Thursday, June 30, 2011

The dumbest game show... yet

Finally! A version of JEOPARDY for morons!! For years, cretins have surfed past JEOPARDY on their way to FEAR FACTOR repeats always wondering what the big deal was. It’s just some eggheads answering questions and it has to be fixed. No one in the world would actually know the answers to those questions. Like people remember the name of rivers and U.S. Presidents. Yeah, right. And that’s all the show is – answering questions. Where’s the excitement in that?!

I can imagine the focus group. Twenty Cro-Magnons in a room, playing with string, being asked what they’d like to see in a game show. A hot girl sitting under explosives being propelled straight up in the air while she screamed for dear life. Yeah!!! People plunging ten stories down into water. Another hot babe strapped to the wing of a WWI fighter plane zooming across the sky. Now this has potential!

But what about the questions? They must be intellectually challenging. “How much did William Shatner sell his kidney stone for?” Okay, that one might be a little too highbrow but it’s in the ballpark.

The prize: $50,000 for the winner, which if these people do the math is enough to buy a Lear jet.

Assuming that this focus group had evolved to where they had thumbs, by now all forty would be up. Feet would be clapping.  Drool would be pouring. 

Hence, 101 WAYS TO LEAVE A GAME SHOW – a game show that mixes idiocy with low expectation greed and explosions. Throw in an incredibly annoying host who thinks he’s Adam Corolla and you have the recipe for summer fun, ABC style. Take that, Fox!

However, for anyone watching this schlockfest who has an IQ of 50 and a forehead, this is the dumbest new show on television.

JEOPARDY contestants have college degrees; one 101 WAYS contestant has a big tattoo on his arm of Lady Gaga, another wants to use the prize money to build a waterfall for his iguana, and a third plans to use her winnings to buy a backstage pass to a Justin Bieber concert. Shooting these nitwits out of cannons isn’t cruel. It’s what they deserve.


The truth is there’s no suspense. Obviously, none of these dolts are in any real danger. They’re doing nothing more than essentially going on Six Flags Magic Mountain thrill rides. Yes, they scream and maybe think they’re in danger, but they would think that on every attraction they ever ride. They’ve cheated death by surviving Dumbo.

And just to make sure that the questions aren’t too taxing, over the course of a one-hour show there are a grand total of ten of them. The toughest: Did McDonalds ever offer McLobster?


“I’ll take village idiots for 40, Alex.”

If you like complete train wrecks then 101 WAYS TO LEAVE A GAME SHOW is for you. Train wreck, by the way, is probably way 22. I can only hope that the show will be off the air long before they get that far.

33 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great article, but-- it's "jeopardy"

Mike Barer said...

Summer shows do not have a history of being intellectually challenging.

Anonymous said...

I've always wanted to see a game show where the losers are playing for something serious, like their life: e.g. The host looks at the final three contestants and says, "Okay, you three are in it for the 10 million dollar first prize, but what you don't know is the losers will be killed. And now our final quiz question is..."

Shoulda read the waiver, kids. Call it a new version of "You Bet Your Life."

RockGolf said...

Actually it's "Jeopardy!"

The exclamation point has always been part of the show name.

WV: bioniesp - the genetic offspring of the six million dollar man and the girl with something extra.

Charles H. Bryan said...

It's summertime -- who's watching television? This is a time to be outside, enjoying the long evenings, accompanied by the sounds of baseball on the radio.

Matt said...

This was on British TV last year. It is/was truly awful. The biggest problem is that whatever tension is built during the questioning bit is lost during the results. Contestants aren't suddenly flung around, they're warned by the host that they're out and more often than not slowly lowered to their demise (which is often a swimming pool).

Burford said...

I've been racking...or is it wracking...my brain to "figger" out this "JEAPARDY" thing. If Ken spelled it "JEEPARDY" I might write it off to product placement. Ken, those little red squiggly lines you get when drafting blog items are hints that you may be qualified to be a contestant on this show.

Anonymous said...

OMG! WHAT am I doing here????

Lisa said...

Spell checkers default to ignore words that are all caps, which is likely why JEAPARDY slipped through. Ironic.

LA Nuts book said...

Every time I hear about something like this, I think to myself, "Why am I not wealthier?"

Mark S said...

My six year old son loves this show. I just figured he was the target market.

The host also hosts a similar type show on Nickelodeon called Brain Surge that my son also loves. This just appears to be the same show only with adult contestants.

Anonymous said...

You hit the nail on the head with this show. I tried to watch the first epidose and was dulled to sleep while drooling on myself... They try to "build suspense" by giving EVERY answer after a commercial break. This method only works for shows that we actually care about. The stunts are ridiculous & the contestants are even worse.

