Friday, July 14, 2006

The Emmys are only eight weeks away!

Have you been gripped with Emmy fever yet? Are you even aware that the nominations have been announced? I will be reviewing this year’s extravaganza on August 27th. For my weekend post, here is last year’s review:

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You know the Emmys are no longer a big deal when…

…they’re time delayed three hours to the only city that cares.

…The NY TIMES Arts & Leisure section today made absolutely no mention of them.

…No one watched last year’s comedy of the year even AFTER it won.

…WILL & GRACE receives even one nomination.

…Jerry Bruckheimer has won a ton of them.

…Donald Trump is a musical guest.

….And there are more shots of Les Moonves than Jennifer Garner .

Nevertheless, I’m filing my seventh annual bitchy Emmy Awards show review.

Let me be the first to say it because I’m sure a lot of other people will think of it too. LOST WON.

Everybody wore magnolias so they could acknowledge Hurricane Katrina since the television community is deeply concerned. Well, it turned out not everybody wore the magnolias. Maybe half. There’s only so much sacrifice you can ask of Hollywood.

Host Ellen DeGeneres said we now need to laugh. Fine. Then be funny!

Who better to review the outstanding TV season than Black Eyed Peas? I loved the shots of utter bewilderment by the celebrities in the audience. And maybe fear? I couldn’t tell.

And of course Earth, Wind, and Fiber to quote Ellen DeGeneres’ opening joke.

I always wondered what the image of a “cake left out in the rain” would look like. Seems it’s Marcia Cross’ dress.

Felicity Huffman so outclasses those other DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE hens that she’s not in the same show.

The best acting Teri Hatcher has ever done was holding her smile when Felicity won. I bet Ms. H will be a real beaut on the set tomorrow. Picture James Cagney learning his mother died in the prison scene of WHITE HEAT. Then double it.

So much for DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES sweeping the awards. I’m thrilled that an actual comedy won for Best Comedy. RAYMOND was deserving.

I’m always glad when Brad Garrett wins. His speeches are the funniest of any winner on any awards show. And he thanks the writers. I love this man.

Mitch Hurwitz didn’t thank the other writers of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT even though the script that won for best writing was actually written by the entire staff. Nice.

Originally, the Academy was going to have the writer’s acceptance speeches pre taped, that’s how little regard they had for them. More time for Ellen DeGeneres’ lame bathroom bit.

Sorry that Jeremy Piven lost. He certainly deserved it. I imagine the academy didn’t even want someone PLAYING agent/satan Ari Emmanual to be honored.

Did Eva Longoria steal her gown from the King Tut exhibit?

The hat trick for Alan Alda. This year he lost an Oscar, Tony, and now an Emmy. Maybe his new book can lose a Pulitzer.

William Shatner won an Emmy for playing himself.

“Emmy Idol”??? Was there a writers’ strike I didn’t know about? Because that’s the kind of hilarious idea that insurance actuaries come up with. It was embarrassing…even for the Emmys.

Donald Trump’s singing number was maybe the nadir of the 57 year history of the Emmy awards. And he won “Emmy Idol”. Again, thank you, Red States.

Hugh Jackman is what Craig Ferguson tries to be.

Excellence in television was put into perspective when a YES, DEAR promo appeared on the Awards show.

Wish the Blue Man Group would have sung “Green Acres”.

Glad THE AMAZING RACE won but is there a bigger stiff host than “Phil”? How unbelievably bad were the guys he beat out in auditions?

When Blythe Danner won for HUFF, 99% of America said “What’s HUFF?”

Blythe Danner was the first winner to acknowledge New Orleans. And even better, to protest the war. I officially take back all the things I said about her doing FOLLIES.

Blythe was nominated three times. I’m sorry she only won once. With more acceptance speeches she might have gotten around to how incompetent Bush is and how the public is being raped by the oil companies.

The next winner to acknowledge New Orleans was director Stephen Hopkins…an hour and a half later.

But some people wore magnolias. Well…a few. But they were big. You could really see ‘em.

Debra MESSsing’s hairstyle looked better on Bobby Rydell.

Wow, Paul Newman and I now have the same award.

Doesn’t Jane Alexander play a Roosevelt every year? Next year she’ll win for the Roosevelt Grier story.

Kristen Bell singing FAME made us forget Irene Cara.

I just love that someone named Bucky Gunts won.

I hope Doris Roberts bringing her grandchildren on stage doesn’t start a trend. Next year James Spader might bring up a hundred cats.

Interesting that David Letterman introduced the wonderful Johnny Carson tribute and not Jay Leno who is the host of the TONIGHT SHOW.

Best line of the night: Doris Roberts “I’ve been drunk since the wrap party”.

Next year can the FAMILY GUY host the show and be all the presenters?

Even the seat fillers were bored. Lots of empty seats and people are PAID to occupy them.

Instead of having a CSI actor mangle the theme for the JEFFERSONS, why not use the actual singer, who gets no recognition and can actually sing?

I’m especially thrilled that David Shore won for writing HOUSE since I was on the blue ribbon committee and that was my choice. The writing was as brilliant as any Tony award winning play.

If Halle Berry had worn that blue dress in CATWOMAN more than seven people might have gone to see it. They still would have hated it but at least they’d be in the theatre.

I hope Halle had a driver tonight. Losing and going to parties serving lots of alcohol? No pedestrian is safe.

All winners should lose their acceptance speeches down their jumpers like S. Epatha Merkerson. Finally some spontaneity and genuine emotion…and laughs.

Were the gowns just better this year or was it that they were worn by the casts of GREY’S ANATOMY and THE O.C.?

When you watch the “In Memoriam” feature don’t you always wonder who’s going to be last? Whose death was greater than the other deaths?

The tribute to the news anchors was elegant and very moving. But I’m surprised that since the telecast was on CBS that Julie Chen wasn’t included.

Offstage announcer: “In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the Academy invites you to go to CBS.COM where you can see bios of all the new SURVIVOR contestants.”

Patricia Arquette looked like Burt Lahr, the cowardly lion in WIZARD OF OZ. What was with that hair? I did like her dress falling off though.

Nice of Channel 2 in LA to show her standing with her Emmy in a promo – before she actually won it on the show.

The shocker was Frances Conroy not winning for SIX FEET UNDER.

How did James Spader beat Hugh Laurie and Ian McShane? How could that happen?

James Spader is getting so large he’s becoming William Shatner.

And finally, what flower can we give everybody to remember the poor men and women on the DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES crew who will be destroyed and ravaged by Hurricane Teri?

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