Friday, May 31, 2013

The dumbest Friday Questions I've received

Sometimes I get bizarre questions so I thought today I’d try to answer some of them.  Names have been withheld to protect the embarrassed. These were actual questions submitted.  NOTE:  I post these in the spirit of fun, not to be mean-spirited (which is why I'm not identifying anyone).  I love your questions and answer them every week.  But I do get some goofy ones and people are always asking me to share some of those.  My answers are tongue-in-cheek.   So please, just have fun with this.  

Question one:

I've noticed that when a character is writing something he (or she) is usually left handed. I don't know why I notice this or why it bothers me. My question is, is this my imagination?

No, you’re correct. Research has shown that audiences prefer left handed penmanship. So if the actor is right handed they just flip the film. Congratulations on being the first viewer to ever spot this phenomenon.

Question two:

Have there been porn parodies of any of the shows you've worked and, if so, have you seen them?

Yes, but I haven’t seen them. I prefer pornographic parodies of procedurals. My favorites are BONE and CS&M.

Question three:

I was at a casino recently and saw a "Cheers" slot machine. You getting anything from that?

I’m getting as much as I’m making on the porn CHEERS.

Question four:

As a baseball announcer maybe you can answer this – is there an inning where not a lot happens and you can go to the bathroom or concession stands without missing too much?

Any inning the Houston Astros bat.

Question five:

When is the best time to pitch a show? Time of year, time of day, day of the week?

Summer. 11:13 AM. Second Tuesday of the month.

Question six:

Do you like killing characters?

What writer doesn’t?

Question seven:

It seems alot of people that have recurring roles on series have been popping up as guest stars on other series (Peter/Neil from White Collar on Body of Proof/The New Normal as an example). I never really noticed that much before, is there any reason why it seems to be happening now?

Yes.  Actors like to eat.

Question eight:

Ken, I recently read an article in Entertainment Weekly about the drop in sex scenes in mainstream Hollywood movies. I'm curious as to your thoughts on this trend.

Until I get royalties on the porn version of CHEERS, I’m against it.

Question nine:

An Anyday Question for you:
Have you ever written into a script someone breaking an object during a scene? A glass window, chair, or whatever?

Yes, but unlike killing actors, I get no real satisfaction out of it.

Question ten (this is a FRASIER question… I assume):

Did Eddie have actors that he preferred working with?

Kelsey Grammer because they both went to Julliard. Eddie, however, graduated.

What’s your question? Please leave it in the comments file. Woof.

41 comments:

Anonymous said...

As the submitter of one of these questions, my defense is I was trying to set you up to write something funny. I guess I learned my lesson and will refrain from more questions.

unkystan said...

As the writer of the left-hand question (I really am), I have no defense! It just seems that left handed writing favors the camera angle. oh, never mind.

Brian O. said...

Friday must be a scared-straight day for inquisitive posters.

Mitchell Hundred said...

How do you keep a joke from going too far (e.g. offending too many people, clashing with the tone of the show, having all the humour beaten out of it, etc.)?

Bamboo Harvester said...

A MASH question.
Why did the chicken cross the road in episode 7 of season five?

Dana King said...

I read years ago that creative people are more likely to be left handed. It's a left brain-right brain thing. Which explains why right-handed me has been so successful.

Heavywanker said...

Why haven't you been in any porn parodies? I've watched them all and never saw you, nor David. I mean they should let act the writers at least in the parodies, right? Disappointing!

Anonymous said...

Yeesh. You encourage people to leave comments and always leave a name. Then when they do, you turn on your own readers?

Some of those questions really weren't that bad. So, I don't know why you'd want to be mean spirited to your fans/readers.

LouOCNY said...

Ken - were you still announcing for the Mariners in 1993? I ask this because on an umpire/referee discussion board (yes, us umpires and referees have forums also!), there was a link to a YT video of an epic fight between the Mariners and Orioles. What is notable about this fight is, besides there being like 8 or 9 ejections, it came seriously close to ending Cal Ripken's consecutive game streak - he got in the middle of it, and strained a knee or something. If you were there, do you remember this?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYTQE8wUuvw&feature=youtu.be

Tom Quigley said...

Personally, I would have saved myself the time of formulating an answer for each of these and just responded "Yes"...

Scooter Schechtman said...

Oh, so you like slow pitch!
Would you like to write a sitcome for Will Arnett and Zoe...whatever her last name is, Jesus, I can't even remember my own setups.

Bill said...

Well, you haven't answered my last few questions: I'm just relieved you didn't answer any of them today. :)

Robert Pierce said...

Thanks Lou... I've just spent the last 30 minutes watching baseball brawls and haven't gotten any work done.

James said...

I get why the left-handed question is stupid -- But I notice it too.

Seems like every actor in Hollywood is left handed. I notice it more with holding guns. Bruce Willis comes to mind.

After a very short search -- http://www.imdb.com/list/xdwLskXSMoU/

Look at how many of Hollywood's highest paid stars are lefties. You probably weren't the right person to ask about this -- but you gotta admit -- weird, right?

Michael B said...

What is the effect of the death of Nicholas Colasanto to the cast, writers, producers and crew of Cheers?

craig m said...

In a list of the dumbest questions submitted to Personality Parade was this one: Are Dr. Joyce Brothers and the Smothers Brothers related?

The answer, of course, is yes.

Jason said...

If there really was a porn version of CHEERS, I hope it was recast. With all due respect to the actors and actresses on one of my all time favorite sitcoms, most of them fall into the category of people I never, ever want to see naked.

Tom Berg said...

I feel honored, kinda, to have made your post.

Yeah in retrospect the slot machine question might've been silly, but there are certain situations when clips from the show are displayed, with dialogue.

