What I learned on my first musical

Cast of the 60s PROJECT: Michael Gillis, Andrew Rannells, Megan Lewis, Maggie Benjamin, and Rodrick Covington.

The Tony Awards are tonight and in honor of that I'm re-posting a piece I did several years on what I learned on my first musical.  I spent the summer of 2006  in Connecticut where the musical I co-wrote with Janet Brenner (the 60s PROJECT) went into production at the Goodspeed Theatre, I learned quite a bit about the process. For those of you hitting the boards somewhere in our nation's heartland, here are a few things you might want to know.

By the way, Andrew Rannells, who starred in our show, is up for a Tony tonight for THE BOOK OF MORMON.  So I hope he wins.  I'm also rooting for John Benjamin Hickey in his category.  Oh, and Bill & Cheri Steinkellner for their book for SISTER ACT.  Yeah, I'm partial to people I've worked with..  But they're all very deserving, even if none of them will thank me on stage.  

So here's what I learned: 

The director must encourage everyone to share ideas. He must then discard 80% of them, especially the ones from the prop guy who's taken the liberty of writing new songs.

You need six weeks to rehearse a musical. But if you have six weeks, you'll need eight.

If the choreographer had her way, seven of the eight hours of rehearsal everyday would be devoted to the dance numbers. If the music director had his way, those same seven hours would be devoted to teaching and practicing the music. If the book writer had his way, scene work would fill the day. And if the director had his way it would be a one woman show with Bernadette Peters who could do it all in five hours.

One change, no matter how small, is like pulling a string in Penelope's Tapestry. It effects everything. If the music director adds a bar in a song, the choreographer will want to reblock the entire dance number. If the book writer changes one line it effects the underscoring, next cue, choreography, lighting, sound, background visuals, upcoming costume change, transition into the next scene, and future of the American musical theatre. So it better be a good new line.

If there's a fight scene or even fight moment there has to be a daily fight rehearsal before a performance. For West Side Story you can rehearse without the knives.

Wireless mics that stick out of cast members foreheads produce better sound and are not noticeable and distracting beyond the fiftieth row.

The cast elects an Equity Deputy whose job it is to snitch behind the director's back if an Equity rule is broken. Rules include looking at an actor with an expression that might hurt his feelings.

To learn even one dance number I would need to practice eight hours a day for six months at which time maybe I could do the whole thing without elbowing someone in the face. These kids get it down in six minutes.

You need a good drummer. A real good drummer.

See a night time performance rather than a matinee.

Actors need to yell out their dialogue. Not just speak loud, but YELL. Even if the line is "Pssst, let me tell you a secret." Only Renee Taylor can talk in her regular speaking voice.

When your wife or girlfriend needs forty-five minutes to change her clothes, just know it can be done in as little as ten seconds.

Every performer comes from a dysfunctional family but thanks them profusely in their Playbill bio.

Most people pad their Playbill bios, listing every credit since they played a kitty in grammar school. So my favorite Playbill bio remains: Jerry Belson, who wrote the 1975 movie SMILE that got turned into a musical, submitted only this -- "SMILE fulfills a lifetime dream for Mr. Belson, to get paid twice for the same script."

During performances there are nine people walking around with headsets. No one knows who they are or what they're doing.

A good running time, including a fifteen minute intermission is 2:20.

The song you loved the most before going into rehearsal is the song you need to cut.

No two people have the same script. Everyone is on stage working off different drafts.

The Teamsters are pansies compared to the Equity Union.

Actors will tell you: it's hard to be sung to. And offstage it's even harder.

When you're in the orchestra section, don't think the cast can't see you. If you're going to be Pee Wee Herman you're going to have an audience.

It's always better to say it in a song rather than dialogue. But those few lines of dialogue can galvanize the entire story.

Since there is limited rehearsal time once a show opens, it can take up to a week to put in some changes. You have to prioritize fixes, based on how needed they are and how long they will take to implement. What that means is you take notes every night and they're always the same notes.

Casting decisions are still the most important. Everything else can be fixed. Except if you want to do C-SPAN: The Musical, that idea might kill it.

Actors are not allowed to talk to conductors. There's a very strict chain of command. Book writers are not allowed to talk to anybody.

The guard at every stage door is named "Pops".

When it works, a musical can be more than entertaining, it can be thrilling. There is an electricity, a magic that is so powerful it transcends whatever's happening on stage. Yes, it's a tall order and rarely achieved but that's the goal. And if you don't hang yourself in a hotel room in New Haven it can be quite exciting.

Unless I fall asleep I will review the Tonys tomorrow.  

Superman is getting a new costume

Starting in September, DC Comics will introduce Superman wearing a new costume.  Gone will be the attractive red shorts.  He'll just be wearing blue pants.   This makes it so much easier for the Man of Steel to take cellphone pictures of himself and send them to Lois.

Not sure I like tampering with tradition.  Plus, does this mean I have to get all new action figures and replace my lunchbox?   Great Caesar's Ghost!

Clone High

You up for a bizarre animated series?  This is CLONE HIGH.  It was originally made in Canada and ran on MTV only from November 2002 to April 2003.   Here's the premise.  As a military experiment, historical figures are all cloned.  They're now teen aged and going to high school together.    So you have Abe Lincoln, Mahatma Gandhi, JFK, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Marilyn Monroe, etc.   There was outrage in India over the depiction of Gandhi and eventually MTV bowed to pressure (good taste?) and took the series off, not airing the final episodes.  It was created by Phil Lord & Christopher Miller. 

I'm always looking to present different styles of humor.  This week's brand is rather sick and twisted. 

What do you think?  This is the pilot.

Diana Ross as Hot Lips

One of my regular features (actually my only regular feature) is Friday Question Day. You ask. I answer. I try to be right.

Lou H. gets us started:

Ken, on the shows you've produced, did you ever have to do something against your better judgment, such as stunt casting, because of pressure from the network during sweeps?

On the ill-fated AfterMASH there was tremendous pressure to keep bringing back MASH cast members. (We did bring back Gary Burghoff as Radar and that proved to be a series highlight). But at some point you have to live or die with your actual cast.

We got a lot of pressure to bring Loretta Swit back for a guest appearance as Hot Lips. We were totally on board with that but Loretta declined. (She probably watched an episode of the show.) But here’s my favorite part of the story. One of the idiot studio executives said, “Well, just cast somebody else and call them Hot Lips.” Yeah, that makes it a real event. So I suggested he check on Diana Ross’ availability.

