Wednesday, October 18, 2006

This week's ratings

GREY’S ANATOMY was number one. It’s a can’t miss concept. ER with sex. CSI is trying to counter but finding it hard to make necrophilia sexy. Perhaps with the right stunt casting…?

1 vs 100 opened big. Three models from DEAL OR NO DEAL are in the “mob” of 100 contestants going against the main player. If the main player answers a question wrong and all three models answer it right the player is not only eliminated, he’s killed for being too stupid to live.

HEROES is a legitimate hit. SMALLVILLE on a real network.

Matthew Perry’s new post-FRIENDS show, STUDIO 60 retained just 54% of its lead in audience. Matt LeBlanc can now feel better about JOEY.

Remember when we all went to CBS for our news? Now we go to COMEDY CENTRAL.

Katie Couric’s newscast is dead last among the big three. Maybe her signoff should be, “Please don’t leave, too.”

TBS will air the NLCS next year. First time a baseball championship series won’t be on over-the-air TV. Maybe that’s because no over-the-air network wanted it. Ratings for this year’s playoffs are so bad a boxing match on SPIKE beat an AL game (seriously). Fox is actually looking forward to the day it can put STAND OFF back on the air.

NBC is crowing that they’re the only network with increased 18-49 audience. What they don’t say is that it’s because of FOOTBALL! MY NAME IS EARL at 41 is not bringing up the average.

If ESPN were eligible, MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL this week would have ranked 27th in the national ratings.

More NBC spin: 30 ROCK (which finished third) drew 32% more 18-49 viewers than E-RING did last year in that time slot. Kick ass! Omitted from the story was that E-RING was immediately cancelled.

New sitcoms are tanking left and right. Is it because audiences no longer want to see sitcoms? No. It’s because audiences no longer want to see BAD sitcoms. Recycled TV stars in inferior vehicles with inferior writing. How many times do we have to see Jere Burns?

Selma Hayek will guest on UGLY BETTY during sweeps. The show will be renamed that night UGLY EVERYONE ELSE.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS deserves a better time slot.

THE NINE might not make it to eight.

Going through the ratings I discovered, hey, THE BACHELOR is still on.

And finally…

QUE HAY DE NUEVO on Telemundo finished last at 139. And I thought it was one of their better episodes.


Anonymous said...

Off-topic, but given the many appearances of Mary Tyler Moore here, I just had to share. I just saw a piece on a new book (Not my book. I am not affiliated with it at all.) called "The 101 most influential people who never lived" about fictional characters. Mary Richards came in at #39. And who was #38? Godzilla! Ever seen them together?
As for on-topic, Maybe if Jere Burns payed a likable character once. Or is that outside his range?

bob said...

Is there really a "1 vs 100" over there now? That's the national lottery show here in the UK. I'm sure it's tarted up in the US.

This Girl said...

I agree with you about changing the timeslot for Friday Night Lights. It deserves a better time. That's funny, Ugly Everybody Else... And I'm in love with Heroes. Every last one of them.

Anonymous said...

You are one of the sharpest observers of the current TV season. It's a pleasure to read your comedic riffs.

Anonymous said...

Egads! You're right! How DOES that putz Jere Burns get on so many sitcoms? I've hated him since "Dear John"

Anonymous said...

I agree with Herb Popsfarter; Jere Burns is a tool just for his first name alone.

We watched the last episodes of '30 Rock' and 'Grey's Anatomy' online like many others are doing these days.

I don't know if Arbitron can account for all those eyeballs?

Anonymous said...

RadioJeff said...

To me, simple fix for 30 Rock: Make it about sex, drugs, rock n' roll, and neurotic/psychotic/insecure writers, producers and performers. In other words, make it about the halcyon days of Saturday Night Live (uh, wasn't that the original concept?). Tina Fey should light up a joint (away from her child), read "Live From New York" for inspiration (available used for 97 cents on Or just hire its co-author, Tom Shales, to help her write a turnaround episode (if it's not already too late). Does this suggestion qualify me to be hired as a consultant or executive producer now?

Anonymous said...

I think Salma Hayek has been on every episode of Ugly Betty. She is the maid on the Spanish language soap opera that the dad watches while he cooks.

If she is going to be part of the STORY on Ugly Betty, I hope her character is evil and she faces off with Vanessa Williams' diva shrew. THAT catfight would RULE!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of "tarted up," what was the real reason for CBS hiring Katie Couric to do the Evening News in the first place? Mainly because she promised to bring her legs and cleavage with her....

