Who says I can't write an action show?

I've watched enough action shows during this pandemic that I'm ready to write my own.  Using as many tropes as I can (i.e. elements that will sell) I present to you my action series: 

GUNS & EMO

By Ken Levine

FADE IN:

EXT. BOGOTA, COLOMBIA – DAY

(Actually New York Street, Paramount but some trucks and a well-placed burro accurately create the desired effect.) Crowded (within reason).

There’s a commotion. Someone is being chased. It’s beautiful, athletic, resourceful, tough-but-vulnerable LIBBY LANGER, dressed in clingy summer dress, toting a pistol, hauling ass.

Running alongside is RODNEY her young, good-looking, charming, self-deprecating, slightly-ethnic-but-we-don’t-know-from-where partner who is always available for a quick quip or another gun clip.

They’re being hotly pursued by THREE ANGRY GUNMEN with M-16’s. Thousands of rounds are fired at our heroes, just missing them.

While running, Libby turns back for a split-second. She fires one round and kills one of the gunmen.

CLOSE UP – Libby’s feet, running. Her high heels are a blur.

BACK TO SCENE

LIBBY
(into her ear bud)
Talk to me!

CUT TO:

INT. G.I.A. (GLOBAL INTELLIGENCE AGENCY) COMMAND CENTER – SAME

Hundreds of monitors line the walls of this high-tech monitoring station. Fortunately there are video cameras on every corner in Bogota.

HERBERT, nerdy-but-handsome, skinny-but-athletic surveys the monitors.

HERBERT
Okay, Libby. In about 100 feet you’re going to come to dilapidated shack and then a Seattle’s Finest Coffee. Make a left.

INTERCUT THROUGHOUT:

LIBBY
See it. Thanks.

HERBERT
I’ll have a half-caff with cream.

LIBBY
(smiling and shooting)
Oh, Herbert.

Libby and Rodney turn the corner, still dodging a relentless barrage of bullets.

HERBERT
Remember Libby. You and Rodney have to get that thumb drive of the secret formula of the undetectable nerve gas to your contact within the next 90 seconds otherwise the additional chip that’s been planted in it will detonate a dirty bomb releasing the gas that will kill everyone within a thousand miles.

LIBBY
Then they better make your half-caff quick.

HERBERT
(breaking into a smile)
Oh, Libby.

RODNEY
(pointing)
I see the contact!

A MAN with a laptop strapped to his back hangs precariously from a fourth story building.

HERBERT
I’m pulling up the blueprint now.

LIBBY
Not necessary.
(to Rodney)
Cover me!

RODNEY
I’d say that dress does that sufficiently.

LIBBY
(breaks into a smile)
Oh, Rodney.

Libby leaps up on a café table, hurtles onto the café awning, which serves as a trampoline springing her high into the air where she grabs hold of a clothes line and uses it to swing up to the exact spot where the man is holding on for dear life.

LIBBY
The winter morn is cold.

MAN
But the spring night is warm.

LIBBY
Warm?

MAN
(correcting himself)
Warm-ish.

LIBBY
Okay. Just had to make sure.

MAN
You can’t be too careful. Not in this business.

LIBBY
Know what you mean. Guns and bullets I can handle. But this lack of trust… I dunno.

MAN
Never lose that.

Libby bounds into the window, turns and offers her hand.

LIBBY
Here. Grab it.

He reaches up and even though he’s 250 pounds and she’s 100 she manages to hoist him inside easily. They tumble into the room.

INT. ROOM -- SAME

LIBBY
Good thing they make those laptop lighter.

MAN
(breaks into a smile)
Oh…
(realizing)
I don’t know your name.

HERBERT
Ten seconds. Libby, if you don’t disarm that thumb drive it will set off a gas that will…

LIBBY
Yeah, yeah. Got it.

She hands the thumb drive to the man who inserts it into the USB port. Libby holds her breath, bracing for the worst. But nothing happens.

MAN
Done. It’s disarmed.

Libby collapses in relief.

HERBERT
Good job, Libby.

The door bursts open and Rodney enters.

RODNEY
(re gunmen)
Okay, they’re all dead.

LIBBY
Rodney, meet…
(realizing)
I don’t know your name either.

MAN
It’s better that way.

HEBERT
Oh hell, his name is Skip.

HERBERT
Your job now is to escort him back to headquarters. If he’s abducted by the wrong people they could use his expertise to recreate another formula he was working on that would cause half the population of the planet to fall asleep and the other half to tuck them in.

LIBBY
Right.
(checking her watch)
Oh. Rodney. Could you do this? There’s someplace I’ve got to be.

RODNEY
This really is a two-person job.

She gives him a quick peck on the cheek. He swoons.

RODNEY
Yeah… okay.

LIBBY
I owe ya.

She climbs out the window, grabs the clothesline, and swings out of view.

SMASH CUT:

EXT. NEW YORK STREET (PARMAMOUNT) -- NIGHT

Dressed to look like a New York street.

INT. KITCHEN – SAME

CRAIG, boring-but-handsome, is emptying the dishwasher as Libby bursts in.

LIBBY
Hi, Craig. Sorry I missed dinner.

She kisses him.

CRAIG
They make you work too many hours at the Nordstrom Rack.

LIBBY
I know.

CRAIG
Why are you covered in dirt and smell like manure?

LIBBY
Uh… we’re decorating the loading dock.

CRAIG
(buying it completely)
Okay.

HERBERT
(in her ear)
Good one.

LIBBY
Shut up!

CRAIG
What?

LIBBY
Nothing. Thanks for doing the dishes.

CRAIG
No, problem. Hey, you free for lunch tomorrow?

LIBBY
Tomorrow? Hmmm. Not sure. Let’s talk in the morning.

SMASH CUT

EXT. ASHTIYAN, IRAN – NEXT DAY

(New York Street on Paramount lot. Sand and some bazaar tents should do the trick. Same extras re-dressed.) Libby sits at the Seattle’s Finest outdoor patio. She’s on her cellphone.

LIBBY
Hey, Craig. Something came up. Afraid I won’t be able to make it for lunch.

ANOTHER SHOT – LIBBY THROUGH THE VIEWFINDER OF A SNIPER’S RIFLE.

SUPER: TO BE CONTINUED

CUT TO BLACK.

Tomorrow: Part two. Are you at the edge of your seat?