What a moron.

Carson wonders:

What's the fastest you've seen or had one of your scripts go from the writing to production to air?

On BIG WAVE DAVE’S for CBS we received no lead time. They wanted the show rushed to summer. I remember an episode my partner, David and I wrote over one weekend. It went into production the next day, was filmed the end of the week, and aired a week later. So from the time we came up with the idea for the story until the finished product aired on CBS was less than three weeks. By the way: it was my favorite episode. You can see it here.

From OneAndAHalfWoman:

For an hour long drama shot in multiple locations the schedule is much harder, correct? Especially if there is one star who is in almost every scene. I'm basing this on some extras I've watched, specifically Veronica Mars. Just wondering.

Yes, it’s much harder. Network hour shows are generally shot in eight days. On cable sometimes less. That means lonnnng hours, often fifteen or sixteen hour days. Hugh Laurie earns his money on HOUSE. So did Kiefer Sutherland on 24. There were times he was probably praying that Jack Bauer got killed.

Not sure this still goes on but I believe it does. The SAG contract requires that you must give an actor twelve hours from when he wraps one day of shooting to when he starts the next. Otherwise, it’s a huge penalty. So to get around that, if there is night shooting, the production staff will schedule it for Friday night since there’s no shooting on the weekend. So an actor might get a 7:00 AM call on Friday morning and work until 5:00 AM on Saturday morning since his next call won’t be until Monday. Imagine doing this for seven months. No wonder House is always cranky and has livers removed needlessly.

And finally, from Michael:

When you were a showrunner, how much input or say did you have in selecting the clothes the characters wore?

Not a lot on MASH. From time to time I got involved but only to make sure the wardrobe was right for the character. I don’t know crap about women’s fashion. Thank goodness on ALMOST PERFECT we had Robin Schiff who (a) was a fellow showrunner, and (b) had great taste. Whenever there was a wardrobe issue we happily let Robin handle it. For me to go up to an actress and start telling her what to wear is like me diving out of an airplane with nothing but a parasol.

Nowadays, like with everything else, the networks are getting more involved in making these calls. I hear on some shows that for every costume change you now have to send photos of the actress in three or four selections and the network picks one. Like I said, I have zero fashion sense, but I’d still rather make my own decisions thank you.

What's your question?  Please leave it in the comment section.  Many thanks.  

Use me when playing "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon"

You’re familiar with the game “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”, right?  Kevin has worked with pretty much everyone in Hollywood.  Even more people than Heidi Fleiss.   In no more than six projects you can usually trace any performer back to Kevin Bacon.  Well, for the serious “Kevin Bacon” player, let me add a few more links based on my involvement with him.
Granted, it’s not a big involvement. On FRASIER, whenever Dr. Crane spoke to a listener on his radio show they got a celebrity to play the caller. Kevin Bacon did one for a show my partner David and I wrote.

So you can now link Kevin to any of the other unlikely celebrities I wrote for or directed.

Dr. Timothy Leary did a FRASIER phone call for one of our shows. That’s right. We wrote for Dr. Timothy Leary.  You'd think that would be good for some complimentary LSD at the Free Clinic, wouldn't you?

Also, we wrote jokes for the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Admiral William J. Crowe. He did a CHEERS we scripted.  See, aren’t I a name dropper?

Craig Ferguson guested on an episode of ALMOST PERFECT. So it’s just a few steps from Kevin Bacon to Craig Ferguson’s robot. Amaze your friends!

Then there are the athletes. We wrote for Wade Boggs (later to learn in his mistress’ tell-all in Playboy that he only took the job for a free trip to LA to bang her), Kevin McHale (who was sensational!), and Luis Tiant. (who also would have been great if only you could understand one single solitary thing he was saying – even after sixty takes).

So in only two steps you can get from Kevin Bacon to Luis Tiant. There’s a huge bar bet waiting to be won.

As a director, I had the pleasure of coaxing comic brilliance out of Karl Malone (in this case “the Mail Man” did not deliver – oy!), funnyman Mike Ditka (“a little more energy, Mike”), and Terry Bradshaw (“a little less energy, Terry. In fact, a LOT less energy. In fact, just stand there.”)

Oh sure, I’ve worked with a lot of top flight actors but you know all of them and could probably get to Kevin Bacon through other paths. The real challenge comes when someone throws Art Garfunkel at you (FRASIER caller), or you’re at the national finals and for the world’s championship you’re given the name Bombo the orangutan (did a JUST SHOOT ME I directed).

So use me. Be my guest. It’s my little way of Paying It Forward. The only thing disconcerting about providing this useful public service is that all these celebrities that I worked with so intimately over the years – I bet not one remembers me and knows who I am.  But that's okay.  I'm sure Bombo doesn't know who Kevin Bacon is either.

Some random blogservations...

Thanks again to everyone for the nice wishes on the TIME magazine honor. I was hoping to get recognized. Now I don’t have to tweet those photos of myself.

How perfect that the shutterbug congressman’s name is “Weiner”. And how further perfect that the person who officiated his wedding was Bill Clinton.

If they use that storyline next year on THE GOOD WIFE, Chris Noth could once again play “Mr. Big”.

3D movies are starting to flop. Audiences are finding those glasses annoying. It's hard to text with them on.

Maybe if the congressman had tweeted in 3D….

How come on HAWAII 5-0 Scott Caan never does anything anymore while that lox Alex O’Loughlin does everything? That’s like developing MORK & MINDY around Mindy.

Weiner apparently had a relationship with porn star Ginger Lee. Once this was discovered he coached her on what to say. Here was his suggestion: “This is silly. Like so many others, I follow Rep. Weiner on Twitter.” Oh yeah, all porn stars follow U.S. congressmen on Twitter.

Am I the only one tired of Lady Gaga? We get it. You’re outrageous. You’re a great self-promoter. You look better in a mask.

After a five-year hiatus, the CBS EVENING NEWS has returned to the airwaves.

Headline in yesterday’s HuffPost: How Ringo Starr Was Almost Killed by Nazis.

And another, even better HuffPost headline: Did Ronald Reagan Think 'E.T' Was A True Story?!

Note to waiters and waitresses: Not everything is awesome.

Some favorite team names: Lehigh Valley IronPigs, Long Beach State DirtBags, Great Lakes Loons, Richmond Flying Squirrels, and Modesto Nuts.

