This is a review of the 2019 BIG SLEEP.
In all the LICCXXILICCIXC years they’ve been playing THE BEER COMMERCIAL BOWL there’s never been one as boring. And that goes for the commercials and halftime show. It was like six hours of THE ENGLISH PATIENT.
The highlight was clearly Gladys Knight singing the National Anthem. They should have let her do the halftime show as well. And run the Rams’ offense. I’m only sorry though she didn’t come out in the Bee outfit she wears on THE MASKED SINGER.
Highlight number two: The Washington Post commercial heralding the value of journalism. I’m sure the person who needed to hear that message the most had his head buried in his fourth KFC bucket of extra crispy.
Highlight number three: There was no highlight number three.
CBS covered the game this year, which meant Jim Nantz & Tony Romo. Nance is always solid (although he made a few bobbles along the way) and I’m always impressed by how observant he is. More than Michaels or Buck he seems to see little things on the field. And Tony Romo is just a breath of fresh air. Even though I have no idea what he’s talking about half the time, his enthusiasm and uncanny ability to predict what is going to happen next makes him the MVP of the booth.
Is it just that the commercials were uninspired and derivative this year or after XXLLICCLXIII years of the TITANIC TILT it’s just not a “thing” anymore?
Sponsors spend millions on overblown excess commercials that are not funny for a second. Why not take $100,000 of that and hire comedy writers who know what they’re doing?
Stop with the robot ads! People hate them. You’ll notice that among all the many reboots these days no one is bringing back SMALL WONDER.
Notice all the NFL “We believe in Social Justice” and “Look how community minded our players are” spots there were? Heavy spinning to sweep under the rug all the player arrests. This year alone (and we’re only one month in): Trevor Bates for assault, De’Anthony Thomas for drugs, and P.J. Williams for a DUI. Among the charges NFL players were arrested for last year were domestic violence, eluding police, trespassing, insider trading, battery, public intoxication, injury to the elderly, vandalism, sexual assault, and a bomb threat. Yes, you want the NFL in your community.
Wow. Harrison Ford is doing Amazon commercials. To me that is a lot sadder than Han Solo getting killed.
I did like the Bud Light corn syrup spot. And their GAME OF THRONES crossover. But seeing that flying dragon really made me miss the Budweiser lizard. Am I alone in that? Hello? Dilly dilly?
This is the first year that the singing of “America” took longer than the first half highlights.
I’m sorry but that Planters Peanut car, with the ridges along the side – suggested uh… “another image.”
The halftime show was like if the Orange Bowl halftime had been planned by arsonists. Flames were shooting everywhere. For no reason whatsoever. And I know this is going to make me seem like 100 years old but Maroon 5 sucked. They’ve officially become Nickelback.
CBS took such flack when the wardrobe malfunction revealed Janet Jackson’s nipple for a tenth of a nano second, and yet Adam Levine was allowed to take off his shirt and preen around with all those hideous tattoos. Jews are forbidden from getting tattoos and one of the reasons is so they don’t look like entitled white boys trying to pass for street and hip.
And then there was Big Boi in his giant fur coat. He’ll be getting a call from PETA. And he can’t claim he needed it because it was cold. 37 booster rockets were taking off while he – it wasn’t singing – while he strung nonsense words together so fast that nobody could understand what he was spewing. If you slowed down the tape he might’ve been saying, “If you like this look, watch THE DEUCE on HBO.”
You know it’s a bad game when Jim Nantz, tongue-in-cheek, goes crazy when a 65 yard punt broke an EXCUSE TO DRINK IN THE AFTERNOON BOWL record… even though the ball bounced for 27 yards. Jim displayed a rare flash of humor when he then announced, “It’s going to get exciting now!” Alas, he was wrong.
I did think the Shoppers Assurance commercial was funny. All the levels of hell – middle seats on airplanes, “the talk” from your dad, etc. And now you could add to that: having to sit through a replay of this game.
The INSOMNIA CURE BOWL was so boring that Tony Romo had to continually remind viewers in the second half that the game was tied.
I know Rams fans are disappointed but cheer up, MAN WITH A PLAN returns Monday night to CBS!
Really? Someone spent millions of dollars to advertise better water bowls for your dog?
