You don’t feel sympathy for these people. You don’t root for these people. You want to KILL them.
They’re the ones who scarred you for life in high school. They’re the reason for Ben & Jerry’s.
And I’m sure the Jenna Elfman vehicle will be more of the same.
Jenna at least is funny. Heather Graham, although yummy to look at, is an enemy of comedy. And I know one of the contributing writers of the pilot who is the best there is so if she can’t make Heather funny then it’s time to start to thinking about playing a cop.
As for John Stamos, (who is very charming and handsome in that TV “safe” way) I’m not even sure he was trying to be funny this year. JAKE IN PROGRESS is just…pleasant. Too bad there’s no such thing as canned smiles. And Wendie Malick, one of TV’s great funny ladies is wasted. It’s like asking Vladimir Horowitz to just play “Chopsticks”,
The one thing I did find heartening about Monday night’s ratings was this: maybe for the first time Heather Graham and John Stamos will really know what it’s like to be rejected.
Heather gulping down ice cream, John sitting home the night of the prom playing “Kingdom Hearts II” with the other losers who couldn’t get a date – THOSE shows I’d watch.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Free form rambling...
It’s the second week of January. TAKE DOWN YOUR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!!
Gee, life goes on without Howard Stern. Who knew???
Queen Latifah was on INSIDE THE ACTORS ASSHOLE with James Lipton this week. Hardly one of the premiere thespians of American cinema. (“A hundred years from now your work in LIVING SINGLE will be delighting and inspiring audiences. And let me just say three words -- HOUSE PARTY 2.”)
Future guest on the show (and this is no joke): Barbara Walters.
Here’s a credit I don’t understand. For the new Queen Latifah movie LAST HOLIDAY the writing credit is…
Screenplay by Jeffrey Price & Peter S. Seaman
Based on a SCREENPLAY by J.B. Priestley
Huh?? I understand based on a play or book or even earlier version of the film, but another script?
And then there’s the movie of THE PRODUCERS based on a musical that’s based on a movie. I saw it over the weekend. There were certainly laughs but whatever magic there was on the stage sure didn’t transfer to this film. Instead it just made you appreciate how much better the original was and how far superior Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder were to Lou Costello and Jerry Lewis…I mean Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick.
Nathan is a gifted performer. I had the pleasure of directing him several times. But when he finally passes on I’m sure the cause of death will be “choking on scenery”.
And to ensure that Matthew Broderick’s character was a complete cartoon they even gave him the Inspector Gadget trench coat.
If you haven’t already, see the 1968 version of THE PRODUCERS. It’s one of those very rare perfect films that never needs to be remade.
Same for the WIZARD OF OZ. Please Hollywood, don’t make a white version of THE WIZ.
Adapting movies into Broadway musicals seems to be the rage. A few years ago there was a musical based on SMILE, the hilarious1974 beauty pageant comedy by Jerry Belson. In the Playbill for the musical Jerry said this:
“SMILE fulfills a lifelong dream for Mr. Belson – to get paid twice for the same script”.
Gee, life goes on without Howard Stern. Who knew???
Queen Latifah was on INSIDE THE ACTORS ASSHOLE with James Lipton this week. Hardly one of the premiere thespians of American cinema. (“A hundred years from now your work in LIVING SINGLE will be delighting and inspiring audiences. And let me just say three words -- HOUSE PARTY 2.”)
Future guest on the show (and this is no joke): Barbara Walters.
Here’s a credit I don’t understand. For the new Queen Latifah movie LAST HOLIDAY the writing credit is…
Screenplay by Jeffrey Price & Peter S. Seaman
Based on a SCREENPLAY by J.B. Priestley
Huh?? I understand based on a play or book or even earlier version of the film, but another script?
And then there’s the movie of THE PRODUCERS based on a musical that’s based on a movie. I saw it over the weekend. There were certainly laughs but whatever magic there was on the stage sure didn’t transfer to this film. Instead it just made you appreciate how much better the original was and how far superior Zero Mostel and Gene Wilder were to Lou Costello and Jerry Lewis…I mean Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick.
Nathan is a gifted performer. I had the pleasure of directing him several times. But when he finally passes on I’m sure the cause of death will be “choking on scenery”.
And to ensure that Matthew Broderick’s character was a complete cartoon they even gave him the Inspector Gadget trench coat.
If you haven’t already, see the 1968 version of THE PRODUCERS. It’s one of those very rare perfect films that never needs to be remade.
Same for the WIZARD OF OZ. Please Hollywood, don’t make a white version of THE WIZ.
Adapting movies into Broadway musicals seems to be the rage. A few years ago there was a musical based on SMILE, the hilarious1974 beauty pageant comedy by Jerry Belson. In the Playbill for the musical Jerry said this:
“SMILE fulfills a lifelong dream for Mr. Belson – to get paid twice for the same script”.
Monday, January 09, 2006
Writing questions & the singing bird
From Alex Epstein of Complicationsensue (see link right column) comes these questions based on my post listing all the goofy credits of the SOPRANOS writers:
Alex: Obviously these writers didn't suddenly become good writers. They were either good writers writing crap on those other shows, or they were crap writers and David Chase taught them all how to write, or he has a Magic Singing Bird that sings the good stories.
Ken: The Singing Bird.
Seriously, I suspect they were good writers who just had to make a living. Comedy scribe Darrel Vickers once observed “you can either write what you want or eat what you want”.
And because a show isn’t listed among the elite (i.e. EW likes it) doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad gig. The show could be fun to write, the environment pleasant, nice people on staff, free action figures, etc.
And you can always write your way out. Alan Ball was on staff of CYBILL (finding ways to justify Ms. Shepherd’s insistence that she sing). He wanted to write something more personal, so at night he would go home, probaby drink a big Scotch, and peck away at a spec screenplay called AMERICAN BEAUTY.
Alex: I thought maybe you could blog a bit about what went right in the Sopranos writing room that makes the show so good. Is it all David Chase? Or was it chemistry? Was it HBO letting them alone to do their work? Etc.
Ken: Hard to really say since I’m not on staff of the SOPRANOS. I don’t believe that any one writer is solely responsible for the success of a series although I will grant you a creator with a strong vision is probably the single biggest factor. The SOPRANOS is clearly David Chase’s baby. He’s set the template for every facet of that show.