TRUE BLOOD is back this summer. I bet the ratings would be higher if they went with my daughter, Annie’s title for the show. VAMPIRE PORN.

Think of how much better Terrence Malick’s THE TREE OF LIFE would have been if he hadn’t’ve rushed it.

Happy birthday to my brother, Corey.

The NBA FINALS have been great this year.  Now tied 2-2.  Dirk Nowitzki even looks like Bill Walton.  

My summer guilty pleasures: “The Best of the Beach Boys”, frozen bananas, COVERT AFFAIRS.

Milton Bradley’s name is on the All-Star ballot. He’s been released by Seattle, no other team in baseball will touch him. He was so hated by fans that he wore earplugs to drown out the booing – in his own home stadium. So give him real serious consideration.

Everyone says the new X-MEN: FIRST CLASS movie is just that… except for January Jones. But I hear she’s in lingerie for most of the film, so who cares? You already know she can’t act.

Cheryl Cole has been axed off of THE X-FACTOR (U.S. version). This would be a bigger story if anyone in America knew who the hell she was. Apparently her accent is so thick that you can’t understand a word she says. And overly-critical Fox thought that was an issue.

Laurence Fishburne is leaving CSI.   After two years of basically posing, he moves on to resume trying to have Samuel L. Jackson's career.   Hey, Cheryl Cole!  There's an opening!

Every time I see a Beverly Hills restaurant go out of business that charged $7 for valet parking I cheer.

There will be an AMERICAN PIE 4. (So many unanswered questions from the first three). The entire original cast has been signed. The hard part was coordinating schedules with rehabs.

Maybe if the congressman had tweeted it in a pie…

Two people returned my book to Kindle last month. How bad could it be that they demanded their $2.99 back? Thanks to all of you who bought it and absorbed the loss. You can order yours here – at no risk to you.

U2 and me too in Seattle

Just back from Seattle where I had the honor of broadcasting a week of Mariners’ baseball. As the song goes, “the bluest skies you’ve ever seen are in Seattle” … just not every day.

Stayed at the Silver Cloud – a terrific hotel even if it sounds like the name of Tonto’s father. It’s directly across the street from Safeco Field. I opened my window and there was a giant mural of pitcher Felix Hernandez staring directly into my room. Now that’s a wake-up call. Every morning I pulled back the drapes and, “AAAAAAAA!!!”

Note to myself: Learn the difference between a hotel room safe and a microwave.

Missed by one day the streaker who ran across the outfield during a game (and it wasn’t even “70s Night”). He spent two nights in jail, faces multiple charges, and a scout from the Pittsburgh Pirates, impressed with his speed, wants to sign him. Actually, there were several cretins who ran out onto the field that night. One was a military man (now spending the rest of his life cleaning urinals with a toothbrush), and the other buffoon was scheduled to get married the next day. “Uh, honey, any chance we could move the venue from your church to the city drunk tank?”

When in Pioneer Square, try some Cow Chip Cookies – just don’t ask what’s in ‘em.

For a fundraiser, one charity is offering the opportunity to rappel a major skyscraper. That’s right. For a sizeable donation they’ll hook you up to a harness and you get to scale a thirty-story building. Jesus! You get local group, Death Cab for Cutie to sing a few songs, honor Bill Gates, have a silent auction, and call it a year. No one ever risked their life bidding on ferry passes.

Here’s something they don’t have in Manhattan: At the Woodland Park Zoo on Saturday they offered a class on how to bear-proof your yard.

As a tribute to Elvis Presley, the city has kept the Space Needle, constructed for the 1962 Elvis movie classic, IT HAPPENED AT THE WORLD’S FAIR. From it’s revolving rooftop restaurant you can see the city, Puget Sound, and the Olympic and Cascade mountain ranges while you dine. Perfect for sightseers and bulimics.

Must see: The Experience Music Project/Science Fiction Hall of Fame. Every guitar that’s not in the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame or Conan O’Brien’s garage is on display in this virtual music library. Imagine if the Louvre had a wing for Grunge. There’s a permanent display for Seattle homeboy Jimi Hendrix (featuring his music – tributes to the other aspect of his life are found everywhere. They’re called pharmacies.), Star Trek and Battlestar Galicata memorabilia, and a new exhibit honoring AVATAR just started. Cast member Michelle Rodriguez was in town for the opening so no pedestrian was safe.

Fabulous steaks at the Metropolitan Grill… right next door to a weight loss clinic.

Why I love Seattle: A movie theater all week was showing ABBOTT & COSTELLO MEET FRANKENSTEIN.

Not only does the Elliott Bay Oyster House serve a great cracked crab and have finger bowls -- from 3:00-3:30, oysters are just fifty cents. They go up a quarter every half hour until 6:00 so you’re gonna wanna get there exactly at 3.

The Elliott Bay Book Company has moved downtown. Booo! Pioneer Square is just not the same without this classic landmark and all the Popeye-looking guys in sailor hats who used to mill about drinking spinach lattes. The new bookstore has high ceilings and impressive wood beams but Bluto would never be caught dead in it.

Saturday was insane. U2 performed at Qwest Field (also across the street from my hotel) so try getting a cab when 70,000 people are arriving at the same time. You could hear the show from my room (hell, you could hear it from Alaska) and Bono sounded pretty good. I can now say I’ve been to a U2 concert. I just had a somewhat obstructed view. But I imagine so did a lot of people who spent big bucks to actually be inside the stadium. A giant stage was erected in the middle of the field, called “the Claw” that featured state-of-the-art video board presentations. This Erector Set marvel requires 120 trucks to transport. So we’re not talking an intimate cabaret show here. If this “Claw” was between you and the group, the only way you’ll see U2 is when you get home and watch YouTube.

Meanwhile, outside the stadium there was a nimrod in the parking lot playing a set of drums to the music. “Yeah, I jammed with Bono”, he can now boast to his new friend, the streaker, in the holding cell.

The weather over the weekend was absolutely glorious! The bluest skies! When it’s not raining, there is no more beautiful part of the country than the Pacific Northwest. But it’s been a cold wet winter so when the sun finally did come out the population emerged liked the Munchkins after Margaret Hamilton croaked.

The Mariners won five of the seven games I called. In one dramatic inning our pitcher struck out a guy to end a big threat and I blurted out, “Wow, if I had a catchphrase I’d be saying it RIGHT NOW!” As it happened, I didn’t need a catchphrase very much. In the series with Tampa Bay, the Mariners hit eight home runs. My partner, Rick Rizzs called all of them. But I did have a squeeze bunt and a pick off throw to third.

