Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Mariah Carey's "miracle" pregnancy


Thank God for the internet! Otherwise, how could we keep up with the minute to minute updates on Mariah Carey’s pregnancy?   Can I ask a question?

Who the fuck cares?!

I can’t open a news page without some new screaming headline regarding Mariah Carey’s motherly way. She’s having contractions! EXTRA EXTRA! She’s been admitted to the hospital! BULLETIN! She’s not having contractions! OH NO!! She’s been released from the hospital.

Currently we’re at that stage where expert analysts discuss the difference between contractions and indigestion.

There are a million photos of Mariah’s extended belly. Some even taken during her pregnancy.

We know they will be twins, one boy and one girl. I’m sure her sonograms can be found on line. I would not be surprised if there was a webcam inserted right up the delivery canal. And maybe Mary Hart.

What’s the big deal? If Charlie Sheen were pregnant I wouldn’t expect this much coverage. This isn’t the holy Madonna, this isn’t even the trashy Madonna. There’s no “first” here.  Women have been delivering children the exact same way long before "Dream Lover" ever became a hit. 


Obviously, a lot of people do care. Otherwise, Mariah wouldn’t get this amount of attention. I just don’t know who those people are, or why? Mariah tries to downplay it. She’s not looking for publicity she claims. And then she goes and body paints her stomach – an obvious ploy for attention.

I wish her, her family, and her new babies all the good health and happiness in the world. It’s just that, when it comes to Mariah Carey’s reproduction endeavors, my curiosity and need to watch does not extend all the way till the blessed birth of her twins. It ends one second after conception.

20 comments:

Alex said...

Dammit. Until this post by you I didn't even know Mariah Carey was pregnant.

And yet I think I'm reasonably aware of the real news of the day. So whatever I'm doing seems to work.

Mac said...

"I would not be surprised if there was a webcam inserted right up the delivery canal. And maybe Mary Hart."

"Fantastic Voyage" The remake! I'll get my agent to call you.

OldEnoughtoRememberAlmostPerfect said...

On a side note I just read that your fellow "Almost Perfect" alumnus Nancy Travis just nailed down a pilot with Tim Allen.

http://bit.ly/e2VVD3

Blaze Morgan said...

I'm with first poster Alex. I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what "news" channel you're tapped into, but I'm wonderfully, mercifully, gloriously oblivious.

MikeBo said...

Mariah WHO?

Eduardo Jencarelli said...

Last time I recall seeing Mariah Carey anywhere was in her low-profile social worker role on the movie Precious. She actually proved to be a good actress on that film.

I had no idea she was even pregnant. I guess I can consider myself lucky I don't watch Entertainment Tonight (or any entertainment-related newscast on TV, for that matter).

Mariah's Twins said...

LOL! Would you adopt us, Ken?

Tim W. said...

May I third Alex and Blaze's comment. Until I read this, I had no idea Mariah Carey was even pregnant. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

cadavra said...

Now if DREW Carey were pregnant, I must confess I'd find that interesting...

kent said...

Did you have to inflict those pictures on us?

Charles H. Bryan said...

Her yells during delivery will run up and down two octaves.

Cap'n Bob said...

I didn't know about it, either. Thanks for the scoop, Ken.

Leslie said...

Well I did know about it and had heard a few things but its not been that constant - maybe 5 news stories the last 7 months or so, which isn't that much with all things considering.

Its one thing if its her personal twitter/facebook page or website and its quite another if its the actual press picking it all up. Those who are her true fans do care and will visit those sites. Those who are mildly interested might visit them on occasion, but if its truly in the actual news (even entertainment news) then that is a little compulsive.

benson said...

@Charles H. Bryan: Her yells during delivery will run up and down two octaves.

And dogs will be barking within a two mile radius.

Tallulah Morehead said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
analee said...

Thanks for this post, it was my first time to know that Mariah is pregnant.

Tallulah Morehead said...

I had no idea she was pregnant. I think my eyes just naturally screen out her headlines, as I am so utterly uninterested in her. Now if Dame Edna was pregnant again, those headlines I would notice! (Though Edna says her Gyno told her she is still capable of having grandchldren.)

Anonymous said...

I can't wait for this never ending pregnancy to finish.

Signed,

Mariah's Placenta

Anonymous said...

Technically, your interest would end moments BEFORE conception...

Brasil said...

I already had the "What to expect when you are expecting" book when my sister gave me "Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy". I was so impressed with the details on a week by week basis. The pictures of the different development stages of the fetus during pregnancy are by far better than the ones in the "What to expect ..." book. They are much more realistic. The book also has a wonderful section called the decision guide about all the different tests and possiblilities that helps me make my decisions in a non biased manner