But he’s also put together a terrific staff and given them a lot of creative say. Unlike sitcoms that often get group rewritten (there’s a reason the expression for that is “gang banged”), if you write an episode for the SOPRANOS most of your script is what’s filmed. Additionally you do the casting and are on the stage supervising the week your script is in production.
Among David Chase’s many gifts is trust.
How important is a good writing staff? Just look at ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. After two inspired seasons the writing staff (save for the creator) left. And the show was awful this season. Same creator, same vision, sucky results.
HBO leaving Chase alone is also a big factor. Do you think in a million years a network would let him cast James Gandolfini and Edie Falco as the leads? No way. It would be Dennis Farina and Paula Marshall.
And the SOPRANOS also benefits greatly from not getting network notes. “We don’t like it when Tony kills people, cheats on his wife, smokes cigars, runs a strip joint, eats over the sink. It makes him unlikable”, “Does he have to keep the money he steals? Couldn’t he donate it to some charity?“ And the inevitable: “Please change the name of the character Pussy. We feel Russy or Gussy works just as well.”
The SOPRANOS was originally developed for a network. Lucky for all of us they passed…probably for a show starring Paula Marshall.
Alex: Obviously these writers didn't suddenly become good writers. They were either good writers writing crap on those other shows, or they were crap writers and David Chase taught them all how to write, or he has a Magic Singing Bird that sings the good stories.
Ken: The Singing Bird.
Seriously, I suspect they were good writers who just had to make a living. Comedy scribe Darrel Vickers once observed “you can either write what you want or eat what you want”.
And because a show isn’t listed among the elite (i.e. EW likes it) doesn’t mean it’s necessarily a bad gig. The show could be fun to write, the environment pleasant, nice people on staff, free action figures, etc.
And you can always write your way out. Alan Ball was on staff of CYBILL (finding ways to justify Ms. Shepherd’s insistence that she sing). He wanted to write something more personal, so at night he would go home, probaby drink a big Scotch, and peck away at a spec screenplay called AMERICAN BEAUTY.
Alex: I thought maybe you could blog a bit about what went right in the Sopranos writing room that makes the show so good. Is it all David Chase? Or was it chemistry? Was it HBO letting them alone to do their work? Etc.
Ken: Hard to really say since I’m not on staff of the SOPRANOS. I don’t believe that any one writer is solely responsible for the success of a series although I will grant you a creator with a strong vision is probably the single biggest factor. The SOPRANOS is clearly David Chase’s baby. He’s set the template for every facet of that show.
But he’s also put together a terrific staff and given them a lot of creative say. Unlike sitcoms that often get group rewritten (there’s a reason the expression for that is “gang banged”), if you write an episode for the SOPRANOS most of your script is what’s filmed. Additionally you do the casting and are on the stage supervising the week your script is in production.
Among David Chase’s many gifts is trust.
How important is a good writing staff? Just look at ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. After two inspired seasons the writing staff (save for the creator) left. And the show was awful this season. Same creator, same vision, sucky results.
HBO leaving Chase alone is also a big factor. Do you think in a million years a network would let him cast James Gandolfini and Edie Falco as the leads? No way. It would be Dennis Farina and Paula Marshall.
And the SOPRANOS also benefits greatly from not getting network notes. “We don’t like it when Tony kills people, cheats on his wife, smokes cigars, runs a strip joint, eats over the sink. It makes him unlikable”, “Does he have to keep the money he steals? Couldn’t he donate it to some charity?“ And the inevitable: “Please change the name of the character Pussy. We feel Russy or Gussy works just as well.”
The SOPRANOS was originally developed for a network. Lucky for all of us they passed…probably for a show starring Paula Marshall.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Match Point
I know I’m spitting on the cross but I didn’t love MATCH POINT. I liked it…parts of it…and this was the first Woody Allen movie in five years that wasn’t lame, pathetic, and embarrassing so that’s a good thing – but it sure wasn’t CRIMES AND MISDEMEANORS. And it was easy to compare because….
SPOILER ALERT!!!
…it was the same movie!!! Only with prettier younger actors, less sympathetic characters, and London instead of New York so although it looked just like every other Woody Allen movie people were saying “Bob’s your uncle” in this one.
Why are the critics fawning? Great filmmakers reach. They try to do something new. This film is just Woody Allen resorting to old tricks (albeit some of his best old tricks). All that’s missing is Tony Roberts.
I will say that Scarlet Johansson was spectacular. Best I’ve ever seen her. But the Irish early-Elvis-looking lead could not have been more boring. Martin Landau he ain’t. Martin Milner he ain’t. Emily Mortimer was fine in her 37th thankless role.
There were some clever moments and turns along the way but I just didn’t care about any of these upper crust fops, and the end was soooo ridiculous. Those must be the stupidest detectives in the history of the world. I thought I was in a PINK PANTHER movie.
But more than anything else I resented the message – it’s okay to be despicable because often times you get away with it and are even rewarded for it. Of course, who wants to believe that more than Woody Allen? And thanks to the critics he may be right.
SPOILER ALERT!!!
…it was the same movie!!! Only with prettier younger actors, less sympathetic characters, and London instead of New York so although it looked just like every other Woody Allen movie people were saying “Bob’s your uncle” in this one.
Why are the critics fawning? Great filmmakers reach. They try to do something new. This film is just Woody Allen resorting to old tricks (albeit some of his best old tricks). All that’s missing is Tony Roberts.
I will say that Scarlet Johansson was spectacular. Best I’ve ever seen her. But the Irish early-Elvis-looking lead could not have been more boring. Martin Landau he ain’t. Martin Milner he ain’t. Emily Mortimer was fine in her 37th thankless role.
There were some clever moments and turns along the way but I just didn’t care about any of these upper crust fops, and the end was soooo ridiculous. Those must be the stupidest detectives in the history of the world. I thought I was in a PINK PANTHER movie.
But more than anything else I resented the message – it’s okay to be despicable because often times you get away with it and are even rewarded for it. Of course, who wants to believe that more than Woody Allen? And thanks to the critics he may be right.
Sopranos' low notes
In a follow up to my last post I thought for fun I’d check out some of the actual previous credits for the SOPRANOS writers. They include:
Kolchak: the Night Stalker
the Magician
2 Stupid Dogs
Batman (the animated series)
Cover Me
Swat Kats
Hack
the In-Laws
Baby Blues
American Gothic
DiResti
the New Flipper
the Naked Truth
Living in Captivity
Sister Sister
..... and of course – the Secret Squirrel Show.