In fact, they actually designed a new set for the show that allows her to walk around – in a short skirt – and sit in different chairs – in a short skirt – and interview people - in a short skirt -- and then hope that you are actually paying attention to whatever the hell it is she's reporting on... Did North Korea fire a nuclear warhead at us? I don't know, Katie was leaning forward... Did Dick Cheney decide to use the Joint Chiefs of Staff for target practice during a duck hunt? Who cares, Katie just crossed her legs... Did Mark Foley get caught sending lewd and obscene text messages to Clay Aiken? I don't give a damn, Katie just caught her heel on a cable, tripped over a teleprompter, and went ass over teakettle, thereby ensuring that George W. won't be the only Bush viewers will be seeing on the evening news... Unfortunately, it backfired... People would rather turn to CNN, undo their pants and catch the newsbabes over there...

Anonymous said...

The only reason "Studio 60" is still on the air is because NBC paid so much for it. If it were any other show, with any other writer, it would have been canned by now.

NBC should cut its losses soon and dump this turkey.

Warren Fleece said...

Quigley's down on it. Kouric brings what, years of morning happy chat? I might tune in if they hired Wile E. Coyote to rig the studio lighting grid. Ya gotta have the gams to play Max Legroom.

Look for an updated set design next sweeps. I see an interconnected set of hot tubbery and swirling waterways, the "News Grotto". A freshly rebranded KC, sporting the network eye lower back tramp stamp, nimbly BREASTstrokes through each steamy intro passage to a waterworld set built specific to the day's major distraction. Floating prompters, adorned with banana leaves and pink orchid, coax her along. Correspondents/towel boys (and girls - oh yes indeed) mirage from the steam to dab dry KC, and she'll ALWAYS feign surprise when they break out the desert essence and begin full coverage lowdown/rubdown.

They'll save a bundle on graphics. It's news even Sam Malone would enjoy.

Diane said...

I caught a bit of 30 Rock last night and thought it was actually pretty good. And Salma Hayek's tv within a tv show cameos each week are a highlight of that show (which I agree should be 30 minutes)

Anonymous said...

From the AP story on the NBC layoffs:

NBC Universal will stop scheduling high-priced dramas and comedies during the 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. slot, The Wall Street Journal reported in advance of the announcement Thursday.

Jeff Zucker, chief executive of NBC Universal's television group, said he'll focus on cheaper programming.

Zucker told the newspaper that scripted shows cost too much given the lack of advertiser interest.

Why commment....preaching to the choir and congregation here.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I guess I'm officially an idiot. I know it's not The West Wing but I still think Studio 60 is the best new show on TV. Does it have to blow you guys away to be good enough to stay on free network TV? Call me a fool but I'm bored sick of violence and sex.

Oh, and is anybody else fed up with LOST since they revealed an entire suburban housing complex on the other side of the island? I feel ripped off.

Unknown said...

STUDIO 60 is getting annoying. Read BATTLE BOY at

It's much less self-important and much more kick ass!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Dave, I'm enjoying LOST this season. The other's suburban housing tract is only another fun twist to me. How exactly are you "Ripped off"? Did JJ Abrams sneak into your house while you watched it and steal your silver? So if whatever the underlying truth of the island is - if it IS an island - isn't what you assumed back in season 1, you are ripped off? Maybe you should get Plot Twist Insurance, which will repay you when you are "ripped off" by a story you're watching taking a twist you didn't forsee.

Unknown said...

Anyone that likes LOST will LOVE BATTLE BOY!

I'm enjoying 30 ROCK mostly for Alec Baldwin. That guy's great! 20 GOOD YEARS is a great concept.

MartiniCocoa said...

you got your wish -- friday night lights is moving to Mondays.

i have some empathy for tv executives
and creators who are terrified that if
they don't hire Jere Burns he will actually kill and eat their children.

Anonymous said...

I’ve learned a valuable lesson from today’s blog and responses: Jere Burns, Lost, the term “rip off”, Studio 60 and that leg showing whore Katie Couric, have joined politics and religion as potential flash points, which one must tread upon lightly.

Actually, I had to look up Burns in the IMDB; I couldn't put the name to a face. It was then that I was reminded of an incident a friend of mine had with him some ten years ago. Allegedly (don't want to get anybody sued), my friend was cycling and almost got run over by Burns at which point my friend (mouthy even at unwarranted situations) lost it and cursed him a blue streak, after which Burns sniffed "Punk", gingerly tapped his gas pedal, and drove off.

Anonymous said...

Katie Couric should sign off. "Come back tomorrow for more stories with legs."

Anonymous said...

Les Moonves should be pistol whipped, hanged, drawn, and quartered for the Couric disaster. What was he mainlining?

Had he rolled the dice with Keith Olbermann, more and more the heir apparent of Edward R. Murrow, he'd be being lauded as a genius today.

CBS news started circling the drain when it passed over Roger Mudd for Dan Rather when Cronkite retired. Ahhh, screw 'em. I stopped watching TV "News" just about that time anyway.

Charlie Kennedy said...

For Halloween, I'm going as Katie Couric's Viewer.

Anonymous said...

so, how did that pitch meeting go?
If your shows are as good as your blog.. (well, I did like AP)

Pam of Bakulanews