Monday, July 27, 2009

Einstein couldn't figure out this remote

I just got my new DVR!!

My old one stopped showing program guides, which is a problem if you want to do something crazy like record future shows. So the cable man came out, said “Yeah, everyone’s old DVR’s are starting to break down” (by “old” he means two years). But no worries. He’d just replace it with the brand new (refurbished) model.

Ten minutes later the old was swapped out for the new. Turns out it’s a completely different system and interface. But it offers more recording space and some other advantages but the cable guy couldn’t recall them. Maybe it’s also a toaster. I don’t know. He didn’t either.

Anyway, he showed me the remote and how to access the various features. The old system was complicated. You had to click one button, there were all the channels and categories on the screen and you just scrolled around, zip zip zip.

But the new IMPROVED box – all that complex one button pushing was gone. Replaced by a far easier system!

If you want to turn the TV on you press TV then power then cable. Be careful. If you accidentally hit the cable button twice you could turn off the box, which means your future shows won’t be recorded. If you push power before either TV or cable your garage door opens.

When you want to see what’s on just press guide. That’s the teeny tiny button on the upper left side of the remote. This takes you to a grid. You scroll up and down. Once you find a show you want you hit okay. To get info on that show you must find the info button, a smaller button even then guide. This gives you a synopsis. Another tiny red button allows you to record. Another menu asks if you want to record the series? Another menu provides you options.

With me so far?

How do you play these recorded shows? That’s easy!! Hit the exit button next to the guide button and then hit menu. Or don’t exit guide but hit guide again for the menu. Little icons appear. Scroll through those to find the one you think might possibly mean recorded shows. Maybe the little heart. Nope. Not that one. Find the back key – a pimple of a button on the right side. Hit okay. Try another icon. Nope, that’s sports. Shit. Where’s the back button again? Or I could hit the exit button and start all over. Eventually you find it. A list of your shows appears. Hopefully one or two are the ones you programmed. Scroll to one and hit okay.

Now find the handy play/stop/fast forward/rewind buttons and start your show. When you want to delete you…uh… let’s skip that one for now. Maybe you hit menu then guide or guide and then menu or guide and then volume up. And of course you can always hit exit to take you back or back will take you back as well. The icon might be a red X or skull and crossbones. It’s not the little heart. I know that.

To find shows to record hit the little magnifying glass icon (this is assuming you’re in the guide as accessed by the menu) to find the search engine. This is where you find shows by title. If you use search to find out various instructions and features, you’re shit out of luck. This search allows you to find shows by title. A row of five boxes appears at the top of the screen. Each box will ask you to scroll through the alphabet to find your desired letter. Repeat this process five times. Don’t accidentally hit okay or the cursor will drop down to the show selections. But if you do screw up, no problem. Just hit exit, last (which is back), then exit again, and cable. What could be simpler?

It’s highly likely you’re going to push a wrong button on occasion and suddenly you have the Spanish track or closed-captions. Normally you’d go to search to learn how to solve the problem but the five boxes appear and you realize you’ve doubled-back to the titles of future shows.

Hit menu or guide or exit or last or cable or power. That should take you somewhere where you could push those buttons again and go somewhere else. No wonder they didn’t leave an owner’s manual. This stuff is just toooo easy!

You can fast forward or rewind through current shows. Whatever channel you happen to be on will record from the moment it’s on. Unless you then go to On Demand (I think the icon depicts a little cartoon Pharaoh banishing the Jews). In that case, the channel recording only begins after you leave On Demand (by hitting fast forward then exit then guide then source then mute).

Can you record a show while watching On Demand? There is a way to do it but no one knows how. The creator of this system died and all of his notes were donated to the Magic Castle, where only member magicians can pour through such documents to learn the secrets of pre-taping THE DAILY SHOW.

The remote also features a little yellow triangle button, a blue square, red circle (not to be confused with the other red circle that looks just like it but is record) and a little green diamond. I believe they’re for decorative purposes only. Either that or they run the system. There’s a day button, which I can only assume makes it light outside, two page buttons (maybe this remote will also control your books), and four self-explanatory PIP buttons (that range from swap to +).

There’s also a way to switch over to your DVD player and I’m signed up for the DeVry Institute’s three year college program on using your remote so I’ll have to get back to you on that. I believe DVD players come in the second year.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I think I smell toast burning.

59 comments:

Jennifer said...

