This is another one of my blog experiments. But one that could be very lucrative to YOU!!In improv class this week Andy Goldberg came up with a great exercise. (Andy’s book on improv is the gold standard by the way.) He essentially gave us a MATCH GAME question. We then wrote out our answers and compared them. And I thought, “Hey, this would make a great contest!”
So here’s the challenge to you great comedy minds out there – I give you the first part of the sentence and you finish it. File your entries in the comments section. A noted Emmy winning comedy writer (not me) will pick the five finalists. (I won’t divulge who that is so that everyone who doesn’t qualify hates him/her.)
Once I announce the finalists, YOU will vote for the winner.
Enter as often as you like (within reason). They don't have to be Rated G but if the judge goes "Yikes" reading your entry you're pretty much dead. Oh, and this should go without saying but I'll say it anyway -- unless you leave a name your entry will be disqualified. "Anonymous" will not be the winner.
Deadline is 11:59 PM PDT Monday, April 14. That still gives you a day to fill out your taxes.
One final note: Please just enter the kontest and not comment on those who have. As is the case with writers rooms, writers need the freedom to pitch anything without fear of being ridiculed. And sometimes the most off-the-wall pitch is the one that hits a home run. So I have deleted a number of these non-pitches and will continue to if more appear. Come on, people. This is all in the spirit of fun.
"And what do I win?" you say, and "It better be good." Don't worry. It IS. As you know this is a BIG money blog. So I hope you’re sitting down because the winner of Ken’s Komedy Kontest will receive ...(drumroll)
A personally autographed collector’s edition script from AfterMASH!!!!! In mint condition!!!!
I know. How does he do it??
So now, with that amazing prize up for grabs, here is the sentence.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he __________________ .
Good luck laugh meisters.
453 comments :
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 453 of 453Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would ask girls out on a date but when they showed up he pretened they never met; and kept referring to himself as Sven.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he couldn't even go up in three story building...
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he committed himself tot he commitment papers but would not comment.
Danny had SUCH a fear of commitment that I almost feel bad stealing my brother girlfriends.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he waited for something to happen in his life like an Ameba in power suit.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he kept referring to his girlfriends 60 inch, wide screen, HD, Hi Def, Stereo-phonic, television as "boyfriend insurance!"
Danny had such a fear of commitment that his motto was, "You can love someone or you can trust someone, never do both!"
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he'd torpedo himself like no one I'd ever seen, every time he met a girls family he'd tell them about the time he had sex with a midget.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that every time he met a girls family he'd tell them about the time he had sex with a midget.
(just seeing which version plays better)
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he can't even answer a straight question, when asked why he doesn't smoke he said, "Well... I masterbate a lot."
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he would sign birthday cards, "I'm sorry, it's not you... it's me."
he, as studio chief, greenlit "AfterM*A*S*H"--but only through the first commercial.
that he got married at his funeral
The "Danny had such a fear of commitment" Country Song
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he didn’t know what to do
He couldn’t play soccer
He couldn’t play the ball of foose
Danny walked around building
Walked a block or two
He didn’t know if he should go home so he moved to 5th avenue
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he lost his love, Mabeleen
She tried so hard to stay but
She couldn’t take his waffeling
Like a Democrat up for election
Danny said what she wanted to hear
But when it came action tucked his tail into his rear… and started to retreat
(spoken)
Danny’s about to lose his paddle in famous creek we all know.
KEY CHANGE!!!
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he missed out on happiness
Should he pay the electric bill
Or pay last months rent?
Well he took to long and along came the law
Now his cell mate, Bubba loves him so
He loves him all night long…No matter how much he may protest
Danny had such a fear of commitment that his friends called him the AntiHillary since he always knew when to quit.
~Razor Rob
... felt a draft and fled to Canada.
Danny had such a fear of commitment...it was like...huge, man. Really huge. I mean like really.
~Razor Rob...guessing your judge is cross-eyed and worn out by now
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he went back in time to assassinate Hitler... let's just say Anne Frank's diary was never written.
...he was honored by having alternating current renamed Danny current.
I would also like to take this opportunity to say that I think David Isaacs is the greatest comedy writer since Gordon, Goldman, Perrin and Balzer, put together, on the off chance it may influence the judging
... he only watched TV shows that were guaranteed to be canceled after a few episodes. (Naturally, his favorite actor was Ted McGinley.)
... whenever he wanted to get to know a woman, he'd ask her out for instant coffee.
... he brought a three-minute timer to Five-Minute Speed Dating.
checked out of the Holtel California... and left.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he survived the Jonestown massacre because he didn't like that flavour of Kool-Aid.
...he always answered truthfully when asked, "Do these make my butt look big?"
Danny had such a fear of commitment that his family had to have him brought home every morning by rescue helicopter.
This not really anon but my password doesn't work. grr..grr.
Nik
...finds "Got to Get You Into My Life" kinda pushy.
...finds "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" amateurish, but catchy.
...he found Alzheimer's surprisingly comforting.
asked his doctor if he could switch to month-to-month when his doctor told him he'd contracted an STD.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he fell into a coma at the mention of unisex.
he asked for a two week trial period on his casket
at his wedding, he gave his wife a ring, and she gave him a Xanax.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he goes to massage parlours and has a sad ending.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he complained of favouritism when he was the only person left after his sales team were fired.
...thought the candy "Now And Later" should be called "Now And We'll Cross That Bridge When We Come To It".
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he is ranked as an Alphan at the Church Of Scientology.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he thought he had HIV, but he wasn't positive.
...always got queasy doing laundry when he had to mate his socks
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he spent all his time trying to disprove the Theory of Relativity by showing how time and space were really brother and sister.
... that he tried to kill the rats in his attic with Commit lozenges.
...tattooed his wife's name on his thumbnail.
...pooped in a urinal.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he required a prenup for one night stands!
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he was named Robert 2 minutes ago.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he swore to kill Roddy Doyle.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he welched more than grape juice.
...that he waited until the last minute to enter this contest.
...that he started the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
...that he removed the letter 't' from his keyboard.
...that he married a chameleon.
...that he had nightmares after watching "Married with Children."
...that he was called JD by his friends.
...that he killed himself. Why else would it be in the past tense?
...that he wet himself everytime he saw a butterfly net.
...that he OMG a firetruck!
...that he was able to stop once he had popped.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he thought a Hummer was a type of car.
couldn't even grow a five o'clock shadow.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he never went to have his prostate examined.
Needless to say he died of cancer.
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he thought the human race was a promotion sponsored by e-harmony.
LET THE JUDGING COMMENCE!!!
That's it. No more entries will be accepted. Thanks to those who entered.
Ken
Danny had such a fear of commitment that he was unable to enter Ken's Komedy Kontest until after the deadline.......why am I speaking in third person?
I had such a fear of commitment that I was unable to enter Ken's Komedy Kontest until after the deadline.
(alternate version)
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