Everyone else has their year end bests and worsts, and since I’m Time Magazine’s Man of the Year I thought someone might be interested in mine. So here they are (with a little help and input from my daughter, Annie).WORST MAGAZINE COVER – Britney Spears pregnant and naked. Demi Moore she’s not. Dinty Moore she’s not.
BEST MOVIE FROM A MUSICAL – DREAMGIRLS
BEST MUSICAL FROM A MOVIE – EDWARD SCISSORHANDS
BEST MOVIE FROM A TV SHOW – BORAT
BEST TV SHOW FROM A MOVIE – FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
BEST DIVORCE – Whitney Houston & Bobby Brown
BEST MYSTERY DISEASE ON “HOUSE” -- Bovine Spongiform Encephalopathy
BEST ROSE PARADE CO-HOST WHO WON'T BE HOSTING BECAUSE SHE HAD THE AUDACITY TO GROW OLDER WHILE HER OLDER-STILL MALE COUNTERPART WHO HAS LESS TALENT KEPT HIS JOB -- Stephanie Edwards
BEST ACTOR IN A TV DRAMA – Hugh Laurie
BEST ACTOR WHO NEVER WINS ANYTHING – Forest Whitaker
BEST RESTAURANT – Roy’s in Oahu
WORST QUOTE (or maybe THE BEST?) -- From the distinguished Senator, Trent Lott: “Why do they hate each other? Why do Sunnis kill Shiites? How do they tell the difference? They all look the same to me.”
BEST KID ACTOR WHO HOPEFULLY WON’T GROW UP AND BECOME OBNOXIOUS – Abigail Breslin
BEST CELEBRITY ACCIDENT – Keith Richards falling out of a tree.
WORST CELEBRITY ACCIDENT – Steve Irwin stung to death by a stingray
BEST BOOK ON THE INDUSTRY -- "Hello, the Agent Lied" by Ian Gurvitz
WORST BOOK ON THE INDUSTRY -- The Teri Hatcher alibi-ography
BEST TV COMEDY – THE OFFICE
WORST TV COMEDY – Anything on Fox that's not a cartoon.
WORST TIMING – Vegas billionaire Steve Wynn accidentally punched a hole in his Picasso painting one day after finalizing a deal to sell it for $139 million.
WORST INVESTMENT – The Boston Red Sox paying $70 million for J.D. Drew. If only Steve Wynn had punched HIM.
BEST SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT MODEL – Michelle Alves
WORST SPORTS ILLUSTRATED SWIMSUIT MODEL – whichever one is married
BEST IWO JIMA MOVIE – LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA
WORST MOVIE THEATER IN LOS ANGELES -- The NuWilshire
BEST JAMES BOND SINCE SEAN CONNERY – Daniel Craig
WORST FUNDRAISING STUNT – SAVED BY THE BELL star, Dustin Diamond, tried to make up his $250,000 debt by marketing his own homemade sex tape. Maybe if it was Elizabeth Berkley.
BEST TRUMAN CAPOTE MOVIE SINCE “CAPOTE” – INFAMOUS
BEST SEAT IN THE ROSE BOWL -- Your couch in front of the TV.
BEST REMAKE – CASINO ROYALE
WORST REMAKE -- POSEIDON
BEST SEQUEL – MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3
WORST SEQUEL – CLERKS 2
BEST MODEL ON “DEAL OR NO DEAL” – Third row, second from the left.
WORST HOWARD STERN IMPERSONATORS -- Opie & Anthony
BEST RADIO MORNING SHOW -- Kevin & Bean, KROQ, Los Angeles
WORST PARENT – Britney Spears
WORST BROADWAY MUSICAL – THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN’ Bob Dylan’s hits in a circus motif. Title should have been “Springtime for Zimmerman”.
BEST BROADWAY MUSICAL – SPRING AWAKENING
BEST BLOG READER -- You
The rest tomorrow...
28 comments :
Wait so I'm Time's Person Of The Year and Best Blog reader?
MAN I kick so much ass...I'm like an internet Jet Li.
You have these backwards. Your secretary must have made a mistake. Hey, it happens.
BEST SEQUEL – MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 3
WORST SEQUEL – CLERKS 2
I couldn't put the book, "Hello, the Agent lied", down.
Great bathroom reading!
I hope I'm not too late to send the Author notes:
Beef up the ending and make the developement Execs. more intelligent. No audience will believe they are that dumb.
Glad you recognized "Spring Awakening." By the third or fourth minute of the show, I realized I was seeing something completely new and thrilling. And Ken, "Springtime for Zimmerman" is platinum funny! Love your blog (which I've linked on mine).
Lovely. Poor Stephanie Edwards. That will teach her to age!
