Monday, June 05, 2006

Diss 'n dat 6 (66)

Happy 6-6-6. I’m celebrating by getting my Dirt Devil fixed.

Bookies are now taking bets on boxoffice performance. So just as it’s illegal for a fighter to take a dive, any studio that hires Rob Schneider should be arrested for purposely tanking a movie’s chances.

I doubt if bookies are getting any action on next Sunday’s Tony Awards. Unless it’s the over-under on how many people even know the Tony Awards are next Sunday. Sight unseen, take the under.

The Tonys, by the way, is the only awards show where the winners never thank their wives.

My son, Matt now has his own blog, DIRTY WATAH. It’s his daily rant about the Boston Red Sox. I’ve added it to my links section. I’m starting to worry that my son is right on the dangerous cusp of “Fever Pitch” but his musings are insightful and funny and well worth a look.

For the third week in a row, movie audiences have flocked to pictures the critics panned. And in the case of MI:3, they stayed away from a critics’ darling. I’d like to think this means critics have less influence. I’m sure what Hollywood gleans from this trend is that it’s okay to keep making bad movies.

Kelsey Grammer as an X-MAN mutant? I haven’t seen the movie yet but what is his power? He can turn any gathering into a farcical dinner party?

Audrey Tautou now joins Irene Jacob in my “Pepe LePew category” (French women I lust after and have no shot with).

TV drama writers – welcome to the TV comedy writers nightmare. The evil reality show menace has invaded your territory, too. With shows like LAGUNA BEACH and now the new CBS entry, TUESDAY NIGHT BOOK CLUB” the “docu-soap” is born. Networks are saying that following the romantic struggles of real people instead of scripted ones might be the audience’s new preference. If so, there goes the next five Selia Ward series.

Apparently, on that BOOK CLUB show there’s an episode dealing with a “Key party”. That’s where suburban couples get together, drop their car keys in a bowl, the women reach in, select a key, and whoever it belongs to she sleeps with that night. (Remember ICE STORM?) Do these things really exist? I mean, REALLY? I’d be more excited if I had better looking couple friends.

A week doesn’t go by when someone doesn’t say they just discovered BECKER and what a great show it is. (I wrote, directed, and consulted on the show) Interestingly, that never happened when the show was on CBS…for FIVE years.

What am I going to do now that the SOPRANOS are done? I haven’t been following BIG LOVE. Has he married Za Za Gabor yet?

Fucking DEADWOOD fucking returns for another goddamn motherfucking season.

If Keith Richards had any brain damage from his fall, how would anyone know?

Katic Couric hopes to end the “pretentious era” in news. Meaning, she’ll be reporting on the Iraq war from the Macy’s Day Parade.

Seth MacFarlane from FAMILY GUY is the commencement speaker this year at Harvard. At first blush you might be thinking, how low has this self-proclaimed most prestigious institute for higher learning sunk? Didn’t they used to get presidents and Nobel prize winners to do that? Yes, but that was in the days when Harvard graduates sought to enter the world of finance, or politics, or law. Today they all want to be comedy writers so it makes perfect sense. Who needs a Harvard education today when you can sign up for Judy Carter’s Comedy Workshop?

Big week for Paris Hilton. She’s kicking off the 4th season of SIMPLE LIFE (this year trying to blend in in a Kibbutz), AND she has a new reggae single out (“Stars are Blind”…and apparently deaf too). I hear she’s such a good singer she’ll make you forget all about Jennifer Lopez.

Idea for a satanic buddy movie: ROUTE 666.


Anonymous said... you create the Diss 'n dat posts on the wing, as it were--like you were on the radio? They have the same qualities that make your airchecks so enjoyable--clever, pithy, off-the-cuff, the product of a mind both bright and nimble.
(it took me a little while to come up with the Sally Field aside I posted on yesterday's board).

Anonymous said...

6 of my favorite Beelzebub songs:

“Highway to Hell” AC/DC
“Sympathy for the Devil” Rolling Stones
“ Devil Went Down to Georgia” Charlie Daniels
“Friend of the Devil” The Grateful Dead
“Hell is for Children” Pat Benatar
“Anything” by Michael Bolton sounds like hell

Anonymous said...

Paris Hilton will be the mayor of Beverly Hills around 2026. She'll have a life changing event with her cell phone or tanning bed which will cause her to relate totally to the common man. Don't give up on her, the dance record is just a phase!

Anonymous said...

Ken - there's already a "Route 666," which is pretty funny, but probably not intentionally. It stars Lou Diamond Phillips.

It probably would ahve been better as a buddy comedy, though.

Anonymous said...

A buddy of mine and I often wonder how long the cure for cancer has been delayed because these Harvard shitheads go right from getting their medical degrees to writing for the Simpsons.

Anonymous said...

and, your favorite 6-6-6 baseball line-up today...

The ANGELS meet the DEVIL Rays today in Tampa...


Anonymous said...

no... really... Angels at Tampa Bay today...