Ken, it's time for a Harmony remote. Program it once, push one button to watch tv, one button to watch a DVD, one button to listen to music...

TC said...

If you press the little yellow triangle button, the blue square, the non-record red circle and the little green diamond in sequence, a leprechaun steals your box of Lucky Charms.

Miles said...

Seconded on getting a Harmony remote... you just tell it what you have and it does the rest. Makes life so much easier and you only ever have to use one remote. I even use it to control my air conditioning and electric skylight at my place :)

Emily Blake said...

I was all worried for a minute that this would happen to me, but then I realized this is the system I've always had. I didn't know there was ever an easier way.

Person Younger than 30 said...

[shakes head] old people...

Pamela Jaye said...

with all of that, did the programs that you previously recorded all go byebye?

I have a mythTV. It's homemade and it has some quirks (it's supposed to archive - it won't. it's supposed to rip - it can't. tuner card #3 (currently known as #12) throws frames so bad you never want to record Jeopardy on it - and of course it's the default card) but aside from that, there are fewer keys to learn and it mostly does what I want it to (unless my brother reboots it when meaning to reboot a completely different computer. or when it gets overtaxed and its frontend loses its backend)
And of course, it's programmable from the web, which helps when you're at work. although it does have a little problem recording 2 1 hour shows and 2 half hour shows with 3 tuner cards in the same time slot (you have to force it, or you'll be taping Chuck on Saturday - and then NBC won't run it on Saturday..)

Good luck with yours.
Mine costs $20 a year for the listings. (and a few hours of screaming to the brother when things go horribly wrong)

Pamela Jaye said...

wish I could have a harmony, but for some reason, the DVR doesn't respond to infrared.. something, and I have to use a full computer keyboard.
and we can't find a remote code for the TV...
and I can't afford a $200 remote
aside from that, though...

anyone remember that song from the Jetsons, Push-Button Blues?

Rory L. Aronsky said...

"If you press the little yellow triangle button, the blue square, the non-record red circle and the little green diamond in sequence, a leprechaun steals your box of Lucky Charms."

Is that why the Lucky Charms marshmallows have gotten smaller?

Don Roszel said...

Ken. Ken. Ken.

Three words:

Get a TiVo

Baylink said...

Hope you're not an archiver; all your saved material walked out the door with the cable guy...

D. McEwan said...

Looks pretty much like the control to my DVR (Which I just had put in 4 months ago). My problem is the manual doesn't tell me what all the onscreen symbols mean. The stuff I recorded 4 months ago that are still on the DVR now have red exclamation points next to them. I can not find ANY explanation of what that means anywhere in the booklet. Are they about to explode? Is it angry at me for keeping stuff on the recorder a long time? One isn't always in the mood to watch TILLY'S PUNCTURED ROMANCE, and I want to keep Graham Norton interviewing Dame Edna because it's hilarious, but I'm getting these red exclamation points.

Now mine has a green button marked "List" just above "Play" which, when pressed, displays all the recorded shows. There's also a button marked "Help," but no matter how many times I press it, paramedics never show up.

The "Day" button, it turns out, when you're looking at the guide, skips it ahead a day. It's handy if you're wanting to set it up to record something six days ahead.

I'm afraid that if I press "Page," I'll hear an announcement along the lines of "Mr. McEwan, please come to a white courtesy telephone."

There's a button marked "Swap." I tried pressing it and my next door neighbor's wife showed up and tried to touch me inappropriately.

There's also something labelled "PIP," and I think if I press it, I'll find myself watching Dickens's GREAT EXPECTATIONS.

But the real problem for me is that the buttons for "Pause," "Play," and "Stop" are arranged differently than they are on my DVD player remote, and my fingers don't always remember which pad they are on, and I'll try to pause a recording and end up deleting something, or I'll try to press "Stop," and it calls my mother to tell her I'm watching gay porn.

But however complex a new remote may be, they all still beat the hell out of having to get out of the chair and walk over to the set to change a channel or the volume, as we had to do back with our the stone age TVs. Remember back when, if you wanted to see a show, you had to be home when it was on? If only I'd had this back in 1984, I wouldn't have had to choose each week whether I wanted to see HILL STREET BLUES or KNOT'S LANDING.

But I love this DVR. I've got 24 movies sitting on it at the moment, and the entire TORCHWOOD miniseries, all waiting for me (I've actually watched TORCHWOOD, but a friend is coming over in a few days to see them, so they remain on) , and it's still only 65% full.