And Olay needed a horror-themed commercial to sell moisturizer? With Sarah Michelle Geller who has skin so perfect she could wash her face with Lava?
Even the winning touchdown was boring.
The only thing that could have made this game worse was if the MNF crew had called it.
And at least the Rams don’t have to go to the White House. So in a sense, they won.
When do pitchers and catchers report?
55 comments :
Yay, a mention for SMALL WONDER! I thought I was the only one who still remembers that shitty sitcom!
Is Hans Solo the character's name in the German dubbed version of Star Wars?
Don't feel sad for Harrison Ford doing an Amazon commercial. He made an estimated $50 million from The Force Awakens. The guy is doing ok.
Ken,
The Rams have been back in LA for like a year after being gone for decades. Does anyone in the city actually care about them?
I know no one cares about the Chargers, but I am curious about the Rams. For that matter does anyone in LA care about pro football?
Thanks
10 days, Ken. Pitchers and catchers report in 10 long days!
A's batteries begin reporting next Sunday. But you knew that. I know a rhetorical question when I answer it.
I'm a Pats fan, Ken (I know, "booooooo!") but I agree, the game was dull. I guess if you like good defense, you enjoyed it. The commercials were nothing special, maybe one or two I found decent. (Bring back the Bud Bowl!) And pitchers and catchers report in 9 days. You're welcome.
Maroon 5's breakthrough was 17 years ago; this is likely their career apex since their original audience is now finally able to enjoy the band's dad rock with any of their sufficiently undemanding children.
This is all I have to add. I'm foreign. I didn't watch it. I've been to a couple of American football games, but 90% of my time there seemed to be spent waiting for play to occur, and when it finally did I just ended up wondering how I could figure out which player had the ball. Also, based on the throng at the sidelines, whether the changing rooms occupy the same amount of space as the entire stadium. There must have been 90 people on those teams.
I was on a plane in midair so I missed the majority of the Stupor Bowl....lucky me! However, it had started prior to takeoff and some moron on the plane had it going on his phone even AFTER they had made the announcement THREE fucking times to either turn off your phones or put it in airplane mode. So the attendant [stewardess?] said "I can still hear the Super Bowel playing, please turn off your phone." He ignored her. The THIRD time she announced it she marched up standing right next to him and said "The plane will NOT take off until ALL phones are off and YOU will be removed from the plane if it is NOT turned off NOW!" After looks from the passengers that would have incinerated Superman [ the mythical comic book character, not Tom Brady] and a rather large individual the size of Mount Rushmore stood up and gave him a look that would have made an alligator shit itself, he turned it off. If you're SOOOOOO hooked on a damn football game that you just HAVE to watch it no matter how many people you piss off, why the hell would you schedule your flight for the same time it's on? Oh, there was no Wi-Fi on the plane and no cell phone service could be picked up so had to listen to this asshole bitch and moan about it for an hour till he was told to shut the fuck up by his seatmate.
FEBRUARY 11, COME ON DOWN!
Prince is still the king of the Super Bowl shows. Maroon 5 Were a snore. I have always wondered why big name actors do commercials like that. George Clooney does them in Europe to finance his movies that Hollywood wont put the money up for. But other names I don't know. To keep their faces out in the public eye? To maintain the lifestyle they have become used to. For Harrison it cant be the need for money I wouldn't think.
Good review Ken...more interesting than the game...
1) Gladys was great, and so were the 2 young ladies (Chloe & Halle?) who did America the Beautiful.
2) Adam Levine was so off-key and shrill, that none of the mentors on The Voice would have turned their chair around for him.
3) I HATE to say this...but for the first time ever, this NY Giants fan likes Tony Romo. I thought he was the best SB color commentator in a long time.
4) The Washington Post spot. This was a commercial about journalists being risking their lives for news stories. Are we supposed to believe there was a WP photographer embedded with any of the Moon landings?
5) Who was the girl in the red dress for the NFL 100? Does she play or work for the NFL?
I know very little about football but we watch the annual replacement for 60 Minutes each year out of tradition. Thank you for identifying the other person in the booth. While Nance was professional and informative, Romo couldn't get over his man crush of the Patriots. It was sickening to hear him fawn all over the East coast team while constantly running down the Rams. It's a national broadcast for God's sake. We don't need homers in the broadcast booth.