Happy Birthday Annie

Happy Birthday to my daughter, Annie.  I love you and admire you and you make me laugh every day.   I'd get you a card but I'm in lockdown. 

Love ALWAYS,

Dad

Weekend Post

Who doesn't love a little visual humor?  Or a reminder of the days we could go out into the world? 

They do charge if you want a rollaway bed for them, however.

This is for real,

If Pole Dancing becomes an Olympic Sport I see her getting the Gold.

From my friend, Russ Woody -- an actual sign in a bathroom in Russia.

Hey, it's hard to find crap that's really fresh.

Ana from 50 SHADES OF GREY -- her car.

An authentic newspaper ad.  Back when the whole family drank beer... even the kids.

Okay.  I just couldn't resist.

And finally, here's a photo I took myself.  On Ventura Blvd. in Studio City they have plaques on the sidewalk like they do in Hollywood.  But in Studio City they salute those great movies and TV shows that were filled there.  Including this one:

Friday Questions

Last FQ’s of August. Get ‘em while you can.

Chris Dahl starts us off:

I'm watching a ball game on MLB tv tonight and I've seen between inning ads for Applebee's that use the Cheers theme song.

Do you know how music rights work? It must have come up in your TV career and it seems a bit blasphemous to have Applebee's co-opt the good will built up by Cheers.

I’m sure Paramount, Charles-Burrows-Charles, and Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo (writers of the theme) all had to sign-off on it. And I’m sure they were all handsomely compensated.

I seem to recall the CHEERS theme used for a State Farm campaign as well. And an InnovAge commercial.

So this is not the first.  

From 71dude:

What are your favorite emotional sitcom scenes that you didn't write that you think are well-earned?

The final moments of THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW. And my favorite of all time -- the Father Mulcahy speech in the “Interview” episode of MASH.



Cedricstudio asks:

I was just listening to a podcast with a college instructor talking about a lecture he gave on comedy and joke structure. He said he played a six-minute scene for the class featuring Sam and Diane from the first season of Cheers. While the students enjoyed It and saw value in it, they felt the scene went on far too long and that you couldn't get away with that today. The consensus was that if today's young audiences (who are being conditioned by Snapchat, TikTok, etc.) had to sit through a six minute scene of nothing but two people talking, no matter how good the writing was eventually they would start to squirm. Do you agree? Any thoughts?

I’ve heard that too. It’s certainly true for some people. But I think you have to consider the context.  If the students had followed the show and really were into the Sam & Diane relationship I suspect the scene would have seemed more compelling.  

I also wonder if those college students would have the same reaction if the characters were their contemporaries instead of OK Boomers. Would they be more apt to listen and follow if they related more on a personal level?

So it’s not necessarily the pace.

Younger audiences do have a shorter attention span, or at least the need to multi-task when something isn’t hugely riveting, but I’m finding (especially during this pandemic) that lots of young people are discovering CHEERS and really connecting with it. Obviously, some episodes hold up better than others, but I’m quite proud of the work some thirty years later and still feel the series works, even at its less-than-frenetic pace.

And finally, Rory Wohl has a question about my long-time partnership with David Isaacs.

Even though you both are off doing things individually, do you still consider yourselves partners?

If CBS called today and said, "Ken, baby, the zeitgeist is ready for a reboot of 'Big Wave Dave's,'" would you immediately be on the phone to David with "David, dust off the ol' typewriter, we're back!"?

We do still consider ourselves partners and have reunited to do some pilots together over the last few years.

Despite our current schedules, we’re always on the lookout to find projects we could write and produce together.

Interestingly, when we do sit down to write a script, even after some time has passed since our last one, we fall back into our familiar rhythm and shorthand almost immediately. It’s like we just finished our previous script the night before. There’s no awkward “getting back into the swing” period.

If you know anyone at CBS, we have some great ideas for the BIG WAVE DAVE’S reboot.

What’s your Friday Question?

EP189: Writer Bill Persky Part Two

Bill Persky and partner Sam Denoff wrote 29 episodes of “The Dick Van Dyke Show” and eventually became its showrunners.  More fascinating stories including a great one involving Orson Welles.

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Every RNC speech distilled into one

The majority of people with brains are not watching the Republican National Convention because, well… why? But it is often good to hear the opposition’s point-of-view to know where they’re coming from. So as a public service, here is the transcription of a typical speech delivered at the RNC. I chose one of the very few not delivered by a member of the Trump family.

This one was from Kimberlee Gullible, one of the other women dating Donald Trump Jr. I use all caps whenever she was shouting.

GOOD EVENING, AMERICA! I’M TALKING TO YOU FROM THE LOBBY OF "THE PALIN INSTITUTE AGAINST HIGHER LEARNING." THE AMERICAN FLAGS YOU SEE BEHIND MYSELF ARE COURTESY OF “UNCLE SAM RENTALS,” FOR ALL YOUR PATRIOTIC NEEDS. CALL ‘EM AT 1-800-BIG HOAX.

WE ARE AT A CROSS-HAIRS IN THIS COUNTRY – THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIGHT AND UNLIT. THE DEMOCRATS WANT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR FREEDOM, YOUR WAY OF LIFE, YOUR RIGHTS, YOUR JOB, YOUR HOME, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR CHILDREN'S PETS, YOUR W.W.E., YOUR DEATH PENALTY, YOUR MOONSHINE, YOUR MAN CAVE, YOUR VIAGRA, YOUR BLOW-UP DOLLS, YOUR LAWN JOCKEYS, YOUR FOOTBALL!

IF WE DON’T ELECT AGAIN DONALD J. TRUMP YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD WILL NEVER BE SAFE FROM AFRICAN ASIANS AND OTHER PEOPLE OF OTHER PEOPLE COLOR.

DON’T FALL FOR THE LIBTARD DEMOCRAT SOCIALISTS. WE ARE ALL PROUD AMERICANS WHO ARE SELF-DEFICIENT AND DON’T NEED GOVERNMENT HANDOUTS. WE DON’T NEED SOCIAL SECURITY, OR HEALTHCARE, OR UNEMPLOYMENT CHECKS, OR MEDICARE OR CIVIL RIGHTS. THOSE ARE FOR THE WEAK. DONALD J. TRUMP WILL ELIMINATE THEM. HE WILL ALSO DEFUND THE POLICE DEPARTMENT, THE POST OFFICE, AMTRACK, THE C.D.C., AND ESPECIALLY THOSE FREELOADERS IN THE FIRE DEPARTMENT. IMAGINE, BEING PAID TO JUST SIT AROUND WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN.