Gotta go. I've got 24 movies to watch!

Anonymous said...

much easier to go with verizon fios (if available). I recently moved and only option was TW (besides Directv). I too am continuously unimpressed/angered/blah with their equipment, tho their CS is not bad

Lizzie V. said...

ROFLMAO! And we don't even have cable! I barely do well with just a QWERTY & mouse. Don't get me started on our "litter" of remotes!

Tallulah Morehead said...

Does ROFLMAO mean "Richard of Fullerton loves my aunt's oatmeal"? I don't speak "Text".

Albert Einstein said...

Ken, if you ever do figure it out, how'd you like to help me rethink that relativity thing?...

Scott Squires said...

1. Get a Tivo. Upsided: UI is light years better, click to ff or rev 15 minutes at a time, wishlists ,etc.
Dwnside; If Tivo can't control your box electrically then it uses infrared which increases the odds of a misfunction and slows everythign down.

2. Get a Harmony One remote. Program it once easily on your computer and then toss the old control in the drawer. Now at least the controls make some sense. Of course you're still stuck with a crappy DVR.

Raji Barbir said...

That was just hilarious. At your expense, but still...

Now I'm not a fan of Apple, but I'm sure they'll eventually come up with some really simple and elegant iPhone-type remote to control your DVR, your garage door and the color of your walls.

Jason said...

I'm the nth person to say it, but maybe that will be what it takes.

Tivo + Harmony = Bliss

David Arnott said...

Couldn't agree more in re: TiVo.

That little oops-I-think-you-missed-it-so-lemme-back-up-a-few-seconds when you fast forward is worth ALL THE EXTRA MONEY TiVo may cost you compared to your "local" DVR.

My parents have the Comcast DVR, and my Monday night poker group has the Time Warner DVR, so, believe me, I've had LOTS of comparative experience, DVR-wise.

TiVo wins by a mile. Miles, plural, actually.

Not even close.

Kenny said...

After switching from a TiVo (because I couldn't afford to upgrade to an HD TiVo box to the Time Warner DVR recently, I went through almost the same thing. I think I've figured out the basic functionality (that badly placed back button, senselessly labeled LAST, was a real treat), but everything is stupider and more difficult than the TiVo. It's appalling that something that was so simple and elegant and easy to take for granted could be so badly designed on every level. The ugly, cluttered, totally illogical remote; the layers upon layers of irrelevant, unintuitive menus. This is just inexcusably bad design. It oughtn't be this way. It's not getting old. It's other people who are flat out bad at their jobs. Someday I hope I will be able to afford a TiVo again.

Ellen said...

Ken, if you haven't yet seen this video from the Onion drop everything ...

Sony Stupid Thing

Some Guy on the Internet said...

@ D. McEwan: according to the internet, one possible explanation for your red exclamation points is that they indicate which shows will get (automatically) deleted first, once your hard drive fills up. Presumably the shows marked in that way are those that have been sitting on your DVR the longest.

Paul Duca said...

After reading all this I'm glad I'm still old fashioned enough to use tape for time shifting--I have a DVD/VCR combo unit. I can only record one thing at a time on one channel, but I'm almost always sure of getting it.

WV: gesse--the plural of gosse

Gridlock said...

If you press the little yellow triangle button, the blue square, the non-record red circle and the little green diamond in sequence, a leprechaun steals your box of Lucky Charms.

I thought you get an extra 99 lives and unlimited ammo?

Michael.Sg said...

Your post reminded me of this story on The Onion:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/sony_releases_new_stupid_piece_of

Sebastian said...

@Tallulah:

ROTFL et al aren't "Text", they are IRC inventions and therefor chat and have been around half your life, you just weren't "there" for it ;-)

Seriously though, these acronyms have been around for three decades, they just made it over to text messages because (*gasp*) they work.

Yet I agree, ROTFLLMAO is a bit much. A simple LOL would've sufficed.

Oh and I think Einstein would've understood this better than anyone working at a patent office and all. I guess _because_ of that he was able to come up with a simple solution for the time/space/energy problem for it seemed so easy after reading all those patent docs...

Anonymous said...

Jesus Ken, your VCR still blinking 12:00?? I feel like I just 5 minutes of hack stand up at open mic night. How's the airplane food?

LouOCNY said...