For now, I'll stick to a realistic game-show with whitty contestants... Wipe Out!!!

Scott said...

I'd like to think that I'm a reasonably intelligent individual. I think I'm well above Cro-Magnon status. So it may come as a surprise when I say I was entertained watching the pilot episode of this. Just the same way I'm entertained by watching its lead-in, "Wipeout."

I enjoy watching semi-literate dweebs make total asses of themselves on national television for what is probably, for them, more than a year's salary.

It's occasionally fun to turn my mind off and be entertained for an hour. Just like it's fun to watch something that makes you think or is well written or acted.

I would imagine that between what the production company is paying in prizes and what they're paying the company that is in charge of the stunts, the bottom line for ABC is still well into the black.

Mac said...

One room, ten doors. Pick the wrong door and you release the Bengal tiger. Much cheaper to produce and the tiger gets fed.

Mike Heath said...

How can you screw up JEOPARDY?

And, let's face it, ALL 'reality' television is footage of idiots acting idiotically for an audience of idiots.
Fairly simple really.

Sebastian said...

I don't have an IQ of 50 but I still noticed how dumb this show is...

Ken Levine said...

Hey, my spell checker let me down. What can I say? Someone is now tying a rope around my waist that's attached to a rocket and AAAAAAAAAAAA!

RockGolf said...

@KenLevine Ken Levine
Spell checker let me down. Sorry. Someone is now tying a rope around my waist that's attached to a rocket and AAAAAA!
kenlevine.blogspot.com
5 minutes ago via web

Brother Maynard: 'Someone is now tying a rope around my waist that's attached to a rocket and AAAAAA! '.
Bedevere: What show is that?
Brother Maynard: He must have died while tweeting it.
Launcelot: Oh, come on!
Brother Maynard: Well, that's what it says.
King Arthur: Look, if he was being airlifted by a rocket, he wouldn't bother to type 'AAAAAA!'. He'd just say it!
Brother Maynard: Well, that's what's on his Twitter!
Galahad: Perhaps he was dictating.
King Arthur: Oh, shut up.

Roger Owen Green said...

wear iz tha spel cheker, anyweigh?

William said...

Ha, that line about the prize money is right on. It reminds me of a Mitchell and Webb sketch which kind of makes the same point: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ss-59fi4nM

Anonymous said...

I have an idea for a game show with real danger, and as a bonus it appeals to the pseudo-patriotism that seems to be rampant among the less intellectual public.

Have a game show where if you lose, you have to join the US military.

What do you think?

Cheers,

Alan Tomlinson

Ken Misch said...

Watch the Mike Judge movie "Idiocracy."

Anonymous said...

Anon @#3, they have a "You bet your ass deal. It's called the Marines."

Somebody once told me that McDonald's sells lobster rolls in Maine. I can't confirm.

MichaelG

Anonymous said...

Whoops, didn't read far enough. I see Tomlinson just above beat me to the military thing.

cadavra said...

Frankly, I don't know why SNL keeps doing game-show sketches. Nothing they come up with is as deranged as the real ones out there.

Anonymous said...

I'm embarassed to say I actually watched this show--or I was embarassed until I found out respected author and blogger Ken Levine had watched it too. Now I can come out into the open.

The dumb people and the matching host didn't bother me. I sat down expecting it. In my home we call it "television."

I was hoping for a little more contestant humiliation, some physical abuse ala MOST EXTREME ELIMINATION CHALLENGE or 1000 WAYS TO DIE. But no. The walk-the-plank question where the losers drop 80 feet to the water was via a clearly visible descender cable; the wing walk exit was a D ticket and the departure by exploding chair looked like a puppet on a string. It was inheirent phoniness of the stunts I found so offensive.

JC said...

I've watched it, it was silly fun. I never expected it to be anything more than junk food for the mind. Sometimes you need that. C'mon, lighten up! ;)

Rob said...

I found the 102nd way to leave a game show, my remote control.

Paul Duca said...

1000 WAYS TO DIE isn't a game show....it is MY guilty pleasure program, a chronicle of the most unusual situations in which people have met their demise.

cshel said...

Ken -

Thanks for watching the schlock so I don't have to.

I have always loved Jeopardy, but I find Alex annoying. I know that's blasphemy to say. But I watch anyway.

Mark Caldwell said...

Sharpen your pencil Ken.

If you think 101 Ways to Leave a Gameshow is bad just wait till we export Don't Scare the Hare. The revenge for all the US quiz shows we've suffered over here for years has begun [insert maniacal laughter here]...

Anonymous said...

"an incredibly annoying host who thinks he’s Adam Corolla"

What could possibly be worse?

Curtis said...

There are some mind-blowingly stupid game-shows floating around, so this one must be off the charts...!