THAT LEAVES YOU MORE MONEY TO BUY GUNS AND PLASTIC STRAWS.

NOW, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE CORONA-COVID. THE DEMOCRATS WOULD TRY TO BRAINWASH YOU INTO THINKING 180,000 DEATHS IS A BAD THING. PEOPLE DIE. BOO HOO. AND HOW DO WE EVEN KNOW THAT NUMBER IS ACCURATE OR CORRECT? YOU’RE NOT DEAD. ONCE THE PRESIDENT LEARNED OF THIS PLIGHT – THAT BEGAN IN INDO-CHINA BY THE WAY – HE SNAPPED INTO ACTION TELLING PEOPLE IT WOULD GO AWAY. HE DIDN’T WAIT. HE CAME RIGHT OUT WITH THAT. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?  SOMEDAY IT WILL.  WHETHER IT'S NEXT YEAR OR IN TEN YEARS, HE'LL BE RIGHT.

SLEEPY JOE BIDEN WOULD MANDATE EVERYONE WEAR MASKS. PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP WILL GO HIM ONE STEP BETTER. HE’LL MANDATE THAT EVERYONE WEAR WHITE HOODS. THAT’S LEADERSHIP, MY FELLOW HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS.

WE NEED TO GO BACK TO THE DAYS WHEN WASHINGTON WAS KNOWN FOR ITS APPLES AND REDSKINS. WHEN THE AMERICAN DREAM WAS NOT JUST FOR THE RICH BUT ALSO FOR THE WEALTHY. WHEN GLOBAL WARMING WAS A GOOD THING BECAUSE IT GETS COLD IN THOSE TRAILERS. WHEN COAL MINES WERE FLOURISHING. WHEN OUR CHILDREN WENT TO SCHOOL REGARDLESS OF DISEASE OR SHOOTINGS.

SO VOTE FOR DONALD J. TRUMP. DON’T LET THE DEMOCRATS STEAL THE ELECTION. BLOCK POLLING PLACES. BLOW UP MAILBOXES IN SWING STATES. PRESERVE OUR PRECIOUS DEMOCRACY.

I’D SAY MORE, BUT THE FLAGS HAVE TO BE BACK BY 9. THANK YOU. VOTE FOR MY FUTURE FATHER-IN-LAW. AND GIVE ME MY OWN SHOW ON FOX NEWS!!!

Beep Beep

Some things never change. 

I have always loved those Warner Brothers Road Runner cartoons.   Great elaborate sight gags, great character expressions, very cool design.  There are not many things I laugh at just as hard now as I did when I was eight, but Road Runner cartoons are one of 'em.  Thanks to that interweb thing all the kids are talking about, I found this -- Chuck Jones rules for Road Runner cartoon for writers and artists.  So today I thought I'd share them. 

Floor is Lava

On Netflix last night I came across FLOOR IS LAVA. In as much as I’m always on the lookout for stupid reality and game shows, this one fits the bill. Teams have to go through a series of rooms and hop from object to object without falling into the “lava.” If they fall into the “lava” they’re eliminated.

So you have to scale walls with bugs on them, leap from tables to couches, jump onto giant tiki heads, etc. I don’t think Simon Cowell will be playing this game anytime soon.

I think the grand prize is $10,000 and lava lamp. Not worth a permanent groin injury in my estimation.

My thought while watching this was: Okay, so these are the people too stupid to wear masks.

I suppose the attraction is the physical comedy of watching people fall into what looks like orange Gatorade or landing wrong on a crate and crushing their nuts, but to me it’s the idiocy of these people attempting these feats.

I also wonder this: I know on FEAR FACTOR (another show for the Mensa crowd), people were hired to test the stunts. If the test subject could eat 20 dung beetles, the TV contestant would only have to eat 15. (So you want a job in show business?) I’m sure there were testers employed for FLOOR IS LAVA. Just how far should the objects be from one another? Is it reasonable to assume someone can jump 6 feet, or 7 feet? How many test subjects knocked their teeth out landing wrong on a rock? They probably make minimum wage and no lava lamp.

Sidebar trivia nugget: In the 1950’s there was a game show called BEAT THE CLOCK where contestants had to complete wacky stunts within a certain period of time. They too had test subjects. One of them was the actor James Dean.

FLOOR IS LAVA is on Netflix. It must be porn to stunt people. Here’s a few examples. You won’t be seeing me appearing on this show.

Weekend Post

Most guests on late night shows struggle to be genuinely funny. And their anecdotes are somewhat forced.

Not Peter O'Toole.

This is funny and so well told.  Enjoy.  

Friday Questions

Time for some Friday Questions. What’s yours?

Bill in Toronto is up first.

Ken, I've been watching several short oral history segments, probably from the WGA, featuring Hugh Wilson. Given your background, do you wish you had written for WKRP?

I would have loved to have written for WKRP. And I knew Hugh pretty well. We were on staff of THE TONY RANDALL SHOW together.

But at the time he was producing WKRP I was on MASH and had very little time to sleep, much less write scripts on the side.

Hugh went on to do another show I admired greatly – FRANK’S PLACE.

And he became a pretty hot comedy film director as well. I miss him.

From Brian:

What do you think it is about modern day multicams that make them far less memorable and successful than their decades earlier counterparts? A more plastic look and presentation? Unfunny, lazy scripts? Less charismatic actors? All of the above?

I’ve heard from very good writers who have toiled in multi-cam over the last few years that there is tremendous network pressure to pump these shows with jokes every second. They’re afraid if the audience goes a minute without a joke they’ll immediately tune out.

As a result, a lot of these shows have become very forced and unnatural. Characters talking in one-liners back and forth and it sounds very artificial.

The best multi-cam comedy comes out of character and relatable behavior. When characters aren’t reacting like real people you lose that.

The studio audience is not going to laugh at every line so the laugh machine fills that role. It’s a vicious circle because the phony laughter becomes that much more obtrusive and annoying. s

On CHEERS and FRASIER we would gladly go a whole minute without a joke to set up a big laugh. I’m not sure producers can do that today. They’re certainly not encouraged to.

I also think less attention is paid to the story telling, which is understandable because “story” is the hardest part. And when shows get away with lazy storytelling by assaulting you with a barrage of jokes they don’t feel the need to work harder on story.

