I find these laws to be self evident…
There are more New York cab drivers who speak English than all the night nurses in all metropolitan hospitals combined.
Theatre audiences will always boo an Adam Sandler trailer yet he will keep getting movies.
If you're only doing a limited schedule of broadcasting for the Mariners, you won't get to do the perfect game.
There is not one mohel who doesn’t think he’s a comedian. There is not one mohel who is right.
If a waiter doesn’t write down your order he will get it wrong.
If you’re telling a joke in a restaurant the waiter will arrive and interrupt the minute you get to the punch line.
There will always be one young couple that brings a baby to a slasher movie.
In every article that mentions you, no matter how complimentary, there will always be one thing said or misquoted that will prevent you from forwarding it to your family.
The heavier and more cumbersome your carry-on luggage, the farther your gate will be from the terminal.
No pregnant woman looks good in a bikini.
When a hostess tells you it’ll only be five more minutes, they just have to clear off some tables – it’ll be twenty.
The minute you begin eating on an airplane, turbulence will begin.
When a couple from the mainland gets married in Hawaii the marriage doesn’t last.
Nine out of ten tourists at Disneyland are overweight. Ten out of ten if they stay two days.
The screw up because the hospital forgot to bill the correct insurer will never ever ever be resolved.
Women will always claim the number one thing they’re looking for in a man is a sense of humor and then pick the best looking guy.
The driver in front of you is an idiot.
And of course, my most famous law...
The lead-off walk always comes around to score... unless he doesn't. (I've never been proven wrong.)