Tuesday, January 23, 2007

The Oscar nominations

Congratulations to everyone nominated for an Oscar this year.

Here’s how bad I am at predicting Oscar winners. I thought DREAMGIRLS was going to win Best Picture and it wasn’t even nominated.

Diana Ross must’ve been on the nominating committee.

Fantasia is on suicide watch today with Jennifer Hudson being nominated.

Kudos to Will Smith who only does movies he can get nominated in. If Eddie Murphy wins, expect to see Will in DREAMGIRLS 2.

If Eddie Murphy does win don’t expect a repeat with NORBIT.

The “it’s great to be nominated” category this year is Best Actor. Between Leonardo DiCaprio, Peter O’Toole, Will Smith, and Forest Whitaker there must be 20 Oscar losses between them, 15 just for O’Toole.

Speaking of perennial losers – Is this finally the year for Martin Scorsese to win Best Director? He’s the perfect winner too because he’s the only guy who can thank 47 people in under ten seconds.

Mel Gibson may claim APOCALYPTO was denied because of all the Jews in the Academy but he got a Best Make-Up nomination so shut up.

Because of DREAMGIRLS there is real music this year in the music categories. No one in a Lakers jersey will be accepting an Oscar.

BORAT was nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay. By adaptation they mean it was written after they filmed the movie.

Let’s hope there’s never a sequel to UNITED 93.

The ratings for the Oscarcast usually depend on the number of recognizable stars who got nominated. Expect a big rating this year as fans root for their favorite among Djimon Hounsou, Adriana Barraza, Jackie Erle Haley, and Rinko Kikuchi.

I’m not saying they’re not deserving of nominations, I’m just saying remember the days when you could pronounce the nominees?

It used to be to ensure an acting nomination you had to play someone who was physically challenged. Now it’s someone who snorts coke.

Don Cheadle must see all the nominations for BABEL and say, “Hey, what about HOTEL RWANDA? How come we didn’t get all those nominations last year?”

Greg Kinnear must be saying, "Forrest Whittaker and not me???"

Most money wasted on ads for a movie that went nowhere: BOBBY

As everyone is saying, the big surprise was that DREAMGIRLS, with 8 nominations, was not nominated for Best Picture. There always are a few of these oversights, but none more than this year. Here are more very deserving movies and talent were overlooked.

Best Picture:


Best Actress:

Jordana Brewster in ANNAPOLIS (at 5’ 104 pounds she played a tough Navel Drill Instructor. Think Louis Gossett Jr. in OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN with perky breasts.)
Sharon Stone in BASIC INSTINCT 2 (best performance from the waist down)
Judi Dench for narrating DOOGAL (is there nothing that woman can’t do?)
Shawnee Smith in SAW 3
Kristin Davis in SHAGGY DOG
Nicole Kidman in FUR (there must still be the backlash from divorcing America’s darling, Tom Cruise)

Best Supporting Actress:

Bitch as “Herself” in SHORTBUS
Cloris Leachman as “Great Gam Gam” in BEERFEST. (I felt sure she’d add to her many Oscars with this one.)

Best Actor:

Will Arnett in LET’S GO TO PRISON
Ray Rivas as “Shabbos Goy” in SHORTBUS

Best Supporting Actor:

Chip Zien as “first guy killed” in UNITED 93. (He laid dead in the aisle the entire movie and never once broke character. That’s concentration!)
Michael Deak as “the monster” in ABOMINABLE. (The tag line should have been Michael Deak WAS Abominable!)

Best original screenplay:

Best director:
Barry Sonnenfeld for RV

As always, I will have my bitchy review of the Oscarcast immediately following the ceremony on February 25th. To get you in the mood, here’s last year’s Oscar review. How many of these winners do you even remember?


Anonymous said...

The best part of the nominations is that we can now use the phrase "Academy Award Nominee CLICK."

Alex Epstein said...

Damn! And I was already halfway through my spec UNITED 94: REDEYE.

maven said...

I haven't seen "Little Miss Sunshine". Is it that deserving over "Dreamgirls?"

Scribe LA said...

"Speaking of perennial losers – Is this finally the year for Martin Scorsese to win Best Director? He’s the perfect winner too because he’s the only guy who can thank 47 people in under ten seconds."

LMAO... and yet, so true. Reminds me of a scene from Albert Brooks' "The Muse," where Marty runs into Albert and he's looking for a Starbucks, but he's already wired to the gills. Hilarity.

I hope Marty finally takes home the golden statue.

Reel Fanatic said...

Very funny stuff ... I too picked Dreamgirls to win it all, but I also cheer unconditionally for the Baltimore Orioles, so perhaps I just love losers ... Hopefully it's Scorsese's to win now, but I'd be just as happy with Little Miss Sunshine

Anonymous said...

I honestly wasn't that impressed with Dreamgirls overall. It really felt like a stage musical, and the characters were not well developed. I'm happy for Murphy and Hudson, though.

Ken, will you object if I ripoff some of your show commentary when I send out the results for my office pool?

Anonymous said...

United 93...Oh PLEASE, who recalls that film. Academy libs doing obligatory voting here?

Will Smith in that puerile movie is a joke vote, makes you wonder if they want him to win now as well.

Ken, one small critique your riposte about names that can't be pronounced... that's really humor from another generation, and I think not the good humor.

