Friday, October 30, 2009

Happy Halloween

This has always been one of my favorite holidays, especially when the kids were little. Taking them trick-or-treating and seeing them so excited and happy was one of the true joys of parenthood. And then eating the candy they collected was fun too. Of course there’s always that one eccentric house. We had a dentist who gave out toothbrushes. Thank goodness he wasn’t a proctologist.

And where I live, near UCLA, there was always a second wave of trick-or-treaters. Later, after the kids had turned in for the night, sorority girls in yummy costumes would ring the bell. I’d be holding the candy bowl for them in one hand and my Emmy in the other.

During Matt & Annie’s elementary school years there was also the annual Halloween carnival. This was a public school catering to the local neighborhood but we were hardly a typical neighborhood. One year I volunteered by making snow cones and Hugh Hefner and his six bimbos strolled up to my cart. He had a kid in the school. A noted soft-porn actress whose children attended the school offered this for the silent auction: A two hour nude session where you could photograph or paint her. The principal graciously declined that offer but I bet it would have brought in a lot more money than the autographed WINGS script I donated.

For the school’s “Haunted House” Gene Simmons participated. He would pop up and stick out that four-foot tongue. One mother was so freaked she literally sued the school.

Ah, good times.

One thing I learned though, Halloween is an OUTDOOR holiday.

My son’s birthday is November 2nd. (Happy upcoming birthday, Matt!). When he turned five Halloween night fell on a Saturday. So for his party we invited a bunch of his friends to the house where I would take them all out trick-or-treating and then they’d come back for pizza and cake. 5-7 PM. No muss. No fuss. Great plan.

Except it rained. No, it POURED.

First off, as parents deposited their kids they asked if we’d take siblings since they couldn’t take them trick-or-treating in the rain. Of course we said yes, and so at 5:00 I had forty screaming crazed children running around my house – chasing each other with hatchets, and fairy wands, and Star Wars phasers. After relentlessly trying to wrangle this supercharged mob I finally sat down on the stairs and took a breath. I was so proud of myself. I had gotten through it. It’s almost 7. Then I checked my watch. 5:20.

If you have little kids enjoy these precious Halloweens. Soon enough they’ll outgrow you, want to be with their friends instead, and trade phasers for tequila shooters. At least I still have my memories… and the sorority girls keep coming around.

One last Halloween note: I’ve always found it odd that Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t believe in this holiday so they stay home…on the only night of the year when people would actually open their doors to them.

Happy Halloween.

Boo!

15 comments:

MattA said...

Wasn't this an episode of the Dick Van Dyke Show? Of course, as we all know, all of life refers back tothe DVD Show.

YEKIMI said...

Jehovah’s witness version of Heaven: They die and there are a trillion doors to knock on.
Their version of Hell: No one EVER answers.

Patrick said...

Haven't even finished the piece yet -- "...candy bowl for them in one hand and my emmy in the other."
Just classic, guy humer. Hysterical. Maybe even for some of the ladies. Thanks for the laugh.

Paul Duca said...

Oh yes, the DVD episode about Ritchie's birthday party--fast fact: that is the only installment of the series that didn't have a studio audience...it was filmed the day of President Kennedy's funeral.

Joyce said...

"...candy bowl for them in one hand and my emmy in the other."

Not just guy humor ... I laughed out loud too!! Thanks Ken!

Ray Sanford said...

I went along with a private investigator friend one Halloween when he did process serving. People opened the door expecting little kids. Instead they got served.

Debby G said...

Ohhh, "my emmy" was meant literally. I'd assumed it was a stand-in for "my love muscle" or "my rodzilla." I need to wash my mind out with soap.

Tom Quigley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tom Quigley said...

This year for Halloween I decided to cover myself in dollar bills and go out as a stimulus package, so I did a test run last night. Eight Republicans slammed the door in my face... I think instead tonight I'll go out dressed as Megan Fox. At least that way I won't have to change the name of the costume...

wv: peaffic -- rush hour congestion on the PCH...

Gary Farber said...

"...and Star Wars phasers"

This seems unlikely.

Murray said...

I take great sadistic glee in hearing a Halloween was ruined by weather. Especially in Los Angeles. Right now, the snow is coming down hard enough to rank as a blizzard.

I always envied sitcoms and teevee characters who could dress as Tarzan or Tinkerbell as their whim dictated, without a care about actual weather protection.

Vermonter17032 said...

Funny. When I was a kid, I would have hated the dentist giving out toothbrushes on Halloween. Now I think he's a genius!

emily said...

Forget the candy. That is one good lookin' Emmy, mister...

AlaskaRay said...

>Debby G said... Ohhh, "my emmy" was meant literally. I'd assumed it was a stand-in for "my love muscle" or "my rodzilla." I need to wash my mind out with soap.<<

That's funnier than anything Ken posted today (sorry Ken). I've known Ken for 40 years and it never even occured to me that he meant anything other than his actual Emmy statue. Thanks Debby for giving me that mental image I'll now have to live with for the rest of my life.

Ray

Bill Clevlen said...

Hey Ken! Do you ever do guest interviews on other radio shows? I have a trivia show in Saint Louis, and am going to be doing a show next weekend all about Television... thought it would be cool to have you on to share some behind the scenes stuff if you're available. I don't see a way to e-mail you on here, so if you get a chance shoot me a note through my website, billradio.com! Thanks! -Bill