So at the end of the day, I don’t know whether our standards were just higher or today’s showrunner is so inundated with interference that it’s all he can do to turn out a product on time.

Janet has a MASH question.

I've just been rewatching "Goodbye Radar," and I've got an FQ for you.

When it came to the mess tent goodbye party, why did you and David choose to interrupt that party with a batch of wounded instead of having the party itself?

In your view, how was payoff for the viewer better?

We purposely took that approach to avoid the show getting sappy and overly sentimental. We didn’t want long sad speeches. We wanted the Radar farewells to be brief and elegant.

A Hawkeye salute was more powerful than a Hawkeye speech.

It also felt more true to the show. The war intruded at inconvenient times.

And finally, from Mark:

Do you think it's easier for one person to write a drama, but comedy is easier and better written by two or more?

I'm sure drama is enhanced by more input but it seems there are a lot of successful drama writers (Sorkin, etc) who write by themselves. And comedy always seems to be done by teams and groups. It's a hard question to formulate clearly, Ken!

When David and I were writing dramatic scenes for MASH it wasn’t much of an adjustment. And there have been some superb dramatic writing teams. To name but a very few:

Robert & Michelle King
Julius & Phiip Epstein
Richard Levinson & William Link
Frank Glicksman & Don Brinkley (Christie’s dad)

And my personal favorites…

Jerome Lawrence & Robert E. Lee (who wrote the play INHERIT THE WIND.

Generally, the advantage of having a partnership in comedy is that you have another voice you trust to run material by. What is “funny” is so subjective that it’s nice to not be in a vacuum.

Stay safe. Wear a mask.

EP188: Writer Bill Persky of “The Dick Van Dyke Show”

Bill Persky and partner Sam Denoff wrote 29 episodes of “The Dick Van Dyke Show” and eventually became its showrunners.  Here’s the inside story of how they made one of the greatest shows ever on television.

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Ten years ago...

I haven't done this in awhile, but since very few people read the archives, especially from way back, I like to occasionally reprise Friday Questions from ten years ago.  As NBC once said about reruns:  "If you haven't seen it, it's new to YOU."   

This was from July 16, 2010.  Back when the horrible virus was just hosting a reality show.

Let’s start with Matt:

I have quite a few MASH scripts in my collection and in reading through them, none of writers indicate Stage 9 vs. Fox Ranch locations. How did the production staff decide which location to shoot scenes (aside from the obvious: EXT. CHOPPER PAD - DAY).

The key factor was “time of year”. We could shoot exteriors of the Swamp and Mess Tent right on the stage if we had to (they didn’t look as good but we occasionally did it). I wanted to have helicopters landing in Stage 9 but no one was willing to build the giant removable sunroof that would require.

In the summer when it was light from 6 A.M. to 8 P.M. we shot one day for every episode at the Malibu Ranch location. But in planning the scripts we knew that meant a maximum of eight pages. So we laid out the stories accordingly.

And once we went of Daylight Savings Time that was it for location shooting the rest of the season.

If there was an episode that contained mostly interiors (say a poker game show), we held it back. If you have the MASH DVD’s you’ll see a lot more actual exterior scenes in the first half of each season.

sophomorecritic has a question:

When I first saw Mark Feuerstein in Conrad Bloom, I found him to be a likeable actor. Then the show got cancelled and I don't remember seeing him again until Royal Pains where he's really found a niche.
You have any comments or reflections on his circuitous route to stardom? I also thought Conrad Bloom was a good show, what went wrong?

Mark has done a lot of things. I first worked with him before CONRAD BLOOM on FIRED UP where he was a regular.

For some reason he has had the misfortune of being in quite a few series that never took off. In addition to the two I’ve already mentioned there was THE HEART DEPARTMENT (I don’t even remember that one), GOOD MORNING MIAMI, and 3 LBS.

He’s also been in movies with scumbag Mel Gibson and sweetheart Sandra Bullock. I also saw him on stage starring in a Neil LaBute play last year and he was riveting.

As you said, Mark has an incredibly likable quality. He’s also very real. And having directed him numerous times I can tell you he’s a complete gentleman and professional.

I’m happy ROYAL PAINS is starting to catch on. Mark is really one of the good guys. And off the subject, but his wife Dana is equally terrific.

It’s hard to say just why CONRAD BLOOM didn’t work. Probably my directing.

But seriously, it had some good people and good writers. My guess is it came along the year there was such a glut of sitcoms (or as I like to call it – “the Golden Age when we all could make our car payments”) that it got lost in the shuffle.

Aw, who we kidding? It was my directing.

From Vermonter17032 :

Ken, your desire to be Hawkeye raises an interesting question: Is Hawkeye Pierce the coolest TV sitcom character ever?

No. I would have to say the Fonz and maybe Daryl from Larry, Daryl, and Daryl. Not that Daryl. The other Daryl.

Brian Phillips wonders:

Up until the 1990's, I could tell the difference between videotaped shows and filmed shows. Video shows usually looked bright, like news and sports shows, while the filmed shows' colors and lighting are subtler. Are all sitcoms all on film now or have some merely converted to a high quality of videotape?

To my knowledge, all sitcoms – single and multiple camera – are taped in High Def now. With the proper lightening, you can pretty much simulate that softer film look. If only it could make the jokes funnier.

And finally, from Ed Blonski:

Kelsey Grammer just tweeted a show idea about the Crane brothers' sons with guest appearances of Frasier characters.

I'm wondering what you think of the idea and if you would write for such a show?

First off, it depends on who writes it. If it’s Peter Casey & David Lee or the Charles Brothers then I would certainly entertain it. Otherwise, I highly doubt I'd get involved. And I can’t speak for those four gentleman obviously, but my stab-in-the-dark guess is you’d have to put a loaded gun to their heads to get them to consider it. And even then I dunno.

This idea sounds like the MUPPET BABIES but with FRASIER, which brings to mind an idea I always had – CHEERS BABIES. See baby Norm and baby Cliff at the bar drinking beers. I think it would be a delightful show for the kiddies.What's your question???

Do I have to thank the Academy?

There’s a Jewish expression called “kenahora.” It’s Yiddish for “keep the evil eye away. Don’t tempt evil.” It’s a superstition that if you assume something you might be jinxing it.

Here’s an example of a kenahora:

Because the Emmy awards this year are going to be virtual and a technical nightmare, I understand the Academy is requesting that all nominees record their acceptance speeches in advance. That way they’ll all be ready when the awards are announced.

