Saturday, November 15, 2014

Aaron Sorkin parodies

Here's a pretty great one. From Seth Meyers.


And here's one I wrote back in 2006. IF AARON SORKIN WROTE A SHOW ABOUT BASEBALL. Little did I know that he eventually would (the screenplay for MONEYBALL). Yes, he's fun to spoof. But I never miss an episode of anything he writes. So I present it again... with affection.


EXT. KAUFFMAN STADIUM -- NIGHT

THE MANAGER, LEO, TROTS OUT TO THE MOUND TO TALK TO BELEAGURED PITCHER, DANNY (THERE’S ALWAYS A DANNY). THE BASES ARE LOADED. THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS. IT’S GAME SEVEN OF THE WORLD SERIES.

LEO
You can’t get a good lobster in this town.

DANNY
Last I checked we were in Kansas City.

LEO
4.6 billion pork ribs sold every year and 18.9 tons of beef consumed annually since 1997 –

DANNY
They like their beef, what can I tell ya?

LEO
But you’d think just for variety’s sake.

DANNY
I can still throw my curve.

LEO
For strikes?

DANNY
I’m not throwing enough?

LEO
I’ve seen more lobsters.

DANNY WALKS TO THE ROSIN SACK, GIVES IT A SQUEEZE, DECIDES TO KEEP WALKING. HE AND LEO NOW WALK OUT INTO CENTER FIELD.

DANNY
It’s just that…

LEO
What? Kathy?

DANNY
No. Cabs. There’s no cohesiveness on this team. After road games, 25 cabs for 25 players. There used to be a thing called “the greater good”, forgoing your needs for the betterment of the team and community who looks to us for their identity and self worth. When I’m trying to save a game I’m really trying to save a factory. If baseball is a metaphor for life, then responsibility is its first cousin simile. And Kathy.

LEO
That’s a “1” on your back and not a “2”.

DANNY
I can’t help it. She knocks my sanitary socks off.

THEY CROSS THE CENTER FIELDER, HECTOR.

HECTOR
(in thick accent) Hey, Skip. You know where we could get a lobster around here?

LEO
Order a steak with butter sauce.

THEY REACH THE WALL AND BEGIN WALKING AROUND THE WARNING TRACK.

DANNY
I only became a pitcher because of her.

LEO
Does she know that?

DANNY
She knows that a human arm is not supposed to throw a baseball 100 miles per hour. And she knows that Jesus Christ could strike out Babe Ruth every at bat for ten years without so much as a rotator tear. But to answer your question – what was your question again?

LEO
Can you still throw your curve ball for strikes?

DANNY
No. The other one.

LEO
Does Kathy know you became a pitcher for her?

THEY REACH THE RIGHT FIELDER, AN AFRO-AMERICAN NAMED CHET.

CHET
Look up in the stands, guys. Not four black faces. Would Jackie Robinson even want to break into this game now? If this sport speaks to minorities now it speaks in Spanish. Afro-Americans make up less than 5% of the major leagues. Compare that to basketball, football, or even golf. Satchel Paige said, “don’t look back, something might be gaining on ya.” I just did. It’s now hockey.

LEO
Play a little closer to the line.

THEY CONTINUE WALKING AROUND THE WARNING TRACK.

DANNY
I think she knows.

LEO
But do you really know if she knows?

DANNY
No.

LEO
Then you know what you’ve got to do.

DANNY
Yeah.

LEO
Throw strikes.

DANNY
Right. Thanks.

LEO
And when you get home –

DANNY
Yeah?

LEO
Tell her.

DANNY
I’ll take her out for a lobster.

LEO
What do you mean, 25 cabs for 25 players?

AS THEY START AROUND THE WARNING TRACK FOR ANOTHER LAP, WE:

FADE OUT.

9 comments:

Baylink said...

The Seth Myers piece really is good.

:-)

Joseph Finn said...

For my money, the best Sorkinesque parody is Cabin In The Woods, though it's difficult to say why without spoiling things.

Johnny Walker said...

It really says something when people can parody your style... and still be highly entertaining. Congrats, Mr Sorkin!

Breadbaker said...

A reasonable dissenting voice from Charlie Pierce. http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/The_Weekend_11_15_14

Kelly Sedinger said...

Time was when I was a HUGE fan of Sorkin, but over time I started realizing the degree to which he just keeps writing the same voices, over and over again; the same conversations, over and over again; giving characters the same verbal tics, over and over again; repeating the same dramatic situations, over and over again...and so on. I think it was STUDIO 60, which was really just a Mary Sue-esque love letter to himself, when I really started getting disillusioned with him. Oh well...I still enjoy A FEW GOOD MEN and THE AMERICAN PRESIDENT, as well as the first two-and-a-half seasons of THE WEST WING ("In the Shadow of Two Gunmen" is one of my favorite episodes of any teevee show, ever), but since then, I just find his stuff mostly unwatchable.

Anonymous said...

Time was when I was a HUGE fan of Kelly Sedinger's posts, but over time I started realizing the degree to which he just keeps writing comments in the same voices, over and over again; the same conversations; over and over again...and so on. I think it was STARDANCER, which was really just a Facebook love letter to himself, when I really started getting disillusioned with him. Oh well...I, but since then, I just find his stuff mostly unreadable.

– Sorkin Fan

Anonymous said...

These comic homage's just say, "you're far more successful than I will ever be in my wildest dreams, even tho your most productive years were fueled by mushrooms and cocaine: the steroids of the creative arts.
Allow me to show my appreciation by presenting something to diminish you. Now I'm a martyr for good works, while you are an ex druggie, and your fans are clueless sheep.
Enjoy!"

VP81955 said...

This is semi-OT, but last night's "Saturday Night Live" had an amusing skit about network interference with sitcoms, here in a fictional CBS series called "The Dudleys." (It has to be fictional, since it "airs" on Fridays.) I thought that if anyone would get a kick out of this, it would be Ken.

http://deadline.com/2014/11/saturday-night-live-the-dudleys-woody-harrelson-crazy-eyes-1201285939/

Kelly Sedinger said...

I am incredibly flattered that someone took the time to do enough research about me to come up with that rejoinder. I am also disappointed that I can't thank them by name, since they lacked intestinal fortitude to sign it, but them's the breaks!