American Idol this week

Getting it out of the way first, Sanjaya, with the new mohawk hairstyle is now just the Gimp from PULP FICTION. How long can Howard Stern fans keep him on the show? And I didn’t see the point in Sanjaya changing the lyric. Who is he kidding? He might just as well have sung it as written: “You’re my kind of man”.

Gwen Stefani looked so…wholesome. She could have won the Sandy part in GREASE. I worry about her singing on the results show however. The Gods of Appearance have not been kind to previous celebs this season. Fat-asia, Kellie Parton Pickler, Diana Ross (although she always looks ghastly), and last week Lulu’s attempt to have us believe she was still 17 was a shocking cry for help.

Why does Ryan Seacrest get a standing ovation? I mean, he’s very good but he’s no Howie Mandel.

I’m afraid Chris Sligh is going home. Sanjaya should be of course – in fact he should be voted off retroactively and Antonella reinstated – but of the humanoid contestants he was the weakest this week.

I am very worried. I actually agreed with Paula. Gina did give her best performance.

I would LOVE to see Bob Dylan as the guest star one week. He would coach the kids and they would all say, “What?” “Huh?” “Could you repeat that?” “What did he say?”

And since Paula can only parrot what the guest says, it would be fun to hear her say to a finalist, “Like Bob said I think, you were either great or terrible.”

When the judges were telling Haley they thought her song was safe what they were really saying was, “Go back to the halter top!!!”

Phil Stacey looked jaunty in that Myra Loy hat. The judges are always stunned when they find themselves paying him even the tiniest compliment. He’s the one who should be insecure, not Melinda.

And is it just me, or is Melinda’s “Golly, gee, shucks” act starting to look a little transparent? How can someone who has such total command and stage presence when singing turn into Peter MacNichol the minute the song is over?

No beatboxing from Blake. He’s saving it for standards week when he sings “The Shadow of Your Smile”.

How soon we forget. Quick! Can you name this voted-off contestant?

Jordin gets the entire Catholic School vote with that outfit. All that was missing was pigtails. She sang that Gwen Stefani song better than Gwen Stefani.

Have you noticed that the hoop earrings the girls are wearing get bigger and bigger? A tiger could have jumped through Jordin’s this week.

My biggest laugh of the week: When Ryan said, “Coming up, Chris Richardson with another No Doubt smash” they cut to the judges and Simon clearly mouthed, “Oh no!”

Every song Chris Richardson sings sounds the same. And for the record, Simon was right.

AMERICAN IDOL has announced that in April they are expanding the results show to an hour. So we’ll all be fast forwarding through 56 minutes instead of 26. I can just hear the conversation between the producers and the network:

“What could we possibly do to pad an entire hour?”

“Who cares? You’re replacing TIL’ DEATH.”