For a little while, Philips made a series of Hard Disc Drive recorders (HDD recorders). Here is all that they do:

1. Record like a VCR digitally on a 160gb hard disc drive, which means you have room for a boatload of movies and other stuff - I currently have 30 titles on mine, and still have HALF of my disc space left!

2. The hard drive works so you can actually watch something you've recorded while the its recording another title!

and best of all,

3. It has a built in, superior quality DVD burner! For an SP quality two hour movie to burn takes about 20 minutes to burn, and another 3 to 'finalize' for viewing on regular DVD players. I think I have burned like 200 movies over the last two years.

and -psssst- it also, unlike most recorders, is not bothered by some of the blocking software HBO and some other premium channels use...

So what if I have to manually set the timer - it WORKS, and works GREAT


WV= PEACRANS: what happens when you drink too much cranberry juice

blogward said...

Just a crazy idea, but what if you could have a kind of hand-held thing that moved a an arrow, or cursor round on the screen? Wouldn't that be cool? If it couldn't be infra-red you'd have to have a wire connecting it to the TV. Hey, it would look like a kind of mouse on your coffee table!

WV = throt: a full-size throttle

mcp said...

On the TWC remote, the "SWAP" button is a great feature. It is located at the bottom of the remote and allows you to switch between the two tuners on the DVR.

Say you are flipping between two football games. If you flipped to one showing an extra point, you would have to hope for a replay.

However, you can set the channel for one game, hit "SWAP" and then set the channel for the second game. Now, the DVR's two tuners are active. So, when you hit "SWAP" you can rewind to see what you missed.

Doktor Frank Doe said...

That's all simply
TIME WARNER CABLE! "One click north of Rabbit Ears"

Michael Green said...

We got a DVR and I recorded a bunch of great stuff. Then I tried to download some of it and couldn't. The cable company said I needed a new one. The guy came out and hooked up a new system. It worked great. It simply lost everything. Ain't technology grand?

Emily Blake said...

Wow, Sebastian. Way to make her feel small without actually answering her question.

Tallulah, ROFLMAO means Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off.

A. Buck Short said...

OMG! This reads like a suicide note found next to the body of Leonard Maltin.

Hilarious, but you now need to take it to the next level in the tradition of appliances that actually conspire and rebel against their owners on their own. Inspector Clouseau, Sid Caesar, Woody Allen: "The depressing thing is that my mother ran out and bought one."

And if the trail ride seminar on VCR programming helped the greenhorns pass the time in City Slickers, the studio can probably get a Slickers III. and IV. out of your gizmo. The real first sign of the apocalypse is when these guys get their hands on “improving” car radio button presets. And you thought cell phones caused accidents….

Sadly, after all this, Ken, I’m sorry to inform that you have not only been befuddled, you were robbed. We get practically the same overachieving dysfunctionality from our $59.95 RadioShack converter box --- and the government gave us $40 back for therapy.

Lizzie V. said...

Oh, Tallulah! You speak most wonderfully! I read Ken's blog for your comments as well as for his posts.

As others spoke for me, I "Rolled On The Floor, Laughed My Ass Off." (Except there's too much clutter to roll on the floor in study (sadly); if I'd laughed out as loudly as I had wanted to, then I would have woken half the neighborhood; and as IF it was that easy to lose my ass.)

wv: grinsp- a mirthful spit-take with more teeth & less spew.

Matt said...

First of all, what I think really happened is that this was installed at Ken's house on Friday. Then, Katherine Heigl appeared on Letterman. He resented the 17 hour day comment because he had spent a similar amount of time trying to figure out his new system. So, she received all that backlash frustration. Otherwise, Ken really loves her.
Second, I'm assuming this remote is made in China. They are waiting for a majority of us to be either in the process of trying to use it or in a stupor from having tried to use it. Then, they attack.

AlaskaRay said...

Medical experts say that if you want to keep your aging brain young you have to challenge it and learn new complex tasks. Some people choose to do this by learning a new language, like Chinese, while others just get a new cable remote. Both work well.

Do you feel young again?

Ray

Todd said...

Ken:

I currently stand on the precipice of your dilemma.

I also live in L.A. and have Time-Warner Cable. However, I still have the old "Moxi" box (made by Motorola), which I'm assuming is what you had before it broke down. Mine, too, is starting to act up a little...

...but they'll have to pry the ergonomically-sensual Moxi remote out of my cold dead fingers before I'll switch to the new "standard" Time-Warner cable interface.

