Monday, November 06, 2006

The Queen

One of these is the Queen of England and the other could easily play her in the "Legends" impersonator show in Las Vegas.

I recently saw THE QUEEN. Excellent movie. Jolly good. Well done. Bob’s your uncle. Helen Mirren has come a long way since CALIGULA. THE QUEEN provided great insight into the British Monarchy (although it still doesn’t explain why Queen Elizabeth refused my offer to read the Esskay Meats Out-of-town scoreboard when she attended an Orioles game I broadcast). Here's the post.

A few years ago when the Queen Mum passed away there were thousands of messages left on her Board of Remembrance. What follows are ACTUAL examples. See the movie and they’re even funnier.


"She was a marvelous woman, and a wonderful lover".



"Once again the Queen is not upset enough for my liking, the woman should have a bit more compassion, how would she feel if it was her mother?"

W.Waugh, Richmond.


"I have been unable to masturbate for five days, and will not do so again until her majesty is buried"

E. Gorman, Derbyshire.


"When Diana died I swore I would never smile again, but eventually I did. Now the Queen Mum has gone I cannot imagine that I will ever smile for the rest of my life, but I will probably break that one too".



"She was one of the old school, all the remaining royals are shit"

J.Clement. Grantham.


"I thought she would never die, she has let us all down very badly"

D.Holmes, Somerset.


"She was a trooper and she never gave up. I remember one time she was visiting a school and I asked her if she would like to make a visit to the cloakroom before she left. 'No' she replied, 'I didn't give in to the Nazis and I won't give in to the bladder'. That's how she was, a fighter, who refused to be beaten by anything. She pissed herself later though, it was sickening".

B. Forrester, North Yorkshire.


"I am absolutely devastated, at least we could have got the day off".

S.Wilson, Bristol.


"How refreshing to be able to mourn the death of a member of the Royal family without being accused of being homosexual".

J. Fletcher, High Wycombe.


"Her death should act as a warning to others who think it is cool to experiment with drugs". E. Franks, Cheshire.


"On behalf on all blacks, I send the sincerest condolences".

T.Watson, Ilford.


"I am sure the Queen Mum will not let this setback put an end to her public duties".

N. Wallace, Swansea.


"I hold Princess Margaret in no small way responsible for this terrible event"

E. Thompson, West Lothian.


"We must do all we can, send blankets, food parcels, jumpers, anything to help these brave souls who are queuing up to walk past her coffin."

R. Thompson, Bath.


"Whichever way you look at it, it just is not as exciting as Diana".

G.Williams, West Midlands.


"She was one of us, and by that I don't mean she perpetrated insurance fraud or lied about expense claims. She was like us in a good way. God bless you ma'am".

L. Weller, Harlow.


"If only I could get my hands on that fish bone right now, you heartless bastard!"

J. Hedges, Cowdenbeath.


"She had such a difficult life, always battling against adversity and misfortune. Let us hope that if there is a next time round she is given a life of privilege and comfort"

T.D.Wainwright, Hastings.


"Perhaps if we automated her old golf buggy it could still drive around The Mall on its own and bring pleasure to the tourists".

Y. Howell, Slough.


Anonymous said...

Those comments, funny as they are, are spoofs taken from British toilet humour specialists Viz Comic, surely?

Schmucks with Underwoods said...

Very funny stuff! Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Royalty is always fun. On another note--in an earlier post Mr. Levine commented on the Gilmore Girls and some changes on the horizon due to a new show runner (David Rosenthal). Check out a piece in today's NYT Arts section--Mr. Levine, always way ahead of the curve.

Graham Powell said...

These sick bastards need to be found and signed to development deals at Fox.

The Curmudgeon said...

Searching for an appropriatly appreciative comment here... Spot on, old bean! (Does that work?)

Anonymous said...

Hey Ken, I was reading the other post and it reminded me that you worked with Jon Miller on the Orioles games, what's he like, any good Jon Miller stories?

Anonymous said...

No nationality can as accurately lay claim to the term "Twit" in quite the way the British do.

Anonymous said...

They must have realized she was dead when they sang a full, robust chorus of "God Save The Queen" -- and she didn't move...

Anonymous said...

...Or wave...

JP said...

Nah, it was when she didn't reply to the question "another G & T, ma'am?"

Boltron said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
odocoileus said...

Sounds just like Monty Python. I'm having a laughing fit here in my cubicle.

Anonymous said...

And I say that with all due respect and love for the English. Wonderful people.

Anonymous said...

I'm taking notes for the next funeral I go to. These will kill!