So dive into that “Coconut Fred’s Fruit Salad Island” episode you’re writing with renewed gusto.
Kolchak: the Night Stalker
the Magician
2 Stupid Dogs
Batman (the animated series)
Cover Me
Swat Kats
Hack
the In-Laws
Baby Blues
American Gothic
DiResti
the New Flipper
the Naked Truth
Living in Captivity
Sister Sister
..... and of course – the Secret Squirrel Show.
So dive into that “Coconut Fred’s Fruit Salad Island” episode you’re writing with renewed gusto.
Saturday, January 07, 2006
The man who wrote for kings
Edward Anhalt was one of the great screenwriters of all-time. A multi-Oscar winner he amassed a tremendous body of impressive work.
In the early 60’s he learned that producer Hal B. Wallis was planning to make a movie of the play BECKET. That subject matter was Anhalt’s absolute passion. He considered himself an expert on the era. No one knew the period as well. He went to Wallis with an impassioned plea that he and he alone was right for this assignment. Wallis made him a deal. Anhalt could write BECKET but he had another project that also needed a writer. If Anhalt would do that first he could have his coveted assignment. Anhalt happily agreed.
So in the same year Mr. Edward Anhalt wrote BECKET and GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS starring Elvis Presley and Stella Stevens.
Moral of this story: If you’re lucky enough to get an assignment on some horrible cheesy Disney Channel show about kids in leprechaun jr. high take heart. Next year you could be on the SOPRANOS.
(I had to do an Elvis story on his birthday weekend.)
In the early 60’s he learned that producer Hal B. Wallis was planning to make a movie of the play BECKET. That subject matter was Anhalt’s absolute passion. He considered himself an expert on the era. No one knew the period as well. He went to Wallis with an impassioned plea that he and he alone was right for this assignment. Wallis made him a deal. Anhalt could write BECKET but he had another project that also needed a writer. If Anhalt would do that first he could have his coveted assignment. Anhalt happily agreed.
So in the same year Mr. Edward Anhalt wrote BECKET and GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS starring Elvis Presley and Stella Stevens.
Moral of this story: If you’re lucky enough to get an assignment on some horrible cheesy Disney Channel show about kids in leprechaun jr. high take heart. Next year you could be on the SOPRANOS.
(I had to do an Elvis story on his birthday weekend.)
Friday, January 06, 2006
That toddlin' town
First off, a note from my daughter to those of you who graciously offered suggestions re: the worst songs in musicals.
"Dear Bloggers Galore,
Thank you so much for your incredibly useful thoughts and comments. I was enormously impressed (and somewhat concerned) with your expansive knowledge of bad musicals and songs. Thanks again.
~Annie
P.S. I don't care what some of you have said. I will continue to hate Shipoopi, and I'll misspell it if I want to...it's not a real word..."
Lovely. Thank you. Moving on.
Yesterday was the New York portion of my October, 2004 travelogue. The adventures continue….
*****
On Friday we zipped out to Sopranos International Airport (Newark) for our flight to Chicago. Visiting our daughter, Annie for Parents Weekend.
Back to the Omni hotel where this time the books in our room included Illinois court cases of 1954 and “the Toothache Tree”. There’s no real reason to ever leave the room.
Parents Weekend at Northwestern featured many lively seminars with professors, receptions with faculty and administration – all of which we skipped, of course. We did however go to the Northwestern-Indiana football game which proved to be the highlight of the trip. Nothing like a Big Ten game on a crisp autumn afternoon. Okay, so Northwestern usually loses (on the stadium they have listed all their bowl appearances since 1949 – there are five) but last week they upset mighty Ohio State (the Dick Cheney of universities) and this week they beat the Hoosiers in double overtime! Too bad my wife and daughter left after the third quarter to go shopping.
One thing I noticed – this was the whitest crowd I’ve ever seen at a football game. It should have been broadcast on the Hallmark Channel. And everyone was so polite. No one yelling “sodomite” (even though the quarterback was very close to the center). I’m used to “Yankees suck” and “FU-SC”. After the game a Hoosier rooter called out to a Wildcat fan “You guys were lucky”. Withering.
There’s a watchtower at Northwestern they light up whenever the Wildcats win. (They haven’t had to replace the bulb for fifty years). It’s supposed to glow purple but it looks pink. You’d think that Julliard won.
The Chicago Marathon was held on Sunday. 40,000 entries – or every thin person in the entire Midwest. As I watched -- Starbucks crumb cake in hand -- I thought to myself: “SOME of these people have to die before me.”
A lot of the marathoners were staying at our hotel. Several got on the elevator with me and I offered my support by yelling, “Take the stairs!”
Those marathoners registered at the Omni had to be good. The race started at 8 and check-out time is noon.
On Monday we grabbed a cab to O’Hare at 5 A.M. A couple of straggler marathon runners jogged by then we took off for our 7 A.M. flight back home. Why so early? Winter is coming.
All in all, Annie is fine and looks great. The freshman transition is a tough one but I have every confidence that Northwestern will eventually adjust to her.
So after ten days it’s good to be home. Yes, this is a special time in the East and Midwest with the colors changing and all but there’s nothing like being in Southern California for the first cancellations of the new Fall shows.
"Dear Bloggers Galore,
Thank you so much for your incredibly useful thoughts and comments. I was enormously impressed (and somewhat concerned) with your expansive knowledge of bad musicals and songs. Thanks again.
~Annie
P.S. I don't care what some of you have said. I will continue to hate Shipoopi, and I'll misspell it if I want to...it's not a real word..."
Lovely. Thank you. Moving on.
Yesterday was the New York portion of my October, 2004 travelogue. The adventures continue….
*****
On Friday we zipped out to Sopranos International Airport (Newark) for our flight to Chicago. Visiting our daughter, Annie for Parents Weekend.
Back to the Omni hotel where this time the books in our room included Illinois court cases of 1954 and “the Toothache Tree”. There’s no real reason to ever leave the room.
Parents Weekend at Northwestern featured many lively seminars with professors, receptions with faculty and administration – all of which we skipped, of course. We did however go to the Northwestern-Indiana football game which proved to be the highlight of the trip. Nothing like a Big Ten game on a crisp autumn afternoon. Okay, so Northwestern usually loses (on the stadium they have listed all their bowl appearances since 1949 – there are five) but last week they upset mighty Ohio State (the Dick Cheney of universities) and this week they beat the Hoosiers in double overtime! Too bad my wife and daughter left after the third quarter to go shopping.
