Publicists, managers, record company executives (i.e. rock star wranglers) received an email this week from CBS essentially laying down a dress code.
It states: "Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack. Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible 'puffy' bare skin exposure.
It goes on to say no product name or profanity can be printed on any garments.
This of course comes from Standards & Practices. What makes this so amusing (at least to me) is that we're talking about the Grammys. The music industry. No one dresses more outrageously than the music industry. That's part of their world. CBS is going to tell Lady Gaga what meat is appropriate to wear?
This of course stems from the Janet Jackson "wardrobe malfunction" at the Super Bowl a few years ago that caused a huge stir. There was talk of suing CBS for millions of dollars for destroying the lives of America's impressionable youth who were unexpectedly subjected to the shocking sight of Janet Janet's nipple... for less than a second. Live shows were put on delay as a result and our hypocritical puritan nation was shaken to its very roots for months.
This year, following in that proud tradition -- Beyonce sang at the Super Bowl.
Remember the 2009 Oscars (a show seen by billions more people worldwide than the Super Bowl)? Beyonce exposed her nipple for a fraction of a second and the reaction?
I think when you see this you'll agree -- American children were traumatized by the sight of Beyonce's nipple, and you're kicking yourself for deleting the Oscar telecast from your DVR menu.
And now we can't see the sides of breasts. Oh well. There's always the Oscars in a month.