One more thing:
Jewish guy playing the pigskin wins the SB MVP!
Does anybody really care if crappy beer has corn syrup in it?
Ob: They can only prohibit you from using the name *in a commercial setting*; nominal use protects you from merely *calling the game* "The Super Bowl" -- that is it's name.
Because I don't gamble, I consequently have no interest whatever in the National Football League in general, or in the US Bookmaking Festival in particular.
That said, I still recall the night before the Very First One, all those pre-Roman Numeral years ago.
On that Saturday night, Jackie Gleason came out at the end of his show, resplendent in his ring robe, and addressed his audience thusly:
"Tomorrow, on my Favorite Network, CBS, be sure to watch the Super Bowl! It's gonna be Murder! G'NIGHT EVERYBODY!!!!!"
Has that one made Bartlett's yet?
Dog bowl commercial was my favorite commercial, however any commercial with a Golden would win my heart.
It's a good thing I don't have enough money to gamble because if I did I would have lost the house. As I said in Ken's Weekend Post, "I'd bet the over." With Tom Brady, the established King and Jared Goff, his heir apparent QB-ing the team's I expected a real shootout!. Many pundits expected a high scoring game, myself included.
The Rams did have some pretty good defense. Just not good enough. And Goff, as my friend put it, "...looked like a deer in the headlights" for most of the game. Either way Congrats to the Pats. I hate them, but I respect them.
I agree with Ken that this year's commercials were especially disappointing. And I've never understood why companies do these sneak previews of their commercials. I suppose they're trying to create a buzz. Yet, even the best adds become anticlimactic after you've seen them on Entertainment Tonight or Extra or on the news, etc.
If there was a bright spot for me it was that my special macaroni & cheese was a hit at the S**** B*** party I attended. Ken has tried it before. He knows it's good.
Waiting for baseball, eh? Equally as boring; just in a different way.
M.B.
P.S. We say this way too often here in L.A., but WAIT 'TILL NEXT YEAR!
Andy Warhol ad for Burger King, really? It may have worked 20 years ago. Today? Probably many of your readers have Warhol still in their conscience, but I doubt that commercial would inspire them to eat at BK.
I thought you'd get a chuckle out of this from Dave Barry's blog ( https://blogs.herald.com/ ) -
SUPER BOWL UPDATE
We fell asleep after the 173rd punt in the first half. We were briefly awakened by a partially naked man shrieking in a falsetto voice, apparently in pain because of all the tattoos. Who won? Did anybody?
I bet you didn't expect anyone here to read this first in Sports Business Journal. And yet...
wg
Hi Wendy,
Did they reprint my review? Do you have the link? Thanks.
I recorded the game and went to Costco figuring I could get in an back by the second quarter. Turns out everybody else had the same idea. I got back at halftime and it was OK since NOTHING HAPPENED in the first half.
Probably the most entertaining thing to come out of this Super Bowl is a scientology representative on Twitter calling Mr Peanut a bigot for mocking the scientology Super Bowl ad.
A scientologist arguing with a peanut. Satire is dead.
https://twitter.com/EPStandLeague/status/1092267661235376130
First of all, every year, on the final post-game show of the season, Vin Scully would ask Jerry Doggett for his thoughts at the end, and Jerry would reply, "When does spring training start?" I've been asking that since October.
Harrison Ford obviously needed the money. But, in reality, he's of an age where he should be doing character roles like Branch Rickey in "42," in which I think he did a good job. The ad reminded us that if he tried to do Indy or Han today, he'd look ridiculous. Instead, he was actually funny.
But you didn't mention the other great ad besides the WaPo ad, which was the NFL at 100 ad, which was, I thought, legitimately funny. Then it hit me: why did so many of them stay seated? I bet they couldn't move. And I guess no one there had CTE.
The best play of the day was the one in the NFL 100th Anniversary commercial.
I wonder how many millions of football fans (especially younger ones) would have no clue about Roman Numerals if not for that precious Super Bowl conceit?
As for defensive battles - what is that, if not football's version of a pitcher's duel? Until late the outcome was constantly in doubt - one play away from a lead-change.
When do pitchers and catchers report?