One thing I noticed – this was the whitest crowd I’ve ever seen at a football game. It should have been broadcast on the Hallmark Channel. And everyone was so polite. No one yelling “sodomite” (even though the quarterback was very close to the center). I’m used to “Yankees suck” and “FU-SC”. After the game a Hoosier rooter called out to a Wildcat fan “You guys were lucky”. Withering.
There’s a watchtower at Northwestern they light up whenever the Wildcats win. (They haven’t had to replace the bulb for fifty years). It’s supposed to glow purple but it looks pink. You’d think that Julliard won.
The Chicago Marathon was held on Sunday. 40,000 entries – or every thin person in the entire Midwest. As I watched -- Starbucks crumb cake in hand -- I thought to myself: “SOME of these people have to die before me.”
A lot of the marathoners were staying at our hotel. Several got on the elevator with me and I offered my support by yelling, “Take the stairs!”
Those marathoners registered at the Omni had to be good. The race started at 8 and check-out time is noon.
On Monday we grabbed a cab to O’Hare at 5 A.M. A couple of straggler marathon runners jogged by then we took off for our 7 A.M. flight back home. Why so early? Winter is coming.
All in all, Annie is fine and looks great. The freshman transition is a tough one but I have every confidence that Northwestern will eventually adjust to her.
So after ten days it’s good to be home. Yes, this is a special time in the East and Midwest with the colors changing and all but there’s nothing like being in Southern California for the first cancellations of the new Fall shows.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
If I can make it there...
For those relatively new to this blog, in addition to reckless writing advice and my sagacious opinions on anything, I also post travelogue from trips I’ve taken over the last few years. They were originally written just for those in my address book but now I share them with the world…hoping to provide mirth for you, dear reader, and attract a book publisher.
Where were you in October, 2004?
*****
We had to be in Chicago on Oct. 9th (Parents weekend at Northwestern) and since I consider anything east of Denver the East Coast, Debby and I decided to go to New York for a week first, since it was right next door. Stayed at the LeParker-Meridien -- the preferred choice of Eurotrash. You couldn't tell the snooty concierges from the guests.
Best feature: the hotel elevators have monitors showing cartoons. Give the French Tom & Jerry and they'll go anywhere. “Zeee cat eez so mean, I adore heeem.”
Overheard on 6th Avenue: A Caucasian street vendor and a Middle Eastern street vendor. The M.E. vendor shouted to customers "Don't buy from him. He has a fake license." The C. vendor countered with "His money goes to the Taliban. They cut peoples' heads off." All this over $2 "I Love NY" t-shirtrs.
No such territorial squabbles for the guy selling Xeroxed "Becker" scripts for $15 on the corner of 6th and 54th. If there were customers to be had he would have them all.
Best panhandler in New York -- the guy who said to us "You can yell at me for a dollar."
Runner up: a big black man with a sign that said, “My parents were killed by Ninjas. Need money for Kung Fu lessons”.
Debby was on the 7th avenue express train where a guy was going from car to car peddling his novel. I wonder if commuters would be interested in humorous travelogues???
Walking around Manhattan I was forever aware that at any moment one of those Apprentice Sammy Glicks could jump out of a doorway and force me to buy lemonade or a high rise condo. New York is no longer safe.
On Saturday I stood in line at TKTS to get half price tickets for "12 Angry Men". The young couple behind me was from Oxford, Mississippi. They asked what the play was about. I told them it was a brilliant courtroom drama set in the jury room in the 50's. Mr. Mississippi then said, "Oh, so it's a gumshoe thing, right?" "Yes", I said, "That's exactly what it is. What are you guys hoping to see?" "Whatever the one is with Brooke Shields.”
Our play was at the American Airlines Theatre. I tried to see if they'd give me mileage when I bought the tickets. No deal.
Our seats were in the balcony. What we really saw was "12 Angry Ants".
One thing you notice when reading any Playbill -- Every single actor has among his TV credits "Law & Order".
Scott Ellis, who directed the play also directed our last “Frasier”. How come he got more laughs out of this?
New police drill in New York – “the swarm”. Everyday a different neighborhood or street corner is selected and fifty cop cars swarm in and officers take positions with guns drawn. I bet it’ll scare the shit out of the vendor selling illegal “Becker” scripts should they ever target 6th and 54th.
There's a lovely plaque honoring Eugene O'Neill in Times Square. It's on a Starbucks.
Stopped by the "NBC Experience Store". Asked what merchandise I could buy from "Father of the Pride"? Amazingly, nothing. I guess they were just sold out. I then asked if they had a "Fear Factor" snack bar? Nope. Just "Friends" crap and enough tickets to the "Jane Pauley Show" to wallpaper your den.
Donald Trump is speaking at the Learning Annex. I think the topic is "How to communicate with your departed pets". What everyone assumes is his hair is really his former dog, Rex.
Oh no! An American Girl Place has come to Rockefeller Center. I wonder if they have dolls that look like the Shangri-La's. (joke for baby boomers only)
In a counter move, the new Disney Store on 5th Avenue offers courses for little girls and their mothers to learn how to become Cinderella type princesses...for $80 ($75 if you register on line). This is not a joke. This is the end of feminism as we know it.
The Polish Parade was Sunday down Fifth Avenue. It started at 57th St. and 32nd St. and met in the middle. A lot of crashing accordions.
Saw "Reckless" starring the wondrous Mary-Louise Parker. For my money she's Meryl Streep with a funny mouth.
D.J.’s in local strip clubs pitch voter registration twice an hour. "Show these lovely ladies you appreciate them by getting a nude lap dance and signing up to vote."
A Brinks truck got into an accident in New Jersey and for hours people were picking coins off the highway. Trump had to leave after a few minutes to get to his Learning Annex class.
At Grand Central Station the restrooms are marked “Men Only” and “Women Only”. I hope Boy George can hold his water.
The weather was primarily gorgeous and Fall-like. On Wednesday the temperature dropped ten degrees and within eleven seconds I caught a cold… although I feel the two are unrelated. Official cause of cold: Jew having too good a time.