Talk about tempting fate...

From what I understand, a lot of nominees are uncomfortable doing this, and I don’t blame them. It’s bad enough to lose, but to lose AND have delivered a speech?

How many loser speeches will have “This only proves that if you follow your heart, never give up, and believe in yourself you’ll ultimately triumph!”? How many will thank Jesus who ultimately won’t come through for them?

To me, the only advantage to this is that the speeches will probably be shorter than usual. Who wants to ramble on for five minutes when you know that once you lose, members of the Academy will be playing back your speech and laughing?

Good luck to all the winners. And I really feel bad this year for the losers.

My radio career... in two hours

I did a fun two-hour interview for the LA RADIO WAVES podcast.  All about my checkered radio career, complete with audio samples.  Thanks to Richard Wagoner and Mike Stark for having me on to relive the fun times.   Just call me "Radio Danny Rose." 

You can find it here.

Convention coverage

I still find it strange that the broadcast networks are only carrying one hour of convention coverage a night. It makes total sense but STILL.

All of the cable networks will stay carry extensive coverage, but they're basically covering nothing.

The reduced network airtime is certainly understandable. There really IS no convention. Due to the Trumpvirus there are no jammed convention floors. There are no cheers and bands. And any spectacle is gone.

I used to love the political conventions as a kid. Network coverage in Los Angeles began at 4:00 and went well into midnight. There were reporters on the floor, wearing headset microphones and antennas sticking out their heads. Very “My Favorite Martian.” One time, John Chancellor of NBC News was arrested on the floor while on camera. He signed off by saying, “This is John Chancellor, NBC News, somewhere in custody.”

I lived for shit like that!

The night of the nomination was always fun. Each state got up and did a five-minute sell job on themselves. “Mr. Chairman, the great state of Idaho, home of potatoes, a blue football field, the Monument to a Mythical Massacre, the Atomic Burger, and current residence of revered whack-job Sarah Palin, casts twenty votes the next president of these here United States….”

In 1960 in Los Angeles, Kennedy needed several rounds to be selected and that was with some deep dish backroom caucuses. There was real drama.

Now everything has long been decided and the only suspense is whether Trump will say something else staggeringly stupid like the pandemic of 1917 ended World War II (which didn’t begin until 1939 you fucking moron).

I am sure publicly the broadcast networks will bemoan the fact that there’s no wall-to-wall coverage to cover, but privately they’re all doing cartwheels. They lose a ton of money carrying conventions. It’s a necessary evil. ABC would much rather air TO THE TELL THE TRUTH than the yahoo from Idaho.

Gone are the days of Walter Cronkite, and Huntley-Brinkley, and great Americana. Save the balloons.  I bet Netflix really kicks ass this week and next.

Weekend Post

Here's Mark Jackson's basketball card for 1990.  Maybe the best photobombers ever.  There, to the left, between the time they killed their parents and were arrested are the Menendez Brothers. 

If you have it in your collection, DO NOT let your mother throw it out.  I mean, you'd want to kill her if she did something like that. 

Friday Questions

Some mid-August FQ’s to distract you from the pandemic:

Allan starts us off:

I had heard Garry Marshall refer to "the block scene" in episodes of shows like HAPPY DAYS and LAVERNE AND SHIRLEY, and while I gathered he was referring to an episode's big comic climax, I was never clear why he used the term "block scene" or how or where that term originated. Tony is right that it may have been an earlier generation's terminology, as I don't recall seeing younger (relatively speaking) writers like Ken refer to an episode's "block scene."

We do talk about “block comedy scenes” in the writers room. They don’t have to come at the end. It’s a scene with a big comic event – Lucy stomping on grapes, Frasier trying to impress Lilith in the next room by loudly faking making love to impress her (see above photo), etc.

When putting stories together we’re always asking, “Where’s the fun?” And if possible a big scene where things go awry.

From Jrandall:

With far too much time on my hands I am watching anything and everything on any channel just to find something new or something old that I haven't watched in forever. In my journey I have noticed lots of the shows from the 60's list "Season 2, Episode 34"!!

With all of the things you have talked about over the years that go into putting together a weekly episode, let alone an entire season...how in the world did they manage that many episodes without a new staff every year??

34? Try 39.

I don’t know how they did it either. I do know the writers worked year round. There were no two month hiatuses between seasons.

I think there was more burn-out in those days. I’ll give you an example.

In the ‘50s a number of sitcoms were done live from New York. One writing team wrote the entire 39 episode season of this one sitcom. And the deadlines were crushing because the show was aired live.

At the end of the year one of the writers moved to Los Angeles and for an entire year just sat in the backyard staring at a tree.

That's a true story. 

Unkystan asks:

I’ve been re- watching MASH on Me-TV Last week they ran the two-part Crete Roberts episodes which were clip shows. Was there a reason for this? Was it a budget issue? Did the network want additional episodes that season? Just curious.

CBS wanted a one-hour clip show for November sweeps. We were looking for a way to tie the clips together that was somewhat unique to the show. Reprising Clete Roberts was what we came up with.

If I had it to do over, I would not have made that choice. Looking back, I think it diminishes THE INTERVIEW.

But we didn’t want to just run the clips, and we couldn’t use the convention of someone writing a letter home because MASH had done that in one form or another countless times already.

That entire clip show episode was a monumental pain in the ass. On top of everything else we would spend late nights in an editing bay screening and selecting scenes. And after six seasons (four of them Larry Gelbart’s) there were a lot of great scenes and moments to choose from.

And finally, from Michael:

After an episode you wrote was filmed, did you usually spend any time reviewing it to understand what worked, what didn't, and how it could have been improved? Or were already on to the next episode?

I don’t stop reviewing them to this day.

But to be more specific, we saw rough cuts on VHS tapes. I'd screen them and make notes, often watching at home. Each episode would go through this process maybe three or more times as we fine-tuned.

I can’t tell you how many times I’d watch a show, get out a pad to make a note, and then have to remember “Oh wait, it’s on the air.”

But I’m always analyzing and trying to learn from my mistakes.

Thanks to those who've submitted FQ's?  What’s yours?

EP187: The best DJ no one ever listens to!

Deke Duncan has been spinning the hits for 45 years.  No one listens. No one ever has.  No one can.  Meet this fascinating personality. It’s a crazy episode about following your bliss. 

