I come from the world of broadcasting. In broadcasting punctuality is paramount. You can’t be late for your shift. That’s almost as bad a sin as dead air. Shows begin at the top of the hour. You never hear the local news promoted as “Details at elevenish.” To me, being on time is not just a point of pride but a requirement of the job, like combing your hair and not showing up on crack.
So in the business world it rankles me when workers make an appointment, either to come to the house, or just a meeting — and they’re considerably late (without a good excuse like a meteor fell on the freeway — and even then, did it block all four lanes?). To me, it’s a signal that the worker doesn’t give a shit. If he doesn’t care about showing up on time, how good can his actual work be?
This extends to personal relationships as well. Certain people are chronically tardy. And in many cases they’re not even apologetic about it. What that says to me is their time is way more important than mine. I'm sorry, but that’s incredibly rude. And I’ve dropped people from my life because they do that.
Sure, everyone gets hung up on occasion. Shit happens. But text the other person that you’re running late. Show some consideration. Don’t just sweep in a half hour late and say you’re famished. I think keeping people waiting at restaurants (back when we could go to restaurants) has increased because the late arriver just assumes the other person can occupy themselves with their phone. Still, my time is just as valuable as yours!
You’re an intelligent person (okay, assuming you also believe in science and don’t give money to the Orange Toxic Sewage), you know that it takes you longer to get out of the house, load the truck, whatever — just back-time accordingly. You’re meeting someone for dinner at 7:00. It takes twenty minutes to the get to the restaurant, a half hour to shower and get ready, ten minutes to feed the dog. That means if you start the process at 6:00 you’re on time. It’s going to take the same hour if you start at 6:00 or 6:40 — just PLAN.
I also see a lot of these people begin to get ready and then get distracted. They begin another task in the middle thinking it’ll just take a minute. If you’re that person allow 90 minutes to get ready for a 7:00 appointment.
Time management is not drug addiction. Seems to me it just requires effort. And I say that because if the event or meeting or job is important to the chronically late person, he is always on time. And you know that’s true.
I’m not saying you have to be everywhere an hour early. Just on time. If you have to be somewhere at 7 and you’ve back-timed to 6, just set an alarm on your phone to remind you and you should be good to go.
Trust me, your friends, lovers, co-workers, and customers will thank you (and not dump you or fire you). So please, to whom it may concern: make this a New Year’s Resolution. And don’t start it on January 2nd.
51 comments :
FRIDAY QUESTION: From what I understand, Reverend Jim Ignatowski was supposed to make one appearance as the officiator of Latka Gravas' paper marriage, but Christopher Lloyd's portrayal was so good, he was brought back.
Is it easier to get "one-shot" sitcom characters to join the regular cast? Is there less red tape and network approval to go through?
This blog post is offensive to the ADHD community.
"and not showing up on crack."
Rob Ford and Marion Barry missed that memo.
Wait: "... not showing up on crack." ??? Never noticed the "not" before. Explains so much ...
I'm proud to say I've NEVER been late to anything in my life. I've always been chronically OCD about lateness, thus am ALWAYS early. It isn't difficult.
Thank you, Ken.
And thank you for your blog over the years. Not many bloggers left.
Happy New Year, Sue
Had a client show up 45 minutes late for her trial. And she threw a fit when the judge didn't wait for her. It didn't go well.
I share this pet peeve with you. Coming from New York City, being on time was important and respectful. While living in Charlotte, North Carolina, I found Southerners might be more casual about arriving on time. Now that I'm living in San Francisco, I'm finding more punctuality.
As a pre-baby boomer I was taught by my mom that if you are not early, you are late! Advice which I still follow decades later.
Funny you should mention that people in radio have to be on time. I once had the morning shift at a station where the mid-day guy who followed me had one of those growly, Wolfman Jack-type on-air voices. He was chronically late and always made me feel like a jackass because I'd sign off my show, say goodbye and "keep listening for XXX, coming up next"...and then after the news, I'd still be there for another 10 minutes until he showed up.
One day, I got tired of this and when he didn't show up after I'd signed off, I called on my well-honed ability to imitate people and just signed on his show as him, with his growly voice and usual patter. I just kept doing his show as him for about 15 minutes until I looked up through the window and saw him staring at me, with a "WTF?" expression.