I once had the standard Time-Warner box, then switched to Moxi (once upon a time, T-W gave you a choice). What a difference! A system designed with the USER in mind, with an eye-pleasing, graphically-intuitive interface. T-W confirmed to me that people LOVED the Moxi boxes...

...so, of course, they eventually decided to eliminate them in favor of their own.

This degree of corporate blindness is unequaled anywhere, except, of course, Hollywood.

I pray my Moxi box will last, for despite having two engineering degrees...

...I fear the canticle of multi-channel Hell you described in your post.

Good luck,

Todd

John said...

Given that Time-Warner Cable is always advertising their Road Runner High-Speed Internet, you really shouldn't be surprised they came up with a DVR and remote control designed by Wile E. Coyote.

Anonymous said...

Like Todd, I love Moxi! Moxi was so much better.

DC said...

I also had to get a new box. My wife and I hate it. I tried to call and complain but I also can't stand wading though the customer service maze at TW/

Mike Bell said...

Ken - I think it's only fair you should know. The Time Warner remote design team was headed by Katherine Heigl.

DC said...

Oh, and another thing.

With the old moxi box we could skip 30 seconds easily. Now we must fast forward (choices are): slightly faster than normal, faster than slightly faster, and zippy. That is troublesome but I am (slowly) learning to adapt. I do hate it when I'm going FF and hit play and the whole system ignores me. I have to wait for it (the system) to wake up and then do the same dance again only in reverse.

Mary Stella said...

I got a DVR last fall when I signed up for Dish Network. I started using DVR after Christmas when I finally figured out the remote.

Now I'm semi-comfortable. I have it set to record every new episode of True Blood and General Hospital. I've even figured out how to delete the shows after I've watched.

I can't stand to spend money on a new remote, no matter how wonderful Harmony might be. No remote is worth the money until they make one that my dog can't destroy. She's a sweet spaniel but hell on electronics. So far, she chewed the DVD tray when she accidentally hit the eject button and the tray attacked her. The remote still works even though its battery door is missing and there are toothmarks on some of the buttons. I'm not sure what the printer did to antagonize her, but maybe that's my bad for leaving it on the floor. Thank goodness we had an electronics recycling day in town.

I keep the shredder unplugged when I'm not around. I think that would be a battle the dog would lose.

spreng said...

We got a remote like that last year when we got Verizon FIOS. We simply let our six-year-old son do all the remote control operations.

Frasier Fan said...

My original TW remote was very similar to the one I got when I had to upgrade my DVR box because I got a new TV that had HD capability. The only problem I seem to have is that I can't program it to work the on/off and volume buttons for the TV so I have to use the TV remote for that. Oh, and I got a faulty remote when I had to go pick up my new DVR box (in order to avoid the trip charge) so then I had to go all the way back to the TW store to get a new one which cost me in gas what a trip charge would have cost me. Must be a common problem because they had the "replacement" remotes right there at the check in desk all nice and handy!

I have friends that have Tivo but I don't want to pay for it and I'm quite satisfied with my DVR.

Tallulah Morehead said...

"David Arnott said...
That little oops-I-think-you-missed-it-so-lemme-back-up-a-few-seconds when you fast forward is worth ALL THE EXTRA MONEY TiVo may cost you compared to your 'local' DVR."

My Time-Warner DVR (which is clearly the same one as Ken's) FF does that, it backs up a few seconds on FF, more seconds on double-FF, and the better part of a minute on triple-FF. And yes, that's a lovely feature.

"Some Guy on the Internet said...
@ D. McEwan: according to the internet, one possible explanation for your red exclamation points is that they indicate which shows will get (automatically) deleted first, once your hard drive fills up."

Thanks. You'd think they'd understand that I knew the ones at the bottom of the list would go first if I ever reach the top. (Haven't gone beyond 70%.) I just wish they'd use a less-alarming looking symbol. Anyway, thank you for the clarification.

"Paul Duca said...
After reading all this I'm glad I'm still old fashioned enough to use tape for time shifting--I have a DVD/VCR combo unit. I can only record one thing at a time on one channel."

Well I didn't throw out my VCRs, and I kept my old cable hook-up in the bedroom. But with a VCR, along with the lesser picture quality, you can't watch one thing while recording something else. Whereas I can now watch a program in the bedroom, while recording a different show on the bedroom VCR, and recording two things at once on the DVR, so on the rare occasions (like Thursdays at 8 PM) that there's 4 different things on at once that I want to see, I can, and that old HILL STREET vs KNOT'S LANDING choice is banished into the past just as those two great series are.