I LOVED “Avenue Q”. Hilarious, clever, and charming. At one point two of the puppets have sex on stage and the guy sitting next to me (a Bob Marley lookalike) shouts out “sodomite!” So of course everyone within earshot looks to me. I wanted to say to the guy, “What’s your problem? The puppets are okay with it. Where do you think the puppeteer puts his hand?”
The big trend on Broadway these days is to fill the shows with recognizable TV stars to attract the tourists. (a la Brooke Shields). It’s only a matter of time before Alf goes into “Avenue Q”.
(Tomorrow: the Chicago leg of the trip. I wish I were you and didn’t know how it ends.)
Where were you in October, 2004?
*****
We had to be in Chicago on Oct. 9th (Parents weekend at Northwestern) and since I consider anything east of Denver the East Coast, Debby and I decided to go to New York for a week first, since it was right next door. Stayed at the LeParker-Meridien -- the preferred choice of Eurotrash. You couldn't tell the snooty concierges from the guests.
Best feature: the hotel elevators have monitors showing cartoons. Give the French Tom & Jerry and they'll go anywhere. “Zeee cat eez so mean, I adore heeem.”
Overheard on 6th Avenue: A Caucasian street vendor and a Middle Eastern street vendor. The M.E. vendor shouted to customers "Don't buy from him. He has a fake license." The C. vendor countered with "His money goes to the Taliban. They cut peoples' heads off." All this over $2 "I Love NY" t-shirtrs.
No such territorial squabbles for the guy selling Xeroxed "Becker" scripts for $15 on the corner of 6th and 54th. If there were customers to be had he would have them all.
Best panhandler in New York -- the guy who said to us "You can yell at me for a dollar."
Runner up: a big black man with a sign that said, “My parents were killed by Ninjas. Need money for Kung Fu lessons”.
Debby was on the 7th avenue express train where a guy was going from car to car peddling his novel. I wonder if commuters would be interested in humorous travelogues???
Walking around Manhattan I was forever aware that at any moment one of those Apprentice Sammy Glicks could jump out of a doorway and force me to buy lemonade or a high rise condo. New York is no longer safe.
On Saturday I stood in line at TKTS to get half price tickets for "12 Angry Men". The young couple behind me was from Oxford, Mississippi. They asked what the play was about. I told them it was a brilliant courtroom drama set in the jury room in the 50's. Mr. Mississippi then said, "Oh, so it's a gumshoe thing, right?" "Yes", I said, "That's exactly what it is. What are you guys hoping to see?" "Whatever the one is with Brooke Shields.”
Our play was at the American Airlines Theatre. I tried to see if they'd give me mileage when I bought the tickets. No deal.
Our seats were in the balcony. What we really saw was "12 Angry Ants".
One thing you notice when reading any Playbill -- Every single actor has among his TV credits "Law & Order".
Scott Ellis, who directed the play also directed our last “Frasier”. How come he got more laughs out of this?
New police drill in New York – “the swarm”. Everyday a different neighborhood or street corner is selected and fifty cop cars swarm in and officers take positions with guns drawn. I bet it’ll scare the shit out of the vendor selling illegal “Becker” scripts should they ever target 6th and 54th.
There's a lovely plaque honoring Eugene O'Neill in Times Square. It's on a Starbucks.
Stopped by the "NBC Experience Store". Asked what merchandise I could buy from "Father of the Pride"? Amazingly, nothing. I guess they were just sold out. I then asked if they had a "Fear Factor" snack bar? Nope. Just "Friends" crap and enough tickets to the "Jane Pauley Show" to wallpaper your den.
Donald Trump is speaking at the Learning Annex. I think the topic is "How to communicate with your departed pets". What everyone assumes is his hair is really his former dog, Rex.
Oh no! An American Girl Place has come to Rockefeller Center. I wonder if they have dolls that look like the Shangri-La's. (joke for baby boomers only)
In a counter move, the new Disney Store on 5th Avenue offers courses for little girls and their mothers to learn how to become Cinderella type princesses...for $80 ($75 if you register on line). This is not a joke. This is the end of feminism as we know it.
The Polish Parade was Sunday down Fifth Avenue. It started at 57th St. and 32nd St. and met in the middle. A lot of crashing accordions.
Saw "Reckless" starring the wondrous Mary-Louise Parker. For my money she's Meryl Streep with a funny mouth.
D.J.’s in local strip clubs pitch voter registration twice an hour. "Show these lovely ladies you appreciate them by getting a nude lap dance and signing up to vote."
A Brinks truck got into an accident in New Jersey and for hours people were picking coins off the highway. Trump had to leave after a few minutes to get to his Learning Annex class.
At Grand Central Station the restrooms are marked “Men Only” and “Women Only”. I hope Boy George can hold his water.
The weather was primarily gorgeous and Fall-like. On Wednesday the temperature dropped ten degrees and within eleven seconds I caught a cold… although I feel the two are unrelated. Official cause of cold: Jew having too good a time.
I LOVED “Avenue Q”. Hilarious, clever, and charming. At one point two of the puppets have sex on stage and the guy sitting next to me (a Bob Marley lookalike) shouts out “sodomite!” So of course everyone within earshot looks to me. I wanted to say to the guy, “What’s your problem? The puppets are okay with it. Where do you think the puppeteer puts his hand?”
The big trend on Broadway these days is to fill the shows with recognizable TV stars to attract the tourists. (a la Brooke Shields). It’s only a matter of time before Alf goes into “Avenue Q”.
(Tomorrow: the Chicago leg of the trip. I wish I were you and didn’t know how it ends.)
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Writing your script for Chloe
From the morning mailbag comes this from Garrett Whelan:
I've learned from countless books, web sites and talking heads that when writing a screenplay you don't give acting and camera directions unless absolutely necessary. I've also heard that with 4 camera sitcoms this is thrown out the window and you do detail the camera angles and the actors delivery of dialogue. My questions would be 1) is this true and 2) if so, what about one camera sitcoms like "Arrested Development" and "My Name is Earl"? Is there a reasoning behind this difference?
Garrett,
1) Some of it is true, a lot of it is not.
2) There is no difference.
Here’s the key. You’re writing your screenplay to be READ not shot. Anything you can do to make the reader’s job easier will be in your best interest. Once you sell the script, a director ruins it and they’re ready to film, then they reformat it for production.