Oh well...

Ken Levine said...

Yes, Lou, I was calling that brawl for Mariners Radio. That was Chip Carey and Ron Fairly doing the TV. Not only was it an ugly brawl, since I had broadcast for Baltimore in 91 every player out there was my friend. It was doubly horrible watching all these people I was really fond of, slugging each other.

Mussina did get hurt in the melee.

Larry said...

The best thing about a Cheers porno is you don't have to change Woody's name.

And when Norm walks in they shout "eNORMous."

PolyWogg said...

Have you ever noticed in porn parodies that people tend to be right-handed? Ba-dump-bum

P.

RCP said...

Anonymous said...

"Yeesh. You encourage people to leave comments and always leave a name. Then when they do, you turn on your own readers?"

That's just Ken Levine, Anonymous. He also enjoys giving wrong driving directions to lost little old ladies. It was clearly stated this was in the 'spirit of fun'

By the way, Ken - thanks for not including my question about UFOs in this.

Joseph Scarbrough said...

Since when was there ever a drop in sex scenes in mainstream Hollywood movies? When was there ever a drop in sex scenes in mainstream Hollywood in general? Was that guy sure he/she was reading that article correctly? Because from personal observation, sex scenes are polluting both mainstream movies AND TV... heck, you can't even watch THE BIG BANG THEORY without seeing the characters in bed with each other... I thought that show was supposed to be about nerds, not sex maniacs.

cadavra said...

I keep waiting for someone to ask why you never did a CHEERS/MASH crossover...

Ryan said...

Frasier's first wife, the children's entertainer "Nanny G," was played by Emma Thompson on an episode of Cheers, then by Laurie Metcalf on an episode of Frasier years later. Would you happen to know if any attempt was made to get Thompson to reprise the role?

Marty Fufkin said...

I have noticed more left-handedness in TV shows and movies. I chalk it up to the fact that right-brained people tend to be more artistic, and artistic fields such as theatre, acting, writing, etc, probably attract more left-handed people. It looks like a silly question, but it might have been an interesting one had it been posed to a neurologist. These types of things have made for interesting studies in the past.

BigTed said...

Dear Ken,
My favorite show was canceled, and I wrote letters and complained about it all over the Internet, and then they finally gave in and made some new episodes, but they didn't seem as good as the original somehow, so now I'm mad. My question is, what are you going to do about it?

Brian said...

Hi Ken. This is not a question, but a request. Please answer some Friday questions with a video.

P.S. Do prop guys have trouble finding left handed pens? Were any of the pool cues in the back room of Cheers left handed?

Johnny said...

Since you were so connected with Frasier, I was wondering: Where could I buy a dog like Eddie?

Mike Schryver said...

And a request from me: Please don't ever, ever answer any questions with a video unless you also include a transcript. It's much more convenient to read an answer than to play an entire video.

D. McEwan said...

Cadavra, Weren't the "Bar Wars" episodes M*A*S*H crossovers? They had Hawkeye in back pool room, stitching up the Bar Wars casualities, and railing against the senselessness of it all. I've never forgotten how I sobbed when Woody read the letter telling how Robin Colcord had been shot down over Rhode Island.

Very funny post, though there was nothing tongue-in-cheek about "Actors like to eat."

Carol said...

I always notice left-handedness in actors, because I'm left-handed and it was a point of pride for me when I was growing up.

I think it's because creative people tend to be left-handed. Right-brained and all that.

Bryce said...

I submitted a question two weeks ago, but not in a Friday column. I think it was a Sunday post, and I specifically posted there because it was current and you stated you had every comment emailed to you and you saw each and every comment when someone asked if they commented on something from years or months ago, would you notice? I thought for sure my question about prop drinks and bottles on Cheers would be on this list since it wasn't answered and I saw more recent questions such as the left-handed one and the Cheers slot machine on here.
So now I don't know where that leaves me. You don't know the answer, or my question wasn't even good enough to be included in a list of stupid questions?

Bryce said...

Have the original comments been removed to protect the 'stupid'? I know a couple of them are recent, so can I go back to those posts and see who asked?
I think questions should be solicited by private email, and not in the comments. Then people wouldn't feel so bad if their question winds up in a 'stupid' question post.

Mark said...

Two and a Half Men did a procedural parody called "Stiffs." Inevitably, the theme was the Who's "Squeezebox."

Anonymous said...

Five of the last seven US presidents left handed. There is a disproportionate number of lefties amongst Nobel Prize winners, writers and painters. Heck just read that wikipedia link for good details and reasons why you would expect more actors to be lefties.

Wayne said...

If porn Norm is on top, it could turn into a snuff film.

Mike Bouchard said...

In the Cheers episode The Magnificent Six, Sam calls up Dr. Kluger in order to get Rebecca some anti-smoking help. He discusses the process on the phone, and never identified where he was calling from or who he was. After he hangs up, he informs Rebecca that they are sending the van over to get her.

In the 90's, telephone technology was not what it's like today so there wasn't anyway to really know who called and where the caller was located.

How did Dr.Kulger know where to send the van?

Donald said...

It wasn't mine, but I didn't think the Eddie question was so bad.it would have been a nice bit of backstage gossip to hear that Eddie used Peri Gilpin as a chewtoy.

Anonymous said...

Actually, I find the how do you break into the business, etc., and sports-related questions boring. I would like to hear the straight answers to some of the questions you are addressing here, stupid or no. Julie

Ava said...

Hi Ken! I was wondering, what did you think of this past season of Once Upon A time? Most people seemed to find it way too confusing! Is there a point when a show gets so convoluted that viewers just give up? How do you avoid that?