The Hopper said...

Ken -

I just put 2 and 2 together. My first experience on a TV set was the Becker gay cruise episode. I followed Tim Berry around for the day and then got to stand around with the writers during taping. If you were there, thanks for being so nice to a 18 year old kid. I learned more that night than in a year at NYU.

I really appriciated the experience and even though I know I'm not funny enough to be a comedy writer, it was cool to pretend I was one when the audience filed in.


Blondie said...

That Keith Richards comment; I have been asking that for weeks. You are so damned brilliant!!

By Ken Levine said...


I was there at Becker that week. I directed that episode.


It took about a half hour to write this post. I gathered a few tid bits from the paper that I wanted to comment on and then just sat down and wrote. I try not to take too long on each post since there's the very real danger that this blog could totally consume me.

alkali said...

Seth MacFarlane from FAMILY GUY is the commencement speaker this year at Harvard. At first blush you might be thinking, how low has this self-proclaimed most prestigious institute for higher learning sunk? Didn’t they used to get presidents and Nobel prize winners to do that?

The way it works at Harvard is that the senior class committee invites a "Class Day" speaker for the day before commencement. Two years ago the speaker was Ali G.

The Harvard Alumni Association -- which meets the afternoon after commencement -- has a more traditionally distinguished speaker at its meeting. The speech is usually in the nature of a commencement address even though the occasion is technically the meeting of the HAA.

No outsiders speak at the actual commencement ceremony.

Anonymous said...

Hi Ken

Here's a question on craft which I hope you will answer for me.

How did you go about plotting those marvellous farce episodes on Cheers and Frasier?

I refer to the cheers episode where..a wedding,i think it was woody's, was supposed to take place and they hired this priest who then got drunk, and frasier had to entertain the guests with spoons...

i just saw an episode on frasier where daphne was supposed to plan a dinner party and then all hell broke loose..the structure is very similar to the cheers stories -

and i noticed it was written by heide perlman! also from cheers!

how on earth do you go about plotting such an episode, are there any rules to follow? any pitfalls to avoid??


Mary Stella said...

Big week for Paris Hilton. She’s kicking off the 4th season of SIMPLE LIFE (this year trying to blend in in a Kibbutz)

Commander in Chief was cancelled after one rocky season, but Paris Hilton's Simple Life gets renewed. Again.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I just watched Becker last night and never realized what a great show it is.

Jesse Wendel said...


Thought you'd want to see this.


Jesse Wendel

Eric Gregg, 55; Former Major League Umpire Known for Big Strike Zone, Oversized Frame
From the Associated Press
June 6, 2006

Former major league umpire Eric Gregg, known for his big personality, extra-wide strike zone and oversized frame, died Monday night, a day after suffering a massive stroke. He was 55.

Gregg, the third black umpire in major league baseball, had complained to family members Sunday morning at his home in Ardmore, Pa., that he couldn't feel anything on his left side. He was hospitalized and died at 6:45 p.m. Monday.

He called his first game in 1975 and became a member of the National League staff in 1978. Known for his large strike zone when calling balls and strikes, Gregg worked the 1989 World Series, four championship series, two division series and one All-Star game.

-- MORE --

Jesse Wendel said...

Trying to post the link again, but correctly...

Eric Gregg, 55 - Obituary - LA Times
(Registration may be required)

Anonymous said...

I saw the new X-Men movie over the weekend, as my brain was functioning too well to be allowed into "The Break-Up". Kelsey's mutant powers are telepathic wine-tasting and superhuman-opera-appreciation.
The reason people who somehow like "Becker" are only discovering it now and not during it's original run is that during it's run it was on prime time, against better shows (like "OFF"), whereas now it runs in the dead of night, where alcoholics and hardcore unemployables are finally seeing it.
Did it really run five years? I thought it was one or two that just seemed like five. Someday, I must try to watch an episode all the way to the end, something I've never managed before now.
You know, it takes a lot of cajones to point a disparaging finger at admittedly horrible shows that star Jim Belushi while still remaining inexplicably proud of "Becker".

By Ken Levine said...

Then I have a lot of cajones.

Jersey Mike said...

Your Route 66 comments do not qualify as a review. There is no reasoned point being made about anything.
The aside about Claudine Longet with a gun is meant to signal that any
reader of your Blog is perforce hip to uber babe Claudine's killing of her lover.
Like damn, how cool is that, like she killed a dude, dude!
But she's still hot and I'd date her, heh heh heh.
Right you are Beavis.
Your "review" is what passes for a reasoned dissertation in these strange days of the new century, the highlight being you pointing out that it was "old" and "cost $22" to make.
Like the Hipsters, you believe Life as we know it didn't really start on this planet till the birth of the Star Child, namely yourself, so if you pronounce Route 66 chopped liver, it's chopped liver.
As Ed Asner maintains otherwise, and Robert Redford and Robert Duvall, what do they know, they'd probably defer from giggling about Claudine shooting her boyfriend.