Anonymous said...

Djimon Hounsou has fans. (as well as a previous nomination.) I know because I am one of them.

But there is no a two-out-of-three chance that either CLICK or APOCALYPTO will end up being able to put "Oscar Winner" on their ads. Ew.

Anonymous said...

(Reading the review from last year:) You really thought Syriana was confusing? Hm. What did you think of Lone Star? Because, honestly, neither of them is too much more intricate than a modern day comic book or video game. (Then again, Hollywood is a business that would worry a Bobbsey Twins primer adaptation is "too intellectual.")

deepstructure said...

very funny stuff - except i have to second the cringe on the "I’m just saying remember the days when you could pronounce the nominees?" line.

SJ said...

I personally thought "Fearless" was a good movie with great action scenes.

I thought Jet Li gave a great performance...if it was an American actor he would have probably gotten more recognition.

Anonymous said...

Yikes! Will Smith got an Oscar nomination for "Pursuit of Happyness" over... over... hell, over everyone else who appeared in a movie this year?????

I know the guy is likable and all, but when you have to take an insulin shot to go see the movie...

Tallulah Morehead said...

It's not Kristin Davis's fault her performance in THE SHAGGY DOG disappoints. How could any actress be expected to outshine Jean Hagan's performance in the original? She was stellar, in a movie in which she had to outshine Annette Funicello! Now THAT'S Oscar-level acting! If only Annette had taught a Master Class in acting.

By Ken Levine said...

Two things,

I apologize for the insensitive quip. That wasn't my intent. The curse of being a wise guy.

And two,

When you leave your name like Geoff Rodkey did I will leave your comment on. I don't happen to agree with him but still.

Anonymous said...

Ouch Ken.

Jackie Earle Haley must have fans that remember him from "Bad News Bears" released in.......get ready, it's been awhile.....1976.

31 years. I guess there is soemthing to be said for longevity in Hollywood.

I just didn't stick around long enough to find out.

Anonymous said...

Interestingly someone named Geoff Rodkey wrote the screenplays for both The Shaggy Dog and RV.

I can see why he might have taken exception to your comment.

The funny thing is I wouldn't be surprised if RV was a pretty good script before it got made into a movie, but by the time the producers, director and talent add their 'special contributions' it could morph into National Lampoon'ish cliche' infested vehicle (no pun intended) for Robin Williams to do his tired shtick.

I have a number of friends who have had screenplays produced and I don't think any of them were ever happy with the results.

In any case Mr. Rodkey can be proud that he had two screenplays that made it to the screen in 2006. That's a career for a lot of writers in this town.

By Ken Levine said...

You'll notice that I blamed the director for RV not the writer. Without ever seeing Geoff's screenplay I can guarantee it was far better than what Sonnenfeld did to it. And I say that even though Geoff told me to go screw myself.

Anonymous said...

"In any case Mr. Rodkey can be proud that he had two screenplays that made it to the screen in 2006. That's a career for a lot of writers in this town."

I don't think The Shaggy Dog is anything to be proud of. The movie currently has a rating of 3.5/10 on imdb.com. Sorry, have to be honest: it was a POS.

RV: 5.5/10.

Tallulah Morehead said...

But who mourns or speaks for the REAL victims in this shaggy mess? Felix Salten (Author of "Bambi"!), who wrote the novel the original "The Shaggy Dog" was based on (Geoff, did you even read it?), Lillie Hayward, who wrote the screenplay for the original movie, and Charles Barton, the comic genius who directed "Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein" as well as the 1959 "The Shaggy Dog", which frankly, didn't need remaking. Of course, Barton had the advantages of Fred MacMurray (Worth 1000 Tim Allens!), Tommy Kirk, the aforementioned Annette Funicello, and the minor matter of a still-living Walt Disney to oversee the whole schmeer.

On the other paw, Rodkey & Sonnenfeld weren't burdened with Kevin Corcoran. Oh, the Caninity!

Anonymous said...

Oscar time is always fun. Here's hoping Scorsese finally gets a statue.

Anonymous said...

Awesome rant - gotta love Oscar season. As long as everyone remembers they're just some opinions by a group of movie folks, we'll all be happier.

Me - I love movies, and I love the Oscars, but they don't mean much outside of Hollywood. Most of my all time favorite movies were definitely either never up for Oscars, or didn't win the big award, and that includes 'Shortbus', 'Donnie Darko', 'Citizen Kane', and 'The Shawshank Redemption'.

Tallulah Morehead said...

Geoff darling,
Pop that DVD of the original "The Shaggy Dog" into your viewer and see why a movie doesn't need remaking when it was done right the first time.

Those who do not study film history, are doomed to remake it.

Cheers darling.

Anonymous said...

I have seen neither RV nor The Shaggy Dog. I was all set to rag on Geoff Rodkey regardless, based on a casual perusal of various screencaps that seemed to portray Kristin Chenoweth as some sort of floozy. My wrath was averted, however, by two facts:

1) Chenoweth didn't have to take the part, as far as I know, so she must have been OK with it; and

2) Judas Halford Priest, does she ever look fine.

So... I may be renting this one, at least for any scene that she's in.

Anonymous said...

Poor Chip Z. That was really cold.

JoeyBDurr said...

Looking to talk to GeoffRodkey or Kevin Levine or Tommy Kirk.