 

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

Stray thoughts from captivity

I guess it’s because I’ve watched too many Westerns, but it's weird seeing people with masks wandering through Vegas casinos and no one putting their hands up.

Think of how few plastic straws have been used during this pandemic. COVID-19 has really benefitted turtles.

Lots of Ruthian-like home runs this year in the bogus MLB season. That’s because pitchers haven’t gotten enough spring training and aren’t ready. So you’re going to see lots of home runs and arm injuries.

Don’t watch the news. If you’re an intelligent person it will only make you more furious than you already are.

Not a great time for home burglars with everyone staying home.

The Coronavirus doesn’t ease up because you’re bored. Wear the damn mask and don’t do anything stupid.

And Global Warming hasn’t seemed to let up either.

My play was supposed to open tonight in Cape May, New Jersey.

How interested are you in the upcoming Emmys? Yeah, me too.

My hair hasn’t been this long since the ‘60s. Now’s my chance to finally join the Byrds!

When people on Zoom have a bookshelf behind them, don’t you try to see what’s on it? To the point of not paying attention to them?

My new podcast drops late tonight. It’s a pretty wacky episode. Please check it out.

How come you can’t get Hebrew National salamis anywhere?

I’d go to one of those Drive-In movies but what happens if I have to use the bathroom? How safe can those be? And what are the chances you’ll find your car again?

Where was fake crowd noise when I was announcing Mariners road games in the ‘90s?

I bet you’re ordering more take-out now than you did two months ago.

When this decade is over and people are asked which was their favorite year, I can’t imagine anyone saying 2020.

Trying to solve one of the great mysteries of life...

I love this SOOOO much.  Two 17 year-olds trying to figure out how to use a rotary phone.  They have four minutes.  Can they do it? 

I'm looking over a Boom Shadow...

Here’s a FQ that became an EP (entire post).

cd1515 asks:

You said this about retakes: “The director needs additional coverage, new lines are inserted, actors slip up, there’s a boom shadow, a camera missed a cue to move, an actor is off his mark, etc.”

Serious question from someone not in your business: how many of those things would the average viewer have even noticed or given a shit about?

Sometimes I think TV and movies are too perfect in that no one in real life ever makes a perfect impromptu speech (See: any Sorkin project) without pausing, stumbling over a word, repeating something, etc.

I get that you all want it be as good as possible but is that always completely necessary?

Could some of it just be inside baseball stuff that no one else would see?

The answer is: you’re absolutely right. 99% of the audience wouldn’t notice a boom shadow or a hair out of place.

You try to avoid those things and not look sloppy, but most imperfections go unnoticed.

James Burrows is TV’s best multi-camera director. Period. He’s always way more interested in the performance than the pretty shot. And if an actor gives a great performance on a take but the shot isn’t framed perfectly, he’ll opt for that one over the re-take where the shot was perfect but the performance wasn’t as good. And I agree. My job as a director is to get the best possible performance on film, not the best Terrence Malick cinematic feat.

Normally, when you direct a multi-cam (in front of a live audience), after a scene you say “cut” and reset the cameras for any pick ups or additional coverage. Invariably, the minute I say “cut” make up people rush out to touch up the actors for five or ten minutes and someone with a ladder is checking some lights. This happens every single time.

So I stopped saying “cut.” I would say “still rolling,” run out and tell the camera guys where I wanted them to be, told the actors what I wanted in this take, ran back, said “action,” and did the pick up on the fly. Had I not done that the ladder and make up kits would be on the set for five or ten minutes. And those add up over the course of a night.

No one ever noticed if a forehead was shiny. Line producers would say I was wasting film (these were the days when we shot on film), and I said “what’s the cost of unused film versus paying everyone on the crew overtime because the showrunner wants these additional shots?” Line producers then thanked me.

Matching is another issue. You try hard for continuity, but sometimes you get trapped. The level of wine in a glass varies from take to take. Your choice is either keep one performance so the wine level is uniform, or stitch together the best performances and the wine level goes up and down. You can guess what my choice is.

There are classic glitches in TV shows and movies. There’s a shot in SPARTACUS by the great Stanley Kubrick where you see part of the Ventura Freeway in a shot. (Above photo is Kubrick filming that movie on the Universal lot.)

In our first MASH episode, “Out of Sight/ Out of Mind” in the final scene in the nurses’ tent one of the nurses is reading a paperback. Clearly you can see she was reading JAWS, which came out long after 1951. How many times have you seen that episode? Have you ever noticed that?

Hollywood craftsmen take great pride in their work, and the level of dedication and detail is extraordinary. These people are the best in the world!  I always maintain that crews don’t get nearly the credit they deserve. And it’s admirable that each department wants his or her contribution to be perfect. But the truth is, you can get away with a boom shadow once in awhile.

Weekend Post

Hollywood is all about meetings. You get them. You have them. You take them. You reschedule them. Generally, you’re pitching someone or they’re pitching you. The last thing said in most meetings is, “Great. We’ll get back to you.”

Some of these meetings are awkward. And the longer you’ve been around, the more of them you amass. I’ve had more than my share of these train wrecks and recounting them seems to be a popular feature on this blog.

So here’s another.

This happened sometime in the early ‘00s. My partner, David Isaacs and I had a development deal at Paramount. We were mentoring two young writers who had a great idea for a pilot. So we set up meetings with networks.

Based on the idea, we concluded that the perfect place for it was The WB. So we lined up that meeting first.

David and I had never had a meeting at The WB. We didn’t know any of the executives personally and had never been to their offices.

The four of us dutifully showed up at the appointed time in their modest lobby. The WB headquarters was an elongated bungalow on the Warners annex lot, which is closer to Burbank Airport than the actual Warner Brothers studios. It looked like a glorified real estate office.  Clearly, space was at a premium.  THE MIDDLE was filmed there (for you trivia buffs). 

An assistant popped his head in and invited us to “come on back.” We followed him through a maze of narrow hallways, passing the Xerox machine, coffee maker, etc. At one point he wanted us to turn left and go down another hall but we mistook his gesture and entered a large office instead.

There was some dude at a desk on the phone. Again, we had never met the VP of Comedy Development we were pitching. But we figured this must be him.

So we all flopped down on his couch and made ourselves at home. Slouching, crossing our legs, just stretching out.

The fellow looked a little shocked to see us. But he continued his call and we patiently waited – setting our water bottles on his coffee table, getting out the notes for our pitch, etc.

Finally, he finished his call, stood up, and said, “Who the fuck are you guys?”