A personally relevant answer:
"Just before the qualifier starts at Indian Wells"
This is followed two days later by the main event, which features 96 men and 96 women in a six-round professional tennis tournament. General Admission tickets are quite reasonable, ten bucks to park.
If you're not compelled to see the "stars" this tournament offers a nice "cheap date" in pleasant desert weather.
I did like the Bud Light corn syrup spot.
As a home brewer, this puts a smile on my face - the conceit that one bland, watery, product with 'beer' on the label has merit compared to its "competetitors". Budweiser's "flagship" uses rice as an "adjunct" (also on the label).
I don't suppose one should be so doctrinaire about "fermentables" - my last batch was a porter ("Goat Scrotum Ale" from Joy of Home Brewing) which includes brown sugar, corn sugar, and molasses, as part of the fermentables bill.
have no idea what (Romo's) talking about half the time
I like that Romo offers, alternately, a QB's, an offensive coordinator's, and a defensive coordinator's POV between snaps - and doesn't "talk down". Contrast with cliche-spewing "color-men" on other announcing teams that have a keen grasp of the obvious (they get PAID for that???)
Gladys Knight singing the National Anthem
Thanks for the heads up - she makes a good 3-minute YouTube "topic"
Super Bowl? Super crazy.
While I like the Dodgers, and I enjoy watching Tiger Woods, in my humble opinion, football fans, sports fans in general have gone insane. I worry for the human race when I see fans interviewed at a bar or stadium about the “big game.” They act like absolute fools leaping around, screaming about a bunch of poor steroid infested guys destined for damaged limbs, brain injuries and, in some cases, jail.
Does celebrating your team’s victory by gathering in the street to upend cars and smash storefront windows make any sense whatsoever?
Put Tom Brady in a stadium with a lion. I bet those fan interviews about their favorite “team” would be just as nuts.
But I did like Gladys Knight.
Yes, Shopper's Assurance from Kia was the best spot. Practically everything else was lame. Holy shit, now I get why when I try to introduce humor writing into the corporate world all I hear is crickets. I'm not taking belly laughs or gaffaws, just a smile, grin or a chuckle - "they" react I'm some sort of alien escorting armageddon. They need it so badly, but they're just so scared it won't work.
The spot where the NFL players are at the wedding, throwing and running with the football with some classic players, was at times fun, but went on too long. And the way the thing was cut with the breaking tables and leaping catches, it just felt fake.
The Dude and Carrie in the same space, never mind the same spot felt bizarre, but kudos for at least taking a chance. It certainly sticks in the memory. I remember they were sippin' Stella.
I guess Harrison Ford felt he could make some easy money. Cute spot, but IMHO, he's better than this. Maybe he's tight with Bezos?
For those of you who are curious...
That young girl who kept the ball away from Richard Sherman near the end of the commercial is Sam Gordon, the winner of last year's "Game Changer" award at the NFL Honors.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/who-is-the-girl-in-the-nfl-100-super-bowl-commercial/ar-BBTaany?li=BBnb7Kz
This was my favorite commercial. Since InBev took over Anheuser Busch, their commercials have stunk. Dilly Dilly? Seriously?
Pam, St. Louis
Thank goodness. I thought I was just too old to appreciate the halftime show.
Speaking of broadcasters, and potentially a segue to a Friday question, did you hear Trebek suggested some "unusual" names to replace him on Jeopardy when he retires? An announcer for, I think, baseball games and I've already forgotten who the woman was.
As an announcer, do you have people to suggest to replace Nantz for football / all of MNF people / Trebek?
P.
1) Tony Romo really does know what he's talking about. Quite refreshing. We could do with a lot more of this in nationally televised baseball games. (I'm looking at you, Buck.)
2) Unfair to Trump, as so often. KFC buckets are a germ magnet. Le Donald (as he will be when he replaces Macron as President of France ... well, I can dream) would never go near them.
3) To be serious for just one moment, I totally agree with your point that a million dollar thirty second "humorous" ad would be vastly improved if, like, y'know? It was humorous? It had a professional, even a team of professionals, writing it? They used to do that, back in the day.
4) If the NFL is going to bang on about Social Justice and Inclusivity and so on, they might at least reconsider their policy on Respecking The Flag. And ask themselves why Colin Kaepernick is no longer employed as a QB in any form whatsoever.