However, you have made two strange errors:
1. I am Time Magazine's Person of the Year, you upstart.
2. Regarding the Screech Sex Tape, "Maybe if it was Elizabeth Berkley." No, no! That should read "Maybe if it was Mario Lopez!" Even you straight boys can read Nielson ratings. Look at the ratings for "Celebrity Slap-Dancing" or whatever it was called. America drools over beautiful Mario. Does Miss Berkley even still have an agent? Are you sure she wasn't IN the Screech Sex Tape, only not billed, as her career is farther into the toilet than his? Did you watch it yourself, to make sure? I didn't think so.
Now, WHY has the government declared Tuesday a National Day of Mourning for Saddam? I thought we didn't like him. And while Gerald Ford's pardoning of Nixon and his covering up for the real killers in the murder of JFK back on The Warren Commission were terrible crimes, I don't understand why they hanged him. Seems a little strict to me.
I'm going to get *so* beat up for defending Fox...
WORST TV COMEDY – Anything on Fox
I think The Loop is one of the funniest shows on television, and thankfully returning shortly. You've clearly forgotten The Class. That show's an object lesson in how not to create a sitcom.
Yeah, that Best Sequel/Worst Sequel gaffe is glaring.
I hope tomorrow includes:
BEST TV SHOW FROM A NOVEL: Dexter
Friday Night Lights could qualify twice - Best TV Show from a book - which is one reason it's so good. It's got such a great canvas to work from.
Anyway, great list...
Good lord! Why, oh why, did you show that picture of naked Britney? My eyes are burning and it won't go away!
Thanks for giving Kevin & Bean their props. I've listened to no other morning show the entire 12 years I've been in LA.
If Britney exploits herself like that, just wait until she can make money off her offspring. Yikes. Nice tan, though.
1 - you forgot best new adult (not implying x-rated here) weekly TV cartoon: Venture Bros.
2 - Mission Impossible 3!?...The only people recalling that film, and hawking that are S-tologists. Ken? Did you get a brochure at the screening? Take a test?
Was Friday Night Lights a movie?
Whoops of course it was, with Billy Bob Thorton. As you were. My bad, as the kids say.
I hope I look that airbrushed when I'm pregnant on the cover of Vanity Fair.
For everyone dogging on MI:3...did you see that limp noodle of a second movie by John Woo? Add that to the fact that many people truly disliked Brian De Palma's introduction to the franchise and I could see how Ken might actually have meant what he posted.
J.J.'s film was well-paced and far more entertaining than I'd expected. I didn't bother to see it in the theater - Cruise burnout and fear that J.J. would lose his way at midpoint like he does as a showrunner - but when I finally did see it, my wife and I were pleasantly surprised.
To me, this would be like calling Rocky Balboa the best sequel of the year; it sounds crazy until you compare it to what came last in the franchise.
Ken, are you conciously including 'The Simpsons' in "anything on Fox"?
I would understand "anything else on Fox"...
I disagree aout opie and anthony
they are as original as howard
which does not say much
Hi, gang,
To be clear -- any LIVE comedy on Fox. Maybe I'll go back and clarify in the post.
As for MI3, I too am Tom-ed out, but I thought the movie was good. MUCH better than the two previous MI's. If Matt Damon starred in the same movie would there be such a backlash?
with respect, the NuWilshire is a PALACE, compared to the Westside Pavillion
I would nominate you and Lloyd Thaxton for best BLOG discovery.
You left out "Best Blog by an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer." - By Ken Levine.
Thanks--you rock!
P.S. More Frasier scripts, please!
I'm shocked you don't consider House a comedy just because it's on FOX!! ;-)
Lilly Wonka
Amendments:
Worst Parent: Dina Lohan
Best Show That Should Air after Heroes: Battlestar Galactica
Worst 3rd Season EVER: Lost
Best Trailer: Grindhouse
Most Overrated Person of 2006: Eva Longoria
Thank you, Connor Peterson for observing my one rule -- leave your name. Anonymous slams will be deleted.
As for Opie & Anthony:
I don't hate them at all. At times I think they're very funny. But I think they sell themselves short by doing Howard Stern low road bits. They're better than that. They can be genuinely hilarious.
Don't let the bastards get you down, Ken. I think you're swell.
It just occurred to me, I don't think I've ever been to the NuWilshire. That can't be right. I must have gone at least once but maybe the experience was so harrowing I blocked it out. Frankly, I think the Nuart should be given that worst theatre award. They actually redid the seats and still placed them so that a third of the screen will be obscured by the head of someone in front of you no matter how you twist yourself around.
Since the only "wacky morning zoo crew" I'd ever want to hear is Bill McNeal on WNYX NewsRadio, I've never listened to Opium and Antimony. I pre-judged their fans incorrectly, though. Based on the bile piling up here in the comments, it appears that their fans do have opposable thumbs.
NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!
You are incorrect sir, Opie and Anthony are much better than what you give them credit for. I sincerly hope in the coming year you actually get to listen to their program.
Curtly,
Steve from Yellowstone
You forgot the Best Dressed Army as well as a Leader Who Best Can Get The Trains To Run On Time.
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