Side note: Why does anybody listen to terrestrial radio? With all the other options available now, why subject yourself to ten straight minutes of commercials? End of side note.
Anyway, one of those commercials (I think the 15th one) inspired today's post. It's the follow-up to worst song. It's "the worst jingle."
And in this case, the winner was clear by a mile. No lengthy debates here.
The KARS 4 KIDS jingle.
You know it. You hate it.
This little ditty is like an airhorn pressed right against your ear. It's so insipid and so annoying that I will immediately click off any station that is playing it. I don't understand why any product would want to be associated with such a turn-off. If I had a car to donate I would set it on fire before giving it to them. And yes, it's a worthy organization, but I don't care. If I gave them a car they might think the jingle is working and keep it another ten years. No one can afford to take that chance.
Now normally in a rant like this I would just post the jingle so you could hear for yourself. But I care about you way too much to do that.
I'll be interested to see in the comments section whether anybody actually likes that jingle and defends it. I'm also curious as to what other advertising jingles annoy the crap out of you.
Who knows? This may be the first and only topic everyone in America can agree on. But probably not.
85 comments :
Agreed. When my car gave up the ghost last year, I specifically told my wife that we would *not* donate it to KARS 4 KIDS. (It went to the Alzheimer's Association.)
Not only is the jingle annoying, but the whole concept of the organization is flawed. I've done some research on Le Internet for the past two minutes and have come to the conclusion that in most jurisdictions - Kids Aren't Allowed to Drive!
THANK YOU - I agree wholeheartedly!
And when we're listening to a ballgame in the car, I immediately turn off the radio when the jingle comes on. We've made a vow that if we are ever donating a car we will donate it to any charity OTHER than this one!
You don't have to post that jingle. Just mentioning it puts that worm in my ear. Thanks for that.
As for terrestrial radio, I'll listen to WFAN in the mornings on the way to work, and I'll listen to the Mets on the radio in the car or when I'm out working in the yard. Other than that, it's all satellite for me.
Before you even said it . . . . It's no contest.
I would say it's insipid, but not offensively so.
I actually used them to get rid of an old wrecked motorcycle that I couldn't get rid of any other way -- no junk yards near me. I was surprised they wanted it, but they took it. The vacation voucher was pretty worthless, but I would have paid them to be rid of it.
Absolutely agree. It is the worst jingle on the planet...by a factor of ten. I recommend setting up loud speakers on the U.S. southern border and playing it in a continuous loop. There will be no need for a wall to keep people out.
Ken,
I have a routine where I turn on my radio to a news station each morning to get a quick picture of the state of the world, hear the weather report etc. Lately that stupid jingle has appeared in my wake up routine. I only need to hear the first 2 notes and off goes the radio. I guess it gives me a few less minutes under the covers. It's an awful thing to listen to. I have donated a few vehicles over time, but the thought of supporting that group, with that awful tune, always turns me to another avenue.
Cliff
God yes! And what's worse, since it's for a charity there's also a slight guilt factor in criticizing it.
The absolute worst jingle ever.
Worst?
It's evil.
I blame Trump.
Retire Trump, retire the jingle.
I don't know for a fact they are connected, but what could it hurt?
Ken agree. There are also many variations of that god awful jingle. Immediate tune out. I rarely listen to music stations on terrestrial radio. At 70 nothing appeals to me but that insipid jingle pops up on news and talk stations. Also,its been running for years. On a side note,I missed your interview with Jon Wolfert on Rewound radio. Any chance of posting it?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJM6NGJb7vA
As you know, my wife Laura grew up in the jingle business in Dallas. Her dad, Bill Ainsworth, was a sax/clarinet genius, singer, arranger and vocal group session leader, keeping the pitches and harmonies perfect on classic commercial jingles and radio station ID packages for companies like PAMS, CRC and TM (Tom Merriman was practically her godfather.) I met her when I was working at TM. So we both have pretty high standards for jingles. And yes, that one is excruciating. But every so often, we hear one done right in the classic style, and it really makes us miss the terrestrial radio of that era. For instance, the jingles in your podcast. Those we like.