Still, just being a part of the Mariners’ broadcast team again has been a thrill. Hope you like what you hear. If so, I’d say please let the Mariners know, but I just have this awful sinking feeling that someone will make a banner and run across the outfield in the middle of a game.

WOW!!

Time magazine just named this humble site one of the Top 25 blogs of 2011.  I imagine Roseanne just canceled her subscription to Time magazine.   Thanks so much and for all you new readers, here are a few archive links to give you an idea of what nonsense goes on here. 

The Traci Lord Family Show


Pregnant in Heels

Writers' torture:  waiting for your script to be read

How to really write a romantic comedy


My best home run call

Thanks again.  This is much better than a Peoples' Choice Award.

When people tell me I'm not funny...

This happens to me all the time.

I’m at a party. I make the mistake of telling someone I casually meet that I’m a comedy writer. If they don’t launch into what they think is wrong with television (as if it’s all my fault), they’ll invariably say, “Really? A comedy writer. Say something funny”.  Just like I'm a trained seal. 

I want to say to them: “What do you do”? “I’m a doctor”. “Really?  Do a tracheotomy”.

(Alternate version: I tell the person I’m a baseball announcer. “Really? Let me hear you call something”. What I'll always say is, “Low, ball two”. What, I’m going to launch into a big home run call in the middle of a crowded room?)

These party people are always disappointed. I sure don’t seem that funny. I’ve even had one or two actually say that. I ask what them what do they expect. I’ll get answers like Robin Williams or Steve Martin.

I’ve met Steve briefly and used to do improv with Robin. And I can honestly say, these are two of the unfunniest human beings I’ve ever met – when they want to be – which is most of the time. Yes, they can turn it on and when they do there’s no one more brilliant, but those are usually reserved for TONIGHT SHOW appearances. After improv workshops when the whole class would go out for coffee, Robin usually just sat there, quiet as a church mouse.

And here’s the thing – when really funny people are not just constantly doing their schtick – they’re doing you a favor. A big favor.   Because even if someone is unbelievably hilarious and can make five great jokes a second, after about ten minutes you want to shoot him. There are some comedy writers and comedians who are always “on” and they are insufferable! The desperate need to be the center of attention and to be loved truly sucks all of the air out of the room.

Imagine being trapped in a Volkswagen driving across the country with Gallagher. You'd pray for The Rapture.

Mindy would have turned Mork over to the authorities in one week.  

If you’re really funny you don’t have to prove it. You don’t have to always “top” someone when they say something funny. You don’t have to fill up every silence.

So when I’m at a party and the person I’ve just met says I sure don’t seem very funny I usually say “thank you”. And then ask him for legal advice, computer tech support, or free plumbing supplies, whatever it is he does.

ST. ELSEWHERE goes to CHEERS: the inside story

In maybe the strangest cross-promotion in television history, there was an episode of ST. ELSEWHERE where three of their main characters went to the Cheers bar. Readers are always asking me about this scene so I thought I'd go to the source. John Masius is a multi-Emmy winning writer who co-wrote and produced the episode. He graciously has agreed to fill in the details. Many thanks, John.  I'm very big about going to sources this week (while I'm in Seattle and don't have as much time to write.)  First Dave Hackel and now John Masius.

how st.elsewhere came to cheers: a revisionist history

tom fontana, john tinker and i wrote the episode..bruce paltrow directed it..

the episode had three story arcs..westphal dealing with his autistic son,
craig coping with his mentor's alzheimer disease and auschlander coming to
grips with his own mortality..

we thought it would be fun to write a scene where the three friends met for a drink after work..something we had never done...and obliquely share their concerns and fears...so we thought why not the cheers bar? tartkoff loved the idea, paltow called his old friend burrows and they hashed the production constraints...one day to shoot during a cheers hiatus week...perleman and ratzenberger graciously signed on..

i wanted the coach behind the bar but he was dead...so creatively we decided to go for it and wrote essentially a one-act play that was the entire third act of the episode..due to the constraints of the three-camera set we shot pretty much in one direction..blew through 15 pages,twice our normal load in one day...

i remember it being a great fun day..the show turned out well...it was picked to be aired at our 20th anniversary event held at the paley museum of t.v. and beer-drinking...

the only negative feedback was from the charles bros who didn't like the dialogue we wrote
for carla and cliff...however their bastard step-brother ed charles, utility infielder extroidinaire for the '69 mets, was a big fan of the episode..

john masius

My commencement speech to the Class of '11

June is the graduation time of year. I guess a hundred years ago those commencement speakers were inspiring and offered thoughts and insights that were new and fresh. But now, Jesus! Be your own person. Never give up. You have a responsibility to society. Success comes from within. Show courage. You can make a difference. Set aside time to smell the roses. Let faith be your guide. Blablablablabla.

I’ve never been asked to be a commencement speaker and that’s probably a good thing because here’s some of the advice I might give:

Live at home with your parents as long as you can. Otherwise you’ll have to find a job. Rents are high. And then there’s laundry, food, and the family big screen.

Know that the music you think is so cool now will be laughed at by future generations.

Same with clothes.

Don’t follow your current favorite group around the country for the next thirty years. That becomes sad year one.

If you are going to honor your dear departed kitty Fluffy with a tattoo make sure all your subsequent pets are also named Fluffy.

Eat bad foods. You’re at an age when you can get away with it. And eat them at midnight. There’s plenty of time in the future for watching your carbs, eating your vegetables, avoiding red meat, and laying off the Yodels and Ring Dings. Soon enough you won’t be able to eat a bite after 8:00 without spending the night in the porcelain canyon . Do you want fries with that? Damn right you do!

Don’t buy SUV’s.

Practice safe and frequent sex. Have many romances and then fall in love when you’re 30.

Go back and study the history of your chosen field. Things actually happened before 1995.

Don’t blame your parents for everything. Your peers screwed you up just as much.

Sleep. It’s better for you than Red Bull.

You can no longer take an "incomplete".

Prepare yourselves. There will come a day – in your lifetime – that they will stop making original episodes of THE SIMPSONS. I know you don't believe me but it's true.

There’s a special bond having shared the school experience together. Stay in touch with your classmates. Even the ones you’ve slept with.

Don’t invest money in video stores.

Read novels that aren’t graphic.