Remember, your script will more than likely be in a pile – some D Girl’s weekend read. Most readers I know will pick up a script and do two things – check the number of pages and skim through it to see if it’s dense. If they see 104 pages, a lot of open pages with single speeches and minimal stage direction you’ve got a fighting chance. If they see John Updike, you’re dead.
Only indicate shots and camera moves when absolutely necessary. And even then try to find alternative ways of saying them. Example: Instead of P.O.V, then BACK TO SCENE just say “Kathryn sees Bob approaching”. The less technical and more reader-friendly the better. Your D Girl may still be hung over from Karaoke Friday.
Never include scene numbers. It’s a rookie mistake.
Be sparing in your descriptions. Give the bare minimum to convey the visual. Example: You could take a full page describing the Cheers bar. I might say, “If T.G.I. Fridays were a sports bar” and leave it at that. And as the script barrels on describe even less. Nothing kills suspense like a half page description of a train station. If you’re writing an action script I suggest you check out any Shane Black screenplay. His scripts read even better than his movies play.
One trick I use is to sprinkle little jokes in the stage direction. Not enough to be annoying but just a few for incentive.
The goal is to create a flow. Be a good read.
As for acting directions, you are usually advised not to include them because they insult actors. I say “fuck the actors”. Again, your script is for someone named “Chloe” not an actor, and if an occasional indicator clarifies a possible ambiguous speech than do it. Chloe will thank you. “Margaritaville” is still pounding in her head.
But obviously, be judicious. When a character says “I hate you, I’m going to kill you!” you don’t need (murderous).
These rules apply to any single-camera formatted script, be it a feature or TV show. When I write a multi-camera show I rarely if ever suggest a camera angle. It’s pointless. Four cameras are filming at once. The editor/producer/director/studio/network will decide later which of the many shots they want.
In general, a good idea is to read your script aloud. If you lose your voice or fall asleep by page 60 get out the red pencil and start slashing.
Thanks, Garrett. I’m also available for dating advice if anyone has questions.
I've learned from countless books, web sites and talking heads that when writing a screenplay you don't give acting and camera directions unless absolutely necessary. I've also heard that with 4 camera sitcoms this is thrown out the window and you do detail the camera angles and the actors delivery of dialogue. My questions would be 1) is this true and 2) if so, what about one camera sitcoms like "Arrested Development" and "My Name is Earl"? Is there a reasoning behind this difference?
Garrett,
1) Some of it is true, a lot of it is not.
2) There is no difference.
Here’s the key. You’re writing your screenplay to be READ not shot. Anything you can do to make the reader’s job easier will be in your best interest. Once you sell the script, a director ruins it and they’re ready to film, then they reformat it for production.
Remember, your script will more than likely be in a pile – some D Girl’s weekend read. Most readers I know will pick up a script and do two things – check the number of pages and skim through it to see if it’s dense. If they see 104 pages, a lot of open pages with single speeches and minimal stage direction you’ve got a fighting chance. If they see John Updike, you’re dead.
Only indicate shots and camera moves when absolutely necessary. And even then try to find alternative ways of saying them. Example: Instead of P.O.V, then BACK TO SCENE just say “Kathryn sees Bob approaching”. The less technical and more reader-friendly the better. Your D Girl may still be hung over from Karaoke Friday.
Never include scene numbers. It’s a rookie mistake.
Be sparing in your descriptions. Give the bare minimum to convey the visual. Example: You could take a full page describing the Cheers bar. I might say, “If T.G.I. Fridays were a sports bar” and leave it at that. And as the script barrels on describe even less. Nothing kills suspense like a half page description of a train station. If you’re writing an action script I suggest you check out any Shane Black screenplay. His scripts read even better than his movies play.
One trick I use is to sprinkle little jokes in the stage direction. Not enough to be annoying but just a few for incentive.
The goal is to create a flow. Be a good read.
As for acting directions, you are usually advised not to include them because they insult actors. I say “fuck the actors”. Again, your script is for someone named “Chloe” not an actor, and if an occasional indicator clarifies a possible ambiguous speech than do it. Chloe will thank you. “Margaritaville” is still pounding in her head.
But obviously, be judicious. When a character says “I hate you, I’m going to kill you!” you don’t need (murderous).
These rules apply to any single-camera formatted script, be it a feature or TV show. When I write a multi-camera show I rarely if ever suggest a camera angle. It’s pointless. Four cameras are filming at once. The editor/producer/director/studio/network will decide later which of the many shots they want.
In general, a good idea is to read your script aloud. If you lose your voice or fall asleep by page 60 get out the red pencil and start slashing.
Thanks, Garrett. I’m also available for dating advice if anyone has questions.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Syriana...I think
Saw SYRIANA. It was CRASH in the desert.
No spoiler alert necessary. I saw the movie and don’t know what happened.
I wonder how many pregnant women are going to see the print ads, not know what the movie is about, and decide to name their baby Syriana because it sounds like a pretty name.
Not since THE BIG SLEEP have I enjoyed a movie more that I understood less. Yet, I found it compelling and even appreciated that the plot catered to smart people not exit poll results. Let the dimwits who stood in the pouring rain at the Rose Parade for nine hours see CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN II.
Still, there were many unanswered questions. What was Clooney hoping to achieve? How much did David Clennon know? Who made what deal with the Chinese? Whose car did Bogart find fished out of Lido Pier?
My daughter observed that it’s one thing to have trouble differentiating between the Arabs, they all dressed the same. But she was confused by all the old white guys who all looked alike.
Great ensemble cast. George Clooney was so good I even forgive him for ONE FINE DAY. Matt Damon is the young Robert Redford.
I wonder how many idiots leave the theatre after the movie saying “Hey, this wasn’t OCEANS THIRTEEN”.
Jeffrey Wright almost steals the movie. Give him awards, I don’t care which ones.
William Hurt is starting to look like Bill Nighy.
Chris Cooper is becoming the next Michael Caine. The only movie he’s not in this year is CHICKEN LITTLE and he probably does a voice in that one.
Stephen Gaghan redeemed himself. I recently screened the DVD of another movie he wrote, HAVOC. Luscious Anne Hathaway as a Palisades High rich girl who, like all Pali High girls, winds up in an East LA gang. CRASH in Los Angeles. Wait a minute…CRASH was in Los Angeles.
No spoiler alert necessary. I saw the movie and don’t know what happened.
I wonder how many pregnant women are going to see the print ads, not know what the movie is about, and decide to name their baby Syriana because it sounds like a pretty name.