As I started reading this I thought to myself, “I wonder if it’s going to be Kars for Kids?” So that made me chuckle. I’m guessing from an Ad industry perspective, it’s gold. Simple, low-cost, definitely memorable. Worthy organization? Questionable at best. Know any other charity that has massive nationwide media buys?
Best blog post ever. I have long had several contingency plans in place to escape being ear-wormed by the sudden attack of that commercial.
The Kars for Kids jingle is so toxic that no rejection of it is too over the top. Hefty jail sentences for the creators; FCC fines for any radio station that plays it even once; licenses lost if a station plays it a second time.
If forced to pick between a $20,000 car repair for a 1982 VW Golf Diesel or donating it to KFK, that's an easy choice. I'm fixing the car, then driving it to that meadow where the E.D. couple are sitting in their separate (?) bathtubs and smashing the lot of them over a cliff. If I'm lost in that destruction, please let my name and noble deed ring forth for all time.
It's like a Stephen King novel, robotic children coming up to me, surrounding me, "Give us your car. Give us your car. Give us your car.". If I don't turn the radio off by the third beat I break out in a cold sweat. The horror...the horror...the horror...
Waiting for Weezer to cover Kars
One of the recent episodes of Will & Grace had a subplot where Jack and Karen are being driven insane by this jingle. Only in the episode it was referred to as "Trucks for Tikes"
Not only is the "Kars for Kids" jingle an aesthetic horror, somewhat like having boiling oil poured in your ear, the whole operation stinks of scam and deceit. There is no indication who is behind "Kars for Kids," no indication of how any kids benefit from this operation. And certainly no way of knowing how much, if any, of the money they raise goes to salaries and overhead. I assume that by simply repeating that obnoxious jingle over and over at high volume they are hoping to paralyze your intellectual faculties
Well, I had to google it. Lasted 2 lines in before clicking off.
The only 2 reasons I listen to terrestrial radio are weather and traffic. If either are bad, that's my go to.
The worst part of the jingle is that they've done different versions of it. You've got the normal one, the classical one and the heavy metal guitar one.
Nobody listens to AM/FM radio anymore yet everyone knows this jingle?
Does it run on streams or satellite?
Interesting.
I saw your post title and right away thought of "Kars for Kids." I also turn it off or change the station after the first few notes. The only terrestrial radio I listen to is Mariners baseball games and some NPR programs. Other that that I stick with podcasts.
BTW, if anyone does post a defense of "Kars for Kids" I think you are well within your rights as site admin to ban them for life.
That two-note piano motif at the start of every Honda commercial.
Also, "It's the Pepsi Generation, comin' at ya, goin' strong..."
I dislike that jingle too. I change the station every time I hear it on the radio. We tried to donate a boat to them and they wouldn't take it. But it worked out for us in the end; we were able to sell it to someone who wanted a boat.
Having kids sing the jingle is bad. Spelling "Cars" with a K is worse. At least they didn't draw one of the K's backwards the way adults think children draw. When my parents got too old to drive, they asked people at their church if they knew someone who really needed a car but couldn't afford one and wouldn't mind accepting one that was a few miles on it. Why would you donate it to some outside outfit you only know from a rotten jingle?
OK, here's why I listen to terrestrial radio. One, I like hearing the local DJs discuss things happening in the local area. And two, I have a side-job as an event DJ (weddings, fundraisers, etc.) and I find that the local top 40 stations are a good way to keep up-to-date on popular music. Personally, I prefer oldies, but it wouldn't look good if someone requests, let's say, Post Malone, and I respond with "Who?"
Amen!
I listen to terrestrial radio for 2 reasons. One - call me cornball, but I like listening to the morning DJs talking about what's going on locally. And two - I have a side-job as an event DJ (weddings, parties, etc) and I find that the local top 40 stations are a good way to keep up-to-date with what's popular in music. Personally, I'd prefer to listen to my own collection of oldies, but it wouldn't look very good if someone requests something by, say, Post Malone, and I respond with "Who?"
If you donate to Kars 4 Kids, the funds support religious education for Orthodox Jewish children, but only a small portion of the money actually benefits kids, and the organization has been accused of multiple violations.
https://www.tabletmag.com/jewish-news-and-politics/188797/kars-4-kids-rakes-in-the-buckz
Never heard it. Only listen to NPR. (To whom we have donated two cars.)