" Kishore said...
Hi everyone, For more details on Rivers attractions like Niagara falls attractions ... [blah, blah, blah]"

Thanks. I was just thinking as I read this thread, "I wish I knew where I could learn more about 'Rivers Attractions'." I've been to Niagara Falls once, but never went back despite all my marriages, as they never put in new rides, the way Disneyland does. And frankly, that barrel thrill-ride I took there was excessively jarring.

"Sebastian said...
@Tallulah:
ROTFL et al aren't "Text", they are IRC inventions and therefor chat and have been around half your life"

I'm 112. They haven't even had electricity for half my life. And what does IRC mean? But I apologize for spending my life around people who use the English language and who aren't too lazy to type entire words. I keep meaning to join the semi-literate generation, but I'm stuck in full-literacy mode. Here's one I invented, Can you translate it? I started with an easy letter. FOA

"Emily Blake said...
Wow, Sebastian. Way to make her feel small without actually answering her question. Tallulah, ROFLMAO means Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off."

Thanks darling, but he did not succeed in making me feel small.

When I roll on the floor, it's usually part of a group activity, or because I can't find the dust mop.

"Lizzie V. said...
Oh, Tallulah! You speak most wonderfully! I read Ken's blog for your comments as well as for his posts."

Thank you darling. You can read me on my own blog as well, and also over on the HuffPo. I get around. I'm - ah - well the polite term is "easy."

But my aunt's oatmeal is delicious, honestly. Richard of Fullerton swears by it. Auntie Evelyn puts rum in it. After all, breakfast is the most important cocktail of the day.

WV: timism: "Chat" for "Terribly Important Men Itch So Much."

Joe said...

Miss Heigl told me she was upgrading your DVR...did it arrive?

Jenna Jameson said...

Ken, is there a button on that remote that will trigger orgasms on command? .... Have your cable guy call me...

Emily Blake said...

*checks Tallulah's blog*

Oh well now I feel retarded.

Anonymous said...

You know this was a subplot on an episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" last season

lump516 said...

Do they still make VCRs?

Tim said...

In about a week and a half, just as you start getting used to the new remote, you'll notice that the labels have started wearing off. (But only on the buttons that you use a lot...)

Rory L. Aronsky said...

In about a week and a half, just as you start getting used to the new remote, you'll notice that the labels have started wearing off. (But only on the buttons that you use a lot...)

I have the greatest urge to make a dirty joke here, but I'll refrain. I'll leave them to Tallulah. She does them better.

Surprisingly, on my DirecTV DVR remote, no labels have worn out. Not volume, not list, not guide, not even the pause and play buttons. Just the company logo on the bottom has faded somewhat, most likely because that's where my palm rests when I'm laying on the couch into late night/early morning, watching TV, hoping to fall asleep there at least once for old time's sake. I used to.

alynch said...

If that picture you posted is your actual remote model, then there's a green button just above the play button called "List" that'll take you directly to all your recorded programs. That ought to save you some needless navigation

Roger Owen Green said...

I think I actually HAVE the remote you have. There IS a learning curve (and those two red buttons are an irritant), but if I can suss it out, so can you. Oops, I just burnt the toast.

Tallulah Morehead said...

"Rory L. Aronsky said...
In about a week and a half, just as you start getting used to the new remote, you'll notice that the labels have started wearing off. (But only on the buttons that you use a lot...)

I have the greatest urge to make a dirty joke here, but I'll refrain. I'll leave them to Tallulah. She does them better."

This is why no can rad anymore which of my nipples is "Hot," and which is "Cold."

And I've had the "G" retattooed on that spot over 40 times. No use.

Thank you, I'll be here all century. Please tip your waitresses.

WV: tripl: when you the shortstop tags you out between second and third. (Hey Ken! A baseball joke!)

Anonymous said...

we've got that new dvr box here in canada (recognized the remote and the look & feel of the screenshot) and word to the wise: don't leave it on 24/7 or else it'll also crash within 2 years or so...

Keith said...

I hate HATE this platform - the DVR sucks and records all kinds of usless junk, then locks up when it is full.

I wish I could pull an office space printer episode on it and smash it to bits.