Not since THE BIG SLEEP have I enjoyed a movie more that I understood less. Yet, I found it compelling and even appreciated that the plot catered to smart people not exit poll results. Let the dimwits who stood in the pouring rain at the Rose Parade for nine hours see CHEAPER BY THE DOZEN II.
Still, there were many unanswered questions. What was Clooney hoping to achieve? How much did David Clennon know? Who made what deal with the Chinese? Whose car did Bogart find fished out of Lido Pier?
My daughter observed that it’s one thing to have trouble differentiating between the Arabs, they all dressed the same. But she was confused by all the old white guys who all looked alike.
Great ensemble cast. George Clooney was so good I even forgive him for ONE FINE DAY. Matt Damon is the young Robert Redford.
I wonder how many idiots leave the theatre after the movie saying “Hey, this wasn’t OCEANS THIRTEEN”.
Jeffrey Wright almost steals the movie. Give him awards, I don’t care which ones.
William Hurt is starting to look like Bill Nighy.
Chris Cooper is becoming the next Michael Caine. The only movie he’s not in this year is CHICKEN LITTLE and he probably does a voice in that one.
Stephen Gaghan redeemed himself. I recently screened the DVD of another movie he wrote, HAVOC. Luscious Anne Hathaway as a Palisades High rich girl who, like all Pali High girls, winds up in an East LA gang. CRASH in Los Angeles. Wait a minute…CRASH was in Los Angeles.
Monday, January 02, 2006
The Ken Levine Comedy Writer Camp
I always thought a great scam would be the “Ken Levine Comedy Writer Camp” – like those Dodger fantasy camps where refugees from a fat man’s picnic get to wear actual Dodger uniforms, play catch with Tom Niedenfeur, and blow out their hamstrings on the real field in Vero Beach, Florida (hurricane permitting).
My spin on it would be to sign up twenty “campers”. They would meet at a studio, watch a horrendous runthrough then march off to a tiny office with no air conditioning, eat congealed Chinese food, and rewrite until 5 in the morning. The next day they see a runthrough of their rewrite, get network notes, studio notes, director notes, non writing producer notes, standards and practice notes, actor notes, actors’ managers notes, and notes from me that contradict all of the other notes. Back to the room, take out from Dr. Hoaglie Woaglie’s Tyler Texas BBQ (hot links, kick ass chili, beans, and all the fixin’s), another 5 A.M. rewrite with added fun features like the computer crashing, the lead actress coming up to the room and having a complete breakdown, and the showrunner getting called out for a phone call and being gone for two hours.
$2000 and I’ll throw in a T-shirt.
I bet there’d be a line waiting to sign up. You may be saying “Come on, writers aren’t that gullible.” Oh no? Are you familiar with “the Office”? (not the brilliant BBC show or the occasionally amusing NBC show). The Office is a storefront on 26th St. across from the Brentwood Country Mart. It offers carrels for writers, a quiet environment, coffee, reference material, and internet access. And charges HUNDREDS of dollars. Meanwhile, you can tote your laptop to any Starbucks, library, picnic table, hotel lobby, cigar lounge, food court, student union, Borders, Jamba Juice, even Gelsons and enjoy the same features FOR FREE. And yet, the Office is somehow still in business.
“The Ken Levine Comedy Writer Camp” – If you sign up by midnight I’ll even throw in a copy of Vicky King’s “How to Write a Screenplay in 21 Days”.
My spin on it would be to sign up twenty “campers”. They would meet at a studio, watch a horrendous runthrough then march off to a tiny office with no air conditioning, eat congealed Chinese food, and rewrite until 5 in the morning. The next day they see a runthrough of their rewrite, get network notes, studio notes, director notes, non writing producer notes, standards and practice notes, actor notes, actors’ managers notes, and notes from me that contradict all of the other notes. Back to the room, take out from Dr. Hoaglie Woaglie’s Tyler Texas BBQ (hot links, kick ass chili, beans, and all the fixin’s), another 5 A.M. rewrite with added fun features like the computer crashing, the lead actress coming up to the room and having a complete breakdown, and the showrunner getting called out for a phone call and being gone for two hours.
$2000 and I’ll throw in a T-shirt.
I bet there’d be a line waiting to sign up. You may be saying “Come on, writers aren’t that gullible.” Oh no? Are you familiar with “the Office”? (not the brilliant BBC show or the occasionally amusing NBC show). The Office is a storefront on 26th St. across from the Brentwood Country Mart. It offers carrels for writers, a quiet environment, coffee, reference material, and internet access. And charges HUNDREDS of dollars. Meanwhile, you can tote your laptop to any Starbucks, library, picnic table, hotel lobby, cigar lounge, food court, student union, Borders, Jamba Juice, even Gelsons and enjoy the same features FOR FREE. And yet, the Office is somehow still in business.
“The Ken Levine Comedy Writer Camp” – If you sign up by midnight I’ll even throw in a copy of Vicky King’s “How to Write a Screenplay in 21 Days”.
Sunday, January 01, 2006
I've been tagged
Frank Murphy from http://www.frankmurphy.com (I still haven’t figured out how to include links in posts) has tagged me with a meme. Like Frank, I had to look up the word “meme”. I’m challenged to list five of my weird habits. The real challenge is to hold it down to five.
1) In a restaurant, theatre, or any public place I can’t be seated anywhere near a child. This made it very difficult when I had my own small children. It’s not that I don’t love kids. I just love them more when they’re locked away in your home.
2) I don’t like anyone looking over my shoulder when I’m writing, be it a script, email, or love letters to Keira Knightly or Sandy Koufax.
3) I listen to 60’s music when I write. And this includes radio station jingles from the era and Joanie Sommers Pepsi commercials. I love Joanie Sommers.
4) I can’t watch an old black and white movie from the 30’s or 40’s without thinking “everyone I’m looking at is dead”. Not that this spoils my enjoyment.
5) I go through breakfast phases. I eat the same thing every day for a couple of years and then switch. Currently it’s macadamia nuts and raisins. If I ever switch to Lucky Charms get “old Betsy” off the wall and shoot me.
6) I have no blood so I always dress warm. Stop making fun of Cosby for wearing those sweaters. They look cool.
7) I check my site counter waaaaay more than I should.
8) As a former disc jockey, I still talk-up records in my car. Right up to the vocal. I’m a master at this. It’s maybe my greatest skill…which is unfortunate since it’s also utterly useless. KHJ Boss Radio is not coming back anytime soon.