As much as everybody hated that "Give me back that Filet-O-Fish!" jingle from years past, why did McDonald's suddenly bring it back?
I rarely use terrestrial radio anymore either. When I do, it's either a favorite show on the local free radio station (no commercials), or the HD3 oldies station in town which is automated and has only two commercials in each break, and the breaks are pretty far apart. They play 1955-1968 (not sure why no 1969, other than a couple end-of-1968s), and the free radio show is a couple local guys playing a variety of garage, punk, pop, lounge instrumentals, and general rock & roll from their collections of vinyl records.
Even when I do listen to the local classic rock station, other stations, or Wait Wait Don't Tell Me on NPR, I either take the headphones off during commercials, or flip to the oldies station.
Most of my music listening these days is either from streaming radio online (where you can also see the DJs doing what they do. Nice broadcasting set-ups in their homes!), or using YouTube as an ersatz radio broadcast (advantages: larger playlists, and the suggestions on the side lessens the time between hearing the songs).
A post on bad jingles, and no mention of Sy Flembeck? When I hear bad jingles on the radio, I still think of the Cheers episode where John Mahoney plays the guy who writes them.
Years ago, it was Jack-in-the-Box's jingle that got to me.
"J-J-Jack, J-J-Jack J-J-Jack Jack in the Box,
Now you're cookin' Jack!
"Ja-J-J-Jack-Jack, Jack in the Box,
You're really cookin' now!
The _____ is really ____
And the _____ is really ____
And the _____ is really ____
And the taco's really socko,
The food never stops at Jack in the Box,
The food never stops at Jack in the Box!
J-J-Jack, J-J-Jack J-J-Jack Jack in the Box,
You're really cookin' now!
I can still hear "Shotgun" Tom Kelly razzing it. "Who gives a flying..." "Taco's really Socko??"
There was one for Stop 'n' Go Gas stations that was downright condescending:
"Stop...'n' Go,
It's more than you know!'
All that money wasted on schooling....
Why terrestrial radio? It's free, and I pay for listening to it by listening to ads I can ignore (or, in the car, change the stations on)
Why broadcast TV? It's free, and I pay for watching it by watching to ads I can ignore (or change the stations on, or go to the can).
Most arguments agaist terrestrial radio are the same arguments against a large section of your industry. I'd be careful with that.
Watching the video on youtube, it occurred to me it's a good thing that Michael Jackson is dead, as he'd have probably tried to meet the boy who sings in the jingle.
As for the jingle itself, yep, it's awful, especially the country music twang it's got.
Kars for kids? They lie. I gave them a kid but they wouldn't give me a car. - MW
To my musically ignorant ears, the Kars for Kids jingle sounds like an amalgam of the "seven natural juices in Hawaiian Punch" jingle and the "good fruit flavor of Funny Face" jingle.
Liberty, Liberty, Li-berty...Li-berty. OMG, you know that one, right?
Dang it, Ken! I just saw the picture on my Feedly RSS feed and that freaking jingle got stuck in my head!
The worst non-musical spots? Here in LA, it's Mike Diamond, the "smell-good plumber."
The worst songs of all time? That's easy-- anything on radio in the past three decades.
Okay, of course I don't quite mean that literally. But growing up in the 80s, there was a serious decline in pop music quality starting in the mid-80s that got rapidly worse, until I gave up on Top 40 for good by around 1990. Yes, there were occasional good tunes, but they were so few and far between, it just wasn't worth it. I listen to music from all eras and decades, and (hopefully) appreciate the best.
It's just tough when the same kind of musical genres are shoved down your throat by media. If I grew up in the 70s, say, I would probably resent shitty folk pop and disco. But I'm lucky enough to have the vantage point of a filter for that. I understand why some people despise pop music from any era. You have a love/hate with it no matter what, and some stuff is just objectively overhyped. That doesn't necessarily make it bad.
I actually like a lot of the songs on your list, but it's because I can appreciate them from a distance.