I figured, “Swell. He forgot our meeting.  Yet another reminder of how important we are in this business.” I introduced us.

Still confused, he said, “So what the hell are you doing in my office?”

Clearly, he was a little annoyed, but hey, it wasn’t my fault he forgot our damn meeting.  Not only did we remember.  We had to drive to the valley and find this place.  TV networks are not usually down the street from strip malls.

But in awkward cases like this I find the best thing to do is lighten the mood. So I said, “Uh… pitching a pilot and maybe if it goes well, using your shower.”

Now he was really pissed. And we couldn’t understand why. All we had done was show up on time, prepared, for a pitch meeting.

The panicked assistant dashed in, mortified. There’d been a terrible mistake. That wasn’t the VP of Comedy Development. That was Jordan Levin, the president of The WB.   Oops. No wonder he didn't find it funny that I wanted to use his shower. 

We didn’t help matters by then laughing. We found it funny. Jordan Levin did not. I can’t blame him. He’s a major figure in the television industry and the Marx Brothers suddenly barge into his office.  Thank goodness we didn't help ourselves to any of his liquor.  

Needless to say we didn’t sell that pilot. Or any pilot. (We did, however, sell that pilot to NBC. President Warren Littlefield was out of the office that day.)

Ultimately, of course, The WB merged with UPN and disappeared. Looking back, all the signs were there. What network president doesn’t have an outer office? I’m surprised they lasted as long as they did.

Friday Questions

As we enter the dog days of summer and the pandemic, here are this week’s Friday Questions.

blinky gets us started.

Some great shows have exceptional seasons. While re-watching 30Rock from the beginning, we were struck by season six. It seems like they hit their stride to an exceptional degree. The writing, the character development the acting, all were firing on 12 cylinders. In fact I would say season 6 episode 3 was the peak.

Did any of your shows have a exceptional season and a best episode? I bet you would say Cheers season one, but what about Frasier or MASH?

Yes, I would put the first year of CHEERS up against the best year of any sitcom.

I would also say the first year of FRASIER was its best. 

For MASH, season four (a Larry Gelbart/Gene Reynolds year that we had nothing to do with).

Don R asks:

I'm watching M*A*S*H on ME-TV and they seem to be playing them in order. Last week you and David were listed as story editors, but this week you're listed as executive story consultants. Had you moved on from the show by that time, or were you still part of the staff?

They’re all just “titles.” In the middle of season 6, while we were listed as “story editors” we became head writers when the gentleman who had been doing that job left.

Season 7 we got a loftier title but remained in that role.

If I’m not mistaken, Larry Gelbart had the same credit season one.

From Kevin B:

What 1980's sitcom did you like that would surprise your friends/colleagues? Like "I Married Dora" or something.

BEST OF THE WEST, BUFFALO BILL, ALF, NEWHART, NIGHT COURT, ALL IS FORGIVEN, IT’S GARRY SHANDLING’S SHOW, ANYTHING BUT LOVE, THE DUCK FACTORY, DOCTOR DOCTOR, FAMILY MAN, OPEN ALL NIGHT, THE POPCORN KID, SLAP MAXWELL, WKRP IN CINCINNATI, ANGIE.

Probably one or two that I’m forgetting.

And finally, from Houston Mitchell:

I happened across a "Happy Days" rerun the other day, and I had forgotten how annoying the live audience, particularly in the later seasons, was. Every cast member got a huge ovation on entrance and the crowd seemed to think they were part of the show. Did you ever have this trouble on any of the "live in front of a studio audience" shows you wrote or directed? Did the audience ever try to say "Norm!" when George Wendt walked in for example? And if so, how did you combat that?

One time on CHEERS we had audience members shout back at the cast and it threw them. The warm-up guy (me) had to politely ask them please STOP IT.

On my shows, as I’ve mentioned, I’ve always discouraged applause at entrances. The cast and guest stars were introduced before shooting and the warm-up guy (not me) would ask the audience not to applaud when people entered.

If they applauded spontaneously during the course of the show over a line or story turn or performance that warranted it, those we kept in. But never applause that we didn’t feel was earned.

What’s your Friday Question?

EP186: Another Free Association Podcast

Ken riffs from topic to topic; everything from the Emmys to the Catskills, Cub Scouts, National Anthem, comedy exercises, American Bandstand, bowling, British sitcoms, summer camp, snark, and Sinatra.   Fun personal stories and harebrained opinions. 

Listen to the Hollywood & Levine podcast!

The AVN Awards

The AVN Awards were disappointing this year.  The AVN Awards are the porn industry’s version of the Oscars (although Golden Globes might be closer).   If you’ve seen BOOGIE NIGHTS there’s a sequence at the AVN Awards. 

Porn stars all dress up, attempt to look glamorous and classy, win awards for such categories as “Best Anal Sex Scene” and “Best Director – Comedy.” 

I’m sure they’ve been handed out thirty/forty years in one form or another, but it’s only been a few years ago that Showtime started airing them (taped delayed -- by five months).  . 

The first year I saw it I laughed my ass off.  How could you not when a trashy blonde with tears in her eyes thanked “Jesus and all the guys that fucked me in the ass?”   How much would you pay to hear Nicole Kidman say that at the Academy Awards? 

What made it additionally funny was that none of it was intended to be.  This wasn’t a sketch.  No one was winking at the camera.  The sincerity was both poignant and okay – I’m going to hell – hilarious. 

Showtime is still airing the show every year so obviously people (men I suspect) are watching.   What I don’t know is whether, like me, they’re watching for the laughs, or cheap thrills, or worse – they’ve got bets down on these categories. 

But I find it a guilty pleasure.  At least I used to.

Watching the 2020 awards (recorded before all the lockdowns), it just felt sad.  The speeches were the same so they felt like the same joke over and over.  The novelty was completely gone.  And what remained was the sadness.  You know these are people who mostly come from broken homes and heartbreaking childhoods.  You also know the career span of a porn star is just a few years.  And then what? 

I don’t even know how the industry survives today.  There are all these free Pornhub websites where you can see clips of anything you want for free.  You used to pay to see Stormy Daniels.  I was surprised that they’re still making “movies.” 

And as I watched these people try desperately to hold onto the luster of better days I thought to myself – this is now ALL award shows in 2020.   Even Sam Rubin & Mindy Burbano don’t seem that funny anymore. 