9) I try to read “Confederacy of Dunces” once a year for inspiration. And finally:
10) I feel compelled to post every day. (which ties into #7)
Now it’s my turn to tag five blogging friends/victims. I choose Howard Hoffman (Hoffmania), Lloyd Thaxton, the Tabloid Whore, MK from Popbytes, and Kelditty from People We Love to Hate. (links are listed on the right)
Oh, I forgot, when I’m having trouble with internet service (like I’m having right now) I turn into Daffy Duck. My family finds it very amusing. That does not help.
1) In a restaurant, theatre, or any public place I can’t be seated anywhere near a child. This made it very difficult when I had my own small children. It’s not that I don’t love kids. I just love them more when they’re locked away in your home.
2) I don’t like anyone looking over my shoulder when I’m writing, be it a script, email, or love letters to Keira Knightly or Sandy Koufax.
3) I listen to 60’s music when I write. And this includes radio station jingles from the era and Joanie Sommers Pepsi commercials. I love Joanie Sommers.
4) I can’t watch an old black and white movie from the 30’s or 40’s without thinking “everyone I’m looking at is dead”. Not that this spoils my enjoyment.
5) I go through breakfast phases. I eat the same thing every day for a couple of years and then switch. Currently it’s macadamia nuts and raisins. If I ever switch to Lucky Charms get “old Betsy” off the wall and shoot me.
6) I have no blood so I always dress warm. Stop making fun of Cosby for wearing those sweaters. They look cool.
7) I check my site counter waaaaay more than I should.
8) As a former disc jockey, I still talk-up records in my car. Right up to the vocal. I’m a master at this. It’s maybe my greatest skill…which is unfortunate since it’s also utterly useless. KHJ Boss Radio is not coming back anytime soon.
9) I try to read “Confederacy of Dunces” once a year for inspiration. And finally:
10) I feel compelled to post every day. (which ties into #7)
Now it’s my turn to tag five blogging friends/victims. I choose Howard Hoffman (Hoffmania), Lloyd Thaxton, the Tabloid Whore, MK from Popbytes, and Kelditty from People We Love to Hate. (links are listed on the right)
Oh, I forgot, when I’m having trouble with internet service (like I’m having right now) I turn into Daffy Duck. My family finds it very amusing. That does not help.
New Tears Rockin' Eve
I gasped. I just gasped. I bet you did too. Wasn’t it sad and horrifying to see Dick Clark? I sure give him credit for gamely pushing forward, he’s the ultimate pro, but it was heartbreaking nonetheless. And sure hard to celebrate after that.
It reminded me of Ali lighting the torch at the Olympics.
America thanks you for so many years of ringing in the new year for us, standing out in the freezing cold, and reassuring us that everything was going to be okay. We wish you the best for a speedy and complete recovery.
Other Rockin’ Eve thoughts:
What was bigger, the ball in Times Square or one of Mariah Carey’s breasts? Jesus. She went for the complete va-va-voom, Russ Meyer, supersize, jumbo, hungry man, DDD+, Diamond Jim, Jayne Mansfield, I-can’t-see-my-feet tits. I was watching on HD and could swear I saw the surgery scar.
I was also quite surprised by how chunky Ms Carey has gotten. Instead of wearing that formal Peter Pan dress which showed off legs that could have been a linebacker’s, a tasteful long gown and parka might’ve been a better fashion call.
And Mariah – never speak. It’s a shame that Dick Clark can’t talk but you can.
Ryan Seacrest darkened his eyebrows thus dispelling any rumors that he’s gay.
Meanwhile, on Fox, there was Regis Philbin interviewing Lou Holtz on his bowl game predictions. That’s the Fox attitude? I wonder if anyone who watches Fox knows who Regis Philbin even is, much less Lou Holtz.
NBC had Carson Daly. Why?
ABC said Mariah Carey had the number one hit of the year. NBC said their guest Mary J. Blige had the number one hit of the year. Fox said Notre Dame should beat Ohio State.
Judging by the promos, all the networks are carting out their single guy/girl dating SEX IN THE CITY ripoff comedies this January. JAKE IN PROGRESS. LOVE MONKEY. EMILY SAYS WHY NOT? JENNA SAYS CAUSE I SAID SO.
Talk about vamping. By 12:15 all three networks were interviewing sanitation workers on clean up schedules.
Once again, happy New Year. And welcome back, Dick Clark. Hopefully by next year you’ll be all the way back.
It reminded me of Ali lighting the torch at the Olympics.
America thanks you for so many years of ringing in the new year for us, standing out in the freezing cold, and reassuring us that everything was going to be okay. We wish you the best for a speedy and complete recovery.
Other Rockin’ Eve thoughts:
What was bigger, the ball in Times Square or one of Mariah Carey’s breasts? Jesus. She went for the complete va-va-voom, Russ Meyer, supersize, jumbo, hungry man, DDD+, Diamond Jim, Jayne Mansfield, I-can’t-see-my-feet tits. I was watching on HD and could swear I saw the surgery scar.
I was also quite surprised by how chunky Ms Carey has gotten. Instead of wearing that formal Peter Pan dress which showed off legs that could have been a linebacker’s, a tasteful long gown and parka might’ve been a better fashion call.
And Mariah – never speak. It’s a shame that Dick Clark can’t talk but you can.
Ryan Seacrest darkened his eyebrows thus dispelling any rumors that he’s gay.
Meanwhile, on Fox, there was Regis Philbin interviewing Lou Holtz on his bowl game predictions. That’s the Fox attitude? I wonder if anyone who watches Fox knows who Regis Philbin even is, much less Lou Holtz.
NBC had Carson Daly. Why?
ABC said Mariah Carey had the number one hit of the year. NBC said their guest Mary J. Blige had the number one hit of the year. Fox said Notre Dame should beat Ohio State.
Judging by the promos, all the networks are carting out their single guy/girl dating SEX IN THE CITY ripoff comedies this January. JAKE IN PROGRESS. LOVE MONKEY. EMILY SAYS WHY NOT? JENNA SAYS CAUSE I SAID SO.
Talk about vamping. By 12:15 all three networks were interviewing sanitation workers on clean up schedules.
Once again, happy New Year. And welcome back, Dick Clark. Hopefully by next year you’ll be all the way back.
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