Join communities that aren't virtual.

Save your journal or private diary. In twenty years you’re going to get such laughs.

Dream big but always have contingency plans. And then have contingency plans for your contingency plans.

Keep your student ID card. Use it to get into movies cheaper.

Guys, don’t wear hats. You’ll have plenty of time for that later once you’ve lost your hair.

Never take comedy traffic school.

Buy your alcoholic beverages by the glass or bottle, not the keg.

And finally -- Don’t sweat it if you don’t know what you’re going to do with your life. There’s a good chance the job you'll eventually want hasn’t been invented yet.

Congratulations to the class of '11. Now get out there and don’t fuck up my Social Security.

Why did Terry Ferrell leave BECKER?

Hi from Seattle where I'm broadcasting for the Mariners on 710 ESPN radio, MLB.COM, and Sirius/XM. I have a guest answerer for Friday Question Day. Dave Hackel, the creator and showrunner of BECKER graciously agreed to answer the following question and clear up any rumors. Thanks, Dave. What's your question?

Johnny Walker asks:

What happened with Terry Farrell on Becker?

One story I've heard is that the powers that be reneged on their contract with the supporting cast, refusing to give them a pay raise at the end of Season 3, like they had originally agreed. Farrell rallied the other cast (not including Ted Danson) to fight for their agreed pay rise by not showing up for work.

The powers that be agreed to honour their contract with the cast, but were so turned off by the way she handled things that they decided not to renew her contract after Season 4.

If this is true, then it makes you wonder where the truth lies: Was she completely unreasonable, to the point where her behaviour essentially ended up black-balling herself? Or is Hollywood a greedy place that expects people to not complain when they're screwed over?

Every so often speculation about Terry Farrell’s departure from “Becker” comes up and I’m very happy that Ken gave me the opportunity to address it here on his blog. For the record -- the decision to replace Terry had absolutely nothing to do with contract negotiations. That situation had long been resolved by that time. Terry was, and is, a lovely person and a talented actress and having her leave the show was a creative decision, not a punitive one. Here’s how it came about.

At the end of the fourth season we’d done a cliffhanger episode where Terry’s character, Reggie, was at a crossroads in her life. She’d left the diner and nobody knew where she’d gone. The normal way to handle that would have been to have her come back at the beginning of the next season, solve her problem and move forward as before. However, we were under pressure from the network to find ways to inject new life into the series — not an unusual request for a series going into it’s fifth season. So when trying to figure out exactly how to resolve Reggie’s dilemma, it occurred to me that handling it the “normal” way was certainly one option, but having her do the unexpected — certainly in series television — was another choice. What if she didn’t come back at all? What if we could surprise our audience, as well as the other characters on the show? We’d already introduced Nancy Travis’ character, Chris, and it seemed like following that relationship might be just the thing to shake things up a bit.

So I ran that option by both Paramount and CBS and everyone thought it would provide the shot in the arm that we all felt the series could use. An easy decision? Not on any level. In fact, it was one of the toughest decisions of my career. And while the wisdom of that choice is occasionally a topic of debate, giving Dr. Becker a new relationship did give the writers and actors a new dynamic to explore.

Thanks for your interest.

Method Acting

As a director, I marvel at the skill, discipline, and dedication it takes to be a good actor. I couldn’t do it. To be real, to be convincing, to hit marks, get laughs when required, and make it seem effortless while memorizing pages of precise dialogue is truly a gift bestowed upon very few.

Each actor has his own approach. There are more acting techniques than snowflakes in a blizzard. Some actors need to process a script for days. Some are more instinctual and can do it in ten minutes. Some are visceral, others are cerebral, a few just channel messages from outer space (but it works for them). My job as director is to get the best performance from every actor whatever his process and have them all peak when the cameras are rolling. It’s a juggling act to be sure but the rewards are worth it.

So I try to be accepting of any technique an actor may bring. Half the time I don’t even understand them. One time an actor came to me and asked if he could “activate his choices”. I said sure. I had (and still have) no fucking clue what the hell that means. But the next day his performance was better so activate to your heart's content?

However, the one technique I really don’t get in “Method”. In short, “Method” is a process where actors try to create in themselves the thoughts and emotions of their characters in an effort to develop lifelike performances. In other words, they try to “be” the character, total immersion. This technique was very in vogue in the ‘40s and ‘50s and produced some great actors like Brando and James Dean.

And there is certainly something to be said for totally committing to a character, but sometimes it can be taken too far. And where do you draw the line between art and reality? If you play a killer do you need to go out and actually kill someone to portray your character honestly? What if you’re single and you get a great role but the character is married? Do you become Larry King and propose to the first woman you see at Nate N’ Al's?

I’m sure every director has a few stories dealing with method actors. Here are three of mine:

I once wrote a one-act play with David Isaacs about a Malibu condo that was leaking during a rainstorm. The play was a farce – characters frantically running in and out with buckets, that sort of thing. At one point a character goes off stage to mop up a leak. The actor wanted to know where the leak was. I said, “Off stage. Wherever.” That wasn’t good enough. He needed to know exactly where. So I shrugged, walked backstage with him, pointed to a spot on the floor and said, “right there...no, wait.  There!”. He thanked me and throughout the run of the show he went to that spot, got on his hands and knees, and went to work mopping up. Meanwhile, other actors are tripping all over him coming on and off the stage. The real farce was unseen by the audience.

On the MARY show David and I did (Mary Tyler Moore comeback vehicle 3 of 7) set in a tabloid newspaper in Chicago, the great John Astin played a theater critic. During the filming of the shows (with a studio audience present) John would sit at his desk and actually write reviews. And here’s the thing – the reviews were HILARIOUS. Far funnier than the scripts.

But the best method example I’ve saved for last. I was directing a sitcom episode where the star opens a door to find a woman supposedly in a certain uncompromising position with a man. The camera of course would be on the actor’s face recording his shocked reaction to this scene.

So it’s time for the runthrough, we get to that scene, the actor opens the door and there is this guest-starring actress on her knees, head buried in her scene partner’s lap, simulating a very convincing blowjob. The look on the happy recipient's face was, “Wow! This is the greatest job EVER!”

This actress pops up a lot in TV guest-star roles. And all I have to do is see the back of her head and I pop up as well. It was really embarrassing the time she was on some hospital show playing a terminal patient and I had to put a throw pillow on my lap.