I told he was late, so somebody had to do his show, and it fell to me. Fortunately, he thought it was funny and we turned it into a bit. I went back to doing him, then he "broke into" the studio and called me an imposter, then I called him an imposter, and we had a fake argument over which one of us was really him. It turned into a very funny segment.
Better yet, he was never late again.
You are so right. Especially in the film/TV biz. Time is money. ALWAYS be early and you can have a good on set breakfast too.
Ken, we both come from the same world ... CBS Radio here, not to mention hundreds of movie and TV sets, etc., and I am of like mind. At CBS, I did many a live broadcast, which means if you are not "exactly" on time, you face the dreaded "dead air"! Major no-no. Also, hundreds of interviews over the years. Hundreds of meetings with celebs at their homes ... and I always liked being a half hour early. That way I could sit in my car and review notes, prepare. Not be "winded" when I arrive. And let's talk about edit sessions. If you book an edit session(at least back in the day) at 9am and show up at 930am, guess what ... the meter started running at 9am! And edit session were VERY expensive. So if you were late, you wasted BIG BUCKS! And sessions themselves: always walked in the door PREPARED! If you were fumbling around trying to figure out some kind of edit, trying to figure out what to do on the clock, all of a sudden you've added thousands of dollars to your budget. Not good. So ... let's all be punctual in the new year!! And Ken,let's hear more and more of your great daily blog posts in 2021!!!
Tardiness is usually only the first step with some people. I don't have a car and thus always wound up early for an appointment. Then I had to wait for someone else to show up whenever they felt like it. When they did, I had to sit through fifteen minutes of complaints about traffic instead of getting down to business. After that, it turned out they hadn't prepared for the meeting. Instead they wanted me to spend a couple of hours assuring them they're going to be rich and famous, when I'm actually seeing they couldn't hold an entry-level position for a week. Whatever work they show me is naturally just as sloppy. Now I meet them on Zoom or Skype, and they're still late, so traffic is not really their excuse. On the other hand, people higher up the ladder are on time, get to the point, and thank me for my trouble. I'm not as impressed by their status as their professionalism. That's what I look for when asked to consider someone new. This isn't a game or some sort of con job you play to get ahead. You have to have respect for anyone you're going to work with.
I have what I call the "five and five" rule--it's okay to be anywhere from five minutes early to an appointment to five minutes late. Any earlier, do something else until it's time for the appointment. (I was not enamored of sales reps who would make an appointment for 11, show up at 9:30 and say, "Well, my previous appointment canceled, so I figured I'd come here," which is another way of saying, "My time is more important than yours"). Later than five minutes, you've got to call to explain why.
Tom Sturges' great book on parenting, Parking Lot Rules, has a chapter on this called "If You Can't Be on Time, Be Early." If you're perpetually late for things, plan on being there 15 minutes early. (And if you get there 15 minutes early, go somewhere else for ten minutes.)
I was taught by my parents to always be on time, so I always am. In fact, I usually show up for medical/dental appointments earlier than scheduled, in case I have to fill out any forms.
Even before I got into broadcasting I was always on time, or just a little early. I have friends and relatives who often arrive later than expected, but I've never dropped a friend (or a relative) because of their consistent tardiness. My reasoning is simple. I figure if they're this way with me, they're this way with everyone -- and it's probably cost them jobs, money, etc. -- so I see no need to punish them further. If a person is more than ten minutes late to a restaurant date and doesn't call to let me know, I just place my order, because when it comes to eating, I've always been punctual.
Couldn't agree more, Ken. Years ago, I got on my boss' bad side because he used to show up 20 minutes late for meetings, and expect me to go over everything again. I'd refuse and tell him the notes will be available later. He didn't like me much after that.
I was annoyed by people's chronic lateness to social appointments when I first moved to Los Angeles -- until I heard from friends (and media commenters) that it's so common here that you just have to live with it. (Sometimes the tardy person will send a text, but "I'll be there in a few" means half an hour, and "I'm almost there" means they just left.)
This is a genuine local phenomenon, which has to do with some combination of ennui, poor planning, and the fact that with L.A. traffic you really can't tell if a short trip will take 10 minutes or 40. Also -- kind of amazing for a place with great weather and lots of natural beauty -- even before the pandemic, nobody really wanted to leave their apartment.
Of course, lateness isn't the worst L.A. thing -- the worst is when they blow off the event, date or meeting entirely.