The jingle does predate Trump's entry into politics
So you agree with this.
You might find this interesting.
And finally, this.
A good indicator for how awful that jingle is, is that the comments section for it on Youtube has been disabled.
Based on the average amount of hate spewing venom and bile that commonly goes unnoticed on your average Youtube video, you just know that the comments section for this little slice of Hell must be really special, if they were disabled.
Not so much annoying, but I deeply resent the music of Speedway convenience stores (Midwest). It's a complete knockoff from the Jackson 5's, "The Love You Save."
Another category of "music" hate? News themes/stingers.
I listen to the radio all the time in Chicago. Music and talk. A few reasons 1) it's free 2)it gives me information about what is going on in the world (NPR) 3) There is variety, for free. In Chicago there are so many stations to choose from, all music formats, talk radio, yell radio, dumb radio (rush L) 4) I don't have unlimited data, so I won't stream stuff in the car or on the train. 5) don't need to subscribe to satellite and have to get new radios in the car and house. 6) Traffic
I always have the radio on, or Alexa playing music. Need that back ground noise. Why pay for it when it is easily available for free.
I'm surprised you would trash it since you made a living at it.
Also forgot to mention, that you are right. VERY VERY annoying jingle.
Also, did I mention radio is free?
Also, one station I listen to in Chicago is WGN. On a clear night you can listen to it in LA. But in a typical hour, 17 minutes out of the 60 are actual programming, the rest commercials. That is why I have a selector button. "One eight hundred... "click.
Also the worst fake drumming since Chris Partridge.
FRIDAY QUESTIONS: Did you have any involvement in the Savings Bond Promo, "Uncle Sam Malone"?
Second question: A short-story writer said that when he wrote fiction, whatever he wrote, he was "there", as in he put himself in that world he created. Do you do that when you write or do you write in another way
Nobody listens to AM/FM radio anymore yet everyone knows this jingle?
Does it run on streams or satellite?
Interesting.
Point taken. But as the photo points out, it's on TV as well. Hell, probably even as an "underwriting" announcement on PBS!
As you know there are several different versions, but the worst is the one in which the main singer sings like Mr. Ed
As you know there are several different versions, but the worst is the one in which the main singer sings like Mr. Ed
I made up dirty words to it and sing along every time it comes on the radio.
Quit dissing on "terrestial" radio, btw. There's plenty of good stuff on it, and it's free.
Hi Ken,
I do not like the jingle but it does run on my internet radio station. Unless you get sponsorship, you have no control over which spots run. I run 2 minutes every 30 minutes and most of the ADS are from very well know companies, and none of the ADS are offensive. (OK, an argument can be made that one is). That one hasn't run in awhile, but if you heard it recently, it will probably come back to my station too. I know some people would say, well, maybe you should not play commericals at all. True, but I would like some Starbucks money.
I did not post a link to my station out of respect for your blog. Since I do not have permission.
Thanks,
Michael Carr
I agree with Jeff Boice, spelling it with the K is just awful!
Rest assured, obnoxious radio ads are not just a problem in the US. They are just as obnoxious and repetitive here in Australia.
I don't even remember how long it has been since I last listened to any terrestrial radio, and I began in that industry.
In contrast, I think we can all agree that the best jingle ever was...
"Lipsmacking, thirst quenching, ace tasting, motivating, cool buzzing, high talking, fast living, ever giving, cool fizzing...Pepsi!"
I worry that my wife and I will have to visit the emergency room together after colliding head-first, diving for the TV remote to mute the commercial.
Well. thanks ALOT!
NOW you decide you hate it!
How about ALL those times it ran on YOUR Syracuse Chiefs broadcasts that we listened to just over the Canadian border (Kingston, ON).
The damn jingle ran EVERY two innings!
And OF COURSE the two kids of the lady I was seeing then just LOVED IT!
SO MUCH SO that they would B U R S T into a 5-minute version of it at the drop of a...uhhh....baseball at
ANY TIME OF DAY OR NIGHT!
The fault, Dear Beaver.....