To me the real danger in method acting is how do you discard one character and move on to the next? I know I can’t. Even in her death scene I was drooling like Pepe LePew.

Pulling a joke on Baltimore

Hello from Seattle where I'm calling this afternoon's Mariners/Orioles game on 710 ESPN, MLB.COM, and Sirius/XM. Today's post is in honor of Baltimore.  Yes, it's a baseball post but it's not about baseball. And it's not about Roseanne.

I love when the radio plays tricks on people, or in this case, entire cities. This one was played on Baltimore and dreamed up by Hall of Fame baseball announcer and first class devious wit, Jon Miller. In 1991, when I did play-by-play for the O's, Jon was my partner. The following year I moved over to the Seattle Mariners.

The first time we played in Baltimore was mid-May – a good six or seven weeks into the new season. Jon came into our booth the first night and asked if I wouldn’t mind doing the 4th inning of play-by-play for old time’s sake on the Orioles’ radio network. I said sure.

At the appointed time I walked into the Orioles booth and Jon said, “Oh, just one thing – let’s do this as if you had never left”. I loved the idea.  A clear strength of our partnership was that we were both great at following the others leads.

So I sit down, having not been on the Orioles radio network since the previous October, and this is Jon’s introduction: “On to the 4th and here’s Ken.” I came on and said, “Thanks, Jon” and just launched into the play-by-play.

I read the Esskay out-of-town scoreboard as I always did, talked about the Oriole pitcher on the mound and how I’ve detected subtle improvements over his last three outings. I read a promo for an upcoming homestand and was really looking forward to a certain concert scheduled after one of the games. I even paused for station identification on the “Baltimore Orioles Radio Network”. It was all very casual and matter-of-fact.

When the next inning began I said, “Now to the 5th and here again is Jon.” “Okay, Ken”, he said and turned his attention back to the game. And then never mentioned it again.

Apparently the station got a shitload of calls from confused fans. Was I still part of the Orioles broadcast team? Didn’t I leave? Had I been on all this time and they just didn’t notice? Was this the Twilight Zone?

Thanks to Jon for cooking it up and letting me participate in the joke. Wish he were around when David Isaacs and I were killing ourselves trying to come up with those damn pranks for the CHEERS “Bar Wars” episodes.

My response to Roseanne

Wow! Roseanne reads my blog! Cool! In her blog she posted a rebuttal to a piece I wrote last week about her article in New York magazine. Here’s what I wrote. And on Sunday here’s what she wrote.

It’s silly to even get into a debate. I’d say the madness and paranoia of her rant speaks for itself. My reaction to it was sadness. She’s battling enormous demons. For all of her gifts and talent, that’s a steep price to pay.

I hope someday she finds some happiness in her life.

One loose end.  In her blog post she wrote this:

I took responsiblity for bad behavior, but explained that the bad behavior was during a nervous breakdown brought on by having to work in a hostile work environment, and I am pretty sure that women who have worked for you in the past (if indeed there were ANY) worked in a hostile work environment. Let me know, women writers out there--how were you treated on Ken Levine's staff?

Two women writers who worked with me and for me responded -- Robin Schiff, who was the co-creator and co-showrunner of ALMOST PERFECT with David Isaacs and I, and Linda Teverbaugh who was a producer on that show.    Also, I received a note from Laurie Gelman.  Not to stir the pot but she was the first woman producer of ROSEANNE season one.  Her account of that first year is markedly different from Roseanne's.  You decide.    My thanks to Robin, Linda, and Laurie. 

And again, Roseanne, you asked.  Let me just conclude by saying if you're reading this in Hawaii, I wish you aloha, trade winds, and anything to bring you some peace.  

From Robin Schiff:
 
I am a women writer who has worked with Ken Levine on three different occasions. Although he begged me to say nice things about him, I have to be honest and talk about my true experience.

Several (okay, many) years ago, I brought Ken and his partner David Isaacs an idea for a TV series. At the time, I didn’t have the experience (or cachet) to make it happen on my own. Ken and David loved the idea, which was about a strong, successful, likable, complex, opinionated woman trying to juggle a happening career with a satisfying lovelife. Not only did Ken and David get behind the fictional version of the woman, they instantly embraced the “real version” (me) as an equal and true partner. They were also my mentors, making sure I learned every aspect of producing. What they taught me was life-changing, giving me the tools to go on and have a career as one of a handful of female show runners. There are many sexist guys in the business, but Ken Levine is not one of them. The most sexist thing he ever did was blather on about baseball with the other men in the room despite the fact that I was visibly bored. Hardly grounds for a lynching.

One final thought. I totally agree with Roseanne that there is rampant sexism in the industry. A couple of weeks ago, the WGAw released its executive summary finding that (in addition to dismal stats for ethnically diverse or older writers), women comprise only 28% of working writers. We still make less money than men. All you have to do is look at the writers onstage accepting Emmys for late night talk shows and sitcoms to see that women comedy writers are on the endangered list.

That being said, it undermines the validity of a very real issue for all women anytime a woman explains away what might simply be fallout from her own actions by charging it up to sexism. Maybe Matt Williams should have given Roseanne a co-created-by credit for Roseanne. I can’t comment on that. But to say that this was because she was a woman doesn’t hold water since Matt Williams also took a sole created by credit on Home Improvement – which was based on Tim Allen’s stand-up act. I empathize with how unfairly Roseanne feels she was treated. But sexist? I would love to know how many female executive producers Roseanne employed on her own show. Did she foster talented women writers and empower them to become showrunners like Ken Levine and David Isaacs did with me? Just wondering…

From Linda Teverbaugh:

I hate to say it, being a great admirer of "Roseanne," the series (much of it, anyway), but Roseanne, the person, is talking out of her own asshat. She's right about one thing: She did hire standup friends as writers on the series. Tom Arnold's buddies, too. I know this because I'm a female writer from a blue-collar family who got screwed out of a job as a result. Thank you, Sister Woman. It was, however, my great good fortune to work for Ken shortly thereafter. Ken doesn't share Roseanne's fixation on "getting credit," so he'd never bring this up. But too bad, Ken, I'm going to: While Roseanne was literally farting on table drafts, throwing out scripts left and right, and as a consequence, holding all the writers' lives hostage, Ken busted his ass to keep the "Almost Perfect" room running efficiently, which meant keeping peace with the stage, the studio, the network, and all the other havoc makers who make sitcom hours exhausting or impossible. As far as I know he did not do this by threatening anyone with scissors. Instead, he made it possible for this working mother to leave work when the Paramount day-care center closed for the day, take my toddler son home and give him dinner. It meant the world to me, and, of all the female sitcom writers I know with kids, I'm one of the rare ones who ever got support like that. Sorry Roseanne, but that's fucking feminism.