The Last Dance

Why bury the lead? THE LAST DANCE is the best sports documentary I’ve ever seen. It’s available on Netflix, produced by ESPN. Glad to see it's nominated for a number of Emmys

Due to the Trumpvirus and lack of live events, ESPN moved up its premier to April. I just got around to it, frankly because ten hours seemed a little daunting.

It’s essentially a profile on Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls dynasty of the 1990’s. I like Mike but ten hours? Then I thought: sitting through one baseball game with no crowds or excitement feels like ten hours, why not give THE LAST DANCE a try?

So glad I did. I binge-watched the whole thing in two days and was sorry when it ended.

I have not read a single review. I know some people had issues with it. I don’t know what those are, nor do I care. I found it compelling throughout and it seemed to portray Michael (I just call him “Michael” because I’m cool) in a balanced light. His greatness is constantly on display, but so is his dark side (and sometimes dick side).

Hey, he’s a complex guy dealing with extraordinary circumstances. With greatness comes expectations and unbelievable pressure. Fame can be a curse. And having an amazing gift doesn’t shield you from heartache. How much of his glory and riches would he gladly trade not to have his father murdered?

The filmmakers chose a great topic filled with colorful characters, weird twists, and real life suspense. Plus, they were given amazing access to behind-the-scenes revealing moments. The documentary gives us plenty of time to really see who Scottie Pippen, Dennis Rodman (a fucking loon who happened to possess athletic skills), Phil Jackson, Steve Kerr and numerous other personalities (both teammates and opponents).

They managed to get just about everybody to be a talking head. Two former presidents (Obama & Clinton) and two former Gods (Magic & Bird). I’m only sorry it wasn’t made for CNN because then they probably would have used me.

Finally, (and maybe this is a secondary lead I am burying), you don’t have to love the NBA or basketball to enjoy this documentary. It’s a sweeping novel and the basketball sequences are filled with suspense and artistry. And it's not made up.  It's all true!  As otherworldly as you think Michael Jordan is, when you watch the span of his entire career it just takes your breath away.

And you get to see some behind-the-scenes moments of SPACE JAM.

THE LAST DANCE – check it out. Yes, it’s ten hours, but where you going for the next six months?

Hollywood Insanity

Here in LA we had an earthquake last Thursday morning at 4:30 am,  centered in the San Fernando Valley. It was quite short but packed a real jolt. I was probably 20 miles from the epicenter and felt it.  But there was no damage.  Okay, this info you probably know.

But here’s what I find so interesting:

Deadline.com is the industry website. It’s the current version of a trade magazine, as it were. And as such is very Hollywood-centric. This was their headline the morning of the quake:

Los Angeles Earthquake: Magnitude 4.2 Jolt & Several Aftershocks Rattle San Fernando Valley; Celebrity Residents React

Celebrity residents react?

Seriously?

Who gives a shit?

When you first heard or read about it, was your initial reaction: “What is Tyra Banks, Zach Braff, Lil Nas, and Lilly Singh going through?”

This town is nuts. During a wildfire last year there was extensive coverage of LeBron James evacuating.

I would submit there is a certain lack of perspective here in Tinsel Town.

But my favorite example was this: When President Reagan was shot it happened to be the morning of the Academy Awards. I believe VARIETY (although it might have been THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER) blared this headline:

OSCARCAST POSTPONED

And then in much smaller letters:

PRESIDENT SHOT.

You’ll be relieved and happy to know Tyra Banks is fine, but the earthquake did wake her up.

Weekend Post

For a writer it never gets easier.

Waiting.

You’ve turned in your script to the producer/network/studio/agent/manager/professor/best friend.

And now you wait for the response.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

You’d think in time it gets easier. It never does.

You generally calculate in some reasonable reading time period. They’ll read it over the weekend. But you still think, if they were really interested they’d read it tonight. Why aren’t they reading it tonight?

The longer you receive no answer the more you think they hated your script. He just can’t bring himself to tell me how much it SUCKED! You start doubting the script, yourself, your religion, everything. You begin going through the script, re-examining every line. Jokes that just last week you thought were bulletproof now seem really lame.

Then you reach the point where you wonder, should you remind them? And if so, how? This depends on the relationship.

I would say this, try to find out what the reader’s behavior pattern is beforehand. It might save you a lot of time and anxiety. There are some producers who just don’t give you feedback. On a show we once worked on, we turned in our first draft and heard nothing. Weeks went by. The producers put our script into mimeo for the beginning of production and still said nothing. I was walking to the parking lot that night with one of the producers, and neurotic insecure writer that I am, I asked him what he thought of our script? He looked at me like I was crazy. His answer was “Well, we kept most of it, didn’t we?” From that day on I never expected feedback from any script we turned into him (which is good because we never received any). But we knew he was pleased so that was good enough.

I’ve known writers who thought they were getting fired at the end of the year only to get promoted. They had no idea where they stood. For some producers, that's their style.

On the other hand, there was Larry Gelbart. Here’s one of the many reasons I loved that man: You’d turn in a draft to Larry at the end of the day. Two hours later he would call you at home to tell you how much he liked the script. He understood the butterflies all writers experience waiting and went out of his way to be sensitive to that. When David Isaacs and I were running our own shows years later we adopted that same practice. If a writer turned in a draft we made the time to read it and respond right away. It’s how we liked being treated; it’s how we felt we should treat others.

All I could say is hang in there. And don’t build a “Jack story”.

What’s a “Jack story”? Well, it’s often attributed to comedian Danny Thomas and I’m paraphrasing but it goes something like this:

A guy’s driving down a country road late at night and gets a flat tire. He opens his trunk to discover he has a spare but not a jack. Up ahead he sees a light. There’s a house about a half-mile up the road. He decides to hike there and see if he can borrow a jack. He figures the owner of the house will gladly let him use it for a few minutes. Why wouldn’t he?

But as the guy trudges on he wonders -- maybe the homeowner won’t be so neighborly. After all, he is a stranger. Maybe he’ll be suspicious. Maybe he’s the kind who doesn’t like anyone touching his tools. He lives way out here in the middle of nowhere – he’s probably anti-social, probably a real asshole. The more the guy considers these options the angrier he gets until finally he reaches the house, rings the bell, the owner answers, and the guy says, “Screw you! I don’t need your fucking jack!” turns on his heel and marches off.

Your script is just as good if it’s read the first night or second week. So relax and have faith in yourself. Now, if I could just learn to believe that myself.