Pursuant to (4), I accept that they don't have to do so. But why make it so utterly obvious that you are a bunch of mealy-mouthed corporate ass-holes with an agenda 180 degrees from what comes out of your mouth by not doing it and then babbling on about how lovely you all are?
Le sigh.
Nickelback jokes are lazy. Otherwise I agree with just about everything in this post.
Peter Berg's NFL commercial is an all-timer. It was obviously crafted with love. An interesting survey it would be discerning who knew the significance of each player utilized. I loved that in most instances, the few seconds each was on was a callback to a specific aspect of their football fame. The best of these was Franco Harris and the "Immaculate Reception."
I give Romo a ton of credit for forcibly going against the front-running narrative endemic to all sports telecasts. He was quite right to keep insisting that the Rams were literally a play away from leading, which would add serious pressure to the Pats. Then, Brady was Brady and it really was over. Romo paid appropriate homage to him.
I remain stunned that InBev allowed for that gruesome crossover with GoT. All I have read today is lament that corporate America refuses to take risk. Well, this was a gargantuan risk - unless it signals the end of the Dilly-Dilly campaign. If this is the case, it was a brilliant way to do it.
Media basking in the reflected glow of significant events? Pshaw. Go ahead and rip Ford for his Amazon shilling. Be sure to go after Forrest Hanks if you do. How many reporters, and exponentially more stories, will never be seen nor heard thanks to this $6 million vanity spot. Oh. WP is owned by the Amazon dude? Hmmmm. Who knew?
Poor showing by the Rams on the field and by the Rams fans (what there were of them) in the stands. Looked and sounded like the game was in Foxboro. Guess all the LA fans will jump off that bandwagon and hope LeBron can take the Lakers to the Promised Land (that won't happen until Davis gets traded from the Pelicans). In 2017, Eagles fans showed up in LA for the Eagles-Chargers game and it sounded like they were playing in South Philly.
Honestly, the issue with the halftime show wasn't any one artist, but the sheer volume of them. Nobody can put on a decent show when you have to share such a short period with so many people and groups.
What they really ought to do next year is get Daft Punk, and only Daft Punk. Even if they don't have quite the "icon" status that Bruno Mars or Prince or Janet Jackson had, they really know better than almost any other music group out there how to put on solid entertainment, both musically and visually. If they did it, it wouldn't just be about putting on as much pyrotechnics as possible, but about a cohesive and spectacular show that is actually a sight to behold.
Personally I'd love to see a Weird Al halftime show one of these years, but it'll never happen.
For KL. In case you didn't have it yet, the link to the Sports Broadcast Journal reprint of your review.
https://www.sportsbroadcastjournal.com/ken-levine-the-highlight-was-clearly-gladys-knight-singing-the-national-anthem/
I have seen every Super Bowl except for when I was in Germany for two years. Rest assured there were worse games. A lot of blow outs. And some low scoring games. The Namath game was exciting only because he guaranteed the Jet would win despite being an 18 point under dog. Every one predicted a high scoring game and were they ever wrong. 60 years when defense was the norm this would have been considered a great game. The Bears won the 63 title by a 14-10 score. Granted the game took place in very cold weather. For a Bear fan like myself I thought it was a great game as the Bears defense was tremendous.
Los Angeles is a city of frontrunners. How many Angelenos can cite the last LA team to win a league title? (The answer: The Kings, when they took their second Stanley Cup in 2014.) Personally, I'd the Pelicans to either keep Davis at the trading deadline or send him somewhere else instead of the Lakers and their spoiled, entitled fans.
Pitchers and catchers report soon...and this former Washingtonian hopes Bryce Harper returns to the Nats.
Weird Al would put on an awesome halftime show - he's got more talent than a lot of other popular artists. I occasionally pull up the video of the halftime show afterwards, but I fear that I'm only vaguely acquainted with the performers this year - my interest doesn't reach quite the (admittedly low) threshold to type in that search.
Katy Perry already has put on a great halftime show, but I think that my other choices may be past peak popularity (Reba McEntire, Toad the Wet Sprocket) or awesome but too obscure and maybe not big enough for the platform (Kathy Mattea, Pam Tillis).
