Friday, January 26, 2007

American Idol so far

Of all the bizarre looking contestants that have tried out for AMERICAN IDOL this season (and there have been shockingly many), none have even come close to Carole Bayer Sager. Yikes! She looked like a trampoline with eyes.

Why do they even need a guest judge? It takes FOUR people to determine that the skeesix in the Uncle Sam costume with boxing gloves can’t sing?

I’m still having nightmares over Carole Bayer Sager. Imagine a slingshot that’s been stretched for four blocks.

Last week the guest dead weight was Jewel. She could not have looked more uncomfortable if she were sitting with the Menendez Brothers and O.J. Simpson. Favorite moment: when she mumbled to a contestant that he had no personality.

On the other hand, when Simon is not there just cancel the auditions.

Yes, a lot of these contestants are just chump bait, and they know what they’re in for, but does the camera have to linger on them soooo long? Do we have to see them grovel and beg and cry? I don’t care if the show gets a 70 share, it’s wrong.

Okay, he couldn’t sing but flamboyant Ian Benardo was hilarious. Dump ‘TIL DEATH and put him on the air.

I bet if Joni Mitchell auditioned she’d get three no’s.

Best singer so far: Sundance Head. Best name so far: Sundance Head. For those who didn’t see the show, it’s a guy.

Not only can most kids not sing. Most apparently have never been to a dentist.

Amanda & Antonella, the two hot best friend girls (who we saw frolicking in the ocean in their bikinis .. this is Fox remember) – I’m already calling 1-900-IDOL and voting for them.

Oh please, this season, let one of the theme nights be Bjork. And another be Ethel Merman.

I loved the girl who wanted to be the first AMERICAN IDOL that couldn’t sing.

Where are they now? Kelly Clarkson is an international superstar with Grammys and platinum CD’S. Runner-up, Justin Guarini is hosting IDOL TONIGHT on the TV Guide channel.

Anytime a contestant says they’re going to sing Shakira the judges should just say, “Sorry, it’s a no. Thanks for coming.”

As I watch these auditions I wonder – which one of these kids will be the next AMERICAN IDOL and which will be Paula’s new boyfriend?

Of all the crazies, my favorite contestants were the mother and daughter that looked like Patty & Selma. Runners up: Fidel Castro, girl with the cow, the juggler/serial killer, and the hipster Amish guy.

Give Ian his own show!


Anonymous said...

I was relieved when they said that was Carole Bayer Sager. I'd thought maybe it was Joan Collins on a really bad night.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

There's no question that long established entertainers would be gonged off this show faster than you could say "Da ya think I'm sexy"

I mean seriously, can you just imagine Rod Stewart rasping a Whitney Houston standard to Cowell?

And you're right, Joni Mitchell would be lambasted... but so would many others - INCLUDING JEWEL. Hey she's okay, but I doubt she'd make it past round 3 or 4.

I know it sounds sanctimonious, but this show, and in fact most reality shows, highlight the worst in people. I'm constantly astounded the get watched and even more disappointed that they won't go away.

Thank God I'm free to change the channel. (Even though I seem to be the only one who does.)

Anonymous said...

I would have paid cash money if someone had started singing to Carole, "What's it all about, Lassie?"

Anonymous said...

I think if you pull up the hair on the back of Sager's head you'll find a giant Chip Clip.

Anonymous said...

So, Ken, what is the Hollywood protocol for reacting to a facelift or other surgical enhancements? I would hate to make a faux pas and ruin my fabulous future in the show business. Do you ignore the elephant in the room? Do you compliment (It's not nearly in the Joan Rivers category.) Do you empathize? (wow, that's gotta hurt?...sorry I didn't mean to scream...It's going to look a lot better on television) associate? (They're showing The Mummy on Showtime tonight...or that reminds me, I'm out of Glad Wrap).

Anonymous said...

Let's not forget how fun it is to bounce up and down on a trampoline.

Cap'n Bob said...

My wife and I agreed that Sager looked like she went to the same plastic surgeon and hair stylist s Joan Collins.

Anonymous said...

Isn't this Carole Bayer Sager?

Anonymous said...

OMG, last night was great!

BTW - sorry to go a bit off topic but I read online that Season 4 American Idol Semi-Finalist Sarah Mather after being voted off AI has gone her own way looking find musical stardom.

Check out her taking her shot through the newest music competition, Music Nation (, an online video music competition that is giving 3 artists, one in each of the rock, pop and urban genre a recording contract with Epic Records….

Check out her video “Lost Then Found”

I wonder if any other AI alums will go this route???
(lets go Elliot Yamin - who was robbed of his win last year by Taylor Hicks!!)

maven said...

This season seems like the producers are getting meaner and meaner...going out of their way to provoke the disillusioned wannabes into mental breakdowns. I keep watching though because I can't believe that people will do anything for a moment in the sun. (I admit I'm an AI fan, although I can watch an hour show in 15 min. thanks to my DVR!)

OhioRuthie said...

The mother daughter duo...the daughter desperately needed a bra...that was just gross.
I agree about Simon..without him there isn't a show..the guy is hot!
I thought Jewel came across kind of snobby.

Oh. It's Kristen Again. *sigh* said...

The mother/daughter duo reminded me of Joey Ramone. Both of them.

Anonymous said...

Hard lesson learned last night. I TiVo'd American Idol, but the second hour cut off, because I'd accidentally programmed two other shows at that time... So, in a nutshell, re: New York auditions... after the energetic & corpulent black woman won some decent comments, but continued to sing, Paula started looking ill... Then it cut off... What happened to her... And were there any other highlights in that second hour you can quickly run my way? Thanks for indulging me.

Mary Stella said...

I'm rooting for Melinda Doolittle all the way.

Although, part of me wants to see a final between the revolutionary guy and Sundance Head. I want to see them after the stylists start to work on them. On the other hand, the Castro-ish guy could be this decades Johnny Cash and release an album, "Live from Gitmo Prison".

Anonymous said...

I think it's well known that of the thousands who audition not everyone gets an audience with the three judges. The contestants are pre-screened by the producers and they are essentially looking for people who are very good or very bad.

Sometimes I think the scowl on Simon's face is him thinking "I'm going to kill those bloody producers for making sit through this crap."

Anonymous said...

Hah! I grew up with Ian. He's changed a bit since I last saw him in junior high school.

Anonymous said...

I saw Rosie O'Donnell make the comment the other day in a sound bite on one of those infotainment shows that they shouldn't put delusional and mentally unbalanced people on TV and ridicule them.... I say "Why not?" We see the delusional people who run our government every day on TV and no one seems to give it a second thought...

Anonymous said...

I'm sure Rosie O'Donnell didn't really mean it when she said that they shouldn't put delusional and mentally unbalanced people on TV, as if they took her advice, Rosie would be out of work.

Anonymous said...

Whenever I watch American Idol auditions I get an inkling of how George Bush managed to get the top job.

Mike Barer said...

I thought that it was Carole King. I tend to get my Caroles and Neils mixed up.

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