Sunday, December 23, 2012

Full confession

I have a good friend who, back in the ‘90s, used to work for SPORTS ILLUSTRATED. Every holiday season he would send me an SI holiday gift box. Inside would be handsome coffee table books of golf tournaments and classic World Series and also an engagement calendar. This is a handsome desk calendar broken down into weeks with photos of swimsuit models accompanying each week.

So I began using them. I’d fill in appointments, lunch dates, when scripts were due, which weeks I was scheduled to direct, etc. And yes, I’d look at the pictures. These girls are all in bikinis I should add. Tiny, microscopic even, but still. It’s not the Pornhub Engagement calendar.

And I even knew one of the models – Stacey Williams (pictured: right). She worked out in my gym. (She came to a FRASIER filming one week, saw me on the floor with the other writers, called for me, came down and gave me a big hug, and I thought the other writers were going to have strokes.) So there was the added benefit of … uh, supporting a friend’s work.

After about five years my SI buddy retired. The holiday swag ceased. Now I was left with a big decision. Do I still get the SI engagement calendar even if I have to pay for it? When I would get a funny look from someone who saw the calendar on my desk I could always say, “Hey, it was a gift.”

I decided to continue. After all, it was easier to go back through the years if they were all in a uniformed format. And if I was ever audited, hopefully the inspector would be so distracted by the photo of Brooklyn Decker he wouldn’t see that I wrote off lunch with Stacey Williams as a business expense.

Still there are those who roll their eyes. At my age I should be getting American Presidents Engagement calendars or Antique Walking Cane Engagement calendars.

So that’s my full confession. If you think I’m a pervert so be it. But I ordered next year’s calendar on Amazon and just got an email saying that my shipment has been delayed. They ran out of stock. So I may be a perv but now I know – I’m not the only one!!!

16 comments:

AndrewJ said...

At my age I should be getting American Presidents Engagement calendars

Yeah, but Millard Fillmore in a thong doesn't do it for me.

RockGolf said...

iMillard earned that last name.

Unfortunately, so did both Bushes.

Ray said...

Good for you! Nothing wrong with looking at beautiful girls.

DJ said...

Many years ago, a friend gave me a subscription to Esquire as a thank you gift. I wasn't expecting the gift, and I certainly wasn't expecting a subscription to a magazine that I otherwise would not have bought myself. But I began reading it, and there was just enough there to keep reading.

The subscription has long since expired, and I never renewed it. But I do buy it on the newsstand often. It serves as a nice reminder of a fondly remembered friend.

chris said...

You work in a Pornhub reference and you worry its having a swimsuit calendar that might make some think you're a perv? :)

Great Big Radio Guy said...

Glad you're continuing the tradition. It gives me something to look at while I'm updating your Mac's OS and your Microsoft Office 97.

IO Ioosy said...

Continue the tradition as long as the pictures are alluring. But, you surely could've added more than 2 pics to the post!

bevo said...

Way early Friday question. If I were inclined to order the Pornhub Engagement calendar, then where should I look?

Of course, it is not for me. It is, for um, a friend.

MikeBo said...

Keep subscribing, Ken. If you promise, I will send you the official White House Christmas ornament next year as an incentive.

Cap'n Bob said...

And I'm gifted with Reader's Digest. Life is so unfair.

D. McEwan said...

So I don't need to be embarassed by the "Colt Hairy Men" calandar hanging in my bedroom? Good. Because I'm not.

Roger Owen Green said...

I think it is sweet, the continuation of tradition. If it involves pretty women, so be it.

Pete Grossman said...

Now wait just a darn tootin' minute! You're still physically writing appointments in a calendar? How 20th Century!

Stacey Williams said...

Nothing fills me with more pride than being referenced in the same blogpost with Pornhub.

Ken Levine said...

Stacey,

You're also referenced in the same blogpost as American presidents. Happy holidays, kiddo.

BigTed said...

You realize that when you buy something from Amazon, they figure that into the "suggested purchases" they add to your account. So the next time you sign in (preferably at work), you'll get a whole page touting girly-magazine subscriptions and Cinemax DVDs.