And by the way, if Roseanne wanted "created by" credit, she needed to sit down with Matt Williams and help break and write the story for the pilot. That's what Drew Carey did with Bruce Helford.


And finally, from Laurie Gelman:

It didn’t take long for me to get a taste of the staggering sexism and class bigotry that would make the first season of Roseanne god-awful.

This makes me laugh every time I read it. I don’t know how she defines sexism, but she is one of the biggest perpetrators I have ever met. I was the first female writer producer on Roseanne and she absolutely refused to acknowledge me -- on stage or in the room. No eye contact. Nothing. She’s one of these women ( and I’m sure lots of your female writer friends can relate to this type) who likes to be the only woman in the room and play up to all the men. I was actually astounded by this because I expected her to be just the opposite. Now if you were below the line and kissing her tuchas to keep your job, you may have gotten another one of her many personalities, but this is a woman who is definitely threatened by smart, funny women and has to alpha dog all competitors. By the way, if the first season was so god-awful, how did we make it to number 1?

It was at the premiere party when I learned that my stories and ideas—and the
ideas of my sister and my first husband, Bill—had been stolen.

Really???? People actually broke into their minds and took them???? I was on the show from the rewriting of the pilot in New York all the way through the first season. There was never any point where Matt Williams did not include Roseanne in the creative process and actually want her input. In fact, I have never worked with an EP more inclusive or fair ( or nicer) than Matt Williams. He bent over backwards to please her. We made it a point to bring her into the room and get her take on every idea before we laid out the stories. Obviously, we also accommodated her notes on all the drafts. Additionally, Matt permitted her husband Bill Pentland to sit in on all the rewrite tables, thus giving her additional insurance that the Roseanne take on things was being adequately addressed.


The pilot was screened, and I saw the opening credits for the first time, which included this: CREATED BY MATT WILLIAMS. I was devastated and felt so betrayed that I stood up and left the party.

Great. More food for us.

Memorial Day

Above is a photo of real MASH doctors.

Several times studios and networks have come to my writing partner, David and me asking us to create another MASH. Well, that can’t be done. MASH is unique. It’s a comedy. It’s a drama. It’s a life and death situation. And the entire premise is built around insanity. The insanity of war, the insanity of doctors treating patients who never should be there in the first place. Comedy that comes from pain, from futility.

When you watch MASH, as well as hopefully being entertained, please appreciate the sacrifice these young soldiers and all American soldiers have made for their country.

Our thanks and prayers go to them and their families on this Memorial Day.

Tomorow:  My response to Roseanne's angry rebuttal of my article about her.    Warning:  it will be a very short response.   But first, here's what she wrote about me in her blog.  Ouch. 

Character actors

My heart goes out to character actors.

When you read casting breakdowns there are a lot more productions seeking, “Male, 30’s, handsome, charming” than “Overweight, 50’s, Italian/Russian mix, unibrow”.

And the few character actors that are successful enough that they don’t have to be service managers at Jiffy Lube ultimately get trapped by their own success. Producers will glance at their headshots or see them read and say, “Him again? Jesus. This guy’s been on a million shows. Can’t we find any new overweight Italian/Russians? “

When you walk into a room and the producers go, “Hey, it’s the ‘can you hear me’ guy!” or “I’ve seen that big white head before. Aren’t you Jack from Jack in the Box?” you’re dead.

Or if a production is to be filmed on location in say, Houston. They’ll cast from the local pool there. Yes, that Nazi soldier might speak with a drawl but it’s cheaper to over-dub him than fly a real Nazi halfway across the country.

And time is never a friend. They get too old to play the cute waitress, the ballplayer, or Julia Roberts’ best friend (although Julia Roberts miraculously never ages herself).

If a character actor isn’t hot agents often lose interest. There’s always some Chihuahua who’s easier to book.

The most heartbreaking casting session I ever held was on MASH. We had a USO subplot in an episode and needed an accordion player. One by one, ten accordion players came in to audition. They all looked right, they all could play “Lady of Spain”. We had to choose one, which we did. But I felt so terrible for the others. How many calls do they get from their agent saying “MASH needs an accordion player”? How many of them kissed their wives goodbye on the way to the casting session saying, “I know I haven’t worked in six years but I’ve got this one!”

So the next time you’re in Jiffy Lube or Wal-Mart or Staples be nice to the clerk. He may be one hell of an accordion player.

Off to Seattle to begin broadcasting all next week for the Mariners.  Would love to meet all of you in the area.  I'm open to suggestions. 

Okay...this is AMAZING

This is amazing. It's a prediction of what a home computer would be like and some of the features it would provide. And the cool thing is -- it was made in 1966.

"Mockumentary" style sitcoms -- innovative or lazy writing?

Okay, I think I’ve got the calendar right this time. THIS is the Memorial Day weekend coming up. Here are some Friday questions to kick off the summer.

bmfc1 wonders about the current sitcom trend of doing them in a “mockumentary” style.

Ken, do you think that this is a lazy form of writing? Instead of having the characters talk to each other to advance the plot, they talk to a fictional documentary crew.

And I can't get past why a documentary would be made about any of these people.

Especially in the case of MODERN FAMILY, I don’t think it’s lazy writing at all. Those MF episodes are so well crafted and have so much going on that I suspect they’re harder to write than most single or multi-camera comedies. As for the “interview” segments, yes, those can be a trap to get out lazy exposition but MF, THE OFFICE, and PARKS & REC manage to cleverly avoid that and use those segments more as comic punctuation.

As for the second part of your question, there’s no question there’s a suspension of belief required. Especially in the case of THE OFFICE. How much footage do these people need to do a documentary? They're not making TRIUMPH OF THE WILL.  A reader of the blog, Mac, contributed a comment recently that nicely explains the derivation of this genre.

The pseudo-doc form in TV comedy came out of a trend in late 90's British TV called 'docu-soaps.' These were ordinary or unremarkable people in everyday situations. They were cheap to make, access to workplaces and people was easy, and they got good ratings. There was loads of them - in an airport, a driving school, a pest control firm.

