Here's a holiday excerpt from the book I wrote about growing up in the 60s (that would make a GREAT holiday gift). Order it here.
still can’t fathom why anyone watched the ANDY WILLIAMS variety show on
NBC if they didn’t own a color TV. It was so wholesome your teeth
ached. Whatever “edge” the show had was provided by the Osmond Family.
But it was in color and production numbers always featured grinning
All-American yahoos in brightly colored sweaters holding brightly
colored balloons. Not having a color TV and not being gay I never
watched THE ANDY WILLIAMS SHOW… except…
During their Christmas special.
was the one time of year Andy had his beautiful family on the show and
this became a 60s American tradition. Mom and dad and the Williams
kinder would sing Carols, exchange presents, and their message of love
and holiday good cheer would absolutely entrance you. That’s not why I
watched it, of course. I wanted to screw Andy’s wife.
Claudine Longet (Mrs. Williams) was a willowy brunette with exquisite doe eyes and
luscious lips. Laura Petrie but French. She was also a successful
recording artist but believe me, if she looked like Charles De Gaulle
she couldn’t give away one record. But I found her incredibly sexy,
even when she was singing Silent Night in front of a crucifix. She and
Andy would divorce in the 70s and two years later she shot her
boyfriend, Olympic skier Spider Sabich to death. I still wanted to
screw her, but not as much.
So as enjoyable as those holiday
shows were in the mid 60s, watching them now on PBS they take on a whole
new level of absurdity. Two of their kids are named Noelle and
Christian. How much more seriously can you take Christmas? And yet,
twelve years later, there’s mom in a different winter wonderland with a
loaded revolver. She was ultimately convicted on a lesser charge and
married her defense attorney.
I’ll be on parole for Christmas.