I don't know much about Daft Punk, but they were intriguing in Tron.
I liked the Andy Warhol ad, which was real. The backstory to it is here... https://slate.com/culture/2019/02/andy-warhol-burger-king-super-bowl-ad-jorgen-leth-66-scenes-from-america.html
Amazing that such an apparently boring game could generate so much high quality wit! Not only your hilarious post, Ken, but the comment section was also at it’s best today. I loved the 6 or 7 answers (all different) to when pitchers and catchers report, only one acknowledging that it was of course a rhetorical question.
Dr Loser rhetorically "asked"
why Colin Kaepernick is no longer employed as a QB in any form whatsoever.
I believe the cynical answer is too easy - and may be off-the-mark. 80% may be due to (lack of) skill - the other 20% off-field, in-locker-room "intangibles" - having a rabble rouser on the team
(even if you agree with, or are indifferent to the "protest" - the distraction is not worth it for a marginal talent)
My associates who pay attention to the NFL say that, like Tebow, Kapernick is a strong guy, with better-than average mobility, but a sub-standard arm.
You mention strength, mobility, and a good arm as necessary for a QB, but I thought brains and the ability to see the whole field and make rapid fire decisions were even more important. Where does Kapernick stand on those qualities?
I would think not wanting a rabble rouser (even if you agree with him) on the team would out weigh a lot of talent. It’s not like Kapernick couldn’t have protested in other ways off the field. If he wanted to play, he made a stupid decision. Let’s hope he knew his QB days were over and he just thought his protest would give him a more dignified way of ending his career. (Is his career over?)
The reason for the social justice stuff was not to distract from player crime. This was the ransom that was paid to deal with the problem of players kneeling during the anthem.
I thought the NFL was really ending season on a down note when I heard Goodell’s, shameless press conference. But the Snoozer Bowl made the season end on a lower note. A sixty minute game wrapped in four hours of bullshit, should at least deliver its promise to entertain. At half-time I started watching (on Amazon) an INCREDIBLY INSPIRING doc called SCIENCE FAIR. If you want to feel good about the world this documentary might do the trick!!! In the meantime, YES, pitchers and catchers reporting!!!
Doesn't your scalp hurt with your hair forever on fire?
I can see how the game would be boring to a casual fan; but as Patriots fan (especially because of the outcome) it was exciting. It was like 1-0 pitchers' duel. I was watching with a group of Patriots fans and we were cheering every third down stop and new set of downs. For most of the game it only took one broken coverage (e.g. Jason Mccourty) or a missed tackle to take the lead. It certainly felt more exciting than a 33-20 blowout.
Ken: https://www.sportsbroadcastjournal.com/ken-levine-the-highlight-was-clearly-gladys-knight-singing-the-national-anthem/
I hope they paid you!
wg
Wendy,
They did post it with my permission. Thanks.
Ken
Weird Al would be a great idea. And speaking of K.P., bring back "left shark."
M.B.
Watched HEIDI.
Because Los Angeles had a team in the game, the week before the Superbowl this year was especially extra-annoying. "Stories"(What the team had for breakfast, Fans Viewing Plans, etc., you know IMPORTANT NEWS STORIES) invaded the newscasts, not confined to the Sports report, where such bilious garbage belongs (I automatically turn off the news when it goes to sports, have done so for half a century), but up front, polluting the headline news. I'm trying to find out what fresh horrors Trump has wreaked and they're interviewing football fans on who will win. It's been the worst superbowl week in Los Angeles in years.
So that the Rams lost, dashing the hopes of every person at whom all that annoying over-coverage was aimed, pleases me. That everyone apparently hated the halftime show makes me grin. And that everyone seems to feel that the Superbowl sucked makes me laugh aloud, along with all other football haters.
Of course it sucked. It always sucks, It's sucked for 53 years, as I've been saying for 53 years.
The book I read Sunday did not suck at all.
Best part of the whole thing was watching Roger Goodell have to hand the trophy to Tom Brady for the third time since wrongly calling him a cheater.
Goodell's legacy will be that he punished Brady while the NFL's own investigators proved Brady innocent.
Fail a dope test, and you can be super bowl MVP. Protest injustice and your career is over. See how it works, kids?
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