I grew up in Las Vegas, and the population has quadrupled since I started driving. Long ago, I realized that I needed to tack on five minutes whenever I made a drive because I could not conceive it would take me so long to get somewhere, and it made me on time more often.
So in grad school I was dating a woman who wasn't dating me (long story). One day, I told my roommate she would buzz at 7 and to let her in (we were in a six-story walkup). At 7, the buzzer went off and my roommate said, "I'm impressed. You told her to be here at 7 and she is." I said, "No, I told her to be here at 6:30. I WANTED her here at 7."
I feel the same way that you do. Here's something I found and saved from the Wall Street Journal. If you need to change your ways in regard to never having time to help anybody or always being late because you're 'always so busy' keep this advice in mind...it makes for a really good New Year's resolution.
"Instead of saying 'I don't have time' try saying 'it's not a priority' and see how that feels. Often, that's a perfectly adequate explanation. I have time to iron my sheets, I just don't want to.' But other things are harder. Try it: 'I'm not going to edit your resume, sweetie, because it's not a priority.' 'I don't go to the doctor because my health is not a priority.' If these phrases don't sit well, that's the point. Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don't like how we're spending an hour, we can choose differently.'
--Wall Street Journal
Voice actress June Foray once went to a recording session and found another aspiring voice actress waiting outside the office. They got to talking, and when the actress found out who she was talking to, she asked her for a tip to help her in her career. Foray said, "What time was your appointment?" The actress replied, "10 a.m." Foray asked, "When did you get here?" The actress proudly said, "9:45. I got here fifteen minutes early." Foray said, "No, you're late. You should have been here at least an hour early. There might be other actresses ahead of you who could get the job, or the director might need you for an unforeseen emergency." That's at least one reason that Foray was among the best-known and most reliable voice actresses in Hollywood.
I tend to be compulsive about being on time - not always successful, but if I am late I ALWAYS apologize. My dad was compulsive, too, and when we were going somewhere together we tended to egg each other on and as a result would sometimes be as much as an hour early, and on occasion, we'd be earlier than that.
I had a friend a long time ago who was always very late. After a couple of awkward incidents at restaurants, I made a new rule: We'd meet at my place. That way, when she was late, I could at least get a chore done or read while I waited.
It happened surprisingly often in radio, though. I can't count the number of times I heard Roger Barkley do the first 20 minutes or so on KFI solo, saying "It's 6:11, I'm Lohman and Barkley".
This is a constant discussion/problem with my wife. If we need to leave at 6, she thinks at 6, she gets her shoes, coat, finds her purse, then phone, etc. Which means we leave ~6:07. She is always late. Any time we do something with my family, they always tell us a time 1/2hr before actual time.
Our wedding started late so we could be considerate of people running late, which she always was.....
I once knew someone who was always late. His friends always described him with the word "late" in front of his name. It didn't bother him if he arrived late to a movie but one time I made a mistake about the starting time and we arrived 20 minutes early and he almost had a fit because he'd have to wait for it to start. Another time we were in a hurry to get somewhere and on the way out the door he said, "Wait! I forgot to brush my teeth!" And we had to stop and wait for him. Really.
I produced a talk radio show in a major market with a host who sometimes called before the show to say she couldn't make it (but was still paid in full). But cool, I got to interview some pretty interesting and famous people. I prepared all her prep material so I was ready anyway. Sometimes she would bail in advance if she wasn't interested in the guests, like Olympic gold medalists (!).
Annette Funicello was always early for business appointments and also during her soccer mom days, carpooling her own and neighborhood kids. She said she always brought a book along to pass the time. It's probably one of many reasons she was a public and private figure who was unanimously well-liked during her lifetime.
Friday question: There is going to be a revival of ICARLY with no involvement of creator Dan Schneider. (I am assuming due to his leaving Nickelodeon on bad terms.) Is he still entitled to money and credit on the revival since he created the characters?
My first wife had a friend that always showed up late for Lady's Night Out and the other women would get hot under the collar and vent to me about it. My advice was leave without her.
I am one of those only-reads-never-comments people, but I actually have some A LOT of perspective on this one. I was born almost two weeks late and my Mom was in labor for three days (I had to literally be vacuumed out). So you could say that from the beginning punctuality has never been my strong suit.