;>)
That jingle is like a rattlesnake: you can’t like it but you have to respect it. When it comes on, I cringe and change the station. Nonetheless, the message is received. It’s running through my head right now, thanks to your mentioning it. As someone who for years made he’s living writing this shit, I respect its power. And I resent it all the more.
Is Florida somehow exempt from this "Kars for Kids" abomination? I had never heard it until the Will & Grace episode where they were doing a parody ear worm of it. I'm not sure who, online, mentioned the Will & Grace episode song was a parody, but I had to look it up on YouTube. I last about one line in before I turned it off. Never heard it before; never knew it existed.
I listen to terrestrial radio when I'm taking a shower. I try to find the most innocuous OTA station we have and it's generally "smooth jazz." When the godawful sax gets to me, I reach out behind the shower curtain and turn it off. I sometimes listen to a more recent addition to our OTA radio stations that presents itself as "classic rock oldies" and ya know, it's actually not that bad. They just pretty much play the hits from the 80s and 90s that made the top 100 - familiar songs with lyrics and melody! I generally have hated "classic rock" stations because they are anything but "rock," so this station actually should be called "Classic Top 100 radio" or something.
Dreck is dreck! The "Hurry on down to Hardees" spots used to annoy me, too.
Further charges are to be brought against Lori Loughlin over the college admissions scandal.
I can't be the only one who finds it hilariously ironic that she appeared in Hallmark movies as a character who solves crimes.
Tell the truth Ken, the Corky's pest control jingle is in the top ten too. You probably still know the phone number from your Padres days.
I don't understand why radio stations agree to play commercials such as this. The execs at these stations know the commercials are annoying and that listeners switch the station. They also know that this then prevents those listeners from hearing other commercials, and the companies paying for those (listenable) commercials are being cheated.
Why would ad companies purposely produce commercials that are annoying and cause listeners to switch the station? Right now (in the Chicago area at least) there is a radio commercial which begins, "This is how you used to connect to the internet." This is followed by that awful, horrible, excruciating "phone connection" sound that most readers here will remember from years ago. As to what this commercial is actually for? I have no idea. That commercial and particularly that sound gets the station changed immediately.
Other commercials have used the sound of an alarm clock "beeper" going off. One of the worst sounds in existence that I suspect most human beings despise. What is the sense of a commercial which annoys the listener?
Thank you for unlocking something that's been buried in the archives of my brain for the last 40 years. Now, it won't leave.
What is the most annoying song in the world?
"Honey by Bobby Goldsboro. Wait, it’s Dominick the Donkey."
So, sure.
I've always believed that the open market is a large ballot box in which you vote with your dollars. If a current commercial or jingle upsets or irritates me, I don't buy that product until the commercial or jingle is retired. For example I cancelled my Liberty insurance policy when they started using the "Liberty Liberty etc" jingle. When Carl's Jr started equating their hamburgers to sex I stopped eating there (not a big challenge).
I just went on my Facebook page and a sponsored ad for you-know-who appeared! Anyone else have this happen? Does this mean we're all doomed?
I, too, have become a dedicated Sirius/XM listener...but at home in the kitchen we have an old AM radio that's attached under a kitchen cabinet so I listen to either sports or news while in there. The news channel almost always plays that stupid cars for kids jingle. I can shut it off in my mind but my wife instantly goes 'TURN THAT OFF!!'. What make me cringe are the testosterone commercials that play constantly. It will help you 'perform' like you used to. Perform?!?
I think that maybe the main reason commercials have become so noticeable and annoying is that they have become so poorly written and produced. And nobody cares. It's just people forwarding files instead of having a good time producing an ear catching production. At the stations the sales people have completely taken over the role of writer and if not them then it's someone from the business. They write poorly and they request no music background or production of any kind cuz they think it will interfere with their brilliant script. Also what has become popular is endorsement spots. Again no music, an announcer who puts very little effort into trying to make us believe that they really have any interest in the product other than getting paid a bunch of money to say they like it. They don't fool anyone so they just waste money and time. Line up about 9 to 11 of these little gems in a row 3 times an hour and it's not hard to see why radio listenership is becoming a thing of the past.