It was a format that UK viewers were very familiar with at the time. As the participants cottoned on that being in one could get you a bit of fame, they started playing up more for the camera.

Thanks, Mac. So Ricky Gervais’ OFFICE was a spoof of these. I’m sure that here in America they just copied the form for our version simply because that’s what the Brits did. So what if there's no context?  It's different!   And since the show was a success, others copied it.  I'm 1000% certain that if a sitcom premieres and is a huge hit and is in black and white that the next season there will be six more black and white pilots. 

Personally, I’m ambivalent about the mockumentary. It’s clearly just a gimmick, and for me it’s the story, humor, and characters that I’m drawn to. If they make me laugh, I don’t care if it’s a mockumentary, cartoon, or puppet show.

Rarely, does the device get in the way for me… although it did once on MODERN FAMILY. Ironically, it was in one of my favorite episodes. It’s the one where the kids accidentally enter their parents’ bedroom while they’re making love. There was a shot from the kids’ POV, which I buy. I believe a cameraman might have followed them up the stairs. But there was also a camera in the bedroom. So we’re supposed to assume that a cameraman is always present when they have sex? If so, forget about what else happens in the family. Just show THAT.


Phillip B asks:

So a serious question - is there really enough talent out there ready to fuel a sitcom renaissance?

Absolutely. Without question. You just need the RIGHT people. Trust me, there are scores of incredibly talented Emmy winning writers who can’t get arrested. And that number pales in comparison to the number of gifted actors who are telling you the nightly specials at the Cheesecake Factory. This isn’t like WAITING FOR GUFFMAN. Hollywood doesn’t have to turn over rocks to find six people who can perform without inducing projectile vomiting from the audience.

Sebastian queries: 

What do you think is the most powerful female character in the us-sitcom-history. Whose attitude was groundbraking, who is the most powerful? And did it all start with Mary Richards? What about Ellen Morgan? 

One word: Lucy.



And finally, from Terry Benish:

I have invested enough time in reading your blog to become hooked. I began to think of process in terms of your work and writing for new and ongoing projects that you are involved in, your life as it were. I enjoy humor and good wine and as an analogy a vintner over time loses the joy that say a novice like me receives when he tastes a good Syrah for the first time. Does that also capture what it is like for you? Do you taste the terroir of the joke and get lost in the technicality of the joke or bit? Are you able to laugh freely and be surprised very often, if at all? Best wishes.

Nothing pleases me more than just laughing heartily at something I’m watching. When I start noticing the technicalities that’s because I’m not fully engaged. I was on a Mariners’ team flight recently watching an episode of BIG BANG THEORY and laughing my ass off. I was getting funny looks but I didn’t give a shit. A good joke will make me laugh. And for the record, I like my jokes slightly woodsy, dry, and playfully articulate.

What’s your question? Drive carefully this weekend. And if you're traveling, buy my book.

Notes from the JUSTIFIED screening and Q & A

Natalie Zea   Tim Olyphant   Graham Yost

Margo Martindale   Walton Goggins  Erica Tazel

Got to attend the special night devoted to JUSTIFIED at the TV Academy earlier this week. They showed the second season finale and had a Q & A with members of the cast and showrunner/creator Graham Yost. I have to say, despite my years in the business, when it comes to this show I’m just a total geek fanboy. I’d dress like Raylan Givens but no Jew looks good in a cowboy hat. Anyway, I was thrilled when I got the invitation (especially after my recent post on no longer being on any lists for screenings).

I excitedly called the RSVP line and the recorded message told me to leave my name, number of guests, phone number, and affiliation. I did the first three and then said, “Affiliation? Uh… writer? Mariners? Blogger? I dunno. Hey, you invited me.”

One of those affiliations must’ve worked because I was admitted. Watching the show on the big screen was a totally different experience. There’s no disclaimer that this program might contain violence. Surprisingly, everyone in the theater was able to handle the violence without the warning.  And I thought my High Definition gave me a great picture, but wow! I gotta get me one of those ‘500 foot screens.

The Q & A was terrific. Attending were Timothy Olyphant, Walton Goggins, Natalie Zea, Erica Tazel (don’t say “who?” She plays Rachel), and goddess of goddesses, Margo Martindale. Critic Pete Hammond moderated and did a superb job – and by that I mean he didn’t make the whole evening about himself (as 99.999999% of moderators do).

We learned that the show was pitched to several places before FX bought it (This is so common – short sighted networks passing on shows that become huge hits. I bet HBO wished they had said yes to MAD MEN now.).

Walton Goggins (Boyd) was supposed to die at the end of the pilot but scored so well they brought him back. Suddenly the bullet just missed his heart. (SPOILER ALERT: SEASON TWO FINALE!) When audience members asked if Graham Yost could bring Margo Martindale back he said, “You can’t just miss with poison.”

Yost, by the way, was very articulate and funny. I never saw that humorous side of him watching BAND OF BROTHERS and THE PACIFIC. I blame the directors.

There will be a third season and Yost is a little concerned because how do you top Margo Martindale’s spectacular Mags Bennett character? If she doesn’t win an Emmy then they should disband the Academy. And seeing her performance on the big screen – she should win an Oscar too.  As for next year -- this is usually when you place that call to John Lythgow.

The original title Yost wanted was THE LAW MAN but then learned there was an absurd Steven Segal reality show premiering with that name. Olyphant joked that he saw Segal just the night before in New York at the dinner awarding JUSTIFIED the Peabody Award.

Natalie Zea (Winona) wore glasses, which, to me, defeats the purpose of Natalie Zea being there. We came to see those amazing blue eyes!

What was their favorite individual episode? A lot like #12, one liked #9 and one really favored #3.

Everyone was charming and candid. There was lots of good information, lots of laughs, and most of all, lots of recognition of the great writing by the cast. And the praise seemed sincere. They didn’t appear to be saying nice things just because they know they could get shot in any episode.

Eventually, the audience was invited to ask questions. I was just waiting for the first really stupid one and sure enough, some imbecile with a hillbilly accent pitched himself to be on the show. 

It’s always fun (and very rare) to have a shared experience watching a favorite TV show. I’m sure everyone on the panel also enjoyed the evening. What’s not to like about being showered in adulation? Thanks to the TV Academy for holding it, the actors and writer for doing it, and my friend Howard for taking pictures so my geek fanboy experience could be complete and I now have me and Margo Martindale as my wallpaper!

But please, somebody, stop me before I download the JUSTIFIED theme for my ringtone.