This is ironic because my Mom (who I adore) has an almost pathological fear of being late. She will, without exaggeration, begin to loudly remark how we will be late when we are anything less that half an hour early, as if the end is truly nigh. To this day early people infuriate me. I have the mirror reaction to Ken... what it says to me is that your comfort and pride in avoiding any lateness is more important than my time and how I could have used it while we are waiting around for something to start. It's even worse when I am the one readying myself for something. If someone shows up to my house early, they are not invited next time.
I've come up with some good guidelines for myself, though. There are some jobs, like Ken's broadcasting example, where timeliness IS the job. But for all the rest, five minutes either way is fine. If I think there is even a chance I will be more than that (rare), I call. No wasting time with excuses after I get there, either. In situations where it is a first impression (job interview) or something can't start without me (performance/presentation), I don't risk anything. For casual things like dates, 10 minutes, for parties, 15.
In groups, it also depends on the host/boss/teacher/leader and their preference, though. If I know total punctuality is key to them, I will try harder to be on the dot, but I choose to avoid those people whenever possible and instead seek out those that are on my wavelength. I had a music professor who was always 4-7 minutes late. But a lot of friendships we made in those minutes, and she created such a great environment when she DID get there that I still remember most of the things she taught. As for the punctual nazi of a professor who locked the door behind her, the only thing I remembered was how much we all hated her.
Last but not least: My first job - one I put myself through school with, and held for the better part of a decade until I moved - was as a library page. I almost never got there on the dot, but what I did do was always keep a good attitude, knew everyone's name, always covered for anyone who needed it, was helpful to every type of customer, mastered every different task, and even took on some that were not required of me but I was happy to do (when you're a young guy working with dozens of older women, you're gonna lift tables and change toilet paper. It's just gonna happen.) Now, I didn't like to go to my shift on checkout counter until whatever other task was done. Kept in mind the 5 minute window, applied the golden rule, and never got any complaints from anyone. Well, except for one coworker who was perfectly lovely until you realized she was a pious stick-up-the-butt Jesus-freak type who thought simple rule-following was the be-all to doing a good job. After a while she decided it would be ok to start complaining to me about this and telling me how to do my job to my face, despite us having the same rank. I complained to my (very punctual) supervisor, and boy howdy was my coworker shocked and betrayed when said supervisor did not take her side.
Punctuality is a bonus, a nice skill to hone. Lack of it is not a failing of character, and I stopped beating myself up for mine a while ago. I will take a tardy mensch over a punctual jerk any day. In my experience, others do too.
There are cultures where punctuality isn't a big deal. A friend who was married to a Brazilian invited me to his birthday party, and told me that the party started at 7 p.m., "which means the Brazilians won't get here until nine." If he hadn't invited a lot of Russians (presumably more punctual), if I showed up at 7, I would have been greeted by he and his wife still in the early stages of preparation.
My son's friends seem to believe that a commitment to be somewhere at a certain time is just one of many possible things that may happen, depending on whether something better pops up that may be more interesting.
I think there was a patient of Dr Katz: Professional Therapist who had a rant about that. He said people in LA keep all options open but true NYers will always show up.
Hear Hear
I've found that for many people, punctuality is just something they cannot understand or grasp its importance, no matter how hard you try to explain it to them. They simply don't get it on a cognitive level. It's frustrating as hell, because they can often be so smart and sensitive about other things.
I'm a musician and live media worker, so I'm biased. Time is important in those endeavors. But I still can't wrap my head around why some people don't get the concept of real time.
Expect comments from chronically late people tomorrow. Or the next day. Maybe.
You would have loved WBAI in New York. The station used to theoretically sign on at 7am but the morning guy was not a morning guy. Once he showed up at 8:45 yelling, "I need some coffee, damn it!" People learned not to set their clock radios to 99.5 or be late for work. Nobody at the place got paid, or not much, so why knock yourself out? All day announcers would say, "And now the war report, which is eleven minutes late." Good times.
Happy new year, Ken and all. And as Sherman T. Potter would say, "May she be a damn sight better than the old one."
I usually read the blog at noon, but didn't get to it today until 4pm. My apologies for being late. But seriously, good advice. Thanks for writing.