To John Nixon:
Thanks for your comment on the woeful state of the writing in many current radio commercials (with some notable exceptions that I enjoy.) I gradually broke into fulltime comedy writing by writing/producing/voicing thousands of radio commercials, both for various local stations where I worked and for national syndicators such as TM, PAMS and Toby Arnold. I always tried to come up with fresh concepts and funny lines to make the ads as entertaining as the shows. My heroes were Stan Freberg and Dick Orkin.
But I did have to learn the hard sell style for those who demanded it. I once did one for a car dealer in Greenwich, Connecticut, who'd been unhappy with his ads for years because he thought they weren't hard sell enough. So I went overboard giving him an ad that I actually intended as sort of a parody of those kinds of balls-to-the-wall ads. Unfortunately, he loved it. He told the station, "Finally! Now, this guy knows how to write a commercial that sells!" He insisted I write all his ads from that point on, so I ended up having to do that over and over. I seriously screwed myself with that one.
It now has some competition from Heritage for the Blind's solicitations for car donations. "Heritage for the blind ... reminds you to be kind ... Call 1-800-DONATE CARS today ..."
I have become very adept, whilst on the air, at not listening to these. Which is sad, because I spent four years in the music department at Y&R, privileged to have worked on some of the classics. (My boss was the guy who, over a weekend when Meredith Willson wasn't available, wrote the Armour Hot Dogs jingle.)
Good thing they're not called Kool Kids Kars.
The Kars for Kids jingle drove me crazy for years--until somehow it rewired my brain and I actually started to enjoy it. The kid sounds like an amiable nitwit from one of the situation comedies of my youth ("Leave It to Beaver" or "Dennis the Menace") and the guy sounds like a bargain-basement Johnny Cash, and somehow it all just...works, as proven by the fact that it's impossible to get it out of your head.
I realize that the fact that I feel this way is probably evidence that I've lost my mind.
I moved to southern Indiana from Idaho about two years ago, and listen to the radio here because my car stereo doesn't have a CD player or an aux input. Although the playlists for classic rock/oldies stations are painfully bland, none of the stations play K4K ads. They did in Idaho. I'd almost forgotten how bad those commercials were.
Can't think of any other examples of poor radio jingles that I listen to; usually I just flip through my presets until I find something good; failing that I turn the volume to 0. But whenever I hear or see a moronic ad I think about the scene from City Slickers where Billy Crystal's boss takes him to task for buying a piece of $&!#. Sorry I can't find anything with better quality:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OVIkyhmMPTo
I do recall a series of radio ads I enjoyed thoroughly from the mid-aughts, though it wasn't a proper jingle. Emerald Downs Race Track used to produce ads where a narrator would commentate a mundane event (such as a child in the back seat of a car who has to go to the bathroom) like a horse race: as they approached the line, "It's 'Can you make it!' It's 'I can't wait!' It's 'Can you make it!' It's 'I can't wait!' But in the end, it's 'Too Little, Too Late.'"
Here's the problem. Even though we all agree it's horrible, terrible, and gratingly annoying... ya'll remember it, down to the dang phone number. Therefore, by marketing standards, it actually did its job and is ingenious in the worst sort of way.
I've got a new one. "Rock Auto"
1950s amateur cartoon figures and a worse jingle.
Especially during Covid 19 stay at home time.
I concur, there is no jingle as obnoxious as K4K, which hones the senses with a rusted bastard file and pours vinegar onto the resultant wound. I agree also with a shudder that hearing "Honey" before you could race to the off switch was only a little worse than thrusting one's fingers into a fire ant colony and urinating on an electric fence. However, a solid runnerup in this department has to be "I Started a Joke" (a Bee Gees self pity olden moldie). Runs ungrounded electric drill into self while fondling about the circuit breaker box and barefoot on wet cement floor as a salute to this one.
In the category of most obnoxious song penned specifically for the Screen, my raspberries go to "Always and Forever" by Kip Dynamite. I don't think there's any way anybody could have crafted more moronic lyrics with such a dim melody, except... well, that was the point of the Napoleon Dynamite in general anyway. It's so bad it's hilarious.
Summary: The K4K jingle takes the Pewter Raspberry Vomit Award for Worst ever noise produced with intent as musical accompaniment to anything at all.
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