Saturday, January 12, 2019

Weekend Post

Oh no!  The nudist restaurant in Paris is closing!   Say it ain't so!

It lasted a year.  Customers would have to take off all their clothes before entering the dining room.  If you wanted to steal the silverware you had to be really creative.  A fig leaf was considered overdressed.  The good news is you never got any stains on your clothes.  Spill all the wine you want.  Nothing had to go to the cleaners.

I assume the air conditioning was not on too high.  You do not want shrinkage in a public setting.  

The cuisine was high end -- lobster, etc.   You would think if you had to be naked in public you'd be less likely to eat dishes that put on an extra pound or five.

Anyway, the joint closed because of lack of customers.

How many nudist foodies are there?

And I'm guessing it was not a big first date destination.

One promotion that many restaurants use is "early bird specials" for senior citizens.  But boy, do you really want to see that?  On the other hand, customers can't stick rolls into their purse.

Who in their right mind thought it would be a good idea to invest God knows how much money into a fine restaurant where everyone has to be naked?   Isn't it hard enough, especially in Paris, to fill restaurants anyway?   As gimmicks go, you're shooting for a limited customer base.

In West Hollywood there used to be a sushi restaurant where you ate sushi placed on naked girls.  I have no idea if this still exists.  I can't imagine the health department giving that place an A.   New York has (or had) one too.



Oh, the money they save in placemats.

What will they think of next?

In the meantime, sorry but the nudist restaurant is clothesed

22 comments :

Steve Bailey said...

I don't know if you covered every possible "naked" joke on this topic, but if you didn't, it certainly wasn't for lack of trying.

Andrew said...

Completely off topic, but these nihilistic password security questions are funny.

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/nihilistic-password-security-questions

Examples:

What is the name of your least favorite child?

In what year did you abandon your dreams?

At what age did your childhood pet run away?

In what city did you first experience ennui?

E. Yarber said...

I once had to take my shoes off at a Japanese restaurant. That was enough for me, thank you.

Joseph Scarbrough Puppet Productions said...

Several years ago I was at an Applebee's, and saw a woman with ginormous jugs wearing an incredibly low-cut top walk in and sit at the table adjacent to us. She was there with her family and little kids, and I wondered how she thought it was appropriate to be dressed like that, flopping all around in front of her kids. Then, at one point, without warning, she popped one of those things out of her shirt, and began breastfeeding one of her kids right there at the table. Closest thing to nudity I've ever seen in a restaurant.

But, in a far more X-rated scenario, I was at IHOP(B) one morning years ago, and there was a young couple sitting in a booth - on the same side - just sitting there and pecking at each other. Once the servers finally brought their food out - and believe me, it looked like they ordered a banquet - that seemed to only intensify them, and they literally began making out there at their table like their plane was about to crash, drawing stares from everybody else in the restaurant. Finally, the manager came out and politely asked them if they would control themselves, since it was a family restaurant, and others were trying to eat their food; without so much as even touching their own bountiful feast, the couple stormed out of the restaurant in offense, threatening to report the manager to IHOP's corporate headquarters for harassing them. Once they were gone, one old man in the restaurant blurted out, "And I was gettin' excited!" I felt like I was in a SEINFELD episode the whole time.

As the old saying goes, you can't make this stuff up.

Oliver said...

Ok, you probably didn't say it out loud because it was too obious, but: where does one keep his wallet in this scenario? Or even his credit card?

Joe said...

Ordering the sizzling fajitas might be a bad move there.

Covarr said...

Was this whole post an excuse for that pun at the bottom? I sure hope it was.

I think their biggest mistakes were:

1. Not opening it in the US
2. Not serving wings

Wings are, after all, one of the messiest foods there is... at least if they're any good. I could see that doing a lot better than lobster.

Mike Bloodworth said...

You didn't say if you had to arrive nude or if they had UN-dressing rooms. But, you know the old saying, it's LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION! They have several nudist colonies (AKA naturist resorts) in France. And of course their topless and nude beaches. If that restaurant had been located next to one of those they might have had more "walk in" traffic.
M.B.

Gary said...

Ken, I could hear that whole post as a Johnny Carson monologue. Hilarious!

Buttermilk Sky said...

I can imagine diners looking around, realizing they've made a serious mistake, and ordering lobster so they can at least put on a bib.

I've heard of a restaurant, I don't remember where, which is completely dark. Supposedly this enhances the experience of dining by making you concentrate on the taste and smell of the food. How the waiter finds your table is anybody's guess -- perhaps the servers are blind and therefore expert at getting around without visual clues. Anyway, it seems the restaurant business is a lot like burlesque -- ya gotta have a gimmick.

Madame Smock said...

" No, thank you, fifteen is my limit on schnitzengruben."

blinky said...

They got it backwards. People don't want to eat naked, they want to see other people eating naked. The winning concept would have been to hire beautiful people to eat naked and charge tourists to be gastronomic voyeurs. And maybe get semi-famous people to eat naked. I bet Lady Gaga would do it. There would be a line out the door.

CRL said...

They refused to serve me at the Nudist Restaurant because I wasn't wearing a tie.

Colin Stratton said...

If you found a hair in your entree, who could you possibly narrow it down too?

YEKIMI said...

If I found a hair in my soup, I'd wonder what part of the body it would have come from. They may not be able to stick rolls in their purse but if they are overweight they could hide rolls in their rolls of fat. I wouldn't eat naked except in my own home. Wouldn't want a chair leg being accidentally placed on the end of my penis.

Anonymous said...

For some reason you seem to find humour in misrepresenting the ideas of nudism. This laughing at things that you don't even bother to try to understand isn't for me.

Vanessa Martinez said...

Wait. A breastfeeding mother wearing an easy-access shirt and daring to feed her child outside of a darkened tent was sexual to you? What is wrong with you?????

MikeN said...

Now I know why you were selected as a writer for Everybody Loves Raymond:

Frank: " You were a dope smoking hippie?"

Debra's sister"It was a place where people could grow vegetables together."

Debra: "Naked."

Marie: "You handled food naked? "

Loosehead said...

Yekimi, it would be a problem for me too, as I usually tuck it in my sock.

Charles Bryan said...

Very off topic, but it may be of interest to readers that the BBC has a number of scripts that can be downloaded for free.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/scripts

Andrew said...

@Anonymous (3:13 pm):
If you weren't being sarcastic, that was one of the funniest comments I've ever read.

opimus said...

Don't order the sausage.