Friday Questions, Ken: Love the series of "Frasier" S6 episodes featuring two of my favorite recurring women characters, Cassandra and Faye (Frasier romancing both in "When A Man Loves Two Women") and was wondering if the episodes were the writing staff's way of setting up a 'Ginger or Mary Ann' (RIP, Dawn Wells) scenario for Frasier (albeit with women more befitting the "Frasier-verse")? Also, when your partner David wrote "Shutout in Seattle," in which Frasier blows it with Faye (whom throughout the episode he refers to as Cassandra) did he base Faye's encounter with Cassandra on a real life occurrence, one in which current and former girlfriends "collided?"
I keep thinking about that first lunch we had in 2014. Glad I wasn't late. Andy Barnicle
Me too. You're the best director I've ever worked with.
I loathe leaving late for the airport, the train, the bus. Generally, they don't care about your excuses; they leave on time anyway.
I liked Chris Rock's series Everybody Hates Chris. In one episode, he needs a job and Chris asks his father (Terry Crews) if he can work with him. His father says OK and he will pick him up at a certain time (3:30 in the morning!) and to not be late.
Chris says he will be there early and his dad (played by Terry Crews) says that there is no such thing as early. You're either on time or late. Chris, of course, isn't there at 3:30. His father waits a minute and goes to work.
Checking an area's sports schedule is a good idea when planning one's arrival time. I live in Seattle and was once late to an important downtown appointment because of the traffic slowdown caused by an early Mariner's game.
Do you have the same approach to other things? Say, a store clerk says “It’ll be 4.50” and you hand them 4 dollars and go “That’s fine”?
I have a clock in every room including a waterproof clock in the shower. Yet I'm habitually late.
However, I'd like to point out that many famous, important people have had a problem with tardiness. Former President Bill Clinton had a reputation for being late. And he rewarded with oral sex at work.
Barack Obama was also well known for being late much of the time. If you had the opportunity to meet him and the former president showed up late would you chastise him? Would you lecture him on the importance of being on time? Would you say, "Not cool, man! Get your act together." Of course not.
Even our current president elect, Joe Biden is often late. Would you tell him, "You're just lucky you ran against Trump because otherwise I prefer punctuality." I seriously doubt it.
Happy New Year!
M.B.
P.S. Yes, conservatives are late, too.
In Scotland there's a thing called 'back of' time, meaning anywhere between the top of the hour and - well, if it gets past the half, you're acceptably late but don't make it a habit. After an hour it's assumed you're not coming.
Persistent lateness is a narcissistic trait (and I don't mean evil, necessarily): 'See? I knew you couldn't start without me!'
Happy Year!
Meant to comment on this yesterday. Got delayed. Oh well. Happy 2020 everybody!
On a sad note... Farewell Dawn Wells, Mary Ann from "Gilligan's Island". Her appearance in a tiny French-maid type outfit in the episode, "Gilligan and the Beanstalk" was my sexual awakening. What a beautiful woman!
Thank you for this. I have always subscribed to the "if you're on TIME, you're five minutes late" philosophy and another maddening variation on people being late for me is that so many people I know do not account for potential chaos on their journey from their homes to their destination. "Well, this place is only 20 minutes away, we should be fine."
Theoretically, yes. But what if there's construction holding up the road? What if there's a slow person in front of you? A roadblock? A tail light out? An accident? People juggling in the street? That's all I want people to consider. They never seem to and almost seem surprised that they're late. I suppose their view of the world revolving around their perspective prohibits them from seeing reality.
And while we will never vote for the same person, you and I are simpatico on this. It's just that important.
if I comment now would that be considered late?
:-)
Since you wrote a movie about Peace Corps experience (well, the topic, not the reality), thought you would enjoy a story about being late.
In East Africa they have a saying, Africans have the time, Europeans have the watches
When I server in East Africa in the late 80s, I was chosen by my school to help write a district high school Physics test (Similar to SAT), I was chosen, because no one else would do it.
There was a meeting at 9am at the local government high school for all the 'chosen' teachers from around the area to start to plan it. I was ~1hr away (if lucky) to the school, if public transportation available. So I go the night before and stay at a friends in the town. I leave ~8am to walk to the school for the 9am meeting. I get there at 8:30am, good to be early I say to myself.
The next teacher to arrive was at 9:30am. Next one 9:45. Last one to arrive for the 9am meeting was at 11am. You see there, they don't like to be inconvenienced in having to wait for someone. So if they know the other guy will be 1/2hr late, you be 45 minutes late.
Just a little story to help with fulfilling the 3rd goal.
if I comment now would that be considered late?
:-)
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